Friday, May 31, 2013

Truly Random Brainfart Thoughts - Part 3

Here comes the third edition of Truly Random Brainfart Thoughts (click here to see the others).  Basically,  these are a bunch of random thoughts that came to mind that I couldn't really expand on and thought I should just make them into list form for your enjoyment.  Here goes:
  • Why do all fantasy movies or shows in fictional worlds set in medieval times always have all of their characters speak in English accents?
  • If there are "Major" and "Mid-Major" athletic conferences, then why are there no "Minor" conferences?
  • Do you think Ken Jennings really had 75 interesting facts to tell Alex Trebek about himself during the contestant Q&A part of the show?
  • Why don't NASCAR cars have brake lights?
  • In the cinder block scene in Old School, how much extra slack do you think would be needed to ensure no one had their penis ripped off?
  • Does anybody else find it funny that a baseball field looks so big yet I could stand and hit a golf ball over the center field wall with a 9-iron?
  • In the movie Highlander, we know that MacLeod really killed the last Highlander because he gained all of the knowledge in the world, then how were there sequels to that movie?
  • The name Donkey Kong still makes no sense to me.
  • Now that The Office is over, will NBC finally just change Parks and Recreation's name to The Office or at least The Other Office?
  • Does Rihanna ever sing without auto-tune?
  • Do you think Spielberg's Lincoln lost the Best Picture Oscar because Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter came out earlier that year?
  • When cops see Ice Cube on those Coors Light commercials do they instantly go and buy any other beer that isn't Coors Light because of that whole "Fuck The Police" thing?
"Alex, good to see you."
"Fuck you, Ken."

Thursday, May 30, 2013

Random Movie Trivia - Superman 2

Here is the next edition in our weekly Random Movie Trivia post.  Enjoy:

Superman 2
  • Both Superman and Superman 2 were shot at the same time, but an argument broke out between the original director Richard Donner and the producers over the material.  So, even though 80 percent of the sequel was finished filming, the new director, Richard Lester, came in and re-filmed the majority of the film so that he could get credit for directing the movie (there is a weird rule that you have to have directed over 50 percent of a movie in order to put your name in the credits).  In fact, there is a copy of Donner's cut of Superman 2 available somewhere.
  • Because Richard Donner didn't come back to finish the movie, Gene Hackman refused to film any new scenes and therefore all scenes with Lex Luthor in them are from Richard Donner's original cut.  For any new scenes needed for Hackman were done with a look-alike.
  • The actor who played Non (the other bad guy who wasn't General Zod), Jack O'Halloran, is the real-life son of Albert Anastasia, the guy who The Godfather was based on.   Albert Anastasia was the head of the notorious Murder, Inc.  Also, the scene in The Godfather where they put a horse's head in a guy's bed is true except it wasn't a horse's head, but actually the horse's balls and they put it under the guy's pillow.  And to make things even stranger, Marlon Brando, aka The Godfather, plays Superman's father in the movie.
  • During a confrontation offset, Jack O'Halloran picked up Christopher Reeve by his throat after Reeves opened his mouth about O"Halloran's family at a local bar owned by Jack's friend.  When the director saw this, he didn't try to stop it, he just yelled, "Jack, don't hit him in the face!"
  • Jack O'Halloran passed up the part of Jaws in the James Bond movie, The Spy Who Loved Me, to be in the Superman movies.
  • All of the scenes shot for the Eiffel Tower terrorist attack in Paris were done so without the permission of the French.
  • Christopher Reeve's physique changed so much between the original cut of the movie and the re-shoots for the new director, that you can notice his difference in size at random times throughout the movie.
"Yeah, I still didn't know this was one of Superman's powers either and neither did anyone else."

Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Maxim Hot 100

I guess I should point out that Maxim's 2013 Hot 100 came out awhile back, but I just got around to seeing the list and couldn't resist bashing it.  Their criteria baffles me and I'm convinced they don't base their rankings on actual looks and more on popularity which defeats the purpose if you ask me.  So, I decided to do an Overrated and Underrated List of my own based on their stupid list.  Included with each "hottie" is their respective ranking.  Let's do this:

Top 5 Underrated
  • 91) Allison Williams - You may or may not know who this is based on whether you have a girlfriend or wife who forces you to watch the HBO show Girls.  And if you do watch that show, then she is the only hot one on the show and deserves a better fate than being ranked 91st.  Also, she is NBC newsman Brian Williams' daughter.
  • 58) Emmy Rossum - She may not be the hottest woman in the world, but if you have seen Shameless then you would agree that she is an incredible actress.  Plus it doesn't hurt that she constantly goes topless on that show and has great boobs.
  • 56) Amber Heard - Amber probably hasn't been in anything you have seen (unless you like terrible movies), but she is gorgeous and her ranking of 56th is a sham.
  • 84) Alice Eve - The new addition to the Star Trek franchise is a 10 in my book and the fact that she is ranked behind Ke$ha is fucking hysterical.  That only proves Maxim's list is stupid.
  • 65) Emilia Clarke - Hottie McDragonQueen from Game of Thrones is insane hot, how is she only 65th on Maxim's list?  And considering I think this list is based on popularity, her ranking baffles me even further because of how popular she is right now.
Top 10 Overrated
  • 11) Katy Perry - Well, at least she isn't ranked 1st like she was in 2010.  I think I heard it best from ESPN's Matthew Berry.  He said, "If you left Katy Perry off of this list, would anyone notice?".
  • 19) Emma Watson - I actually think Emma is quite attractive, but not attractive enough to quantify a Top 20 ranking.  Her spot on this list is definitely based on popularity alone.
  • 3) Rihanna - Ranking her third is absurd.  She should be dropped off this list completely because she went out with Chris Brown again after he hit her.  No one that stupid should ever be ranked third, let alone 103rd.
  • 9) Vanessa Hudgens - Ninth?  No.  Forty Ninth?  Maybe, but that's still pushing it.
  • 14) Beyonce - I still don't see everyone's fascination with Beyonce.  She's easy on the eyes and has some singing talent, but she single-handedly ruined the third Austin Powers movie with her awful acting and that can't be forgiven.
  • 62) Cameron Diaz - Is it just me or is Cameron about one more plastic surgery away from looking like that scary cat-looking lady that has gone under the knife way too many times?
  • 2) Selena Gomez - Just click that link.  She looks like she is 12 years old.  I'm sorry but you can never put a girl that young-looking as your 2nd hottest person on your list.  The feds should be talking to Maxim about this.
  • 1) Miley Cyrus - What?!?  First?!?  Are you kidding me?!?  That haircut alone should have knocked her off the entire list by itself.
  • 78) Ke$ha - This one baffles me.  When was the last time anyone said to themselves, "I think Ke$ha is hot"?  Never.  Therefore, she should not be on this list.
  • 39) Leah Michele - Yuk.  I could see this manly-looking woman ranking 39th on a Hot 100 list for dudes, but 39th for woman is just wrong.  So very very wrong.
"I guess I should point out that Hoda Kotb was picked number 79 which was higher than new Star Trek hottie Alice Eve, but lower than Manti Te'o's Fake Girlfriend.  Who the fuck is making this list?!?!"

Tuesday, May 28, 2013

Will Smith's Movie Research

Do you guys remember when Will Smith used to be a TV actor/terrible rapper?  He got his start on the silly sitcom Fresh Prince of Bel-Air which dealt with everyday problems like girls and being super rich or whatever (I really don't remember that show very well).  Did you also know that while he was on that show he did some research on what all of the top grossing movies at the time had in them that would help for when he jumped into a movie career?  True story.  And here is what he found that the Top 10 movies at the time all had in common:
  • All ten movies had special effects
  • Nine of the ten had special effects with "creatures"
  • Eight of the ten had special effects, "creatures", and a love story
I feel like that is some really vague research and kind of lazy on Will Smith's part.  But that's why I'm here and therefore I'm going to look at the current Top 10 Domestic Grossing Movies and give you guys a real breakdown of what those movies have in common.  Just so you know, I will not be taking this seriously, so let's do this:
  • All ten have special effects
  • Only six have "creatures" and I use that loosely
  • And six have love stories (but I don't think Star Wars counts)
  • Five have aliens in them
  • Three are based on comic books
  • Five are sequels
  • Three have a boat in them
  • Two are directed by James Cameron
  • Two are directed by George Lucas
  • And only two were made before 1996
As you can see, Will Smith really didn't take his research to the next step (and let's disregard the fact that his Top 10 was completely different to our Top 10).  If he were to make a movie today based off of my research, he would need to star in a movie based on a comic book that has special effects with creatures, a love story, aliens, is a sequel, is set on a boat, and is directed by either James Cameron or George Lucas.  In other words, if Avatar 2 were based on a comic book and had a boat in it, then he would have found the perfect combination to make a hit.

Lastly, have you seen the trailer for Will's new movie After Earth?  If not, Will Smith and his kid crash land on Earth a thousand years after it was abandoned for some reason and they have to survive for some other reason.  However did you know that this movie was written and directed by M. Night Shyamalan?  Yup, that guy is so toxic right now that he didn't even get mentioned in the trailer on purpose in hopes of selling more tickets.  I find that hilarious.

"Welcome to Earf."

Monday, May 27, 2013

NOKW - Galaxy Quest

Here comes the next chapter in our "I'm Okay With, I'm Not Okay With" series (if you don't know what this is, click here for all of the past posts):

Movie:  Galaxy Quest

Basic Plot:  The extremely underrated comedy about the stars of a former hit Star Trek-like show who accidentally end up on a real space adventure and bumble their way through some sticky situations.

I'm Okay With:  The fact that considering that this is a spoof on Star Trek, I can't really make fun of anything that happens in it that the movie hasn't already except.......

I'm Not Okay With:  The fact that the aliens in this movie were able to make such sophisticated technology  (like a functional spaceship, teleporter, laser guns, etc.) based off of clips from a TV show.  In case you haven't seen this movie for some reason, Tim Allen and his crew of aging TV actors are teleported aboard a spaceship of aliens that worship them because they saw their TV show which they believed were "historical documents" about their real life.  Based off of the "documents" they viewed, these aliens were able to build a replica of the spaceship the actors supposedly flew on the show.  How is that possible?  It's not like the TV show ever showed EVERY single room on the ship, let alone ever broadcast an actual set of blueprints for the ship.  On top of that, the engine on the show was fictional and used fictional fuel, so how were they able to make these things?  That is literally impossible.  And let's not forget about the Omega 13 device.  This machine was introduced on the last episode of the show and not even the crew knew what it did, but the aliens were able to make it.  So, these aliens were smart enough to create a machine that no one knew what it did, but also make this machine perform its function like it was supposed to even though no one knew what that function was.  And don't even get me started on the fact that these aliens were intelligent enough to make all of this stuff, but stupid enough not to realize that the "historical documents" were actually just an Earth TV show.  I am not okay with that.

"Also, why didn't Alan Rickman's character just take off that ridiculous fake head thing?  It couldn't possibly be comfortable."

Sunday, May 26, 2013

Stupid State Laws - Pennsylvania 3

Here comes another post about a state law that still exists on the books and why it is ridiculous (to see them all, click here):

Pennsylvania

"A person is not eligible to become Governor if he/she has participated in a duel."

I can't figure out what I like more about this law.  That this sort of thing should just be common sense.  That it is still on the books considering no one has been in a duel since throwing your garbage on the streets was normal.  Or that it actually says "he/she".  If I had to choose, I'm going with that last one because you know this law was made back when America was still a baby and you know that there is no way that our forefathers would have ever allowed a woman to be Governor.  This was back when you could probably still legally own your wife, so letting a woman run a state was beyond ridiculous to these guys, so I wonder how the "he/she" part got included in this law.  You're crazy, Pennsylvania and I think there are more stupid laws coming from this state next week.

"I've got good news and bad news.  The good news is that you are not dead.  The bad news is that you can no longer be Governor."
"Fuck."

Saturday, May 25, 2013

Saturday's Video of Saturday

Here is a new weekly post we are going to try out and see how it goes.  Basically, Alex is going to comb the internet for the dumbest/funniest/awesome-est/sexiest video he can find and post it for the world to see.  Let's see what he's got this week:

Set up:  This is the a video a fan, clearly short for fanatic, made a few weeks ago after the Knicks won a game against the Pacers.  Keep in mind that when this was made the Knicks were still DOWN in the series.


Summary:  This guy is a pretty fair representation of a Knicks fan.  I don't think this is too over the top in his every day life.  At the drive-thru they ask if he wants fries with that and he responds "Fries...Bully.  I'm gonna take your cookies bitch fuck shit."  The over-confidence is memorizing.

Friday, May 24, 2013

Khaleesi Dated Who?

I heard something really shocking the other day on a podcast or TV or somewhere (I'm not really sure where because after I heard it, I think I blacked-out) that blew my mind.  That something was that 39 year old Family Guy creator Seth MacFarlane recently broke up with 25 year old Emilia Clarke, the actress who plays Hottie McDragonQueen on Game of Thrones.  Yeah.  That actually happened.  I don't know what's more shocking, that Seth MacFarlane was actually dating the super hot Emilia Clarke or that he was the one who broke it off with her.

First off, Seth is 15 years older than Emilia and while Seth isn't a bad-looking dude (no homo), he doesn't have George Clooney good looks (no homo) which justifies the 15 year age gap.  Second, Emilia Clarke is insane hot, so dating a guy 15 years older than herself doesn't make much sense when she could bag any dude in the world (no homo?).  And lastly, Seth was the one who called it off.  How does this happen?  Is he hung like an elephant?  Is he the greatest lover known to mankind?  He must be both of those things because he has also reportedly dated Eliza Dushku, Ashley Greene, Alexis Knapp, a pre-crazy Amanda Bynes, and even Charlize Theron.  That is a damned impressive list for a guy who is most famous for creating a cartoon that has a talking dog and a baby that wants to take over in the world in it.

One last thing, I saw that the super sexy Emilia Clarke will be voicing a love interest for Dr. Zoidberg on the the second to last episode of Futurama.  That's a nice pull for a show that will be ending this year.

"How could you ever break up with this?  HOW?!?"

Thursday, May 23, 2013

Filling Out All-Stars

Baseball has a random rule where every team must have a representative in the All-Star game.  This doesn't usually work out because several teams are horrible.  It also makes All-Star appearances mean much less.  Last year, Brian LaHair represented the Cubs and now less than a year later he is out of baseball.  Now I will endeavor to try and sift through the crap and find the most shiny poo on a few terrible teams.

Miami Marlins
Hopefuls:  Their best hitter is Justin Ruggiano.  You read that right.  He is leading the team in runs, home runs, and RBIs but he is not higher than 19th in the National League in any of those categories.  He is also hitting .214. Yikes. Rickey Nolasco is their best pitcher with 3-5 record and close to a 4.00 ERA.
Best Guess:  Giancarlo Stanton because of star power even though he will have barely played any games.

Houston Astros
Hopefuls:  The Astros pitching is a lot worse than the Marlins which is scary.  Their representative is going to be a hitter.  Chris Carter (who) is leading the team in RBIs with 23 and home runs with 9 but he is only hitting .232.  Jose Altuve is hitting a relatively empty .327.
Best Guess:  With lots of power usually going to the All Star game I think a coach chooses Altuve for some speed.

Minnesota Twins
Hopefuls:  They have two stars but the Twins are in here to highlight how bad they are after Mauer and Morneau.  After those two their next best starter is hitting .254 with 4 homers.  Five out of eight of their starters are hitting under .226.  The Twins best starter has a 3.90 ERA with only 22 strikeouts in 57 innings - that is really bad.  The other 4 starters all have ERAs of over 5.00!
Best Guess:  Mauer and/or Morneau are going to make it - but what a dump of the team everyone else is!

San DiegoPadres
Hopefuls:  Let me know if you have heard of any of the Padres best hitters: Batting average leader Chris Denorfia, home run leader Will Venable, and RBI leader Yonder Alonso.  His name is Yonder.  Not exactly star-studded. Jason Marquis is 6-2 with a 3.27 ERA but has a bad 1:1 walk to strikeout ratio. Everyone else is pretty dreadful.
Best Guess:  I think they go deep in the bullpen and send Luke Gregerson who has 10 holds and a 0.96 ERA.
"Lesson 1 - How to make the All-Star game creepy."

Wednesday, May 22, 2013

Movie Review - Star Trek 2

As I always like to do after seeing a good movie, here is my review and recommendation of a new release:



Star Trek Into Darkness

It wasn't what I expected, but in a good way.  Usually you can watch a movie's trailer and have some sort of clue as to what is going to happen in the that movie.  But after watching this movie's trailer and then seeing the movie itself, I can say that the trailer didn't give anything away and that made the movie that much better. Other than that the whole cast was coming back (plus the addition of the hottie in her underwear up there) and that the awesomely named Benedict Cumberbatch was playing a murdering terrorist, the trailer did a great job of not revealing anything about the plot of this movie.  Good job on that, Star Trek people.

Next up, the special effects were amazing and it seemed that they toned down that annoying glare thing a bit in this one, but it was still there.  The movie had a good pace to it and had only one or two slow parts to it, but those still included enough humor in them to not notice it being slow.  I really don't want to give anything away, so going into any depth with this movie would only ruin it for anyone who hasn't seen it yet and that is all I'm going to say about the movie itself.

The cast they have assembled for this movie does an incredible job considering they have to play characters that we already know and love.  Chris Pine plays his own version of Captain Kirk and yet you do see a couple times where he plays the part like Shatner did (on a side note, Chris Pine will be playing Jack Ryan in the upcoming movie of the same name and with that part, he might take the mantle of America's Top Action Star which America so desperately needs).  Zachary Quinto does a great job as the emotionless Spock.  Benedict Cumberbatch was fucking amazing as the villain who was likable even though he killed a lot of people and I see great things for this guy in the future (side note - he will be voicing the dragon Smaug in next The Hobbit movie and he also plays Sherlock Holmes in a series with Martin Freeman who plays his Doctor Watson, Freeman also plays Bilbo Baggins in The Hobbit, fun fact right?).  Simon Pegg was his usual funny self as Scotty, but the funniest person in the movie was Karl Urban as Bones which is surprising considering his resume up this point includes playing a badass warrior prince in The Lord of the Rings, the badass Russian assassin in the second Bourne movie, and Judge Dredd in Dredd.  Every line out of his mouth was pure gold.  Also, the addition of the gorgeous Alice Eve was a nice touch and Peter Weller (aka Robocop) had a great role as the head of Starfleet.

In conclusion, I suggest you go see it.  I thought it was slightly better than Iron Man 3 and on par with the first movie of this new series.

Fart Rating (out of 5):  4.25 Farts

Tuesday, May 21, 2013

Earth's Doom?

Do you guys know what the Voyager 1 is?  If you didn't click that link and didn't read that entire Wikipedia page like a normal person, then I will give you a quick summary.  It is a space probe that NASA sent up in 1977 that did a flyby of Jupiter and Saturn and took a lot of pictures in the process.  In March, it left our solar system and I find this to be a huge problem for humankind.  Do you know why?  Because it is also carrying the Voyager Golden Record on-board.

You see, the Voyager 1 Golden Record contains all sorts of information about Earth that scientists hope intelligent life finds one day.  Included on the Golden Record are instructions on how to read it, greetings in 54 languages, sounds of random stuff on Earth like frogs and laughter, music from around the world, and pictures of our planet, solar system, animals, and an entire breakdown of the human anatomy.  Yeah, those idiots included a COMPLETE catalog of the human body.  In other words, everything an alien race could possibly want to know about how to destroy the human race.  The Golden Record has pictures of our skeletal and muscular structures, internal organs, and even our DNA.  If you were a hostile race who was technological advanced to travel the cosmos and needed a new planet to invade, but didn't know that planet's inhabitants' weaknesses, wouldn't the Golden Record give you all of that info and more?  On top of the human anatomy info, scientists decided to also provide pictures of the Earth's structure, just in case these aliens wanted to know if our planet provided all of the important resources that they would want to pillage.

Damn it, NASA, what were you thinking?  Sure, you probably thought that other intelligent life would be peaceful and would only want to make contact or something.  But if movies have taught us anything, we all know that that is complete bullshit and they will be attacking our asses using all of the hard to obtain info that we provided them.  So, if an alien kills you in the future with a weapon that can make your heart explode, just remember that some hippy NASA scientists from the 70's are the reason why.

"Yup, as soon as an alien finds that thing, it will have the information it needs to wipe us out.  Thanks a lot, NASA."

Monday, May 20, 2013

NOKW - Gattaca

Here comes the next chapter in our "I'm Okay With, I'm Not Okay With" series (if you don't know what this is, click here for all of the past posts):

Movie:  Gattaca

Basic Plot:  This was that movie where Ethan Hawke plays a guy with a crappy heart who wants to be an astronaut or something and has to pretend to be Jude Law in order to do that.  It wasn't that bad.

I'm Okay With:  The fact that Ethan Hawke doesn't even really look like Jude Law but was able to pass as him somehow.  The fact that Ethan Hawke actually thinks that he is living his dream and not just endangering the mission because of his crappy heart.  The fact that at the end Ethan Hawke is caught and the guy testing him lets him get away with it, but Ethan doesn't even thank him.  The fact that the rest of the movie doesn't have that many far-fetched things I'm going to point out except the biggest glaring plot hole of all....

I'm Not Okay With:  The fact that the company Ethan Hawke goes to work for has the technology to instantly check anyone's DNA to see if they are genetically adequate to work for them, but doesn't bother to check their applicant's medical history.  In case you haven't seen this flick, Ethan Hawke is pretending to be Jude Law because Ethan has a birth defect that would disqualify him from space flight.  Jude Law is genetically perfect for the job but was injured in an accident and no longer has the use of his legs.  So, Jude Law gives Ethan samples of his DNA so that Ethan can trick the space company into thinking he is now a perfect candidate to man a mission into space (or something like that).  We are led to believe that this company can instantly check fake Jude Law's DNA, yet they don't seem to bother to check his medical history to see if anything else might be wrong with the guy because they would definitely find a big red flag when the guy they think is Jude Law is walking on his own two feet.  Don't you think any company that is looking to send people into space should at least take a glance at their employees' past?  Wouldn't you want to know if your employee has had some sort of surgery that wouldn't show up in their DNA test that might hinder them from succeeding in their mission?  And wouldn't not having the use of your legs count as a big no-no for anything doesn't involve a desk job?  How stupid is this company if they think all they need out of their applicants is a simple DNA test?  This movie should have ended as soon as someone looked at Ethan Hawke, then Jude Law's medical chart, and then laughed him out of the office.  I am not okay with that.

"They don't look anything alike, but someone fooled a big time company."

Sunday, May 19, 2013

Stupid State Laws - Pennsylvania 2

Here comes another post about a state law that still exists on the books and why it is ridiculous (to see them all, click here):

Pennsylvania

"It is illegal to have over 16 women live in a house together because that constitutes a brothel.  However up to 120 men can live together, without breaking the law."

The first part of this law makes perfect sense other than the fact that it means all sorority houses in the state are nothing but large whore houses (and with hot young chicks to boot), but the second part is a little confusing.  Does allowing 120 dudes to live in a house promote male brothels?  Or does it mean that they are okay with letting a ton of Mexicans live in the same house?  Or do they have a lot of clown colleges in the state and because clowns are good at packing themselves into cars, the same principle applies for houses?  And for that matter, why is the number 120 so specific?  Does that mean that 121 dudes can't live in the same house?  Answer me these questions, Pennsylvania!  Answer me, dammit!

"Alpha Chi Omega....more like Alpha Chi Hoe-mega."

Saturday, May 18, 2013

Saturday's Video of Saturday

Here is a new weekly post we are going to try out and see how it goes.  Basically, Alex is going to comb the internet for the dumbest/funniest/awesome-est/sexiest video he can find and post it for the world to see.  Let's see what he's got this week:

Set up:  A sorority girl takes her sorostitute frustrations out via email on her "sisters".  What could be better than a bitch fight?  A real actor (Michael Shannon who is playing General Zod in the upcoming Man of Steel) reading said snarky email!!!!  Like, totally!  This is the PRESIDENT of the sorority who wrote this thing!  These bitches elected her, and therefore elected to get served.


Summary:  I like that she sets it up with letting everyone know this is about to get real.  The whole thing is to foster relationships as she blasts her sorority for being fucking idiots.  Other than that she hits on every classic funny cliche there is - masterfully done!

Friday, May 17, 2013

Frivolous Baseball Stats

Baseball staticians have way too much time on their hands.  Do you know how I know that?  Because I was watching Sportscenter the other day and looking at the Bottomline when I saw a really stupid stat.  The stat I saw was "The Reds' Shortstop and Third Baseman had multi-homer games for the first time in franchise history".  First off, who would even think to look that up?  Second, who would think that anyone else would care?  And third, how long would it take to even look this stat up in the first place?  Baseball teams play 162 games a year and the Reds have been around for over 120 years, so that's nearly 20,000 games someone would have to look through to make sure it was a first for the franchise.  That's insane.

In any case, I stumbled across a couple more pointless stats from the first few weeks of the season:
  • The Mets have hit a home run in their first six games of the season, a franchise record.  Good for the Mets, but call me when they break the franchise record for most consecutive games with a homer, not just to begin the season.
  • The Yankees turned the first 4-6-5-6-5-3-4 Triple Play in MLB History against the Orioles.  Considering the Triple Play is fairly rare, of course this was the first one that occurred in that manner in history.
  • The Braves have won 8 straight, their longest winning streak in April since 1982.  They went on to win 10 in a row, so this stat is irrelevant now, but stupid at the time nonetheless.  Just like the Mets stat above, let me know when they break the franchise record for most consecutive wins in a season and not just the month of April, then I will be impressed.
  • Manny Machado was the first Oriole under 21 years of age to homer in Fenway Park since the 80's. That doesn't seem that far-fetched when not that many players under 21 years old even play, but it also happened during a road game, so it's not like that many 21 year old Orioles have had the chance to pull of this feat.
That last stat reminded me of the movie Little Big League.  It was the movie where a kid manages the Twins, but that's not the point.  In that movie, the Twins' play-by-play announcer would occasionally throw out a stat that reminded me of that Manny Machado stat because they had so many factors in them that they made them hilarious.  So, with that said, I will leave you with those ridiculous stats:
  • "Last year though, he was 6th in the American League in hitting right-handers he was facing for the first time, after the seventh inning, at home."
  • "An interesting side note; that's the 14th one-run game for the Tigers already this season.  Tops for any team north of the Mason-Dixon Line, whose home games are not played in a dome.
  • "Lou has hit .416 lifetime versus Hanley in the month of September in even years."
"Who is her favorite team?  Who cares?  Am I right?"

Thursday, May 16, 2013

Random Movie Trivia - Groundhog Day

Here is the next edition in our weekly Random Movie Trivia post.  Enjoy:

Groundhog Day
  • It was not actually filmed in Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania but in Woodstock, Illinois (which is 45 minutes from Bill Murray's hometown).  The town of Woodstock even placed two honorary plaques in the town to commemorate the filming.  One is on the curb where Murray's character kept stepping in the big icy puddle and one is on the building where Murray kept getting confronted by Ned Ryerson, they even named that "Ned's Corner".
  • The interiors of Bill's room at the bed and breakfast were filmed in an empty warehouse.
  • Early drafts of the script explain why Murray's character gets stuck in the infinite loop, he was cursed by a jilted lover who wanted to teach him a lesson.
  • In another early draft of the script, the movie was going to start out with Phil Conners already stuck on Groundhog Day and the audience wouldn't know why Phil seemed to know what was about to happen, but at the last second they changed it.
  • One last early draft said that Phil wakes up on February 3rd (the day after Groundhog Day) to find that Rita (Andie MacDowell) is now trapped in a loop of her own.
  • Bill Murray was bitten twice by the groundhog during filming and had to get a rabies shots because the bites were so severe.
  • During a couple of scenes where Murray is learning to play piano, it is actually him playing.
  • Director Harold Ramis originally wanted Tom Hanks for the lead role, but decided against it because he thought Hanks was "too nice".  Others considered for the role were Steve Martin, Chevy Chase, and John Travolta.
  • Originally, Phil was supposed to kill the groundhog in his lair, but they decided against it because it seemed too much like what Murray did in Caddyshack.
  • The writer of the movie said he got inspiration after reading Interview with a Vampire and wondered what it would be like to live forever.
  • While the script says that Phil is stuck in time for ten years, you only see 38 full or partial days of his adventures.
  • Even though the script says that Phil is stuck for about ten years on Groundhog Day, some crazy people on the internet say that it must have been much longer because it takes at least three decades to master ice sculpting and the piano.
  • Another thing people like to point out is that on February 2nd, the sun does not rise until 7:45 and that it should still be dark out when Phil's alarm goes off at 6:00.
  • This was Michael Shannon's film debut.  If you don't know who that is, he will be playing General Zod in this summer's Man of Steel.  He played the groom of the couple getting married and Phil plays the piano at their wedding reception at the end of the movie. 
"Which one is the real groundhog?  Bill Murray is such a good actor."

Wednesday, May 15, 2013

Tebow Time's Up

For the first time in his life, it really sucks to be Tim Tebow.  He has gone through his time on Earth (previously he was in Heaven - interestingly as a tight end) being the best football player among his peers while having the best character among them.  To sum it up, for 24 years Tebow was someone every guy wanted to be and every woman wanted to be with.  

Enter the media hype machine which most people know by the name of ESPN and company. While still in college and throughout the draft process all outlets praised him and built him up into a terrific QB that couldn't be stopped.  The truth was that he had a bad throwing motion and did not possess the tangibles to be successful in the NFL but that doesn't make a good story so the focus was all on his intangibles.  The hype got so huge Denver traded up to get him in the first round.  When he got on the field he won mostly on the shoulders of the Broncos defense but he had a flare for the dramatic and the Tebow lovers and haters both had decent arguments.  He looked really bad but generally he won, including a playoff game.  After he was traded to the Jets, the hype started bringing Tebow down.  He cannot be the backup anywhere unless it is under a huge unquestioned starter.  If there is the smallest chink in the starting QB the fans, driven by the media hype, will demand Tebow play, convinced he is their savior - possibly in more ways than one.  It took the Jets situation for the league to realize this and now he can't get a job.  He is not good enough to be a started and he comes with too much attention and expectations to be a backup.  Even his hometown Jaguars, who by signing him could probably immediately sell a few thousand season tickets, won't even take him and their starter is Blaine Gabbert and their back-up is Chad Henne, both terrible.

If his name was not Tebow I would compare him to Chase Daniel.  Who is that you ask?  He was the QB at Missouri and had a really really good college career.  He was a dual threat but was not fast and he threw the ball great.  While Tebow's numbers in college were better as a whole, Daniel did throw for more TDs, more yards, and a better completion percentage.  Their draft numbers are similar although Tebow is slightly bigger and faster but it is not really enough to matter.  So how did Daniel fare in the NFL?  He was un-drafted and signed by the Saints as Drew Brees' backup until this year when he signed with the Chiefs. That is close to what Tebow should be - a career backup that gives you some good press.  If it weren't for the hype he could actually be a perfect backup QB.  He could do interviews without worry he would say something stupid and cancel out some arrests from the rest of the team.

So now while gay guys are coming out in the NBA no NFL team will let Tim Tebow come out....onto their field.
"He is so distraught he grew a neck beard."

Tuesday, May 14, 2013

NOKW - Die Hard 4

Here comes the next chapter in our "I'm Okay With, I'm Not Okay With" series (if you don't know what this is, click here for all of the past posts):

Movie:  Live Free or Die Hard

Basic Plot:  The fourth (?) flick in the Die Hard franchise.  This time, John McClane has to kill a bunch of cyber terrorists, make sure a computer nerd doesn't die, and save his daughter.  You know, the usual stuff that New York cops do a daily basis.

I'm Okay With:  The fact that once again John McClane is out of his jurisdiction but continues to be able to do what he wants.  The fact that the bad guys send a team of heavily armed men to kill one computer nerd when one dude with a gun would have worked fine.  The fact that the FBI would make McClane drive from New Jersey to Washington DC with a suspect.  The fact that when they show scenes of Washington DC, there are tall buildings in the background when there are no buildings in the capitol taller than the Washington Monument.  The fact that the main building for all the natural gas in the Northeast and the building that stores the nation's financial records were so easy to break into.  The fact that the bad guys were able to blow up the natural gas headquarters so easily with a computer.  The fact that a US military jet would blow up a highway just to take down one truck.  The fact that McClane survives said explosion.  The fact that McClane shoots the bad guy's gun through his own shoulder, killing the bad guy, and showhow McClane is not instantly hospitalized.

I'm Not Okay With:  The fact that McClane would even think to ramp a police car into a helicopter.  Oddly enough, I am okay with the actual act of the police car crashing into the helicopter, but why would McClane even think to ramp a cop car into a helicopter in the first place?  Sure, it worked and was actually pretty awesome, but why that?  Don't you think it would have been easier to find another way to escape?  He was in a tunnel and tunnels have to exits along with numerous side tunnels that McClane could have gone through.  But no, he decides to grab his police car, steer it through a maze of wrecked cars, somehow get it fast enough to ramp, jump out of the car, still get it stay straight enough to perfectly fly off of a toll booth, and destroy a helicopter.  And on top of that, he didn't even manage to kill the one bad guy that was actually shooting at him.  I am not okay with that.

"Somehow I'm okay with the actual act of this happening, just not the initial thought of someone thinking this would actually work."

Monday, May 13, 2013

Movie Review - Iron Man 3

As I always like to do after seeing a good movie, here is my review and recommendation of a new release:



Iron Man 3

I'm not entirely sure how I felt about this movie and it's really tough to put it into words, however I will try my best.  I liked it, but something seemed off about it.  Iron Man 3 was written and directed by Shane Black, the same guy who wrote all of the Lethal Weapon movies, The Long Kiss Goodnight, The Last Boy Scout, didn't do anything for about a decade, and then he wrote and directed the underrated Kiss Kiss Bang Bang.  In other words, he has a good history of action flicks so Iron Man should have been right up his alley.  However, unlike all of his previous movies, this one was based on a comic book and therefore he still wrote it like it was a regular action movie but with a superhero in it instead of some witty cops.  And that is where I feel like something was slightly off about it.  This movie had some really funny parts in it, the action scenes were great, and Robert Downey Jr was his usual charming self.  But the way it was written, they could have left the whole comic book aspect out of the movie and it probably would have made a really good cop movie instead of a good but not great comic book movie.  I think that makes sense and hope it explains why I liked it, but still didn't think it really fit the usual comic book movie mold we have come to know.

Otherwise, I thought the movie had a great pace to it.  The action scenes were spaced just right and there were no slow parts, so you never got bored (which is the reason I still think The Dark Knight is overrated).  They incorporated a cool aspect with a whole new array of Iron Man suits, especially the Mark 42 Suit which could attach itself to Tony Stark by his thoughts alone.  Going into the movie, I knew the villains were The Mandarin and Aldrich Killian, but they never showed anything about their henchmen's abilities in the trailer, so that was a good surprise (I don't want to give anything away, so I'm keeping it as vague as possible).  They also threw in a strange subplot for Pepper Potts towards the end that may or may not turn into something interesting in the future, we'll have to wait until the next Avengers to see if they go anywhere with it.

The only problem with this movie other than what I talked about above was that the ending was kind of confusing and I'm not sure where they were going with it.  If you've seen it, you know what I'm talking about.  They showed you one thing, but said something completely different as the credits rolled and I don't know which way they want us to think they meant.  Just confusing is all I'll tell you.

The cast was as excellent as usual.  RDJ is the man and takes over Christian Bale's mantle as the best casting choice of any superhero at the theaters.  I'm not the biggest Gwyneth Paltrow fan, but she still does a great job as Pepper Potts.  Don Cheadle still makes a great Rhodes/War Machine.  Guy Pearce played a good villain.  But it was Ben Kingsley who was the biggest surprise of the movie and not for the reason you think he would (I really don't want to give that one away).

Overall, Iron Man 3 was a good but not great movie and I would still recommend that you go see it in the theaters.  I don't see a lot of movies while they are in theater because with today's TV technology, there really isn't much you will miss by just watching a movie on your couch, but this movie is definitely one that is enhanced by the big screen.  Like I said, Iron Man 3 had some great action sequences and was a lot funnier than you would think it would be, so go see it, you won't be disappointed.

Fart Rating (out of 5):  4 Farts

Sunday, May 12, 2013

Stupid State Laws - Pennsylvania

Here comes another post about a state law that still exists on the books and why it is ridiculous (to see them all, click here):

Pennsylvania

"It is illegal to sleep on top of a refrigerator outdoors."

Pennsylvania, what is wrong with you?  First off, why only outside?  Does this mean you can sleep on top of your refrigerator inside of your house whenever you feel like it?  And when you say it is 'illegal', what exactly is the punishment for such a stupid crime?  The only conceivable scenario I can fathom that would cause someone to have to make a law about sleeping on your fridge outside involves rednecks and beer, but as far as I know, Pennsylvania isn't known for its redneck population.  Maybe I am missing something here, but I can't figure out what.  Until then, I really want any readers we have in Pennsylvania to go ahead and sleep on their refrigerator outside in plain view of the cops and see what happens.  I am really curious to see what they will do.

"You better not be taking that somewhere to sleep on it, buddy or you will be in big trouble!"

Saturday, May 11, 2013

Saturday's Video of Saturday

Here is a new weekly post we are going to try out and see how it goes.  Basically, Alex is going to comb the internet for the dumbest/funniest/awesome-est/sexiest video he can find and post it for the world to see.  Let's see what he's got this week:

Set up:  Bear v. Monkey.... on bicycles!



Summary:  Bear always win, animals are always wild.

Friday, May 10, 2013

Wipeout

Oddly enough, this isn't the first time I will have discussed the ABC show Wipeout on this site (and probably won't be the last time either).  The reason I'm bringing the show up is that it started its sixth season last night and the show surprised me by something they did.  First off, since the show has been on the air, they have made two significant changes that I don't think have actually made the show better.

The first thing they changed was that they either made all of their obstacles impossible for their contestants to accomplish without failing, or they stopped showing contestants successfully making it across any of their obstacles.  While it is funny to watch some fat guy get smacked in the face by a padded hammer and do a back-flip into a pool fifteen feet below, I occasionally like to see contestants make it through an obstacle unharmed.  However, they seem to have made their obstacles impossible and/or thought it would be a good idea to no longer show the really good contestants make it to the end of an obstacle without a back-breaking fall.

The second thing the show changed was much much worse.  They changed their sexy sideline reporter from the girl next-door hot Jill Wagner:


To Nick Lachey's wife, Vanessa:


While I think Vanessa isn't bad to look at, she is extremely annoying and not nearly as hot as Jill Wagner.  On top of that, I'm convinced someone would bet Jill before every taping that she wouldn't make fun of the contestants to their faces and she wouldn't hesitate.  Why did they replace Jill with Vanessa?  Well, apparently Jill left the show to pursue acting.  I do agree that she is definitely hot enough to go into acting, but since she left the show she hasn't really gotten much work other than a stint on a crappy MTV show called Teen Wolf (which obviously doesn't star Michael J Fox).

However, I have good news.  Jill realized her mistake and has returned to us on Wipeout and I can now overlook the impossible obstacle aspect of the show again and just enjoy looking at Jill and all of her hotness.  Welcome back, Jill.  Will you marry me?

Thursday, May 9, 2013

Surprising Non-American Actors

I've talked about how I think it is funny that American actors are terrible at doing an English accent before and at the same time it is shocking to find out that some of your favorite actors are in fact foreign.  Well, I decided to compose a list of a few actors and actresses that you may or may not have known where not American.  Also, I'm sure I will come out with another one of these once I stumble upon more actors who fall into this category, stay tuned:
  • Isla Fisher - you know her as the crazy hottie from Wedding Crashers, but did you also know that she is Australian?  And here is my favorite fun fact about her, she is married to Sacha Baron Cohen?  Yup, she is banging Borat.
  • Yvonne Strahovski - another hottie, another Australian.  In case you don't know who I'm talking about, she is most known for her stint on the spy comedy (?) Chuck and she did a guest spot on Dexter last season as his serial-killer girlfriend.
  • Jonny Lee Miller - until his role as Sherlock Holmes on Elementary, I always assumed that Angelina Jolie's first husband was American, who knew he was actually a Brit?
  • Andrew Lincoln - most know him as Rick from The Walking Dead, but did you also know he is British?  My brother is a big Dead fan and was shocked when I told him this.
  • Damian Lewis - this Brit is probably known for his roles on Homeland and Band of Brothers.  I didn't have a clue he was British until his acceptance speech when he won an Emmy this year.
  • Ryan Kwanten - have you ever seen True Blood?  Then you know this guy, he plays Sookie's brother, Jason Stackhouse, and he is Australian.  Didn't see that coming, did you?
  • Nicholas Hoult - this guy played the young Hank McCoy, aka Beast, in the X-Men prequel and Jack in Jack the Giant Slayer.  Oh, and he's British.
  • Matthew Rhys - I've taken a liking to the new FX show The Americans and Matthew plays the the main Russian spy on the show.  You would expect me to say that he is also Russian, but no, he's British.
"That's at least three male fantasies in one.  An Australian model in pigtails."

Wednesday, May 8, 2013

Random Movie Trivia - The Sandlot

Because Animal House was so full of fun trivia, I decided to split it up into two posts.  So, here is the next edition in our weekly Random Movie Trivia post.  Enjoy:

The Sandlot
  • The younger and older actors who played Benny "The Jet" Rodriguez are actually brothers, Pablo and Mike Vitar.
  • There were three dogs that played Hercules.  All three were English Mastiffs, a smaller one was used for the chase scene, a medium one for random stuff, and a large one for any scenes where the dog is standing still.
  • In the scene where the boys go on the carnival ride and are using chewing tobacco, they actually used bacon bits and licorice.  However, the scene took 30 takes and about halfway through shooting, a couple of the kids actually threw up.
  • In the movie, Denis Leary's character adores the Yankees and owns a baseball signed by Babe Ruth. In real life, Leary is from Boston and is an avid Red Sox fan and hates the Yankees (like most normal people).
  • When Mr. Mertle (James Earl Jones) shows the boys a picture of himself with Babe Ruth and Lou Gehrig, they actually superimposed James Earl Jones' head onto Hall of Fame player Jimmie Foxx's body.
  • There wasn't much trivia for this movie, but I decided to do it anyways because it is fellow Brainfart contributor Alex's favorite movie.
"Luckiest kid ever."

Tuesday, May 7, 2013

The Real Colleges of College Movies

A couple of weeks ago, I did a Random Movie Trivia on Animal House and the first bit of trivia on that post got me thinking - which universities were our most beloved college comedy movies actually filmed?  So, I did a little research and found out for you guys, just in case you wanted to know:

Animal House
Set: Faber College in Pennsylvania
Filmed: University of Oregon in Eugene

Road Trip
Set: University of Ithica in New York
Filmed: Campus was Georgia Tech and Emory University in Atlanta and the football stadium was Sanford Stadium at the University of Georgia

PCU
Set: Port Chester University
Filmed: Mainly at the University of Toronto and some shots were filmed at Wesleyan University in Connecticut.

Revenge of the Nerds
Set: Adams College
Filmed: University of Arizona in Tuscon

Back to School
Set: Grand Lakes University
Filmed: University of Wisconsin-Madison

Van Wilder
Set: Coolidge College
Filmed: UCLA and Marymount High School, both in Los Angeles

Real Genius
Set: Pacific Tech
Filmed: Occidental College in LA and Ponoma College in Claremont, CA.

Old School
Set: Harrison University in New York
Filmed: UCLA, USC, Harvard, and Palisades High School.

"Do you guys remember when he only did comedies? And  now he seems to do nothing but garbage like Green Lantern, what a waste."

Monday, May 6, 2013

NOKW - Dark Shadows

Here comes the next chapter in our "I'm Okay With, I'm Not Okay With" series (if you don't know what this is, click here for all of the past posts):

Movie:  Dark Shadows

Basic Plot:  You know, it was that Johnny Depp movie where he was a vampire that nobody saw.  Well, I did and the most I can tell you about the plot is that Johnny Depp was a vampire and he had to fight a witch or something.  That should wrap it up.

I'm Okay With:  The fact that the original show ran for close to 600 episodes and I had never heard of it until they remade it into this movie.  The fact that the original show was a blatant ripoff of The Munsters which debuted only two years before Dark Shadows.  The fact that there is a surprisingly high body count in this movie.  The fact that the first hour and a half wasn't that bad, but the last 20 or 30 minutes is just stupid and ruins the whole thing.  The fact that Jonny Lee Miller's character is unnecessary.  The fact that we never find out who the creepy kid that can talk to his mother's mother is (I think that made sense).  The fact that it makes no sense as to how that creepy kid's ghost mother was able to kill the witch.  The fact that Johnny Depp tells Michelle Pfieffer that Eva Green is a witch but she somehow seems shocked at the end of the movie when Eva Green uses her witchy powers.  The fact that they just throw in that the daughter is a werewolf and they never go anywhere with it.  The fact that two or three characters are introduced only to set this thing up for a shameless sequel that I hope never gets made.

I'm Not Okay With:  The fact that once the witch who had cursed Vampire Johnny Depp is killed the curse should have been broken, and not only wasn't he cured but he also managed to change someone else into a vampire before the movie was over.  In case you didn't actually see this movie (and I don't blame you if you didn't), Johnny Depp is cursed by a witch and becomes a vampire and for what I came to understand after watching this movie, she is the only reason he continues to be a vampire.  So, when the witch is killed at the end, shouldn't that have cured Vampire Johnny Depp?  When that doesn't happen, Johnny Depp is also forced to turn his love into a vampire when she attempts to kill herself.  Now we have two vampires when we should have zero.  And for that matter, it should have also cured the werewolf daughter (who, by the way, was also cursed by the witch), but we can only assume that didn't happen unless they somehow find someone to fund a sequel.  I am not okay with that.

"As far as I can tell, Johnny Depp didn't need any makeup for this part, they just slapped a wig on him and called it a day."

Sunday, May 5, 2013

Stupid State Laws - Oregon

Here comes another post about a state law that still exists on the books and why it is ridiculous (to see them all, click here):

Portland, Oregon

"People may not whistle underwater."

WHAT?!?!  First up, even if you could whistle underwater, why would that be illegal?  In what possible way could whistling underwater hurt anything enough that it had to be made into a law?  I am literally drawing a blank on this law.  It is so beyond stupid, it is now intriguing.  And for that matter, how in the hell does someone enforce this law, let alone actually hear someone whistling underwater?  Go whistle in you bathtub right now and tell me if you hear anything.  No, you didn't hear shit.  In fact, I don't  even think it is possible to whistle underwater.  Oregon, where in the hell did you come up with this one, I really really want to know.

"If I can't whistle underwater, than how am I supposed to get my pet fish to come to me?  Answer me that, Oregon?"

Saturday, May 4, 2013

College Drinking

As Alex likes to do, Alternate Title - Nerd Alert!

I stumbled across a discouraging article the other day that basically said that college drinking is on the decline.  In fact, the article stated that only one out of three college freshmen are indulging in the college tradition of underage drinking.  One out of three!?!  When I was in college, I don't think I could name two people who didn't drink.  Then again, that might have been because I only hung out with people who went downtown six nights a week (and that would have been seven nights a week but in South Carolina, bars can't serve alcohol on Sundays without a special license).

What is happening to America's youth?  I can only come up with two solid reasons for this disturbing trend (and yes, that does mean that I endorse underage drinking, it's a right of passage).  The first reason is legitimate and that is that college kids are having to concentrate on their studies so that they can have grades good enough to score a decent job in America's crappy economy.  The second reason is more far-fetched.  That being that more and more non-Americans are enrolling in American colleges.  In other words, more Asian kids are going to schools in our great nation.  I have no proof to back this up, but it does bring up one of my favorite things about college football gamedays at Clemson.  We used to tailgate near Clemson's library and every Saturday we would be up at eight or nine in the morning binge-drinking for a dreaded noon game when the Asian kids would wander out of their dorms to go study and have the most confused looks on their faces as they walked across campus full of people getting their party on.  That always made me smile and somehow justified my early morning drinking.

In any case, I'm kind of sad that more and more college kids are not taking part in one of the best parts of being a college student - drinking until you attempt to make the room stop spinning, waking up, and then repeating the process all over again.

"Seriously, how does this not look like fun?"