Sunday, November 30, 2014

Stupid State Laws - Georgia 10

Here comes another post about a state law that still exists on the books and why it is ridiculous (to see them all, click here):

Georgia

"Model airplanes may be flown so long as they stay on either private property or city property adjacent to the county morgue."

This law makes a lot of sense....until that last part.  You can fly model airplanes on city property adjacent to the county morgue?  In what way does that make sense?  While making this law, who stood up and lobbied for that exception to this law?  I cannot fathom a single reason as to why of all places, you can fly model airplanes "adjacent" to a county morgue.  And what exactly does "adjacent" mean?  I looked it up and I still don't know the answer to that question.  Either way, someone made a really strange call on this law and it baffles me as to why.

"Rookie, did you get that picture of this guy?"
"Yes, Sarge."
"Good, now mace him in the face for breaking the law!"
"That seems a little excessive."
"Don't use fancy words with me, rookie and just do it."

Saturday, November 29, 2014

Saturday's Video of Saturday

Here is our weekly funny video post.  Let's see what we got for you guys:

Set up:  Do you remember that stupid character that Ryan Reynolds played in that stupid Wolverine origin story movie?  Well, they are giving that character his own movie.  However, based on this "leaked" footage, it kind of looks good:


Summary:  My understanding is that the comic book version of Deadpool, also know as the Merc With a Mouth, is exactly like the character you see in this video.  So technically, Ryan Reynolds is perfect for the part, which begs the question - how did they so royally fuck it up in that crappy Wolverine movie?  Hopefully this movie will get Ryan Reynolds out of the funk he is in right now.  Other than his cameo in Ted, his last few movies have been pretty terrible.

Friday, November 28, 2014

Who Is This? Part 28


So, who do you think this is?  No, it's not Johnny Carson, even though it does look exactly like him.  Need a hint?  He is much older now.  Ha, gotcha.  I'll give you a real hint this time.  He is the face of Marvel comics.  Got it now?  No?  How dumb are you?  That's Stan Lee.  You know, that old guy that shows up in every Marvel superhero movie these days.  Oh, and I guess he also created some of our favorite comic book characters like Spider-Man, the Fantastic Four, Daredevil, the Hulk, Iron Man, and the X-Men (here's a list of all of the characters he is credited for creating, it's really long).  So he's kind of big deal in the nerd community.  But it is really weird to see him without a mustache and glasses, isn't it?


So, what is he up to now?  You know what, I'm not sure exactly.  I guess he is mostly producing movies and TV shows these days.  Whatever he is doing, he is making piles and piles of money.

Thursday, November 27, 2014

Weekly Pick of the Week - Rivalry Week


Picks in Bold
Rankings based on CFP Selection Committee Rankings
All lines provided by Sportsbook.ag

#11 Arizona Wildcats @ #13 Arizona State Sun Devils
The Duel in the Desert
Friday 3:30
FOX

#16 Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets (+12.5) @ #9 Georgia Bulldogs
Clean, Old-Fashioned Hate
12:00
SEC Network

#4 Mississippi State Bulldogs (-3) @ #19 Mississippi Rebels
The Egg Bowl
3:30
CBS

#18 Minnesota Golden Gophers @ #14 Wisconsin Badgers (-14)
The Battle for Paul Bunyan's Axe
3:30
Big 10 Network

#15 Auburn Tigers @ #1 Alabama Crimson Tide (-9.5)
The Iron Bowl
7:45
ESPN


-Yup, I'm only picking 5 games during rivalry week.  I was shocked at how few of the traditional rivalries seem to heavily favor one team right now and aren't worth picking, like Ohio State v. Michigan, Florida v. Florida State, and Oregon v. Oregon State.  Or both teams of a traditional rivalry suck too much to be worth picking, like Notre Dame v. USC and South Carolina v. Clemson (it truly pains me to write that, but to be fair, that game is impossible to pick without knowing who Clemson's starting QB will be).

-Which scenario leads to playoff expansion faster?  1) Three SEC teams make the 4-team playoff?  Or, 2) No SEC teams make the 4-team playoff?  Oddly enough, I think it might be number 2 considering that conference believes they are the gods of college football and they would make a much bigger stink if left out of the playoff.  Personally, I would love to see that happen only because I can't stand those uppity jerks (other than Auburn, they have the most non-SEC SEC fans you will ever meet).

-Week 4.  That was the last time I had a winning week.  Yeah, it's sad, but I finally came through and went 4-2 last week.  Oddly enough, I am still only 4 games under .500 on the year.  But now that I am back to my winning ways, I guarantee another winning week or your money back.

-Last Week's Funniest College GameDay Sign:

"There was another sign that said "Lou Holtz Does Butt Stuff" that was really funny, but I thought this one was more fitting for Harvard."

-Alright, enjoy the fourteenth week of college football.

Last Week's Results: 4-2
Season Results: 34-38

Wednesday, November 26, 2014

Dream Journal Part 5

I started having the most vivid dreams a couple of years ago and decided to start writing down any that I could remember when I woke up in a Dream Journal.  Like all dreams, they are pretty damn weird, but my dreams are also hilarious.....but still weird.  Here are a couple of those dreams:

  • The only thing I remember about this dream is that I'm in my dad's new car and it came with a really weird new feature - EVERY window had its own windshield wiper.
  • I'm leaving the opera for some reason with a lady friend and find out that in this dream world, everyone rides dinosaurs instead of driving cars.  On the way home, we pull our stegosaurus named Chappy up to a red light and our jerk neighbors pull up beside us on their shinny new T-Rex.  After talking some shit, I tell Chappy to kick their dino-car's ass, which he promptly does.
  • I'm supposed to play golf with my buddy BP at the Atlanta Athletic Club but he doesn't show and I play anyways.  On the 5th hole I hear a commotion and go to investigate only to find a game show happening in the caddy shack.  Before I know it, it's my turn to play and before I can answer my first question, some other guy yells out the answer (which I would have gotten wrong because I thought the answer was Breckin Meyer, I don't remember what the question was).  Somehow I still win and my prize is a Taylor Made 3-wood but when they give it to me, it turns out to be a crappy old Taylor Made Burner driver.  BP suddenly shows up and we finish the round.  Then I woke up.

"I must have been watching this episode of Futurama before I went to bed that night."

Tuesday, November 25, 2014

Adam Sandler

Do you remember when Adam Sandler couldn't make a bad movie?  He had such a good run of movies for a solid decade with films like Billy Madison, Airheads, Happy Gilmore, The Waterboy, and Big Daddy.  But recently?  Lots and lots of garbage.  I stumbled across this the other day:


That's Sandler's Rotten Tomatoes scores for his most recent movies.  Other than an animated kid's flick, his best score was 20%, and somehow that was That's My Boy, which isn't saying much.  What in the hell happened to him?  Because I honestly don't know.

However, there is good news.  His next movie actually looks promising.  It's called Pixels and stars Sandler along with Peter Dinklage (Tyrion Lannister), Michelle Monagham (Tom Cruise's wife from the Mission: Impossible movies), and Josh Gad (the voice of the snowman from Frozen).  Here is its plot:

     "Video game experts are recruited by the military to fight 1980s-era video game characters who've attacked New York."

I'm in.  But judging by Sandler's recent track record, even this will somehow suck.

"Tyrion Lannister with a mullet?  Yes, please."

Monday, November 24, 2014

NOKW - War of the Worlds

Here comes the next chapter in our "I'm Okay With, I'm Not Okay With" series where I point out things in a movie I can tolerate and then one thing I just couldn't (if you want, click here for all of the past posts):

Movie:  War of the Worlds

Basic Plot:  Aliens attack Earth and Tom Cruise must protect his kids from said aliens.

I'm Okay With:  The fact that the aliens buried their killer tri-pods fairly shallow under city streets and no one stumbled across them.  The fact that Tom Cruise somehow survived that initial attack when it seemed like every person who came near him was blown into dust.  The fact that Tom was able to so easily start that van after all other vehicles were disabled, just in time to drive away from danger.  The fact that Tom and his family should have died WAY too many times in this thing but magically survived each time.  The fact that I'm still not sure that Tom should have killed Tim Robbins, the guy was only trying to survive too.  The fact that Tom Cruise's son magically survives an explosion from an alien offensive that seems to kill everyone else and then he easily makes it to Boston before Tom Cruise does.

I'm Not Okay With:  The fact that the aliens were defeated so easily.  These aliens have the technology to travel across the universe, invade a planet, and yet at no point during their planning they think about native germs.  Bullshit.  They thought far enough ahead to bury their attack tripods under cities and yet while they were down there, they didn't bother to see if any of the local germs and viruses could infect them?  What about taking a couple of samples with them and inventing a cure before their attack?  We know they are advanced enough to travel the cosmos, but not smart enough to defeat the common cold?  I am not okay with that.

"That the aliens' tripods might be the worst designed war machines ever, just one easily placed missile will take it down."

Sunday, November 23, 2014

Stupid State Laws - Georgia 9

Here comes another post about a state law that still exists on the books and why it is ridiculous (to see them all, click here):

Georgia

"Cussing over the telephone is against the law."

This is one of those laws that just straight up baffles me.  How in the hell do you even enforce something like this unless a cop happens to be standing beside you as it happens?  Simple answer, they can't.  Complicated answer, they cannot.  I lived in Atlanta for three years and I can honestly say that I should be in jail right now with the amount of cussing I did over the phone during that span.  Sure, I can understand that if someone is cussing on their phone in public with children around to hear it, that's bad, but what about a couple getting in a heat argument on the phone in their homes?  Does Georgia have enough cops to enforce something like that?  Not that I know of.  Then again, speeding isn't illegal as long as you don't get caught either.

"Rookie, some lady just cussed at me on the phone.  Go find her and arrest that bitch!"
"Wasn't that your mother-in-law, Sarge?"
"Uhhhhh......no."

Saturday, November 22, 2014

Saturday's Video of Saturday

Here is our weekly funny video post.  Let's see what we got for you guys:

Set up:  Yes, I've shown this video before, but it truly is amazing and deserves to be seen again:


Summary:  And I still dare you to watch this and not get that tune stuck in your head.  Plus, how hot is the girl in this video?  The answer - super.

"In case you were wondering, her name is Madeline Mulqueen.  I looked it up."

Friday, November 21, 2014

Movie Trailer Review - Hunger Games 3-1

This is not a review of the trailer, but a review of this movie based entirely on this movie's trailer.  I have a special talent of being able to figure out whether a movie will be any good based just on the trailer and I'm finally putting that talent to good use.  Screw you, it's a real talent.



Let's get this out of the way.  I read these books and loved the first one, liked the second one, but loathed the last one, which this movie and the next are based on.  Why did I hate it?  Three reasons: 1) The climax was such a letdown, then it just kept going and it didn't get any better.  2)  The author introduced a lot of cool futuristic technology but failed miserably explaining what those cool gizmos did.  3) For every one paragraph of interesting plot, there were two or three paragraphs about how Katniss felt about what was going on.  All in all, I just really didn't like this book and....

I didn't even bother watching the trailer because I really have no interest in going to see this thing because of my disdain for the book.  To be fair, the first half of the book was okay and that is what this movie will cover.  So, if my mom asks me to go see it with her, I might go just because I won't be paying.  Should you go see it?  Depends if you are a big fan of this franchise and/or Jennifer Lawrence.  Otherwise, nah.

Estimated Opening Weekend Box Office Gross - $90 million

What Kind of Fart This Movie Will Resemble:

The Cushioned Fart - A concealed fart, sometimes successful. The farter is usually on the fat side, sometimes a girl. They will squirm and push their butt way down into the cushions of a sofa or over-stuffed chair and ease-out a fart very carefully without moving then or for some time after. Some odor may escape, but usually not much. Common with some people.

Thursday, November 20, 2014

Weekly Picks of the Week - Week 13


Picks in Bold
Rankings based on CFP Selection Committee Rankings
All lines provided by Sportsbook.ag

#12 Kansas State Wildcats @ West Virginia Mountaineers (-2)
Thursday 7:00
Fox Sports 1

#24 Louisville Cardinals (+3.5) @ Notre Dame Fighting Irish
3:30
NBC

#25 Minnesota Golden Gophers (+10.5) @ #23 Nebraska Cornhuskers
12:00
ESPN

#15 Arizona Wildcats (+4) @ #17 Utah Utes
3:30
ESPN

#20 Missouri Tigers @ Tennessee Volunteers (-3.5)
7:30
ESPN

#19 USC Trojan @ #9 UCLA Bruins (-3.5)
8:00
ABC


-Hope sucks.  Especially as a college football fan.  I had hope this past weekend when Clemson's star QB was finally set to play after sitting out a few games with a broken finger.  That hope was looking good when he marched down field in his 2nd and 3rd drives of the game.  But then my hope was shattered when he tore his ACL after rushing for a first down inside Georgia Tech's 15 yard line.  What little hope I had left was then destroyed when the backup QB immediately threw a pick-six three plays later, followed by another pick-six later in the game, and another interception that set up an easy 5-yard TD.  Like I said, hope sucks.

-Holy crap, there are a lot of crappy games this week.  And naturally, it's all the SEC's fault!  A few years ago, SEC teams started scheduling a cupcake game before playing their end-of-the-year rival, and that trend caught like wildfire, so now everyone is doing it.  So, you can thank the SEC for making this weekend's college football matchups so boring.

-Did you know that reggae legend Bob Marley had a son that played LB at Miami?  And that his grandson currently plays at Tulane?  Crazy, right?

SEC West v. SEC Least Update!!!
It's official, the SEC East went 2-0 against the SEC West this week and I guess that means I can no longer make fun of that division on a weekly basis.  It was fun while it lasted.

-Well, another losing week for me.  At this point, I feel like teams are reading this post and using it as fodder to get themselves pumped up.  Seriously, why else would I be losing so much?  Oh yeah, it just might, possibly, somewhat, kind of be because I suck at this, but that doesn't seem correct, so I'm going with that first explanation.  Anyways, I guarantee a winning week or you can call your bookie and have him give you your money back.

-Last Week's Funniest College GameDay Sign:

"There was another one that said 'Jamies Winston's Lawyer for Heisman' that I thought was funny, but this one is just classic."

-Alright, enjoy the thirteenth week of college football.

Last Week's Results: 2-4
Season Results: 30-36

Wednesday, November 19, 2014

Who Is This? Part 27


Oh man, this is a good one.  I'll go ahead and give you a hint because I know you are dumb, I mean, stupid.  This guy has only done one movie that was ever in theaters.  Great hint, right?  Of course not, dummy, I wasn't going to make it easy for you.  Here's another one.  The one movie he ever did, his dad went crazy and tried to murder him and his mom with an ax.  Yup, that's Danny Lloyd, the guy who played Danny Torrance in The Shining.  Yeah, you never would have guessed that in a million years without a hint.....or you cheated.  On a side note, I have never seen this movie.  How is that possible?  I feel like this is one of those movies that everyone has seen at least once in their life, but somehow I haven't.  Weird.


So, what is he up to now?  Not a clue.  I guess he quit acting after one more movie and went back to being normal and raised a family or something.  I guess I could have done a little more research, but honestly, I don't really care what he is up to now.

Tuesday, November 18, 2014

TV Ads

Last week, I wrote something along to lines of "Why does Coca-Cola bother advertising so much when they know we are already addicted to their product?" and that got me to thinking - does advertising really even work?  Seriously, when was the last time you bought a car because of an annoying local TV ad salesman boasted about his "low, low prices"?  Have you ever gone out and bought Coors Light because of their dumb ads where some dude retrieves beer out of an iceberg?  Or have you ever thought to yourself that you should buy a Hardee's/Carl's Jr. Mile High Bacon Cheeseburger because a hot chick in a stewardess outfit ate one in an ad?  I can honestly say no.

However, the fact that I remembered all of those examples is kind of the point of the company's ad.  But at no point has it ever swayed me to buy their products.  If I'm going to buy a car, I'm going to buy the one I like, not the one I see on TV the most, and the same goes for beer and junk food.  So, that brings up my question again - does advertising really work?  Once again, I'm going with no, but then again, these ads might not be trying to rope my demographic into buying their stuff.  I guess I will just have to wait a couple decades until those boner pill ads start making more sense.

"Horny?  Yes.  Hungry?  Not so much."

Monday, November 17, 2014

Today's Celebrity Birthdays - Nov. 17th

I decided to start up a new post where I list the "celebrities" that were born on this day and then either praise them or mock them.  It will be fun, so let's do this:

  • Rachel McAdams (36) - You probably know her from The Notebook if you are a lady or from Wedding Crashers if you are a dude.  Either way, I have a huge crush on this lovely Canadian.
  • Danny DeVito (70) - This guy has done so much over his career but every time I see him, I can't picture anything but his role as the Penguin from Batman Returns.  However, I am loving his character on Always Sunny in Philadelphia right now.
  • Marin Scorsese (72) - It's amazing to think of how many incredible movies this guy has made and yet he has only won one Academy Award, and that was for The Departed which probably isn't even one of his Top 5 of best movies.
  • Lorne Michaels (70) - The man behind Saturday Night Live turns 70 today but he doesn't look a day over 60.  Also, am I the only person who still watches that show every week?  Personally, I still think it's really funny.
  • Leslie Bibb (40) - You may not recognize the name, but you know her.  She played the chick who Tony Stark banged at the beginning of the first Iron Man movie.
  • Dylan Walsh (51) - The only reason he made this list is because I used to be a big fan of Nip/Tuck, at least until it got really weird in the later seasons.
  • RuPaul (54) - Ah yes, RuPaul.  What can I say about this.....person?  Nothing without sounding racist or sexist, so I will say nothing.

"Damn those beautiful hands from robbing me from seeing those beautiful boobs."

Sunday, November 16, 2014

Stupid State Laws - Georgia 8

Here comes another post about a state law that still exists on the books and why it is ridiculous (to see them all, click here):

Georgia

"Persons under the age of 16 may not play pinball after 11:00 PM."

I have two very important questions about this law.  First, why is the cutoff age 16?  And second, do pinball machines even exist anymore?  Seriously, that second question is way more important.  Sure, this law was probably written in the 1800's when pinball machines still existed, but I can honestly say I haven't seen one outside of an arcade at the beach since I was, well, oddly enough 16.  Plus, does this law apply to kids who own their own pinball machines (which I'm assuming their great great grandfather gave them)?  I feel like Georgia should go ahead a repeal this law because I really don't think kids play pinball anymore unless there is a game on their iPhone that let's them play it.

"How old are you, kid?"
"17."
"Carry on then."
"Sarge, I really don't think..."
"What did I tell you rookie, I do the thinking around here.  Now let's go pester some Mexicans at the Home Depot.  I love watching them scatter."

Saturday, November 15, 2014

Saturday's Video of Saturday

Here is our weekly funny video post.  Let's see what we got for you guys:

Set up:  I stumbled across this video recently and it blew my mind:


Summary:  And we all thought sharks were at the top of the food chain in the ocean.  Nope, that shark went out like Boba Fett in Return of the Jedi, aka like a bitch.

Friday, November 14, 2014

Who Is This? Part 26


You are going to hate yourself for not getting this one, but I'll give you a hint anyways.  She was liked by a boy in the one movie you know her from.  Got it?  Probably not, you dummy.  Gosh, you're hopeless.  Here's a better hint, idiot.  She was liked by a boy in the one movie she was known for and he tricked her into kissing him by faking that he was drowning.  Yup, that's Marley Shelton, or as you know her, Wendy Peffercorn from The Sandlot.  Just put a pair of sunglasses on her and you see the resemblance now, don't you?


So, what has she been up to lately?  Quite a lot according to her IMDB page, but nothing you have probably seen.  However, it looks like she will be in Colin Farrell's next movie, so she has that going for her.

Thursday, November 13, 2014

Weekly Picks of the Week - Week 12


Picks in Bold
Rankings based on CFP Selection Committee Rankings
All lines provided by Sportsbook.ag

#19 Clemson Tigers @ #22 Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets (+3)
12:00
ESPN

#8 Ohio State Buckeyes (-13) @ #25 Minnesota Golden Gophers
12:00
ABC

#1 Mississippi State Bulldogs (+8.5) @ #5 Alabama Crimson Tide
3:30
CBS

#16 Nebraska Cornhuskers (+6) @ #20 Wisconsin Badgers
3:30
ABC

#9 Auburn Tigers (+2.5) @ #15 Georgia Bulldogs
7:15
ESPN

#3 Florida State Seminoles @ Miami Hurricanes (+3)
8:00
ABC


-Why do poll voters feel like they should drop a team in the polls just because that team lost?  What if that loss was a close game against the best team in the nation on the road?  Should you drop them just because they lost?  No, but they always do.  And what about when the teams behind the team that just lost have the same record but you couldn't say those teams are better than said team, should you drop them in the polls?  Nope, but they still do.  This has never made sense to me.

-Do you think refs get pissed when a call is overturned by replay?  Or do you think they would rather have the play called correctly so that they don't get beat up in the parking lot?

-I have always wondered why they calculate field goal yardage the way they do.  If you don't know for some reason, they take the yardage left to the goal line then tack on 17 more yards (10 for the length of the end zone and 7 for the length from the center to where the ball is set).  But why?  Wouldn't it be easier if a ball is on the 25 yard line when hiked, it is considered a 25 yard field goal?  Why bother with all that extra math?  It makes no sense, unless of course it is a way to make kickers fell better about themselves by adding that extra yardage.

SEC West v. SEC Least Update!!!
No teams from the West played the East this week, but I did stumble upon this sign from College GameDay that I think sums up the SEC East in one nice picture:

"In case you don't know why this is funny, it's b/c Indiana (a really bad team that is winless in Big 10 play) beat Missouri earlier this season."

-Remember when I said I was going to make my picks last week and then switch them?  Well, it didn't matter because I finished 3-3.  Sadly, I'm happy with that outcome only because that is technically not a losing week and I really needed that right now.  But now that I'm off the losing train, I guarantee a winning week or your money back.

-Last Week's Funniest College GameDay Sign:

"This is the funniest sign I have seen all year and it's not even close."

-Alright, enjoy the twelfth week of college football.

Last Week's Results: 3-3
Season Results: 28-32

Wednesday, November 12, 2014

Truly Random Brainfart Thoughts - Part 23

Here comes the next edition of Truly Random Brainfart Thoughts (click here to see the others).  Basically,  these are a bunch of random thoughts that came to mind that I couldn't really expand on and thought I should just make them into list form for your enjoyment.  Here goes:


  • In Lord of the Rings, why does it seem like there is a total of three chicks in all of Middle-Earth?
  • I still don't understand how an eraser erases stuff without damaging the paper it is erasing said stuff off of.
  • If you traveled a couple thousand years into the past and killed one random person, how many people you know today do you think will cease to exist when you came back?
  • In the movie Time Bandits, John Cleese is the top-billed actor in the opening credits but is only in the movie for three and a half minutes.  I timed it.
  • Why does Coca-Cola bother spending so much money on advertising when they know we are all already addicted to their product?
  • Dear anyone on their phone while ordering food at a restaurant (for example, Chipotle), hang the fuck up, you are holding everybody up because you are an asshole and shouldn't be allowed to carry on your genes.
  • No homo, but how has Chris Hemsworth (aka Thor) not won People's Sexiest Man of Year?
  • If dogs evolved from wolves, then how in the hell did we end up with the chihuahua?
  • I just found out that Taco Bell serves breakfast.  Please tell me no one actually eats that.
  • Recently, I've found myself randomly watching the newest animated version of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and was shocked to find out that Jason Biggs (American Pie) and Sean Astin (Rudy/Samwise Gamgee) do the voices of Leonardo and Raphael.
  • What made the people at Looney Tunes think that a Tasmanian Devil spins around like a tornado?

"Not only do they not spin around, but they are black not brown like in the cartoons.  Did the guy who came up with that character even look at picture of a Tasmanian Devil before he drew his?"

Tuesday, November 11, 2014

Dream Journal Part 4

I started having the most vivid dreams a couple of years ago and decided to start writing down any that I could remember when I woke up in a Dream Journal.  Like all dreams, they are pretty damn weird, but my dreams are also hilarious.....but still weird.  Here are a couple of those dreams:

  • I'm in a police station and see this old lady sharpening a knife with a crazy look on her face.  I ran up some stairs to warn the cops and run into Debra Morgan (Dexter's sister from the show Dexter).  She goes to investigate but the crazy lady magically disappears in front of us.  Then I woke up.
  • I've been recruited to break into a German base during WWII.  I'm offered the help of a super spy by my superiors, but initially decline.  After seeing what my mission is, I ask for the help.  I meet the super spy and it's Tom Brady, however, he seems to be really clumsy.  While out on the mission, he immediately trips on a motion detector, but no one comes to investigate.  Later, as we are breaking into a warehouse, a soldier shows up.  As the soldier approaches Brady, Tom pulls out a butterfly knife and as he is attempting to stab the guy, he doesn't get the knife out properly and nails the soldier in the helmet, making a loud "clang".  Next thing we know, the soldier drops dead and Peyton Manning steps out of the shadows with a gun and says "Thought you might need more backup".  Then I woke up.

"If you are going to run into a cop, she would be the one you want to run into."

Monday, November 10, 2014

Random Movie Trivia - Back to the Future Part 2

Here is the next edition in our weekly Random Movie Trivia post.  Enjoy:

Back to the Future Part 2
  • The inspiration for the film largely stems from Bob Gale (wrote the screenplay) discovering his father's high school yearbook and wondering whether he would have been friends with his father as a teenager. Gale also said that if he had the chance to go back in time he would really go back and see if they would have been friends.
  • Christopher Lloyd originally turned down the role of Doc Brown, but changed his mind after his wife convinced him to take the role.
  • John LithgowDudley MooreJames Woods, and Jeff Goldblum were all considered for the role of Doc Brown.
  • When Thomas F. Wilson (Biff) is asked about Back to the Future by enthusiastic fans, he will often hand them a postcard of frequently asked questions as a timesaver.
  • Tim Robbins was considered for the role of Biff Tannen.
  • Biff Tannen is named in homage to Ned Tanen, one-time head of Universal, who threwBob Gale and Robert Zemeckis's script for I Wanna Hold Your Hand (1978) on the floor in a heated meeting, accusing it of being anti-Semitic. Despite the fact that Bob Gale is Jewish.
  • A deleted scene shows Marty peeking in on a class in 1955 and seeing his mother cheating on a test.
  • Johnny Depp auditioned for the role of Marty McFly. C. Thomas Howell and John Cusack were considered to play the role of Marty McFly.
  • The main setting, 1955, is the year that Albert Einstein, the dog's namesake, died.
  • Michael J. Fox is only ten days younger than Lea Thompson who plays his mother, and is almost three years older than his on-screen dad, Crispin Glover.
  • Billy Zane makes his first on-screen appearance in this film as "Match", one of Biff's cronies.
  • The set for Kingston Falls in Gremlins (1984) is the same one used for Back to the Future (1985).
  • The film was almost titled "Spaceman from Pluto".


Sunday, November 9, 2014

Stupid State Laws - Georgia 7

Here comes another post about a state law that still exists on the books and why it is ridiculous (to see them all, click here):

Georgia

"Cars may not be driven through playgrounds."

Another stupid law that should be chalked up to common sense.  First off, why would any sane person drive through a playground?  And second, how many crazy people drove through playgrounds legally until someone had to make a law about it?  I would love to have seen some loony bastard arguing in court how he didn't break a crime when he drove his car through the monkey bars and pushed the swings with his bumper.  As long as he didn't break anything, he was perfectly in his rights to drive through a playground.....until they actually had to make a law against it.  They really should just make a law against stupidity and get it over with.

"Look rookie, this punk is driving through a playground."
"Sarge, I don't think...."
"Don't think rookie, leave that to me.  Now arrest this guy and let's get out of here so I can take a nap while pretending to radar speeding idiots."

Saturday, November 8, 2014

Saturday's Video of Saturday

Here is our weekly funny video post.  Let's see what we got for you guys:

Set up:  Have you ever wondered what the game Mousetrap would look like if someone built it for real?  Behold:


Summary:  The most amazing thing about this real life version is that it actually works unlike the board game.  Plus, seeing a car crushed is pretty cool.

Friday, November 7, 2014

Movie Trailer Review - Interstellar

This is not a review of the trailer, but a review of this movie based entirely on this movie's trailer.  I have a special talent of being able to figure out whether a movie will be any good based just on the trailer and I'm finally putting that talent to good use.  Screw you, it's a real talent.



Christopher Nolan is back and this time he is tackling, well, interstellar travel.  The Earth is doomed and only the "Alright, alright, alright" guy can save us.  Sounds good, right?  Well.....

Of all the trailers that have been released for this movie, this is the only one that doesn't make this movie look boring.  Yeah, I said it, this movie just doesn't excite me like any of Nolan's recent movies.  In fact, it just looks like a giant "Humans are screwing up the Earth and we are doomed if we don't do something now" message.  Not that there is anything wrong with that kind of message, but it doesn't feel right coming from the guy who brought us an awesome movie about dreams within dreams.  Should you go see this?  Honestly, I would wait until word of mouth gets around and someone actually tells us it isn't as boring as it appears to be.

Estimated Opening Weekend Box Office Gross - $60 million

What Kind of Fart This Movie Will Resemble:

The Bitburr: Sounds like just that--you're walking and the initial explosion "BIT!--" during one step is followed by a more gentle release of the rest of the volume during the next step: "brrrrrr..."

Thursday, November 6, 2014

Weekly Picks of the Week - Week 11


Picks in Bold
Rankings based on CFP Selection Committee Rankings
All lines provided by Sportsbook.ag

#12 Baylor Bears (+5) @ #15 Oklahoma Sooners
12:00
Fox Sports 1

#10 Notre Dame Fighting Irish @ #9 Arizona State Sun Devils (-2.5)
3:30
ABC

#7 Kansas State Wildcats (+6) @ #6 TCU Horned Frogs
3:30
FOX

#5 Alabama Crimson Tide @ #16 LSU Tigers (+6.5)
8:00
CBS

#14 Ohio State Buckeyes @ #8 Michigan State Spartans (-3.5)
8:00
ABC

#4 Oregon Ducks (-8.5) @ #17 Utah Utes
10:00
ESPN


-Why do TV execs allot only three hours for college football games on ESPN and other channels when it seems like every game is at least three and a half hours long these days?

-Fun Stat of the Week:  Clemson's opponents' first drive yardage:

-4, -16, -4, -4, 0, 2, -9, 0

Yup, only one team has managed to have positive yardage on their first drive against Clemson this season.  I know that's a worthless stat, but pretty impressive nonetheless.

-Former FSU and current Vikings backup QB Christian Ponder and his wife, ESPN reporter Sam Ponder, named their daughter Bowden.  As in Bobby Bowden, Christian's college coach.  Somehow I feel like that's a weird name to give your daughter.  A son?  Sure, but not your little girl.

SEC West v. SEC Least Update!!!
No teams from the West played the East this week, but that doesn't mean something funny didn't happen.  The only ranked East team (Georgia) got whipped pretty good by a Florida team that got beat 42-13 in their most recent game.  On top of that, South Carolina (the preseason favorite to win the division) blew their third 14-point 4th quarter lead of the season to Tennessee.  Can the East get worse?  Stay tuned!

-Well, I only got one pick correct last week.  One.  And I had to have a miracle fumble at the end of the game just to get that one.  This funk is really starting to get on my nerves.  I honestly don't know how to fix other than to make my picks and then do the complete opposite.  So that's exactly what I did this week and we will see what happens (okay, I tried to do that and found myself picking against myself just so I could do the opposite, so I abandoned that idea and will not just pick normally even if that fails).  I guarantee a winning week or your money back for real this time.

-Last Week's Funniest College GameDay Sign:

"In case you don't get it, it's funny b/c West Virginia fans burn couches after big wins.  Why?  I'm guessing moonshine and incest make you do stupid things like burning couches."

-Alright, enjoy the eleventh week of college football.

Last Week's Results: 1-4
Season Results: 25-29

Wednesday, November 5, 2014

Dumbest College Mascots

I decided to comb through a list of every college mascot and compile a list of the dumbest ones I could find.  Enjoy:

  • Any School With a Color as their Mascot (Stanford, Syracuse)
  • Artichokes (Scottsdale)
  • Black Squirrels (Haverford)
  • Dirtbags (Long Beach State)
  • Fighting Camels (Campbell University)
  • Geoducks (Evergreen State)
  • Gorlocks (Webster)
  • Hustlin' Owls (Oregon Tech)
  • Jumbos (Tufts)
  • Lord Jeffs (Amherst College)
  • Muleriders (Southern Arkansas University)
  • Nads (Rhode Island School of Design, ice hockey only)
  • Fighting Okra (Delta State)
  • Poets (Whittier College)
  • The Rock (Slippery Rock)
  • Trolls (Trinity Christian College)
  • X-Men/Women (St. Francis Xavier University, oh wait, this one is actually kind of cool)

"Yup, the Rhode Island School of Design's mascot is exactly what you thought it would be, a giant penis and balls.  By the way, his name is Scrotie."

Tuesday, November 4, 2014

Brainfart's Crush of the Month - November

At the beginning of every month, we here at Brainfart will be bringing you our Brainfart Crush of the Month!  Sometimes it will be someone you have heard of, sometimes it will be just a random hottie you may have seen before, and sometimes it might be my neighbor.  Who knows!  Let's see who we picked this month:


This is Amy Paffrath.  You may know her as the Amazon Kindle Fire lady.  You know, the hottie who helps that idiot navigate his Kindle in the commercials.  I picked her because I have a thing for hot redheads.  Sadly, I learned she's actually blond, but I can overlook that because she looks great as a redhead.  (Side-note: Emma Stone is actually a natural blond, but has been dying her hair red for quite some time.)  Redhead or blond, I would like to congratulate Amy on this great and amazing honor.

Monday, November 3, 2014

Top/Bottom 5 Movie Roles - Robert De Niro

Here is where I pick a random actor or actress's Top 5 and Bottom 5 Movie Roles (I assume the post title gave that away).  This won't necessarily be the chosen actor or actress's best roles, but a combination of their best and my favorite.  In other words, if there is a tie, I'll go with my favorite.  Also, I won't actually be ranking them, they will be in a random order.  Lastly, this isn't these actor's or actress's best movies, but their best characters.  Let's get started:


Top 5
Vito CorleoneThe Godfather Part II - All lists about great De Niro acting has to start here.
Pat Sr.Silver Linings Playbook - I was surprised I picked this one, too.  However, I really liked his role in this movie only because in a movie about Bradley Cooper being crazy, his dad was way crazier, thanks to De Niro's acting.
James ConneyGoodfellas - Another role that has to be mentioned when it comes to a list like this.
Leonard LoweAwakenings - An obscure movie about coma patients who undergo a treatment that brings them out of their comas starring Robin Williams and De Niro as one of the patients.  I saw this as a kid and still somehow liked it, so that is saying something and is the only reason it made this list.
Cpt. ShakespeareStardust - I'm sorry, I liked this movie and De Niro's portrayal as a gay airship captain was the best part.  He got as close to overly gay as you can get without overdoing it and was hilarious as well.

Bottom 5
Det. Mitch PrestonShowtime - This piece of garbage was during De Niro's "comedy" phase.  Nothing about it was funny. lest of all, De Niro himself.
Billy McDonnenGrudge Match - I watched this movie recently and hated everything about it.  The trailer made it look like a comedy and it was anything but funny.  Don't ever watch this movie.  Ever.
FrankensteinFrankenstein - The only thing I remember about this movie was that it sucked and that the monster dies in the most unspectacular fashion.
Paul VittiAnalyze That - These next two I picked for the same reason.  Whoever was making them was trying to cash in on the first one and failed miserably.  I liked the first one of both, but couldn't stand the sequels.
Jack ByrnesLittle Fockers - See above.


Sunday, November 2, 2014

Stupid State Laws - Georgia 6

Here comes another post about a state law that still exists on the books and why it is ridiculous (to see them all, click here):

Georgia

"Crosses may be burned on someone else’s property, so long as you have their permission."

Who in their right mind would want a cross burned on their property?  Oh yeah, it's the South.  Then again, isn't the point of burning a cross on someone's property supposed to send a message to that person?  So, once again, who would actually want a cross burned on their property?  No one that the people doing the burning want to send said message to.  This just seems like excused racism and Georgia should really look into that and just might want to change this law.

"Oh look Sarge, it's a Halloween bonfire."
"Rookie, how old are you?"
"23, Sarge."
"You're not from the South, are you?"
"Nope, born in Idaho."
"That explains a lot."

Saturday, November 1, 2014

Saturday's Video of Saturday

Here is our weekly funny video post.  Let's see what we got for you guys:

Set up:  This one has been all over the internet lately and you've probably seen it, but if you haven't, Holy Fuck on a Stick:


Summary:  Seriously, how?!?  Amazing, just fucking amazing!