Why Isn't This Standard - Gutters

Here is a new segment we are going to start where Alexatgt wonders why certain things in life don't come standard:

Frustrations are a part of our lives.  Most of these have been overcome and solved by our forefathers.  For example, nothing was getting done at night – we invented lights.  When hamburgers got our hands all messy we invented hamburger buns.  Things kept floating away – we invented gravity.

With that in mind, ponder this.  There comes a time in most people’s lives when they live in/own/maintain a home.  This experience leads inevitably to frustrations.  There are so many things that can go wrong and so many small tasks that have to constantly get done – cleaning, raking, sweeping, etc.  Among those annoying chores is, if you live near trees, cleaning gutters.  This may be the worst chore of them all.  You have to sweep the roof off which makes you feel stupid while you are doing it.  Then you have to scrape all the crap stuck to the gutters.  Next, you get to attempt to pull everything out of the gutter and throw it on the ground keeping in mind that gutters in general are about 3 or 4 inches wide so they aren’t made for human hands.  All of those things wouldn’t even be that bad if you didn’t have to try and complete them on a ridiculous incline!  Finally after all of that work, its time for a nice cold drink….. oh, wait – now there are a bunch of leaves and shit on the ground you have to sweep up.

This process has to happen at least three times a year, probably more or you will start growing stuff in your gutters or your house just looks like ass.  As mankind does, we have to come up with a solution – gutter guards.  They are simple, cheap, and easy to put in.  They let water through while keeping leaves and stuff out – problem solved.  Now the enigma – why don’t ALL houses come with gutter guards?  This stuff is not that expensive, especially considering the percentage of the cost of the home.  Hell, they are cheap even just considering home upkeep costs.  Let's break it down for you, first, here are the negatives:

• You wouldn't have the chance to see your neighbor fall off of a roof because they are way too old/out of shape to be up there in the first place and thereby compromising your potential YouTube fame.
• Less chances to pop your shirt off and impress the neighbors.
• That's it.

And now for the positives:

• You WILL sell your house quicker because of the added value.  Any man that has had to clean gutters before, even once, will put a ton of importance on not having to do it ever again.
• The home will give off a more luxurious feel.  You put in real hardwoods instead of fake, real granite instead of fake, why not add gutter guards?  That is probably one of the cheaper upgrades you can add to a home.
• Less work.  No more climbing on the roof.
• No animal problems.  Rats and squirrels love hiding and hanging out in gutters with tons of shit in them.  Then they get bored and chew stuff and get inside your house.
• No foundation issues.  Gutters are there to get water away from your foundation.  Clogged gutters don’t do their job which, in time, could compromise your foundation or cause flooding.

In summary, next time you have to clean your gutters, clean them out, then immediately go to Lowe's and get some gutter guards so that you never ever have to do it again.  After cleaning them out you will have more than enough motivation to spend the money.

THERE ARE NO GOOD GUTTER PICTURES ON THE INTERNET.  HALF NAKED GIRLS DO NOT POSE WITH GUTTERS OR GUTTER GUARDS.  THIS MAY BE A GLITCH IN THE MATRIX WE MUST FIX.  I WILL CONTACT THE PROPER AUTHORITIES.  So instead, here is a guy falling off a roof.

"WWWHHHEEEEEE!!!!!"