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Saturday, February 2, 2013

Brainfart's Super Bowl Prediction

It's Super Bowl Time!!  So, you know what that means, Brainfart is going to look into the future and give you the outcome of this game:

Sambo's Pick - In order to understand why I'm picking who I think will win the Super Bowl I must tell you a story.  Let's go back to the Fall of 2003.  It's Homecoming Weekend at Clemson and I am in my first senior year (I had two of them!).  It's Friday and a couple friends and I decide to take a break from building our fraternity's Homecoming float (and by building our float, I mean watch pledges build our float) and go take advantage of Happy Hour at a nearby bar.  We head inside and find some bar stools next to an attractive female and her parents.  After a couple of beers, I strike up a conversation with the attractive female's father and find out that he is a Boston Whaler dealer from Baltimore who is also a huge Baltimore Ravens fan and a season ticket-holder.  He tells me how awesome the games are, how much the tailgating rules at Ravens' games, and how exciting it is when Ray Lewis comes on the field and does his crazy dance.  He also gives me his cell number and says that we have to come up to game before the season is over.  What happens next is not entirely clear, but this guy decides to re-live his college days and challenges my friends and I to a shot-drinking competition.  However, because I was talking some shit to the guy, he decides that I should take two shots to his every one.  And because I am an idiot, I gladly accept his challenge.  We were in there for only an hour and a half and not a one of us remembers leaving that bar.  The next thing I do remember is waking up on the couch at my place with a half-eaten pizza on the coffee table, a trash can with vomit in it on the floor, and Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory playing on the TV.  My roommate tells me that I came stumbling into the house and demanded he put on Willy Wonka and he made my wish come true because I was too drunk to even turn on the TV, let alone work the DVD player.  I'm also told that I got a ride home from a pledge and that at one point while stuck at a redlight, I leaned out the window of his car and yelled "How Much?" to a coed who happened to be standing at a crosswalk with her parents.  So, because I love that story I am picking the Ravens to win the Super Bowl and I hope that crazy Boston Whaler dealer is out there somewhere pulling for them, too.  Also, there is no way I can pull for a team that has Randy Moss on it.

Baltimore 28 - San Francisco 24

Alex's Pick - By all accounts this game is tough to predict....except for me.  The Ravens have one thing going - Ray Lewis and his direct connection to God.  Or does he?  He talks like a preacher and his speeches inspire players to take their game to a whole new level.  Heck, he even sent a guy to heaven after the last super bowl he was in.  But I think he is actually being worshiped too much thus making him a false idol which is in fact anti-God.  This is troublesome and should put God slightly on the 49ers side.  San Francisco is not a team of angels - their star quarterback is even promoting inking yourself, clearly anti-holy.  But the 49ers don't fake it - they are a group of old fashioned, hard-hitting, gay-hating football players; and even God has to respect that - at least by a field goal. This way God keeps himself from getting too involved, letting the 49ers win, but giving a shout-out to the people who gambled on the Ravens.  Smart play God.

Baltimore 17 - San Francisco 20

"I'm fairly certain that Colin Kaepernick is the reincarnation of Steamin' Willie Beamen."

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