Movie Trailer Review - Taken 3

This is not a review of the trailer, but a review of this movie based entirely on this movie's trailer.  I have a special talent of being able to figure out whether a movie will be any good based just on the trailer and I'm finally putting that talent to good use.  Screw you, it's a real talent.

Taken 3

I saw the first Taken and didn't think it was, well, worthy of not one, but two sequels.  On top of that, Liam Neeson has killed an entire country's worth of people, how many enemies could he possibly have left by now?  Also, his teenage daughter is played by Maggie Grace.  Do you know how old she really is?  31 years old.  31!  She's a teenager twice over by now.  For some reason, that really irks me.

As for the trailer, it looks like another Taken movie except this time they kill his wife and frame him for the murder.  Who are they?  Who cares.  You kill Famke Janssen and I'm not going to see your movie.  Oh, and if you think a 31 year old playing a teenager is ridiculous, do you know how old Liam Neeson is?  62 years old.  62!  They are trying to make us believe that a 62 year old dude can beat up everyone he comes across.  Come on.  I don't care how good Liam looks for his age, that is just stupid.  So, should you go see this thing?  Not unless you are really really really bored and have money burning a hole in your pocket.

Estimated Opening Weekend Box Office Gross - $40 million

What Kind of Fart This Movie Will Resemble:

The Did An Angel Speak Fart - This is any loud fart in church. This fart was first called to my attention by my father. He probably read about it somewhere. For fart watchers who go to church, this is a good one to watch for as this is the only place it can be found.