Movie Trailer Review - Jupiter Ascending

This is not a review of the trailer, but a review of this movie based entirely on this movie's trailer.  I have a special talent of being able to figure out whether a movie will be any good based just on the trailer and I'm finally putting that talent to good use.  Screw you, it's a real talent.

Jupiter Ascending

For the guys (well, one guy and one gal who used to be a guy, it's confusing, look it up) who brought you The Matrix Trilogy and Speed Racer, we have Jupiter Ascending.  In other words, these directors have made two movies since The Matrix and only one of them was semi-decent (that being Cloud Atlas), so the chances of this succeeding are slim.  What is about?  Something about Earth actually being populated by another planet and the rulers of that planet now deciding our fate through treachery.  I think.

As for the trailer.  This is the only one I could find that made the movie look halfway worth seeing.  It has a good cast, Mila Kunis, Channing Tatum, that guy who played Stephen Hawking, and Sean Bean (how will his character die this time?).  But it also looks really, well, I don't know what it looks like.  I guess my biggest problem with it is that Mila Kunis is a janitor.  In what world, would a hottie like that be a janitor?  None.  Plus it doesn't help that this thing was pushed back from this past summer to February.  Nothing good ever comes out in February.  Ever.  So, should you go see it?  Probably not unless one of your dumb friends saw it and said it was good.  Then again, he is is your dumb friend for a reason and his opinion is sketchy at best.

(P.S.  At its opening, people walked out halfway through because they said it was confusing and stupid.  If your dumb friend still suggests you go see this, get new friends.)

Estimated Opening Weekend Box Office Gross - $30 million

What Kind of Fart This Movie Will Resemble:

The G and L Fart - This is one of the most ordinary and pedestrian of farts, known to everyone. Certainly it is the least gross. If you have not already guessed, G and L stands for Gambled and Lost. One of the most embarrassing of all farts, even when you are alone.