Lyrical Lies - Call Me Maybe

This column will strip away the catchy instrumentals and analyze the ridiculousness of the lyrics in popular songs.  I understand it is taking things to the extremes, but that's what I do - I go to extremes.  I am not going to comment on repeating lines or verses other than to occasionally note how much repetition there is in all songs.  And away we go:

Song:  Call Me Maybe
Artist:  Carly Rae Jespen


"I threw a wish in the well, Don't ask me, I'll never tell I looked to you as it fell, and now you're in my way"
-Wow - what an opener!  Where to start?  "Don't ask me" about what i just said 3 words ago?  I could just skip back to the beginning if I had a question about the well.  It's a good idea to keep looking at someone a secret - only bad things can come of that.  Is she 15?  Nope - 26.  "now you're in my way" - oh I get it, the first verse sets this thing up to be a scorned lover song, probably filled with angst and substance - let's move foreword.
 
"I trade my soul for a wish, pennies and dimes for a kiss I wasn't looking for this, but now you're in my way"
-If I have this correct you just threw your soul down a well.  Yikes.  This is getting serious and dark, quick make a veiled hooker reference - coins for kisses?  Is she living in the 1930s?  What aren't you looking for - you have alluded to absolutely nothing.  Again there is a guy in the way - last time I checked you didn't even want him to ask you anything.
 
"Your stare was holdin', Ripped jeans, skin was showin' Hot night, wind was blowin' Where you think you're going, baby?"
-So he did see you looking at him?  Because earlier you made it seem like you didn't want him to know you were looking but now you are staring.   
 
"Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy, but here's my number, so call me, maybe?"
-That is not that crazy - the whole premise of the chorus is destroyed.  This chorus is repeated 5 times so you cannot miss how wrong this is.  What should you do, run away and hide - no, too juvenile.  Sleep with me right now?  Too whory.  Exchange numbers?  Maybe hit me up of Facebook?  That seems normal. 
 
"It's hard to look right, at you baby, but here's my number, so call me, maybe?"
-I am beginning to think this is just a courtesy to an ugly guy.  No way that is your real number she is giving you.  She can't even look at you!  
 
"You took your time with the call, I took no time with the fall You gave me nothing at all, but still, you're in my way"
-Confusion sets in.  He waited to call but when he did you immediately fell in love with him.   Then he gave you nothing but he's in your way?  What?  Is he in your way because he is interrupting your throwing stuff in wells schedule?
 
"I beg, and borrow and steal At first sight and it's real I didn't know I would feel it, but it's in my way"
-Red flag!  Red flag!  You are a thief?  And you admit it?  Sounds like a kleptomaniac to me.  Also, for the love of all that is holy, stop referencing "it" without ever defining what "it" is.  Words can be deep if no one can figure them out - just ask Franz Kafka.
 

"And all the other boys, try to chase me, but here's my number, so call me, maybe?"
You give your number out to a boy you kind of want to call and I am supposed to believe everyone is chasing you?  I call you a last call girl - you will give it to anyone.  There is no maybe there.
 
"Before you came into my life I missed you so bad I missed you so bad I missed you so, so bad
Before you came into my life I missed you so bad And you should know that I missed you so, so bad"
-No kidding - I'm glad you think I should know that but you pretty much covered it by repeating the same thing 7 times.  Seems like a lot but count them - 7 times! 

"Meh.....She is skinny I guess"