Lyrical Lies - Boyfriend

This column will strip away the catchy instrumentals and analyze the ridiculousness of the lyrics in popular songs.  I understand it is taking things to the extremes, but that's what I do - I go to extremes.  I am not going to comment on repeating lines or verses other than to occasionally note how much repetition there is in all songs.  Get ready folks - it's Bieber time:

Song:  Boyfriend
Artist:  Justin Bieber

"If I was your boyfriend, I’d never let you go"
Right off the bat he lets you know - the Biebs is a clinger.  You are warned
"I can take you places you ain’t never been before"
Like R-rated movies.  But I don't like horror movies, they're scary.  And my mom won't let me see nudity which is fine because girls are yucky and have cooties.  Other than that we're good.
"Baby take a chance or you’ll never ever know"
You'll never know....unless you watch TV, he;s everywhere.  After a few hours you will know.
"I got money in my hands that I’d really like to blow"
Bragger (I'm jealous)
"Swag swag swag, on you"
Whoa!  You just swagged on my shirt!  Ass!
"Chillin by the fire why we eatin’ fondue"
We are having fondue by the fire?  Not on a table?  That stuff gets really hot.  I have a feeling this is going to end up worse than you swagging on me.
"I dunno about me but I know about you
So say hello to falsetto in three two"
Is is a good thing to go falsetto?  And you didn't say one.

[Pre-Chorus]
I left this in.  A Pre-chorus Justin?  Really?
"I’d like to be everything you want"
I will totally not be myself, I will be whatever you want.  That's every girl's dream...fake people.
"Hey girl, let me talk to you"
Talk.... right....
 
"If I was your boyfriend, never let you go
Keep you on my arm girl, you’d never be alone
I can be a gentleman, anything you want
If I was your boyfriend, I’d never let you go, I’d never let you go"
Wow - that sounds a lot like kidnapping.  Your relationship will make TMZ and CNN!  Way to hammer the smothering point him Bieber.

"Tell me what you like yeah tell me what you don’t"
Great - now i have to fill out a questionnaire.
"I could be your Buzz Lightyear fly across the globe"
NO FUCKING WAY!!  He just said that.  How do you resist a line about Woody here?
"I don’t never wanna fight yeah, you already know
I am ‘ma a make you shine bright like you’re laying in the snow"
This makes no sense.  How does putting you on a pure white background make you shine?  If anything it would seem to make you look imperfect.  Come one Biebs, that's just science.
"Burr"
This is the only funny part of the song.  Solid Biebs.
"Girlfriend, girlfriend, you could be my girlfriend
You could be my girlfriend until the ---- world ends"
Now he is making presumptions.  You have to wait for the DTR (Define the relationship).  Also, big statement to say until the world ends - that seems like a good time to stop (kind of a Mitch Headburg shout-out)
"Make you dance do a spin and a twirl and
Voice goin crazy on this hook like a whirl wind"
So now you want a stripper.  Classy.
"Swaggie."
Funny line number two.

"So give me a chance, ‘cause you’re all I need girl
Spend a week wit your boy I’ll be calling you my girlfriend"
A whole week - i would hope you are boyfriend and girlfriend - that's a long ass time with one person around all the time.  Might want to re-think this one Justin.
"If I was your man, I’d never leave you girl
I just want to love you, and treat you right"
Now this is sweet.  I wonder what he will come up with to finish this thing off?
"Na na na, na na na, na na na
Ya girl
Na na na, na na na, na na na ey
Na na na, na na na, na na na ey
Na na na, na na na, na na na ey
 If I was your boyfriend"
Brilliant!

"This is the Bieb Squeeze"