King Kong

I probably could have done a NOKW for this post, but there is more than one thing I wanted to get off my chest about King Kong.  You see, there are a couple of things about King Kong's existence that don't make any sense to me, and here they are:

• Where Did He Come From - as we all know, humans and monkeys alike are born after their parents get it on (try and get that image out of your head, suckers).  So, in order for there to be a King Kong, there has to be mama and papa Kong.  What I want to know is, if King Kong is as large as he is, were his parents that large too or was he born with some sort of genetic defect that made him grow to that size?  You know, kind of like Robin Williams in the movie Jack, except instead of aging really fast, Kong grew really fast.
• His Environment - if King Kong is the result of two giant monkeys having monkey whoopee, then that still doesn't explain as to how his species became that big.  Let's look at some real world examples; elephants were able to evolve to their size because they had plenty of space and food.  The same can be said about whales, where they have an entire oceans worth of food to survive on.  However, King Kong would need about 7,500 pounds of food per day to live on, but he lives on a tiny island.  So, how is it possible for him to survive when his environment should have run out of stuff to eat years ago?
• His Size Is Physically Impossible - every time an animal doubles in size, its mass is multiplied by eight.  Therefore, if you factor in King Kong's height compared to regular gorillas, he would weigh roughly 60 tons, which is about 270 times the weight of a regular sized gorilla.  That amount of weight is physically impossible to be supported by Kong's frame.  He should actually be nothing but a pile of broken bones waiting to be picked off by the island's other predators.

As you can see, King Kong is one bafflingly stupid movie monster and should in no way be running around a jungle, let alone be walking at all.  Then again, Hollywood doesn't care if you believe if a monster is possible as long as the gullible public keeps buying tickets.  Those sneaky bastards.

"I don't know why he is smiling, he just broke both his legs while trying to eat you."