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Monday, May 6, 2013

NOKW - Dark Shadows

Here comes the next chapter in our "I'm Okay With, I'm Not Okay With" series (if you don't know what this is, click here for all of the past posts):

Movie:  Dark Shadows

Basic Plot:  You know, it was that Johnny Depp movie where he was a vampire that nobody saw.  Well, I did and the most I can tell you about the plot is that Johnny Depp was a vampire and he had to fight a witch or something.  That should wrap it up.

I'm Okay With:  The fact that the original show ran for close to 600 episodes and I had never heard of it until they remade it into this movie.  The fact that the original show was a blatant ripoff of The Munsters which debuted only two years before Dark Shadows.  The fact that there is a surprisingly high body count in this movie.  The fact that the first hour and a half wasn't that bad, but the last 20 or 30 minutes is just stupid and ruins the whole thing.  The fact that Jonny Lee Miller's character is unnecessary.  The fact that we never find out who the creepy kid that can talk to his mother's mother is (I think that made sense).  The fact that it makes no sense as to how that creepy kid's ghost mother was able to kill the witch.  The fact that Johnny Depp tells Michelle Pfieffer that Eva Green is a witch but she somehow seems shocked at the end of the movie when Eva Green uses her witchy powers.  The fact that they just throw in that the daughter is a werewolf and they never go anywhere with it.  The fact that two or three characters are introduced only to set this thing up for a shameless sequel that I hope never gets made.

I'm Not Okay With:  The fact that once the witch who had cursed Vampire Johnny Depp is killed the curse should have been broken, and not only wasn't he cured but he also managed to change someone else into a vampire before the movie was over.  In case you didn't actually see this movie (and I don't blame you if you didn't), Johnny Depp is cursed by a witch and becomes a vampire and for what I came to understand after watching this movie, she is the only reason he continues to be a vampire.  So, when the witch is killed at the end, shouldn't that have cured Vampire Johnny Depp?  When that doesn't happen, Johnny Depp is also forced to turn his love into a vampire when she attempts to kill herself.  Now we have two vampires when we should have zero.  And for that matter, it should have also cured the werewolf daughter (who, by the way, was also cursed by the witch), but we can only assume that didn't happen unless they somehow find someone to fund a sequel.  I am not okay with that.

"As far as I can tell, Johnny Depp didn't need any makeup for this part, they just slapped a wig on him and called it a day."

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