Mason Strikes Again

Alrighty, I've got another story about my awesome nephew Mason and it is a good one.  First off, Mason is now enrolled in kindergarten and that means he is out of my sister's control for a few hours each day, so you know trouble is going to follow.  And as she told me at Christmas, she has already had to sign notes about his behavior from his art, math, and reading teachers as well as the lunch lady which I didn't even know was possible.

Anyways, one day Mason was in class and asked the teacher if he could go to the bathroom.  The teacher unwisely gave him a pass and let him go on his way unsupervised.  What transpired next is not entirely clear because Mason refuses to tell his side of the story, but my sister thinks she has figured it out.  After leaving class to go to the "bathroom", Mason left the school entirely, jumped on a random school bus, and the next thing my sister knows, Mason walks in the front door at home.  I don't even know how this is possible because it was the middle of the day and school buses should not be running kids to and from school at that time.  All we do know is that Mason somehow talked his way into getting a ride home from a complete stranger and somehow found his way home on his own.  I should remind you that he is in kindergarten, a time in your life when you can barely spell your own name but Mason knows how to skip school and con his way into getting a free ride home.  I don't know what this says about our society, but I do know that my nephew is destined for greatness.....or some serious shenanigans when he is finally old enough to drive.  Hopefully my sister is smart enough to never give him the keys to a motor vehicle or we might all be doomed.

"I can only assume Mason was pretending he was Godzilla and was jumping on the unsuspecting public."

Mason Returns

It's been quite awhile since I have given you guys an awesome story about my awesome nephew Mason, so here is a story that my sister told me about recently.

This story started out at my sister's church where she was picking up Mason's little brother, Doc, from daycare.  In what must have been a lapse of stupidity, my sister went inside the church to get Doc and left Mason alone in the car and when she came back, sure enough, Mason was missing.  Well, she heads back inside to see where Mason could have gone and was walking down a hallway that is adjacent with a small courtyard when she found Mason.  Unfortunately, just as she was about to head inside the courtyard, Mason suddenly pulled down his pants and started to take a leak in a bush.  Now there is nothing strange about Mason taking a leak in public, however, this particular bush was right beside the window to a church conference room that was currently holding a meeting and to my sister's horror, everyone in that meeting just so happened to notice Mason, too.  After finishing, Mason waved at everybody in the conference room, ran back inside, and announced he was ready to go.  Luckily for my sister, pretty much everybody in that conference room knew who Mason was and laughed it off.  As for my sister, you would think that she would have learned her lesson by now to not leave Mason alone or bad/funny things will most definitely happen.  And by the way, Mason turned 6 this week and do you know what he asked for for his birthday?  A machine gun.  He has Batman villain written all over him.

"Here is Mason and his brothers at Halloween, they dressed up as the Duck Dynasty guys."

Mason and the Alligator

Guess what, it's Friday and I have another story about my awesome nephew Mason and it happened during the same trip to the beach I told you about last week.  After a long day on the beach, my sister and the family went out to eat at a fancy restaurant called Bayou Bill's and by fancy, I mean that it had an outdoor balcony that overlooked a pond of alligators and served beer in clean mugs.  Very fancy.  Well, as an incentive to get families with young kids to come and eat at their fancy establishment, Bayou Bill's offered a photo opp with a real live alligator (for 5 bucks).  As you would imagine, this sounded like a great idea to Mason and his brothers, so my sister herded them over to the photo area to snap the shot below.  When they got there, the lady in charge of the alligator had walked off for a minute, but this didn't deter Mason one bit, he ducked under the rope and headed straight to that alligator.  My sister was able to snag him before he grabbed the gator, but she was amazed at how fearless he was of the alligator (when she told me this, I asked her if she did realize that we were talking about the same Mason that I have been telling you guys all about).  In the end, they got their picture taken, but when they went to leave, Mason was extremely upset that he couldn't take the gator with him.  Just imagine that, Mason with a pet alligator, just what this world needs.

"I can only imagine what Mason is thinking about, probably ways he can become an alligator-themed supervillain when he gets older."

Mason and the Buoys

Alright, it's Friday and I have another amusing story about my awesome nephew Mason.  My sister and the family recently enjoyed a week at the beach.  Well, while there the whole crew was in the car when they passed over a bridge and Mason spotted a buoy.  However, instead of saying the usual kid thing like "What is that, Mommy?" or "Why?", Mason said, "Hey look, it's a booby!".  And naturally, my sister and her husband busted out laughing at this comment.  Not knowing exactly why his parents were laughing (or did he?), Mason ran with it and every time he saw a buoy the rest of the week, he would yell out "Booby!" as loud as he could.  So, this became a running joke the whole trip.  At one point, this conversation happened between Mason and the dad of one of the other families:

Mason - "Mr. Mike, can I go touch the boobies?"
Mr. Mike - "Uhhh, which ones are you talking about, Mason?"
Mason - "The red boobies."
Mr. Mike - "Well, there are plenty of sunburned boobies around, so I say go for it."
Mason - "You don't want to touch them with me?"
Mr. Mike - (looks at my sister who is falling over laughing) "Maybe I should ask my wife first."

It wasn't until my sister explained to him what Mason was referring to that he finally relaxed and realized he wasn't in trouble.  The funniest buoy moment happened as they were leaving for home when Mason saw his last buoy and said, "Daddy, look, a white booby", then my brother-in-law probably swelled with pride and had a single tear rolling down his cheek and responded with a "Thatta boy."  Next week, I will tell you guys about Mason and his alligator friend, stay tuned.

"I can only imagine that Mason just saw another 'booby', that's usually how I excited I get, too."

Mason and the Exterminator

It's Friday and that means I have another story about my awesome nephew Mason and his awesome adventures.  Today's story is short but funny, so here goes.  A couple of weeks ago, the monthly visit from the exterminator just so happened when all three of my sister's kids were home.  And because my nephews are kids, they love everything that looks like it could be a weapon, therefore, they naturally followed the exterminator and his bug spray gun everywhere he went while he was there.  After he was finished spraying the house, he went to tell my sister he was leaving, but right before he left, he looked at Mason and then said that her house should have a sign out front that says, "Enter at your own risk".  In other words, he realized in his short time around Mason that he was dangerous and that others should know the risks of entering his vicinity.  And I couldn't agree more.

"Here's Mason learning the weak points of his brother's mouth, so that the next time they get in a fight, he can take him down fast."

Mason and the Airplane

It's Friday, so let's see if I can up come up with something awesome to tell you guys about my awesome nephew Mason.  A couple of weeks ago, my sister was taking Mason and his little brother, Doc, to pick up their older brother from school (or from whatever else it is that little kids do during the day) when they saw a bunch of firetrucks fly by in the other direction.  And because all of my sister's kids are obsessed with any sort of truck, she followed them so that Mason and Doc would shut up.  Well, when they got to their destination, they saw this:

Apparently a small airplane failed to take off and instead plowed through the fence at the end of the runway.  So, what does this have to do with Mason?  Nothing that we know of.  But then again, can we definitively rule out foul play?  No, not when Mason just so happened to be in the area.  So, until they pull the black box out of that thing and can prove that Mason had nothing to do with that wreck, I'm just going to go ahead and assume he was behind it.

"Mason and his minions observing their handy-work."

Mason and His Neighbor

You're damn right I have another story about my awesome nephew Mason and here it is.  As I've discussed earlier, Mason tends to wander off and on occasion and steal things.  Well recently, he has gotten into the habit of breaking into his neighbor's house on a regular basis.  He likes to go over there and pilfer his neighbor's pantry and help himself to any sweets he finds.  One day, he made his way into the neighbor's office and was drawing/coloring on some computer paper when Mr. Greg (the neighbor) walked by and Mason scared him half to death.  So, Mr. Greg says "Hey Mason, I like your drawing, but I'm getting ready to leave", to which Mason responds "See ya", and keeps right on doing whatever it was he was doing.  A couple of weeks later, Mr. Greg found Mason in the pantry where Mason was complaining that there were no Scooby Snacks for him to eat.  Mr. Greg tells him that he hadn't been to the store lately and Mason says "OK", takes a coke, and heads home.  Three days after that, Mason sees Mr. Greg pulling down the driveway and the first thing out of Mason's mouth is "Have you been to the store yet, Mr. Greg?".  My sister swears she feeds her kids, but feels if Mason keeps this up, she will have to have her husband start mowing his yard for free (he owns a landscaping business).  So, in the future, if you find a random kid in your house, don't be alarmed, it is probably just Mason looking for food or drawing pictures in your living room.  Just feed him and he will spare your life......for now.

"Here is Mason wearing a fake pair of glasses I gave him."

Mason and the Frog

It's Friday and that means another story about my awesome nephew Mason.  First off, my sister and her husband bought a house with a pool a couple of years ago and because someone has to clean it, my sister does it to keep busy.  One day, both of Mason's brothers where in school (and we will just have to assume at this point that Mason has already been kicked out of school for whatever awesome reason) and my sister was emptying the skimmers when she found a huge frog.  And because like most people, she doesn't like to touch slimy things like frogs, snakes, or anything like that, but Mason took it upon himself to grab it.  He then put it in an empty cooler, grabbed a beach chair out of the garage, and set up shop at the top of the driveway.  Why the top of the driveway you ask?  It was there that every time a car drove by, he would grab the frog and show it off with one hand and wave with the other.  Yup, he thought the world should see his new froggy friend, so he did it the only way his 5 year old mind could think of.  Now imagine that instead of a frog, it was a dinosaur.  That be more fitting of Mason, now wouldn't it?

"Mason with some other frogs he caught.  I wonder if he tried to teach them how to swim."

Mason at the Carnival

Here comes the next chapter about my awesome nephew Mason and his ridiculousness antics.  Recently, Mason's older brother had a baseball game (and he is 6 or 7, I can't remember, but they play some sort of weird hybrid of baseball where the kids pitch and also, the coaches pitch, really strange) and the whole family was there.  That night was also the first night of the local carnival which was happening next door.  Right beside the field was the carnival's Dunk Tank and Mason and his little brother, Doc (that's what I call him), were curious and went to check it out.  It was still early in the night and they had just set up the Dunk Tank, but they already had a couple of customers.  The first guy failed miserably to dunk the guy, but the second customer hit his mark and sank the guy in the tank.  Well, Mason instantly loved this thing and wanted to dunk the guy.  After the carnival worker had set up the tank for the next customer, he started chatting it up with someone on the other side of the tank and this was when Mason saw his opportunity.  He walked right up to the lever and smacked it to see what would happen and totally surprised the guy in the tank as he fell back in the water.  Mason then strutted away having accomplished his goal.  So, if I had to guess, there is now a poster with Mason's picture on it telling carnival workers not to turn their back on him, no matter what or they will regret it.

"Here is Mason practicing for college."

Mason and His Little Brother

Here comes another story about my awesome nephew Mason.  This time I need you to watch an old Trident commercial in order to tell you this tale.  Here is that commercial:

Do you remember that ad campaign?  If you didn't watch that video, it is the one where a couple of kids' mom walks in on her daughter putting makeup on her son and asks what they are doing and they reply "Fighting cavities?".  Well, my sister had a similar situation happen with Mason.  One afternoon, she had just gotten out of the shower and walked into the living room.  That was when she found Mason feeding his younger brother Tylenol (Mason's younger brother's name is Emmitt and every time I hear his name, I always think about Doc Emmitt Brown from Back to the Future and have been trying to get people to call him "Doc" because of it).  My sister then asked Mason what he was doing and he responded, "I wanted to know how [the Tylenol] tasted, but didn't want to eat them myself".  Yup, Mason was feeding his young brother headache medicine because he wanted to know how they tasted, but didn't want to be the first one to eat one, so he duped his younger brother into doing it instead.  In other words, Trident Gum must have heard about this and made a commercial about it.  That crazy Mason is probably owed royalties right now and there is not telling what he would do with that money, but I can tell you, it can't be good for the rest of us.

The Name Mason

This isn't a story about my awesome nephew Mason, but something interesting I read recently that relates to his name.  They (and I'm not exactly sure who "they" are) announced the Most Popular Baby Names this year and here is the Top 10 list for boy's names:

1. Jacob
2. Mason
3. William
4. Jayden
5. Noah
6. Michael
7. Ethan
8. Alexander
9. Aiden
10. Daniel

Yup, the name Mason was the 2nd most popular baby name this past year.  Most "experts" seem to think that the reason the name Mason was so popular is because one of those whore Kardashians named their kid Mason and the gullible public followed suit.  However, I tend to think that people have been reading about my awesome nephew and decided to get a leg up and name their own kids after him so that when he takes over the world, they might be spared.  The funny thing about his name showing up on that list is that before my sister named him, I had never met anyone with that name (other than myself and it is my middle name), so that is quite a leap for his name is such a short period of time.  Anyways, if someone tells you that they named their kid Mason, either they watch way too much garbage TV or they are appeasing their future dictator.  (Random side note - I guess Team Jacob is winning the war considering the name Edward didn't even make the list and Jacob claimed the top spot.....for now.)

"Your future king."

Mason and the Elf

Here comes another story about my awesome nephew Mason.  First off, if you don't know what an Elf On The Shelf is, it is a toy elf doll that parents tell their kids is watching them and reports back to Santa to tell him if they are being naughty of nice.  Well, my sister thought it would be a good idea to get one and see if it would help make Mason and his brothers behave (ha).  She set it up to look like Santa delivered an early gift, which she did by moving the fireplace screen out of place and putting the present under the tree and telling her kids that only Santa could have delivered that gift.  She then let them open the present and explained to them that the Elf On The Shelf will tell Santa if they misbehave.  Mason's brothers ate it up, but Mason took one look at the thing and said "That's not real". which is the three year old equivalent of calling bullshit.  (Now, if anyone out there watches the FX show The League, then you will recall that in one of their episodes a very similar thing happened with one of the characters and his daughter.  However, my sister told me this story literally the day before that episode aired, so if anything, The League heard about it and wrote it into that episode as a tribute to Mason and his awesomeness.)  Quick FYI, Mason's oldest brother named the elf Sparkles and according to the booklet that came with the elf, he has "magical flying powers" that he uses at night to go tell Santa whether my nephews have been naughty or nice each day, however, if one of them touches Sparkles, he will lose those powers and Santa will instantly know that they have been bad.  My sister also told Mason that if he misbehaved, then Santa would stop making his forklift and he wouldn't get it for Christmas, so he better believe that Sparkles would tell on him.

Now, since Mason didn't believe that Sparkles was real, the first thing he wanted to do was touch him, which forced my sister to put the elf well out of reach from her kids.  And do you think that stopped Mason?  If you do, then you underestimate Mason and are most likely doomed.  What Mason did instead was he woke up really early the next morning, found a broom, knocked Sparkles off his shelf, and proceeded to walk around the whole day flaunting the elf off to his brothers.  Because of Mason's craftiness, my sister was forced to use a ladder to help tie the elf to certain light fixtures that Mason had no chance of reaching.  That move didn't stop Mason, he came up with a new idea and got his Nintendo Wii Rifle that came with his Big Game Hunter game (and I would bet that he never misses his mark in that game) and went what he called "Elf Hunting" and proceeded to shoot the elf with his toy every time he saw him.  Apparently, my sister was told that this toy worked wonders with other parents' children, but Mason effectively ruined that experience for her and his brothers within a couple of days.  The morale of this story - don't try to trick or force Mason into doing anything, it WILL backfire.

"Elf Huntin."

More Random Mason Stories

Last week, I gave you guys a couple of quick stories about my awesome nephew Mason that happened last Christmas, so here are a couple more I am just now getting around to sharing:

• Last Christmas during Mason's older brother's Christmas Play (you know, those things they force parents to attend for no good reason), all of the singing children's siblings were invited up onto the stage at one point to sing with their brother or sister.  However, Mason would not budge an inch towards that stage.  He absolutely refused to sing and my sister just assumed he was being shy or something, but at this point, we all know better.  As soon as the singing began, Mason slipped off and headed to the kitchen where he knew he could find some unattended cookies that were supposed to be served later and he proceeded to steal as many as his little arms could carry.  He then swaggered back into the performance with an armful of cookies and started passing them out to anyone who wanted them and at the same time, stuffing as many into his mouth as he could.  Crafty kid.
• Next, I have a story I was present for.  The whole family (including my aunt, uncle, and cousins) was over at my parent's house for a holiday get-together where all the younger kids were running around playing with whatever toys they had just opened and the older family members were sitting around talking.  Then suddenly Mason walked into the living room completely naked and plopped down in the middle of the room and started playing with a random toy.  When asked where his clothes were, he responded by saying that he was going to take a shower, but then decided to play instead.  First off, he was still at that age where he only takes baths and second, he hates taking baths, so his excuse still makes no sense to this day.

Next week, I have one more Christmas story, so stay tuned for that.

"At first I thought Mason was drinking a beer, then I noticed that he is wearing two different kinds of shoes, both made for the same foot.  That crazy Mason."

Random Mason Stories

Here are a couple of quick stories about my awesome nephew Mason from last Christmas (I wrote all this stuff down and am just now getting to it):

• First, we'll start with a story about what happened when my sister finally finished decorating the Christmas tree and had hung the stockings by the fireplace and all that other Christmas-y stuff was in order.  So, the same night my sister stayed up late finishing hanging up all of the ornaments on the tree (and of course she had to stay up late to finish this b/c she doesn't exactly have that sort of time as long as Mason is conscious), Mason woke up around three in the morning and wandered downstairs in his usual attempt to raid the pantry for Oreos.  Unfortunately the pantry was locked, so he did the next logical thing a three year old would do, he methodically took down every single ornament off the tree.  Every single one.  For no reason.  In fact, he even pulled over a chair just so he could reach the ornaments higher up on the tree, just to make sure he got them all down.  Needless to say, my sister was pissed when she discovered that she would have to re-hang them all.
• The next thing he did happened a couple of days later at his aunt's house (my brother-in-law's sister).  You see, their Christmas tree was decorated with a lot of candy canes.  And as soon as everyone went outside to play and the parents were busy watching the kids or talking, Mason snuck (apparently this isn't a word according to Spell-check) back into the house and took all of the candy canes off the tree and was in the process of eating them all when he was finally caught by sister.  He almost pulled it off, too bad as soon as he goes missing, everyone knows he is up to no good.

Stay tuned next week for a couple more Mason Christmas stories.

"His shirt says 'Dear Santa, Define Good'."

Mason at Walmart

Seriously you guys, my nephew Mason is pretty awesome, so here is another story about said awesomeness.  But first a little background info.  My brother-in-law owns his own landscaping business in Atlanta and behind their house, they have a large shed where he keeps a lot of his landscaping supplies and equipment.  Because this shed has a bunch of seeds and whatnot, it attracts rats.  So, in order to keep the rats out, my brother-in-law got a couple of cats (one of which Mason named Mr. Fluffypants).  Well, one night the whole family decided to head to Wal-Mart (aka. the Capital of Over-stretched Sweatpants and Chain-Smoking Mothers) to get some random stuff for the cats.  As they were walking around the store, they suddenly realized that Mason had disappeared.  Shocker.  So, they decided to split up to find him.  Just as they were heading in opposite directions, Mason came walking down the aisle with a plastic bag filled with water and a goldfish.  While Mason wandering off and bringing back something strange like a goldfish is nothing new, what I wanted to know was how a 3-year old kid was able to talk a Wal-Mart employee into giving him a goldfish.  Seriously, shouldn't an employee know better than to give any toddler who comes along a goldfish without a parent present?  Then again, it was Wal-Mart, the place where dreams go to die.  Anyways, Mason not only talked the employee into giving him the fish, but he also was able to talk his parents into letting him keep it and quickly named him Fishy.  Needless to say, that goldfish didn't survive very long because the very next day, my sister found Mason riding around on his electric John Deere tractor with Fishy riding shotgun....without any water.  And that is why my sister only allows her kids to have dogs for pets.  Keep this lesson in mind when you have kids, it will help.

"Yup, that's Mason sitting in a chair on top of my sister's truck.  He got up there all by himself."

Mason's Christmas List

As you all know by now, my nephew Mason is awesome and in all probability, an evil genius.  Well, this week I don't have a story about him, but I do have something I remember my sister telling me about.  Last Christmas, when my sister asked Mason what he wanted from Santa, do you know what his response was?  A forklift.  Yup, he wanted a forklift for Christmas.  I can only imagine what he needs a forklift for, in fact, that is exactly what I'm going to do, imagine why Mason wanted a forklift for Christmas:

• He will use it to install the fuel cells into one of his Doomsday Devices (yup, that's plural).
• It will make moving all of his stolen bank vaults easier.
• His warehouse full of nuclear weapons won't move themselves.
• In order to avoid the attention that would have come with breaking into a mechanic's shop, he can use his new forklift to lift his time machine so that he can install its Flux Capacitor.
• He recently entered into a Forklift Demolition Derby and needs the money to buy booze and probably candy.
• His four year old brain thinks chicks will dig a forklift, so he wants one to pick up girls.....literally.  (Actually, this makes a lot of sense in my brain)
• He needs to lift a crate of forks.  (Thank you, Mitch Headberg.  RIP.)

"This is probably what Mason thinks picking up girls means."

Mason at the Beach

In order to tell you about my awesome nephew Mason's trip to the beach, I have to tell you another story to set the tone. This first story starts at his older brother’s football practice, if you can call what 5 year olds practice football. Anyways, when the older siblings “practice”, the younger kids go goof around somewhere the parents can watch both groups. My sister was sitting with all the other parents when she happens to glance over at Mason’s group and sees him standing in the middle of them with his pants down taking a leak. The rest of parents see this and start laughing and my sister says, “When you gotta go, you gotta go” and everyone gets a good laugh out of that.

I told you that story to tell you an even better one. One summer, my sister and her family went to the beach with a couple of other families for a nice vacation. One night, all the parents and kids went out on the beach to go “crab hunting” and the adults were equipped with hand flashlights and the kids with flashlight headbands (I’m totally asking Santa for one of those). When they hit the beach, the group spreads out to cover more ground until at one point, someone spots a crab and everyone gathers around to look at it. As everyone is staring at the crab, suddenly Mason pushes his way through the group to check it out. Now, Mason pushing people out of the way is nothing new, but the fact that he was butt-ass naked was something strange. What was even funnier was that he was completely naked except he was still wearing his flashlight headband. Typical Mason. When asked why he wasn’t wearing anything, he said that he got sand in his pants and took them off and when asked where he put them, he said he had no idea. So just like that, the night went from crab hunting to clothes hunting. That kid is classic.

"That's Mason.  Naked.  On his bike."

Mason and the Stolen Tennis Racket

If you haven’t figured it out by now, my nephew Mason is awesome. Awhile back my sister and her husband were playing tennis at the Collins Hill Athletic Club in Lawrenceville, Georgia; where they both play for some sort of tennis team and in fact, my brother-in-law is pretty damned good (he is the most non-athletic looking insanely talented athlete I have ever met). Last year, his team won the ALTA City Championship and I can only assume that that is pretty good considering he plays in Atlanta. Anyways, they were playing tennis at this athletic club when Mason said he had to go to the bathroom and wandered off. A couple minutes later, he came back with a random tennis racket. My brother-in-law just assumed he had swiped it from someone else’s bag, which he is known to do from time to time (one time during a match, he broke into someone’s car and stole chewing gum out of their middle console). After no one claimed the racket, my sister ended up leaving the racket on the court, hoping the owner would come looking for it. A couple days later, the tennis pro at the club called my sister and informed her that they had security footage of Mason stealing said racket from their shop. That’s right, Mason was not even three years old at the time but he had already been caught on tape shoplifting a $200 tennis racket. My sister told the tennis pro where they left the racket, but it was missing and so my sister was now out 200 bucks. Luckily, someone on her team picked it up thinking it was another teammate’s racket and they returned it with no hard feelings, but that doesn’t erase the fact that Mason would have a record if he were old enough. Once again, I will mention that my middle name is Mason and that I warned my sister that nothing good could come out of naming her kid after me and sure enough, I was right, but in an awesome way.

"That's Mason standing on top of a truck.  Two things about this photo, first, Mason wasn't even two years old and he got up there by himself.  Second, my sister saw him up there, went inside to get a camera, took the picture, THEN helped him down.  That's her favorite part of the story."

Mason and the Microwave

Remember when I told you guys all about my awesome nephew Mason’s tendency to wake up in the middle of the night and wander around the house doing whatever it is he wanted to do. Well, one night he took it a little too far which led to my sister finally having to trap him in his room. On that fateful night, he escaped from his room and made his way to the kitchen where he probably originally intended to raid the fridge for juice boxes and Kraft Singles, but got diverted when he saw the microwave. It was then that he took something (to this day, my sister still does not know what) and put it in the microwave. He then somehow turned the microwave on and a couple of minutes later the smoke alarm was going off because the microwave and the cabinets above it set on fire.

"The Aftermath."

My sister and her husband woke up, saw the fire, and were able to put it out quickly before it caused too much damage. And of course they could only assume it was Mason, but they really couldn’t punish him because he didn’t know any better and instead, just kind of laughed it off. The thing they couldn’t figure out was how he did it. At the time, Mason wasn’t tall enough to even reach the microwave, let alone know how to use it. My guess is that he knew exactly how to use it and wanted to know what would happen if he stuck some of his homemade explosives in there. Luckily, he wasn’t old enough to know how to make those explosives particularly potent. Let’s just hope he still hasn’t figured it out, for our sake and mankind’s.

"There's an 85% chance that this will be the last thing you see before you die."

Mason At The Bank

Guess what? My sister gave me another Mason story that I thought was really funny. First off, she told me that when she is in the bathroom getting ready to go run errands or whatever, Mason knows that while she is in there, he can get away with doing anything for a couple of precious minutes. One morning while she was getting ready, he apparently snuck into the garage and found a cricket cage his dad had used on a recent fishing trap. Mason took the remaining live crickets and dumped them into a toy truck that he could close the back of trapping the crickets inside. He then took that truck and put it in the car. My sister then came out of the bathroom, loaded up the car with the kids and headed for the Brand Bank in Duluth, Georgia to finish getting a loan approved for their new house. When they got to the bank, her youngest kid, Emmitt (when I hear his name, it always makes me think of Doctor Emmitt Brown from the Back to the Future movies), wanted to bring the toy truck - the one with the crickets in it - into the bank with him. Not knowing about the crickets, she let him. Once inside, they headed up to the second floor where the loan officer’s office was located and waited in the lobby until he was available. Well, as soon as they sat down, Mason grabbed the toy truck, opened the back, and let loose the two dozen crickets he had earlier trapped in the truck. My sister didn’t know what he was doing until it was too late and just had to watch as the crickets scattered to all corners of the bank’s offices. Needless to say she fled the bank as soon as she was done dealing with her loan. We can only assume that Mason knew precisely what he was doing when he went into the garage that morning. And you can also assume that the employees of that bank still have no idea how so many crickets came to live on the second floor of their bank. That kid is crazy smart and I can’t wait to hear the stories from my sister as soon as he is old enough to attend school and old enough to terrorize his teachers.

"Mason stabbed Alexatgt as soon as I put him down."