Where Are They Now? Part 3

Basically, this will be a new post where I take a popular TV show that is no longer on the air and see how said show's cast is doing these days.  Enjoy:

The Cast of Full House

• Bob Saget (Danny Tanner) - First off, have you ever seen this guy perform stand-up comedy?  He might be the filthiest comic ever, and he somehow landed the role of straight-lace dad on a sitcom.  How?  As for what he's up to now?  Other than a cameo on Entourage and doing the voice-overs on How I Met Your Mother, he really hasn't done anything of note in the past 20 years.
• John Stamos (Uncle Jesse) - Come on, it's John Stamos, he's handsome, he can do whatever he wants (and that includes the ladies).
• Dave Coulier (Uncle Joey) - I can honestly say that outside of Bob Saget's Comedy Central Roast, I haven't seen Dave Coulier since Full House went off the air.  I guess he's still alive because his IMDB page says he's done a lot of stuff I've never heard of, most of which is voice work.
• Candace Cameron (D.J. Tanner) - A lot of TV movies, and that's about it.
• Jodie Sweetin (Stephanie Tanner) - After the show, she did very little acting for a decade and a half.  When she did go back to acting, she didn't do anything you or I have ever seen and it looks like it's going to stay that way.
• Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen (Michelle Tanner) - Getting filthy rich somehow.
• Andrea Barber (Kimmy Gibbler) - Absolutely nothing.  She apparently did a "short" with Dave Coulier a few years ago and is set to be in the Full House "Revival" this year.  Yup, Full House is coming back.

Where Are They Now? Part 2

Basically, this will be a new post where I take a popular TV show that is no longer on the air and see how said show's cast is doing these days.  Enjoy:

The Cast of The O.C.

• Ben McKenzie (Ryan Atwood) - Ben has probably done the best out of anyone else in this cast.  He did four years on some show called Southland that I never saw, but did see plenty of commercials for.  Now, he is playing Jim Gordon on the Batman origin TV show Gotham.
• Mischa Barton (Marissa Cooper) - Mischa pretty much dropped off the map after her character was killed on The O.C.  (oh yeah, spoiler alert).  However, she has nine movies set to come out in the next year, but it looks like a bunch of B-movie garbage.  For example, she's starring in something called Zombie Killers: Elephant's Graveyard with Billy Zane.  That should pretty much wrap up her career as of right now.
• Adam Brody (Seth Cohen) - Adam played my favorite character on the show (and yes, I actually did watch this thing for some reason), but sadly, he really hasn't done much since it went off the air.  I don't know why he hasn't gotten any bigger roles, he seems stuck playing bit parts right now on a lot of stuff I've never heard of.  Such a waste.
• Rachel Bilson (Summer Roberts) - After the show ended, she starred in a couple of crappy movies like Jumper.  More recently, she is in her fourth season of something called Hart of Dixie, so I assume she is doing just fine.
• Peter Gallagher (Sandy Cohen) - The patriarch of the Cohen family has been getting steady work ever since the show ended and is currently doing a show called Covert Affairs that my mom watches.  So, he has that going for him.
• Kelly Rowan (Kristen Cohen) - Sandy's wife and Seth's mom really hasn't done much until recently when she landed a role on another show I know my mom watches called Perception.  Coincidence?  Probably not.
• Melinda Clarke (Julie Cooper) - Marissa's mom has been busy since The O.C. left us, but she has done absolutely nothing I have, nor will ever see.  I consider that a good thing because I hated her character on the show and refuse to watch anything she is in now.

"I don't care what people thought, Rachel Bilson is way hotter than Mischa Barton and I salute her for that."

Truly Random Brainfart Thoughts - Part 24

Here comes the next edition of Truly Random Brainfart Thoughts (click here to see the others).  Basically,  these are a bunch of random thoughts that came to mind that I couldn't really expand on and thought I should just make them into list form for your enjoyment.  Here goes:

• Do you think dentists floss everyday like they tell us to do?
• Fun Fact - Krusty the Clown and Homer Simpson look so similar because the writers were originally going to have Homer play Krusty as a side job.
• Did you know that Sloan from Ferris Bueller's Day Off gets naked in Timecop?  You're welcome.
• I'm proud to say that I've never eaten a McRib.
• Doctor Who sounds more like a cool band name than the title character of a nerdy TV show.
• Why is it so satisfying to replace your windshield wipers?
• If Hitler had sported a handlebar mustache, would that mean it would be okay to sport a Hitler 'stache and not cool to wear a handlebar 'stache?
• Considering that no one speaks Latin anymore, is it strange that one day modern languages like English and French may no longer exist?
• Do you think Indians from Asia get confused when they hear that a baseball team in America is called the Cleveland Indians?
• In today's modern world, how quick do you think people would figure out the secret identities of comic book superheros?  I'm guessing an hour tops.

"Yup, you get to see her boobs in Timecop."

Where Are They Now?

Basically, this will be a new post where I take a popular TV show that is no longer on the air and see how said show's cast is doing these days.  Enjoy:

The Cast of Lost

• Matthew Fox (Jack) - You would have thought this guy would have done something else by now, but other than playing the villain in a non-Tyler Perry, Tyler Perry movie, I can't recall seeing him once since Lost ended.  Weird.
• Evangeline Lilly (Kate) - Of any of the former cast, I would say Evangeline is the only one with a promising career.  She's currently playing a kick-ass elf in the Hobbit franchise and she also snagged a part in the upcoming Ant-Man movie.
• Josh Holloway (Sawyer) - I liked this guy immediately on Lost and to honest, I'm somewhat shocked he hasn't gotten any work outside of a cameo in the 4th Mission: Impossible movie and a short lived CBS show.  And it doesn't get any better because he has nothing in the works.  Also, how did Channing Tatum beat Sawyer out for the role of Gambit in the next X-Men movie?  He is literally the perfect guy to play that part.
• Jorge Garcia (Hugo) - Judging by his IMDB page, Hugo is having the most successful post-Lost career of anyone in the cast.  Just click on his name, he is killing it.
• Terry O'Quinn (Locke) - Locke is having no problems finding work right now.  He's currently doing some show called Gang Related which is his second show since Lost ended.  But let's not forget that before Lost, he played Luke Wilson's boss in Old School.
• Naveen Andrews (Sayid) - A Middle Eastern guy playing Jafar on Once Upon in Wonderland, seems a little racist, but you do what you gotta do to make a paycheck.
• Daniel Dae Kim (Jin) - As soon as Lost was over, he immediately got a part on the Hawaii Five-O remake, so he's good to go for awhile.
• Yunjin Kim (Sun) - She's currently on some show called Mistresses with Alyssa Milano that I've never heard of.  Good for her.
• Emilie de Raven (Claire) - I'm a sucker for a chick with an accent, so I was glad to see that she is playing Belle (from Beauty and the Beast?) on Once Upon a Time, which is different from Once Upon a Time in Wonderland.  How?  No idea.
• Dominic Monaghan (Charlie) - Our favorite hobbit Merry is having no problems finding work, which includes hosting his own show, Wild Things with Dominic Monaghan.
• Harold Perrineau (Michael) - I was wrong when I said Hugo is having the most success after Lost left the air.  Walt's dad is killing it!  He's not in anything I've heard of, but he seems to be in everything.
• Micheal Emerson (Benjamin Linus) - Everyone's favorite villain is doing just fine with the show Person of Interest alongside Jesus.  Also, did you know he's married to hot redhead, Arlene, from True Blood?
• Henry Ian Cusick (Desmond) - I only included this guy because he was my favorite character on the show.  How's his career going?  Just fine even though I have never seen a single thing he has done.

You'll notice I left a couple of names off of the list like Boone, his sister Shannon, and Walt.  That's mostly because I found Shannon super annoying, Boone dies super early, and Walt kind of disappeared after the first season and wasn't seen again.

TV Ads

Last week, I wrote something along to lines of "Why does Coca-Cola bother advertising so much when they know we are already addicted to their product?" and that got me to thinking - does advertising really even work?  Seriously, when was the last time you bought a car because of an annoying local TV ad salesman boasted about his "low, low prices"?  Have you ever gone out and bought Coors Light because of their dumb ads where some dude retrieves beer out of an iceberg?  Or have you ever thought to yourself that you should buy a Hardee's/Carl's Jr. Mile High Bacon Cheeseburger because a hot chick in a stewardess outfit ate one in an ad?  I can honestly say no.

However, the fact that I remembered all of those examples is kind of the point of the company's ad.  But at no point has it ever swayed me to buy their products.  If I'm going to buy a car, I'm going to buy the one I like, not the one I see on TV the most, and the same goes for beer and junk food.  So, that brings up my question again - does advertising really work?  Once again, I'm going with no, but then again, these ads might not be trying to rope my demographic into buying their stuff.  I guess I will just have to wait a couple decades until those boner pill ads start making more sense.

"Horny?  Yes.  Hungry?  Not so much."

Truly Random Brainfart Thoughts - Part 23

Here comes the next edition of Truly Random Brainfart Thoughts (click here to see the others).  Basically,  these are a bunch of random thoughts that came to mind that I couldn't really expand on and thought I should just make them into list form for your enjoyment.  Here goes:

• In Lord of the Rings, why does it seem like there is a total of three chicks in all of Middle-Earth?
• I still don't understand how an eraser erases stuff without damaging the paper it is erasing said stuff off of.
• If you traveled a couple thousand years into the past and killed one random person, how many people you know today do you think will cease to exist when you came back?
• In the movie Time Bandits, John Cleese is the top-billed actor in the opening credits but is only in the movie for three and a half minutes.  I timed it.
• Why does Coca-Cola bother spending so much money on advertising when they know we are all already addicted to their product?
• Dear anyone on their phone while ordering food at a restaurant (for example, Chipotle), hang the fuck up, you are holding everybody up because you are an asshole and shouldn't be allowed to carry on your genes.
• No homo, but how has Chris Hemsworth (aka Thor) not won People's Sexiest Man of Year?
• If dogs evolved from wolves, then how in the hell did we end up with the chihuahua?
• I just found out that Taco Bell serves breakfast.  Please tell me no one actually eats that.
• Recently, I've found myself randomly watching the newest animated version of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and was shocked to find out that Jason Biggs (American Pie) and Sean Astin (Rudy/Samwise Gamgee) do the voices of Leonardo and Raphael.
• What made the people at Looney Tunes think that a Tasmanian Devil spins around like a tornado?

"Not only do they not spin around, but they are black not brown like in the cartoons.  Did the guy who came up with that character even look at picture of a Tasmanian Devil before he drew his?"

Truly Random Brainfart Thoughts - Part 22

Here comes the next edition of Truly Random Brainfart Thoughts (click here to see the others).  Basically,  these are a bunch of random thoughts that came to mind that I couldn't really expand on and thought I should just make them into list form for your enjoyment.  Here goes:

• Why does VH1 own the rights to Showgirls?  They do realize that no one has ever watched that movie for its plot, right?
• Zoe Saldana might be the biggest banking actress in Hollywood.  She currently is starring in three big franchises: Avatar, Star Trek, and Guardians of the Galaxy.
• Why in the hell does ESPN show so much Little League World Series coverage?  Does anyone actually watch it?
• I believe that Channing Tatum is the next Bruce Willis.
• Before certain shows, why does FX have a warning that the show might contain Nudity when none of their shows ever actually contains nudity?
• At what point does a struggling actress give up and go to porn?
• How has NASCAR driver Jimmie Johnson never been sponsored by Jimmy John's?
• The Worst Tasting Thing You Would Purposely Put in Your Mouth Award has to go to a bitten into Tylenol.
• Did you know we are only 4 years away from kids born in the year 2000 being able to vote and buy cigarettes and porn?
• The only James Bond actors I feel like could actually win in a fistfight are Sean Connery and Daniel Craig.  Sorry, Dalton, you mean seem tough, but you would go down.
• Do the marketing people at Cheez-It realize that their commercials portray the idea that they murder sentient cheese to make their product?

"That talking cheese will soon be murdered for your enjoyment."

Baby Names

With being a nerd becoming more and more acceptable, there are going to be consequences.  And those consequences are going to fall onto those nerds' children.  What do I mean?  Well, if you look at the Top 10 Most Popular Baby Names over the past couple of years, Edward and Jacob have been on that list.  In other words, women are naming their kids after 'popular' fictional characters from the Twilight series.  I also read somewhere that about 200 hundred kids were named Khaleesi after the hot chick from Game of Thrones.  Knowing this, I decided to take a few of the more popular shows and movies and list the names of the main characters that kids might have to suffer from in the near future.  However, I will not being listing villains' names, so there will be no Malfoy or Cersei (even though it would be pretty awesome to name your kid Voldemort).  After compiling this list, I did notice one thing and I will tell you what is was in a minute.  First, let's see what I got:

Hunger Games

• Girls - Katniss
• Boys - Peeta, Gale

Twilight

• Girls - Bella
• Boys - Edward, Jacob

Harry Potter

• Girls - Hermione (how many of you didn't know how to pronounce her name until the movies came out?  And even then, I still don't see it)
• Boys - Harry, Ron

Game of Thrones

• Girls - Sansa, Arya, Daenerys, Khaleesi
• Boys - Jon, Robb, Bran, Jaime (and even though he is the best character in the series, I doubt anyone will name their kid Tyrion)

Did you notice what I was talking about?  The girl's names are way more noticeable than the boy's names.  Other than Peeta, none of the boy's names would cause said boy to be picked on his whole life.  However, every single one of the girl's names would cause the other girls to talk behind her back.  Then again, they would probably do that anyways, am I right, fellas?  In any case, I really do feel sorry for the future generation when you will one day meet a kid named Kal-El, Michelangelo, or something else equally dumb because their nerd parents thought it would cute if they named their kid after a movie character that no one will remember by then.  Then again, Nicholas Cage already named his kid Kal-El, so that time might be coming sooner than you think.

"I heard her parents named her after some dumb chick who banged a vampire who sparkled.  Dork."

Truly Random Brainfart Thoughts - Part 21

Here comes the next edition of Truly Random Brainfart Thoughts (click here to see the others).  Basically,  these are a bunch of random thoughts that came to mind that I couldn't really expand on and thought I should just make them into list form for your enjoyment.  Here goes:

• Fun Fact - referring to The Netherlands as Holland is like referring to America as Texas.  Holland is actually just a province in The Netherlands.
• I'm proud to say that I have never taken a selfie.
• American Ninja Warrior would be enjoyable to watch if the contestants would stop referring to themselves as "ninjas" instead of what they really are, non-lethal white guys.
• Sticky Notes might be the most under-appreciated invention ever.
• I can't stand it when ESPN reports breaking news and covers that news as if it is the biggest thing ever when they have been telling us it was going to happen for the past week.
• Reason No. 144 That I Know I'm Getting Older - Back Hair.
• Am I the only one who gets super annoyed when they get caught at a red light for a single car that is turning right?
• How often do you find random cuts and bruises on your body that you have no idea where they came from?  This seems to be happening more and more often to me.
• Can Leonardo DiCaprio act or is he just the same character every time but sometimes with a different accent?
• How many votes do you think the leading vote getter for the WNBA All-Star Game got?  8?  9?
• I would love to see a former James Bond actor play a villain in a James Bond movie.  I'm looking at you, Dalton.
• Movies that are set in the past drive me crazy when all of their females are so perfectly groomed.  Perfect hair and perfect makeup did not exist when the ancient Greeks were roaming the Earth.
• How appropriate is it that wrestling's favorite wrestler (John Cena) always wears jean shorts?

"Hilarious."

Truly Random Brainfart Thoughts - Part 20

Here comes the next edition of Truly Random Brainfart Thoughts (click here to see the others).  Basically,  these are a bunch of random thoughts that came to mind that I couldn't really expand on and thought I should just make them into list form for your enjoyment.  Here goes:

• Why is the Stanley Cup played in June?  It's ice hockey, shouldn't it be played when it's cold outside?
• Did you know that there were two Sandlot sequels and that the 3rd one starred Luke Perry?
• It should be illegal to have a commercial that uses the words "vaginal" and "cream" back-to-back.
• If Batman and Superman live in the same universe, then why don't more Superman villains go to Gotham City, kick Batman's ass, and take over?
• I always found it funny that Kansas City, Missouri is bigger than Kansas City, Kansas.
• Did you know that the guy who played Jimmy Olsen on Smallville is not the same guy who played Iceman in the X-Men movies?  It turns out that those guys are twins, Aaron and Shawn Ashmore.
• Is there a com.com?  I assume so, and I also assume that it is a porn site.
• Do you think there is a single square inch on Earth that at one point hasn't been pooped or peed on?
• The movie Deliver Us From Evil advertises that it is so scary that it will disturb your sleep for weeks.  How is that a good thing and why would you want that?
• In the X-Men universe, if they know that mutants exist due to a genetic defect, then why aren't there more people who can fly or shoot laser beams out of their eyes?  You would think they could replicate that defect somehow.
• Is it weird that I find comic book and cartoon characters attractive?

"You're telling me you wouldn't hit that?  No?  Okay, never mind."

The Cast of Entourage

Ah yes, Hollywood is desperate for money so they are making a movie based on the TV show, Entourage, that will be coming out next year  We all remember this show, right?  It was the one about a hot young star named Vinny Chase and his 'entourage' of friends that was awesome for about three seasons and then got stupid.  Well, I still remember it but got to thinking (which is rare), for a show with some decent actors, what have their careers looked like since that show came on the air in 2004?  This is what I found:

• Adrian Grenier - Other than a small part in The Devil Wears Prada, Vinny Chase has not been in a movie that I've heard of.  Adrian is a good looking dude (no homo) so it's quite surprising he hasn't gone on to do anything else.  Are the Entourage royalties that good?
• Kevin Connolly - Better known as E, Kevin has done a whole lot of nothing you have heard of.  He was in the recently cancelled CBS show, Friends With Better Lives, and a couple of movies no one has ever seen.  I still remember seeing him in The Beverly Hillbillies movie that came out before Entourage, so he has that going for him.
• Kevin Dillon - The younger brother of Matt Dillon, Kevin has actually been in a couple of movies I have heard of, and one of which I've seen.  Those being Hotel For Dogs and Poseidon.  I will never be caught dead watching the first one and the second sucked donkey balls.
• Jerry Ferrara - Oddly enough, Turtle has gotten the most work of any of his cast mates since Entourage started.  He's been a lot of crap, but he has been in a lot of stuff you have at least heard of like Eagle Eye, Battleship, Think Like A Man, Think Like A Man Too, Last Vegas, and Lone Survivor.  Too bad he will always be known as Turtle no matter how many crappy movies he makes.
• Jeremy Piven - You would think Ari Gold would be able to do what ever he wanted after winning three Emmys and a Golden Globe for his character on the show, but oddly enough he really hasn't.  He was in that terrible Smokin' Aces movie and had a small part in the underrated RocknRolla, other than that, he hasn't done anything of note in the past decade which is really sad, because I love Jeremy Piven (no homo).
• Rex Lee - LLOYD!!!! is actually the only person on this list who got a regular part on a TV show that lasted more than a few episodes.  He played the guidance counselor on Suburgatory.  It lasted for three seasons and started out kind of funny, but by the last season, it was really bad, but at least Rex got some work, right?
• Emmanuelle Chriqui - The only thing that the incredibly beautiful Sloan has been in that I have seen since she first appeared on Entourage was that piece of shit Adam Sandler movie, Don't Mess With The Zohan.  According to her IMDB page, she has done a lot since the show, but absolutely nothing that you or I have ever seen.  How is this possible?  She's so hot.  Look at her down there, how is that woman not in more stuff?  I am truly baffled.

So, what did we learn today?  After a successful TV show ends, the stars of that show either A) don't work on anything you will see again (unless they are Jennifer Aniston), or B) apparently live off some fat royalty checks.  Will the new Entourage movie make up for the last few awful seasons of the show?  I'm going with no.  Will I see it before it premieres on HBO?  Same answer.

"Seriously, look at her, how has she not gotten more work?"

Truly Random Brainfart Thoughts - Part 19

Here comes the next edition of Truly Random Brainfart Thoughts (click here to see the others).  Basically,  these are a bunch of random thoughts that came to mind that I couldn't really expand on and thought I should just make them into list form for your enjoyment.  Here goes:

• How did the Fast & Furious crew go from thieves and street racers in the 1st movie to stopping international terrorists and experts in hand-to-hand combat in the 6th movie?
• I'm suddenly mad at myself for never having made a mixed CD (or tape if I was old enough) called "Sam's Jams".
• Why do men's pants' sizes go by 2 inch increments?  Because I find it very annoying that 34's are too tight and 36's are too loose on me and 35's don't exist unless you have them tailored and I'm too impatient for that nonsense.
• The guy in front of me at a gas station the other day bought 2 cases of Bud Light, a carton of Marlboro Lights, and $100 in scratch-off tickets.  Welcome to South Carolina.
• Why do people enjoy taking baths?  All you are doing is sitting around in your own filth.
• I have never fired a gun, is that weird or normal?
• It's good to see that Andrew Dice Clay is getting work even if it is doing the voice of a hamster on a phone commercial.
• Has anyone ever eaten at Hooter's for the food?
• What exactly was so cold about the Cold War?  Is it because Russia is considered so cold?  If so, did Russia call it the Warm War?
• Where do bugs go when it rains?
• Reason No. 32 I Know I'm Getting Old - It took me 20 seconds the other day to remember how old I was.

"That's my little brother.  It's even warm when it snows.  Welcome to South Carolina."

Truly Random Brainfart Thoughts - Part 18

Here comes the next edition of Truly Random Brainfart Thoughts (click here to see the others).  Basically,  these are a bunch of random thoughts that came to mind that I couldn't really expand on and thought I should just make them into list form for your enjoyment.  Here goes:

• How exactly did Martha and Johnathan Kent explain where they suddenly got a new kid from?  It's a small town, people would have known if they were adopting well before it happened.
• Is it possible to be good at Family Feud?
• Did you now that Ryan Gosling and Macaulay Culkin are the same age?  Yup, they are both 34.
• What did I sign up for that makes someone keep sending me Russian Bride spam emails?
• Remember this the next time you are buying spaghetti sauce - it's Rag-ewww and Pre-Gooooo!
• The Kentucky Derby has way too much TV coverage for an event that only lasts a couple of minutes.
• What do you call people who can use the Force but don't become a Jedi?  I really want to know but don't want to look it up.
• It would suck to be a painting in the Harry Potter universe unless that painting was of an orgy.
• It angers me that I find Mark Wahlberg entertaining.  It angers me even more that I find Two and a Half Men funny.
• It's kind of weird that I can no longer drive to a Blockbuster and rent a movie or more importantly, a video game.
• I dare you to watch the movie Frozen and not get that "Let It Go" song stuck in your head for three days.  I double dare you.
• 1)  Magic Johnson announced he had HIV in 1991.  Is there a cure for HIV that no one has bothered to tell me about?  2)  Has Magic had sex since 1991 knowing he has HIV?
• Below is a picture of Patrick Stewart from the 80's.  He hasn't aged a day!  Is he a Highlander?

"I swear I wrote this before Stephen Colbert pointed this out on his show a couple of weeks ago."

Truly Random Brainfart Thoughts - Part 17

Here comes the next edition of Truly Random Brainfart Thoughts (click here to see the others).  Basically,  these are a bunch of random thoughts that came to mind that I couldn't really expand on and thought I should just make them into list form for your enjoyment.  Here goes:

• Why do action movies never seem to get nominated for Best Picture?  There are some really good action movies out there.
• I can't believe the WNBA still exists.
• Why is my dog so scared of the vacuum cleaner?
• If a TV show is described as "Surprisingly Entertaining", is that a compliment or an insult?  I really don't know.
• I've always found it really funny how close "Santa" and "Satan" are spelled.
• It drives me crazy when I saw people call King Joffrey's death a "shocker" on Game of Thrones when the book the current season is based on came out 14 years ago.  Spoiler, there will be more "shocking" deaths before the season is over.  You know how I know?  I read a book.
• As cool as having a flying car would be, a world where they exist would be terrifying when one could crash into your home at any time.
• Do you think if someone finishes their round of Jeopardy! with negative money they have to pay the show that money?
• I loath pollen.
• I'm still confused about what the people who made the Super Mario Bros. movie were doing?  Did they even play the game before making the movie?  Hell, Mario and Luigi weren't even brothers in the movie even though it's right there in the title.
• With as much money as SHIELD throws around, you would think that they would be able to recreate the Super Soldier Serum again.
• I saw Godzilla yesterday and I liked it, but I couldn't get over how unattractive Elizabeth Olsen is.  Just look at that picture below, yuck.  And yes, she is related to the Olsen twins, she is their younger sister.

"I give her a 6, but that's being really really generous."

Truly Random Brainfart Thoughts - Part 16

Here comes the next edition of Truly Random Brainfart Thoughts (click here to see the others).  Basically,  these are a bunch of random thoughts that came to mind that I couldn't really expand on and thought I should just make them into list form for your enjoyment.  Here goes:

• Besides the millions of dollars, being a baseball player must be depressing considering failing 2/3rds of the time while batting is considered really really good.
• If I unfriended every Facebook friend who posted nothing but news stories and pictures of their kids, I would have zero Facebook friends.
• With America getting fatter every year, when are they finally going to redo shirt sizes and make an XL the new Medium?
• I would watch every single shot of The Masters, so why in the hell do they seem to have so little coverage of that tournament?  It never comes on TV before 3pm, why not earlier?!?
• Daylight Savings seems to benefit so few people and pisses off a much larger portion of the population who have to change all of their clocks twice a year.  So, why do we still have it?  I honestly don't know what its purpose is anymore.
• I never have and never will trust the weatherman.  Did you know that if you predicted that it would be sunny everyday, you would be more correct percent-wise than the "professionals"?
• Why is fighting in hockey or purposely beaning a guy in baseball not considered assault?  I can't wait for the first lawsuit resulting from someone suing another player because he got tackled in football.
• Would crime go away if the penalty for every crime was death?
• How is it that I have 500+ TV channels and I still can't seem to find anything worth watching?
• I just don't get the show Workholics, I think the actors are funny but that show is really dumb.
• I will never be able to look at the NASA logo the same way again after realizing how much the shooting star circling the logo looks like a sperm.

"And now you won't see it the same either, MWHAHAHAHA!!!"

Today's Celebrity Birthdays - March 24th

I decided to start up a new post where I list the "celebrities" that were born on this day and then either praise them or mock them.  It will be fun, so let's do this:

• Peyton Manning (38) - Peyton turns 38 today and he just had the best statistical season a QB has ever had.  I say statistical, because it would have been the best season ever if he didn't get killed in the Super Bowl.  Good thing he has a comedy career to fall back on.  His stint as host of SNL was priceless.
• Jim Parsons (41) - Yeah, Sheldon is in his 40's.  The guy doesn't look a day over 30.
• Alyson Hannigan (40) - Another 40 year old?!?  What is going on?  I feel like American Pie only came out a few years ago and Alyson is still that nerdy band geek.  Then again, maybe I'm just thinking of that American Pie sequel that sucked.
• Jessica Chastain (37) - Definitely a RHILF.  The "RF" stands for redhead, you can figure out the rest.  Jessica will be starring in Christopher Nolan's Interstellar this summer and I can't wait to see what Nolan has in store this time.
• Tommy Hilfiger (63) - You know, that guy who makes clothes that nobody wears.
• Kelly Lebrock (54) - The star of Weird Science is in her mid 50's and based on that picture below, mother nature has not been kind to her.
• Louie Anderson (61) - Remember this guy?  Me neither.  But I do remember his nasally voice though and it still haunts my dreams.
• Lara Flynn Boyle (44) - The only reason I included her is because she played a decent bad guy in the second Men in Black movie.  Other than that, I can't name another thing she has ever been in.
• Mark "The Undertaker" Calaway (52) - Ah yes, The Undertaker, one of the few wrestlers that I could name off of the top of my head.  What I find amazing is that he is still alive considering all of those steroids you know he took.
• Harry Houdini (140) - I am amazed that he has his own IMDB page, then again IMDB might be the greatest website ever and they know what the hell they are doing.

"Yikes."

Truly Random Brainfart Thoughts - Part 14

Here comes the next edition of Truly Random Brainfart Thoughts (click here to see the others).  Basically,  these are a bunch of random thoughts that came to mind that I couldn't really expand on and thought I should just make them into list form for your enjoyment.  Here goes:

• I wonder how old the oldest living 300-pound person currently is.  60?  50?  35?
• In G.I. Joe, why did the good guy, Snake Eyes, wear black and his nemesis, the bad guy, wear white?  Shouldn't it be the other way around?
• If Bigfoot doesn't exist and everyone knows this, then how are there multiple TV shows about finding one?
• I really tried to like IFC's mini-series, The Spoils of Babylon, but it was just dumb.
• Batman owns a customized car, motorcycle, boat, and airplane which would cost a fortune (and be easily traceable), so how has no one in the Gotham Police Department figured out that only a couple of people could afford those things?  Hence, Batman is billionaire Bruce Wayne.
• I find it amusing that we still use most of the same names for constellations that were thought up thousands of years ago.
• Why do Transformers speak English when talking to each other?  Don't they have their own language?
• Do you think that Brits whom have been knighted hate Sir Mix-a-Lot?
• Why does the 6 o'clock local news show a traffic report?  Everyone who is watching it is already home from work.
• Is it just me or does watching women's tennis really turn you on?  All the moaning, grunting, and hot blond Russians is pretty damn sexy.
• What goes through a whale's mind as it is swimming through miles and miles of an ocean that all looks exactly the same forever?
• If they were to drug test at the X Games, would they have to cancel the event due to the lack of clean athletes?
• Dear Cameron Diaz, just hang it up already.

"Seriously, Cameron, you are one plastic surgery away from looking like a scary cat woman."

Truly Random Brainfart Thoughts - Part 13

Here comes the next edition of Truly Random Brainfart Thoughts (click here to see the others).  Basically,  these are a bunch of random thoughts that came to mind that I couldn't really expand on and thought I should just make them into list form for your enjoyment.  Here goes:

• Did you know that Back to the Future 2 and 3 were released only a couple of months apart?
• Terror Poops are real.  I recently found out that my dog had a cancerous tumor in her jaw (it was removed and she is okay now) and it scared my so bad that I took the largest poop in recent memory shortly after hearing the news.
• Did we ever find out why The Jetsons had to live in cities above the clouds?  Was it pollution?  Nuclear war?  What?
• Hot water freezes faster than cold water.  Look it up.
• Despite being smart enough to be on Jeopardy!, contestants who hunt for a Double Jeopardy! and then fail to use them to their advantage are dumb.
• The "Award for Gayest Name to Say with a Lisp" goes to Bruce.
• Did Brendan Fraser retire?  The last time I remember seeing him was a super fast cameo in the first G.I. Joe movie.
• Where is Old Zealand?
• Why are the words "Analyst" and "Analysis" pronounced so differently despite being so similar?
• Did you know that Stan Lee is 91 years old?
• Does Subway realize that it is the Winter Olympics that is upcoming?  Because they keep showing Summer Olympic athletes in their commercials.
• Is it just me or is plucking out a super-long nose hair really satisfying?
• I wish life had a "10-Second Back" button like my cable remote.
• If Super Mario was an Italian plumber, then why did he never ever use a wrench or plunger as a weapon in any of his games?

"Have you ever noticed that on the original Mario Brothers cover that Mario is falling into a lava pit and about to die?"

Truly Random Brainfart Thoughts - Part 12

Here comes the next edition of Truly Random Brainfart Thoughts (click here to see the others).  Basically,  these are a bunch of random thoughts that came to mind that I couldn't really expand on and thought I should just make them into list form for your enjoyment.  Here goes:

• I can't wait to see a 70 year old guy that thought when he was young it would be a good idea to cover his entire body in tattoos.
• Do you know what was the first full-length movie Tim Burton directed?  That would be Pee-Wee's Big Adventure.  I still watch that every time it comes on.
• With the lack of lakes in LA, why didn't the Lakers change their name when they moved from Minnesota?  This still makes no sense to me.
• Are Michael Bolton and Michael Bay the same person?  They kind of look alike, they both have the same first name and the same first letter of their last names, plus I doubt anyone has ever seen them in the same room before.  Prove me wrong.
• Jacqueline Kennedy........meh.
• I wish I could send a camera back in time so that we could see what historical figures actually looked like.  Was Cleopatra as sexy as history tells us?  Was Napoleon really a dwarf?  Did Jesus really look like he does in paintings or did he look like a guy from the middle east, you know, like where he was from?
• If the same character read the same book in both The Neverending Story 1 and 2, then how is it possible that the two movies weren't exactly the same?
• Is it legal to own a human skeleton?
• If any of the Hall of Fame voters don't vote for Greg Maddux this year then they should no longer be allowed to vote.  He is easily the greatest pitcher of his generation and if he doesn't get 100% of the votes, then the guys who didn't vote for him obviously don't know what they are doing and should never be allowed to vote again.
• I really want to know what went through the first caveman's head who looked up at the sky and wondered what the sun was.
• Did you know that the movie Willow was directed by Ron Howard?  And did you know that the heads on the two-headed dragon were modeled after Ron's brother, Clint?

"See.  Perfect match."

Truly Random Brainfart Thoughts - Part 11

Here comes the next edition of Truly Random Brainfart Thoughts (click here to see the others).  Basically,  these are a bunch of random thoughts that came to mind that I couldn't really expand on and thought I should just make them into list form for your enjoyment.  Here goes:

• Who in the hell is Pitbull and why in the hell does he have so many endorsements?
• I have a crush on the Amazon Kindle Fire commercial redhead, Amy.  She's smoking hot.
• How exactly do my shirts and pants always turn inside out while in the dryer?
• Are iPhones allowed into college graduations?  If so, that would make that long-ass ceremony way more bearable.
• I feel like I have seen Beau Bridges in a dozen different TV shows this past year.  I've seen him White Collar, Franklin & Bash, The Millers, The Goodwin Games, and Masters of Sex.  All in the last year, he's got to be the hardest working actor in Hollywood right now.  (P.S. Watch Masters of Sex, it's awesome and full of boobs.)
• I can't get the word "Gullyhole" out of head.  Thanks a lot, Family Guy.
• Did you know that we are two years away from when Back to the Future 2 was set?  Where in the hell are our hoverboards?
• I just saw that during a recent election that a guy from the Webster (NC) City Council received zero votes.  He didn't even vote for himself?!?
• How did 7'0, 500 pound Andre the Giant ever lose when he wrestled?
• Did you know that the Taliban have elections?  For an organization that really hates America, that's a very American thing to do.
• Family Guy killed off Brian.  What?  Why?
• I just found out that Tom Hardy might be playing John Conner and Emilia Clarke might be Sarah Conner in The Terminator reboot.  I only mention this so that I can show a picture of Emilia's fine self.

"So fine."