Movie Trailer Review - Kingsman

This is not a review of the trailer, but a review of this movie based entirely on this movie's trailer.  I have a special talent of being able to figure out whether a movie will be any good based just on the trailer and I'm finally putting that talent to good use.  Screw you, it's a real talent.

Kingsman: The Secret Service

Everything about this trailer screams "Cliche!", but at the same time, it looks entertaining.  I don't know why, but I actually want to see this thing.  Maybe not in the theater, but I'll seek it out when it comes on HBO instead of waiting until it eventually plays on TNT.

As for the trailer, you have a no-name actor recruited to be a spy (?) by Colin Firth.  Lots of crazy training appears to take place, cool gadgets are introduced, and we meet the villain played by Samuel L. Jackson who talks with a lisp.....and it is awesome.  Do I really need to say anything else?  Not really, because like I said, I would actually go see this thing and I still might go while it is still in the theater.

Estimated Opening Weekend Box Office Gross - $35 million

What Kind of Fart This Movie Will Resemble:

The Command Fart - This fart differs from the Anticipated Fart in that it can be held for long periods of time waiting for the right moment. Unlike the Anticipated Fart, it is intended to be noticed. Harold Tabor recently held a Command Fart for the whole period in history class and let it go right at the end when the teacher asked if there were any questions.

Random Movie Trivia - Silence of the Lambs

Here is the next edition in our weekly Random Movie Trivia post.  Enjoy:

The Silence of the Lambs

• Jodie Foster claims that during the first meeting between Lecter and Starling, Anthony Hopkins's mocking of her southern accent was improvised on the spot. Foster's horrified reaction was genuine; she felt personally attacked. She later thanked Hopkins for generating such an honest reaction.
• In preparation for his role, Anthony Hopkins studied files of serial killers. Also, he visited prisons and studied convicted murderers and was present during some court hearings concerning serial killings.
• One of the inspirations that Anthony Hopkins borrowed from for his interpretation of Hannibal Lecter was a friend of his in London who never blinked which unnerved anyone around him.
• At 24 minutes and 52 seconds, Anthony Hopkins's performance in this movie is the second shortest to ever win an Academy Award for Best Actor in a Leading Role, with David Niven in Separate Tables (1958) beating him by one minute.
• Nicole Kidman and Halle Berry auditioned for the role of Clarice, and Andie MacDowell was also considered. Meg Ryan, Michelle Pfeiffer, and Melanie Griffith turned the role down because of the disturbing subject matter.
• Buffalo Bill is the combination of three real-life serial killers: Ed Gein, who skinned his victims, Ted Bundy, who used the cast on his hand as bait to convince women to get into his van, and Gary Heidnick, who kept women he kidnapped in a pit in his basement.
• After Jodie Foster first read the Thomas Harris novel, she tried to buy the rights herself, only to find Gene Hackman had beaten her to it.
• As of 2014, the only horror film to win an Oscar for Best Picture. Only two others have been nominated: The Exorcist and Jaws.
• When Jonathan Demme filmed the scene where Lecter and Starling first meet, Anthony Hopkins said he should look directly at the camera as it panned into his line of sight. He felt Lecter should be portrayed as "knowing everything."
• John Hurt, Christopher Lloyd, Dustin Hoffman, Patrick Stewart, Louis Gossett Jr., Robert Duvall, Jack Nicholson, and Robert De Niro were all considered for the role of Dr. Hannibal Lecter. Jeremy Irons and Sean Connery turned down the role.
• The pattern on the moth's back in the movie posters is not the natural pattern of the Death's-Head Hawk Moth. It is, in fact, Salvador Dalí's "In Voluptas Mors", a picture of seven naked women made to look like a human skull.

"Yup, that is actually seven naked ladies shaped like a skull."

Movie Trailer Review - Jupiter Ascending

This is not a review of the trailer, but a review of this movie based entirely on this movie's trailer.  I have a special talent of being able to figure out whether a movie will be any good based just on the trailer and I'm finally putting that talent to good use.  Screw you, it's a real talent.

Jupiter Ascending

For the guys (well, one guy and one gal who used to be a guy, it's confusing, look it up) who brought you The Matrix Trilogy and Speed Racer, we have Jupiter Ascending.  In other words, these directors have made two movies since The Matrix and only one of them was semi-decent (that being Cloud Atlas), so the chances of this succeeding are slim.  What is about?  Something about Earth actually being populated by another planet and the rulers of that planet now deciding our fate through treachery.  I think.

As for the trailer.  This is the only one I could find that made the movie look halfway worth seeing.  It has a good cast, Mila Kunis, Channing Tatum, that guy who played Stephen Hawking, and Sean Bean (how will his character die this time?).  But it also looks really, well, I don't know what it looks like.  I guess my biggest problem with it is that Mila Kunis is a janitor.  In what world, would a hottie like that be a janitor?  None.  Plus it doesn't help that this thing was pushed back from this past summer to February.  Nothing good ever comes out in February.  Ever.  So, should you go see it?  Probably not unless one of your dumb friends saw it and said it was good.  Then again, he is is your dumb friend for a reason and his opinion is sketchy at best.

(P.S.  At its opening, people walked out halfway through because they said it was confusing and stupid.  If your dumb friend still suggests you go see this, get new friends.)

Estimated Opening Weekend Box Office Gross - $30 million

What Kind of Fart This Movie Will Resemble:

The G and L Fart - This is one of the most ordinary and pedestrian of farts, known to everyone. Certainly it is the least gross. If you have not already guessed, G and L stands for Gambled and Lost. One of the most embarrassing of all farts, even when you are alone.

Who Is This? Part 37

First person that comes to mind, who is it?  No, it's not your dad.  What's wrong with you?  Okay, I'll give you a hint - he was on a TV show.  Yup, that was my greatest hint ever.  Oh wait, just the opposite.  In that case, here is a better hint - he was on a TV show where he played a crime-fighters sidekick, both of whom were winged-animal themed.  Yup, that's Burt Ward, or Robin from the original Batman TV show.  Kind of let himself go, didn't he?  Look how skinny he used to be.  What happened?

What is he up to now?  If I had to guess, living off of autograph signings at comic book conventions.

Random Movie Trivia - The Dark Knight Part 2

Here is the next edition in our weekly Random Movie Trivia post.  Enjoy:

The Dark Knight Part 2

• Christian Bale admitted he did not pack on as much muscle weight for this film as he did for Batman Begins, in part due to keeping with the new Bat-suit design, which is leaner and more flexible.
• The only Batman movie where Batman does not use a batarang and first Batman film with no live-action or CGI bats.
• Bruce Wayne's penthouse was actually shot on the ground floor of an office building in downtown Chicago. During the daytime the same exact space was re-dressed and used for Harvey Dent's press conference scenes.
• The comic book film with the most Academy Award nominations (8).
• Matt Damon was offered the part of Harvey Dent, but had to turn it down because of a schedule conflict with Invictus, another Warner Bros. film. Ryan Phillippe, Hugh Jackman, Mark Ruffalo, Liev Schreiber, and Josh Lucas were also considered for the part of Harvey Dent.
• While filming both the bank and police department scenes at the post office, an unrelated fire broke out in a top floor mechanical room and many onlookers believed that the smoke and fire was related to the filming.
• Sam Rockwell, Hugo Weaving, and Heath Ledger were the finalists for the role of joker, Ledger got the part.
• Christian Bale stated in an interview that during the interrogation scene, Heath Ledger wanted him to beat him as hard as he could to get the real feeling of what was required from the scene.
• During the hospital blow up scene Heath Ledger had to improvise after there was an unexpected delay in the explosion, there was only one chance to film the shot which was saved through Ledgers' quick thinking.
• When Harvey holds the Joker at gunpoint in the hospital scene, you can see that the Joker is actually holding the revolver's hammer with his finger, thus preventing the shot in case Harvey's coin lands on "bad" side.

Top/Bottom 5 - Matthew McConaughey

Here is where I pick a random actor or actress's Top 5 and Bottom 5 Movie Roles (I assume the post title gave that away).  This won't necessarily be the chosen actor or actress's best roles, but a combination of their best and my favorite.  In other words, if there is a tie, I'll go with my favorite.  Also, I won't actually be ranking them, they will be in a random order.  Lastly, this isn't these actor's or actress's best movies, but their best characters.  Let's get started:

Matthew McConaughey

Top 5

Wooderson, Dazed and Confused - I don't care that Matt (we're cool like that) has gone on to win an Oscar, this is and always will be his best movie character.  Alright, alright, alright?
Jack Brigance, A Time to Kill - I think I liked this role so much because of his previous role.  He was actually convincing as a lawyer, which is tough to do when all anyone knew him for was Wooderson at that point in his career.
Rick Peck, Tropic Thunder - Owen Wilson was supposed to play this part but dropped out and Ben Stiller somehow convinced Matt to do it.  And you know what?  He nailed it.
Mark Hanna, The Wolf of Wall Street - A very small part, but he easily overshadowed Leo when on the screen and that says something.
Denton Van Zan, Reign of Fire - Everything about this movie was crap even if it did star Christian Bale, but Matt's role was great.  A crazy person who hunts dragons in a tank while wielding a giant ax.  Awesome in my book.

Bottom 5

Palmer Joss, Contact - If I ever wrote a book, my main character would be named Palmer, which pisses me off now that I know a character named Palmer was in this long, boring piece of garbage.
Steve Edison, The Wedding Planner - Anything Jennifer Lopez is in automatically makes the Bottom 5.  Every.  Single.  Time.
Steven Bedalia, Tiptoes - Have you every heard of this movie?  Look it up.  It's about a family of little people and Matt plays the only person in the family who is not little.  It's fucking crazy terrible.  Gary Oldman, a non-little person, plays a little person.  What?!?
Dirk Pitt, Sahara - I'm going to admit to having read every Dirk Pitt novel and Matt couldn't be any further from that character.  Whoever cast this movie had obviously never picked up any of the books.
Conner Mead, Ghosts of Girlfriends Past - There were plenty of crappy rom-coms I could have picked here, but I picked this one because the name Conner Mead sounds so stupid.

Who Is This? Part 36

Super easy one.  Oh wait, just the opposite.  Super hard one (hehe).  I'll give you a hint to help you out.  He is actually from Africa and only acted in one movie in his career.  Got it?  Of course not, you're an idiot.  How about this hint?  The one movie he acted in, he wore an alien costume.  Yup, that's Bolaji Badejo, or the guy who played the original alien in Alien.  He was cast because he is really tall and really skinny, as you can see below.

So, what is up to know?  Fuck if I know.  Oh wait, he passed away in 1992.

NOKW - TMNT 2

Here comes the next chapter in our "I'm Okay With, I'm Not Okay With" series where I point out things in a movie I can tolerate and then one thing I just couldn't (if you want, click here for all of the past posts):

Movie:  Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2

Basic Plot:  The sequel to everyone's favorite martial art using teenage amphibians.  This time they fight the Shredder and his evil clan again, along with two other mutants.

I'm Okay With:  The fact that this is a movie about giant turtles who can kick all sorts of ass while going through puberty, so we are just going to skip this part and jump into the next bit of this post.

I'm Not Okay With:  The fact that when a fight between four giant turtles and two other mutants break out in the middle of a Vanilla Ice concert, no one freaks out and runs for the exits.  Seriously, if you saw a bunch of giant monsters crash into the building you just happen to be in, I'm fairly certain your first instinct would be "Run!".  They may have been high and/or drunk which inhibits people's decision-making abilities, but that doesn't mean you stick around when monsters are a few feet away attempting to kill each other.  And to top it off, Vanilla Ice not only didn't run, he started the concert back up so the turtles and other monsters could fight to a beat.  I am not okay with that.

"The fact that I still don't know what the one in the middle is supposed to be.  A dog?  Werewolf?  What?"

Random Movie Trivia - The Dark Knight Part 1

Here is the next edition in our weekly Random Movie Trivia post.  Enjoy:

The Dark Knight Part 1

• Takes place roughly nine months after Batman Begins ended.
• In preparation for his role as The Joker, Heath Ledger hid away in a motel room for about six weeks. During this extended stay of seclusion, Ledger delved deep into the psychology of the character. He devoted himself to developing The Joker's every tic, namely the voice and that sadistic-sounding laugh (for the voice, Ledger's goal was to create a tone that didn't echo the work Jack Nicholson did in his 1989 performance as the Joker). Ledger's interpretation of The Joker's appearance was primarily based on the chaotic, disheveled look of punk rocker Sid Vicious combined with the psychotic mannerisms of Malcolm McDowell's character, Alex De Large, from A Clockwork Orange.
• During the scene where the Joker crashes Bruce Wayne's party for Harvey, when he first appears in the elevator Alfred was meant to have some lines, however this was the first time Michael Caine had seen Heath Ledger with the Joker make up on, you can even see the shocked expression on his face as the Joker walks past him.
• In the early minutes of each film in the trilogy the main villain (Ra's Al Guhl, Joker, Bane) disguises himself as one of his own henchmen and there is a conversation about said villain in each scene.
• The first comic book movie to ever win an Oscar for achievement in acting (Heath Ledger).
• While the movie was filming a chase scene on Lake Street, the Chicago Police Department received several calls from concerned citizens stating that the police were involved in a vehicle pursuit with a dark vehicle of unknown make or model.
• Made more money than Batman Begins's entire domestic run in only 6 days of release.
• Whilst filming in Chicago, Wanted was the neighboring production, and Morgan Freeman worked concurrently on both films.
• Paul Bettany, Lachy Hulme, Adrien Brody, Steve Carell, and Robin Williams all publicly expressed interest in playing the Joker, little knowing that Christopher Nolan always had Heath Ledger in mind.
• The first Batman movie that does not feature Bruce Wayne's mansion, although it is mentioned.
• Even though Christopher Nolan offered her the part, Katie Holmes decided not to reprise her role as Rachel Dawes. Instead, she opted to co-star with Diane Keaton andQueen Latifah in Mad Money (2008) that same year. Sarah Michelle Gellar, Isla Fisher, Emily Blunt, and Rachel McAdams were all considered for the role before Maggie Gyllenhaal stepped in.

Great Directors, Weird Movies

Here is a fun list of movies directed by famous directors that make no sense based on the rest of their work.  Trust me, it will be fun:

Francis Ford Coppola

Known For:  The Godfather movies, Apocalypse Now

Weird Movie:  Jack

-Nick Cage's uncle has made some of the greatest movies ever.  But he also made Jack, that movie where Robin Williams ages four times faster than a normal person.  It wasn't good and might have the most depressing ending when you think about it.  Robin is still friends with his childhood buddies, but he is definitely going to die before they even graduate college.  Sad, isn't it?

David Fincher

Known For:  Fight Club, Se7en, The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo

Weird Movie:  The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

-David has made some really solid movies, but Benjamin Button is such a weird movie compared to his other work.  I'm going to admit I've never seen it, but it looked nothing like Fight Club other than starring Brad Pitt.

Sam Raimi

Known For:  Spider-Man movies, Evil Dead, Army of Darkness

Weird Movie:  For the Love of the Game

-This guy started out doing purposely bad horror movies, but everyone loved them.  Later, he made the Tobey Maguire Spider-Man movies.  But in between, he made a romantic baseball movie starring Kevin Costner.  Now, I will admit that I really like For the Love of the Game, but it is the complete opposite of what this guy is known for.

Peter Jackson

Known For:  The Lord of the Rings Trilogy, The Hobbit movies

Weird Movie:  The Lovely Bones

-Have you ever seen The Lovely Bones?  I haven't, but I do know there are exactly zero hobbits, wizards, elves, dwarfs, or orcs.  None.  Sure, maybe Jackson was trying to branch out, but it is still a really random movie for him to direct.

Tim Burton

Known For:  Beetlejuice, Edward Scissorhands, Batman, Anything Johnny Depp has been in recently

Weird Movie:  Pee Wee's Big Adventure

-Seriously, go watch Pee Wee's Big Adventure again and you will totally notice the little things that seem to be Tim Burton's trademarks.  This isn't so much a weird movie on Burton's resume as it is shocking when you realize he made it.

Top/Bottom 5 Movie Roles - Al Pacino

Here is where I pick a random actor or actress's Top 5 and Bottom 5 Movie Roles (I assume the post title gave that away).  This won't necessarily be the chosen actor or actress's best roles, but a combination of their best and my favorite.  In other words, if there is a tie, I'll go with my favorite.  Also, I won't actually be ranking them, they will be in a random order.  Lastly, this isn't these actor's or actress's best movies, but their best characters.  Let's get started:

Al Pacino

Top 5

Michael Corleone, The Godfather 1 and 2 - This is a list of the best Al Pacino characters, of course Michael Corleone is on it.
Tony Montana, Scarface - This movie is right up there with Dazed and Confused for best movie drinking games.  Every time he says "Fuck" or does cocaine, you drink.  Usually, you don't make it past the first hour before passing out.
Lt. Vincent Hanna, Heat - Great movie, great role.  Although, I honestly don't know if I've ever watched this movie from beginning to end, I still love it.
Tony D'Amato, Any Given Sunday - I still think this is an underrated movie and Pacino nailed his part.  Just watch the locker room speech before the big game and tell me you aren't pumped enough to kick someone's ass in any sport.  I dare you.
Big Boy Caprice, Dick Tracy - I included this role because unless you knew it was Al under all that makeup, you never would have guessed it was him.  On top of the fact that he was really good in this role.

Bottom 5

John Milton, The Devil's Advocate - Everything about this movie was dumb....except getting to see Charlize Theron naked.  That was pretty awesome.
Starkman, Gigli - This is considered one of the worst movies ever made (I blame Jennifer Lopez, but I blame her for a lot of things wrong with this world), so just by association, Pacino's role sucked too.
Jack Graham, 88 Minutes - Watch this movie and then tell me what it was about.  I dare you, because it's impossible
Himself, Jack and Jill - Never saw it, never will, but even if this was Pacino's best acting job ever, it would still end up on the wrong end of this list.
Michael Corleone, The Godfather 3 - Can we all pretend this movie never happened?

Who Is This? Part 34

Alright, whadda ya got?  I'll make it easy on ya and give you an awesome hint.  The only movie he has been in that you know of, he played baseball.  Great hint, right?  You disagree?  Well, screw you, I thought it was great, but I'll give you another one just to make you feel better.  In that movie I mentioned, he played baseball and then was caught in the parking lot by Ben Affleck and his friends and got paddled.  Yup, that's Wiley Wiggins, aka Mitch Kramer from Dazed and Confused.  You see it now, don't you?  The glasses threw you for a loop, but that's definitely him under there.

So, what is he up to now?  Well, in the past 20 years, he has been in nine movies and only one of them I have heard of (The Faculty) in which he played "F'%# Up #2".  That makes me believe he has not been doing too well in his acting career.  I guess that means he is living off of Dazed and Confused royalties, which can't be all that bad.

Movie Trailer Review - Taken 3

This is not a review of the trailer, but a review of this movie based entirely on this movie's trailer.  I have a special talent of being able to figure out whether a movie will be any good based just on the trailer and I'm finally putting that talent to good use.  Screw you, it's a real talent.

Taken 3

I saw the first Taken and didn't think it was, well, worthy of not one, but two sequels.  On top of that, Liam Neeson has killed an entire country's worth of people, how many enemies could he possibly have left by now?  Also, his teenage daughter is played by Maggie Grace.  Do you know how old she really is?  31 years old.  31!  She's a teenager twice over by now.  For some reason, that really irks me.

As for the trailer, it looks like another Taken movie except this time they kill his wife and frame him for the murder.  Who are they?  Who cares.  You kill Famke Janssen and I'm not going to see your movie.  Oh, and if you think a 31 year old playing a teenager is ridiculous, do you know how old Liam Neeson is?  62 years old.  62!  They are trying to make us believe that a 62 year old dude can beat up everyone he comes across.  Come on.  I don't care how good Liam looks for his age, that is just stupid.  So, should you go see this thing?  Not unless you are really really really bored and have money burning a hole in your pocket.

Estimated Opening Weekend Box Office Gross - $40 million

What Kind of Fart This Movie Will Resemble:

The Did An Angel Speak Fart - This is any loud fart in church. This fart was first called to my attention by my father. He probably read about it somewhere. For fart watchers who go to church, this is a good one to watch for as this is the only place it can be found.

Random Movie Trivia - Independence Day

Here is the next edition in our weekly Random Movie Trivia post.  Enjoy:

Independence Day

• The President's speech was filmed on 6 August 1995 in front of an old airplane hangar. The hangar once housed the Enola Gay, which dropped the atomic bomb on Hiroshima exactly 50 years earlier on 6 August 1945.
• Roland Emmerich admitted that during the movie's premiere at the White House, he gave his seat next to President Bill Clinton to Bill Pullman, fearing Clinton's reaction to the on-screen destruction of the White House.
• The film was banned in Lebanon under pressure from Hezbollah, because it included scenes where Israeli and Iraqi soldiers joined forces.
• Jeff Goldblum uses one of his lines from Jurassic Park in this film: "Must go faster, must go faster!"
• Shot in 72 days, an unusually short period of time for such a big blockbuster.
• The character of President Whitmore was originally intended to be a Richard Nixon-like figure. The role was originally written for Kevin Spacey, co-writer Dean Devlin's friend from high school. An executive at Fox refused to cast Spacey, insisting he didn't have the potential to be a big star. The part was re-written and Bill Pullman was then cast in the role.
• Producer Dean Devlin said that well over half of the dialogue in the scenes Jeff Goldblum shared with Judd Hirsch and Will Smith was improvised.
• Director Roland Emmerich was notified one day that Robert Loggia was very upset and refusing to leave his trailer. Days earlier, producer Dean Devlin accidentally suggested to Loggia that he watch Airplane! (1980) for inspiration when he actually intended to suggest Airport (1970). Not familiar with either film, Loggia rented Airplane! and after watching it thought that he had unknowingly been participating in the production of a "spoof" movie.
• Matthew Perry was originally offered the role of Captain Jimmy "Raven" Wilder but pulled out at the last minute.
• Originally Russell Casse (Randy Quaid) flew his crop duster in the final battle, because the military had rejected him as a pilot. He appeared with a missile attached to the crop duster, then flew the crop duster into the alien ship. But when it was screened to test audiences, they felt it was too comedic, so they re-filmed the scene.

Truly Random Brainfart Thoughts - Part 24

Here comes the next edition of Truly Random Brainfart Thoughts (click here to see the others).  Basically,  these are a bunch of random thoughts that came to mind that I couldn't really expand on and thought I should just make them into list form for your enjoyment.  Here goes:

• Do you think dentists floss everyday like they tell us to do?
• Fun Fact - Krusty the Clown and Homer Simpson look so similar because the writers were originally going to have Homer play Krusty as a side job.
• Did you know that Sloan from Ferris Bueller's Day Off gets naked in Timecop?  You're welcome.
• I'm proud to say that I've never eaten a McRib.
• Doctor Who sounds more like a cool band name than the title character of a nerdy TV show.
• Why is it so satisfying to replace your windshield wipers?
• If Hitler had sported a handlebar mustache, would that mean it would be okay to sport a Hitler 'stache and not cool to wear a handlebar 'stache?
• Considering that no one speaks Latin anymore, is it strange that one day modern languages like English and French may no longer exist?
• Do you think Indians from Asia get confused when they hear that a baseball team in America is called the Cleveland Indians?
• In today's modern world, how quick do you think people would figure out the secret identities of comic book superheros?  I'm guessing an hour tops.

"Yup, you get to see her boobs in Timecop."

Who Is This? Part 32

Okay, who is this cute kid?  I know you got this one.  Well, I guessed wrong, didn't I?  Fine, here's a hint - somehow this guy has neither won an Oscar nor People's Sexiest Man Alive.  For once, that was a really good hint.  Got it?  Still no?  Damn it!  Here's another hint, loser.  He proclaimed himself "King of the World" in a movie and invaded people's dreams in another.  Yup, that's Leonardo DiCaprio.  I honestly don't see it, but I'm assured that's him.  He looks more like a gremlin than the future stud (no homo) he has become.

So, what has he been up to lately?  According to IMDB, he's got a couple movies in the pipe with one that has a plot of "The frontiersman, Hugh Glass, who in the 1820s set out on a path of vengeance against those who left him for dead after a bear mauling."  A bear mauling?  Cool.

Top/Bottom 5 Movie Roles - Kurt Russell

Here is where I pick a random actor or actress's Top 5 and Bottom 5 Movie Roles (I assume the post title gave that away).  This won't necessarily be the chosen actor or actress's best roles, but a combination of their best and my favorite.  In other words, if there is a tie, I'll go with my favorite.  Also, I won't actually be ranking them, they will be in a random order.  Lastly, this isn't these actor's or actress's best movies, but their best characters.  Let's get started:

Kurt Russell

Top 8

Jack Burton, Big Trouble in Little China - I love, love, love this movie.  Is it stupid?  Yup.  Does it make any sense?  Nope.  And yet, I still love, love, love it.
Snake Plissken, Escape From New York - Go watch this movie again because the "futuristic" technology is hilariously crappy.  Other than that, Kurt made an incredible Snake.
R.J. MacReady, The Thing - I'm going to admit that I've never actually seen this movie, but it's a cult classic and therefore, it had to make the list.
Lt. Gabriel Cash, Tango & Cash - Stupid movie?  Absolutely.  But damn it, I watch it every time it's on for some reason.
Captain Ron, Captain Ron - Another dumb movie that I still thought was entertaining.  Maybe Kurt Russell is just that good.
Wyatt Earp, Tombstone - Sure, Val Kilmer stole this film, but Kurt Russell was still solid as one of America's greatest Western heroes.
Col. Jack O'Neil, Stargate - Recently, I saw Kurt play in a Pro-Am Golf Tournament and he is looking pretty old.  What does that have to do with Stargate?  Nothing.  Suck it.
Michael Zane, 3000 Miles to Graceland - This movie was pretty bad, Elvis impersonators robbing a casino sounds like a good idea on paper, but somehow they screwed it up.  But I still thought that Kurt Russell and Kevin Costner were pretty good in it.

Bottom 5

Shockingly, other than his second stint as Snake Plissken in Escape From LA, he really hasn't had any movies roles that I didn't like.  Seriously, he has had a damn solid career and I couldn't find enough characters to make a full Bottom 5 list, so I didn't.

Sequels, Prequels, and More - Part 17

Another look at Hollywood's hilarious concept of upcoming movies, meaning that they have run out of ideas and they can only come up with another round of prequels, sequels, and remakes and nothing original.  In this case, we will be looking at all of the video games that are in production to become movies:

• Guardians of the Galaxy 2 - Loved the first one and can't wait until the sequel.  Enough said.
• Gambit - Everybody's favorite Cajun X-Man is getting his own movie and will be played by Channing Tatum.  At first I was skeptical, but then I remembered that I like Channing Tatum and I'll go see it.  Maybe.
• Toy Story 4 - How do you top Toy Story 3?  I honestly don't think you can, it made grown men cry.  So this definitely smells like a cash-grab to me.
• Joe Dirt 2 - Why in the hell would they make a sequel to this movie?  Oh yeah, David Spade needs work and this is his only choice right now.  That doesn't mean they should make it though.
• The Six Billion Dollar Man - Yup, they are retooling the Six Million Dollar Man into a movie and it will be starring Mark Wahlberg.  Why?  I counter that question with "Why not?".
• Frozen 2 - I'm going to admit that when I saw the first Frozen, I got that song stuck in my head for a solid week.
• Transformers 5 - Ugh.  I didn't see the 4th one and I don't plan on seeing it until it comes on TNT.  Same goes for the 5th one.
• How to Train Your Dragon 3 - Guess what, I saw both of the first two and I'm totally on-board for a third.  However, I will see this one without my nephews around, they don't know how to shut up for more than a minute during a movie.
• How The Grinch Stole Christmas Remake - The good news is that they are going animated this time instead of another live-action version.  The bad news is that they are remaking this for no reason.

"He's got the chin for it, but does he have the accent?"

R-Rated Movies

Have you ever wondered what makes a movie rated PG-13 or rated R?  No?  Well, I don't care how you answered, I'm going to tell you anyways.  I stumbled across a couple reasons behind this baffling question, here is what I found:

• If "Fuck" is used 4 or more times as an expletive, or once as a verb.
• Tobacco use.
• Nudity - Full body for a female okay for PG-13 (ex: Titanic), but automatically rated R for male nudity.
• Sex.  Period.
• Blood - you will notice all blood in PG-13 movies is not red, but usually black.
• Hard drugs - I guess that means pot, too.

The only one I don't truly understand is the one about using the F-word.  Why would it matter if you just yelled "FUCK!!" or if you said "I'm going to fuck that chick!"?  You're still saying "fuck".  But apparently it matters to the idiots who decide these sort of things.  Also, I didn't realize that Titanic was rated PG-13 until I researched this thing.  There was full bush in that movie and it still got a PG-13 rating, who knew?  Knowledge is Power!

"Too red, rate this thing R now!"

NOKW - Total Recall

Here comes the next chapter in our "I'm Okay With, I'm Not Okay With" series where I point out things in a movie I can tolerate and then one thing I just couldn't (if you want, click here for all of the past posts):

Movie:  Total Recall (2012)

Basic Plot:  A remake only in name and characters, otherwise the original and this one have nothing in common.

I'm Okay With:  The fact that not a single scene takes place on Mars.  The fact that there were no mutants.  The fact that they seemed to force the 3-breasted woman in this movie just for the sake of adding something from the original.  The fact that Kuato wasn't even in this movie and I loved that little monster.  The fact that I was kind of shocked that I enjoyed this thing.  The fact that the only means of travel from one continent to the other was through a giant hole drilled through the Earth and that they were able to build it without it melting in the planet's core.  The fact that Colin Farrell is able to take out a dozen armed men without even getting a scratch.  The fact that they have all this cool technology and don't seem to use it when they need it.  The fact that I'm pretty sure this script was written and they later shoehorned it into a Total Recall remake.  The fact that they tried to make us believe that a fight between super-spy Colin Farrell and dopey Bryan Cranston would last more than one punch.   The fact that Kate Beckinsale is determined to kill Colin Farrell even though he is essential to the bad guy's plot to beat the rebels, speaking of which....

I'm Not Okay With:  The fact that everything about the bad guy's plan makes no sense.  If you haven't seen this movie and don't want me to ruin it for you, then tough because it's been out for two years.  So basically, Bryan Cranston is the villain and he takes his best spy (Colin Farrell), brainwashes him and has him join the rebels to gain their trust.  He then captures Farrell and brainwashes him again into thinking he is just a regular Joe.  But Farrell has his rebel memories restored while at a Recall facility and goes on the run from Cranston's people.  Eventually, Farrell meets up with Jessica Biel who takes him to the head of the rebels.  Cranston follows them and kills the head rebel and reveals that this was all part of his plan.  My problem is that I don't understand why he captured Farrell and brainwashed him again.  Why not just wait until he meets up with the rebels and take them out?  I feel like he took an unnecessary step and it resulted in too many uncertainties, a lot of damage, and a ton of civilian deaths.  And sure, Colin Farrell did side with the rebels before the second brainwash and that might have complicated things for Cranston, but he was still able to follow Colin Farrell pretty easily in the end anyways.  So, still a pointless plan in my opinion.  I am not okay with that.

"That I find Jessica Biel hotter than Kate Beckinsale."