Stupid State Laws - Idaho 3

Here comes another post about a state law that still exists on the books and why it is ridiculous (to see them all, click here):

Pocatello, Idaho

"It is illegal not to smile."

I would absolute love to go to Pocatello, Idaho and walk around with a frown on my face just to see if they actually enforce this asinine law.  Seriously, how can you make it illegal to do something that natural occurs when faced with different emotions?  What about when you are sleeping?  Do you have to smile then, too?  On top of that, have you ever smiled for a really long time?  It's exhausting.  Come on, Idaho, you have to think these things through before you pass such stupid laws.

"Finally, rookie!  I get to take this smug bastard down a peg.  Cuff him!"
"Mr. Clooney, can I get your autograph?"
Damn it, rookie!  I said cuff him!"

Stupid State Laws - Idaho 2

Here comes another post about a state law that still exists on the books and why it is ridiculous (to see them all, click here):

Idaho

"Snakes have been banned from biting humans on a Sunday – except when it's snowing."

I have three really large problems with this.  First, how can you ban an animal from doing something that is part of its natural instincts.  Second, why on Sundays?  And last, why in the hell is it allowed when it's snowing?  Not a single part of this law makes a lick of sense, least of all, well, all of it.  There isn't a part of it that can be explained.  Idaho, I like your style because snakes are scary little bastards, but this law is just dumb.  I expect an explanation in my inbox on Monday.

"There's the culprit, rookie!  Cuff him!"
"With what, Sarge?"
"Handcuffs, you idiot!"

Stupid State Laws - Hawaii 3

Here comes another post about a state law that still exists on the books and why it is ridiculous (to see them all, click here):

Hawaii

"Men from the Orakama tribe are not permitted to eat their second wife."

Now hold on just a minute.  You can EAT your first wife if you are part of the Orakama tribe?  Holy fuck, that's insane.  But it's just as insane that they made it illegal for them to EAT their second wife.  However, is it possible that some lawmaker though that "eat" meant something more....perverted?  That would make this law make a lot more sense, but at the same time, kind of make husbands selfish in the bedroom, if you know what I'm saying.  If this law has nothing to do with munching the muff, then Hawaii really has some weird priorities when it comes to marriage.

"Alright, rookie, the plan is easy.  We wait until he eats his first wife, remarries, attempts to eat his second wife, and then we bust his ass."
"Sarge......uh......sigh......great plan.  Wait, is he even part of the Orakama tribe?"
"Good question.  We'll go with yes."

Stupid State Laws - Hawaii 2

Here comes another post about a state law that still exists on the books and why it is ridiculous (to see them all, click here):

Hawaii

"Coins are not allowed to be placed in one’s ears."

I guess this makes sense, in a "that would kind of hurt someone" kind of way.  But once again, we have a law that sure never have been made and should just be chalked up to common sense.  How many people had to go to the hospital with coin-removing injuries before some idiot decided to make a law outlawing coins being placed in someone's ear?  I can only assume it was at least a hundred.  And if it was that many, don't you think it would have been easier to just arrest the crazy person that was committing this act instead of making a law?  Sure, you couldn't arrest him if that law didn't exist, but you could arrest him for injuring people.  And yes, I'm pretty sure it was just one guy, otherwise Hawaii really has some weird fetish involving coins and ears that I don't want to know about.  Way to go, Hawaii, you would a law that really didn't need to exist in the first place.

"Arrest that man, rookie!"
"Um, I'm pretty sure that's Batman and I'm also pretty sure he will kick my ass if I try."
"Really?  Batman, you say?  Cool.  Instead of arresting him, ask for his autograph."

Stupid State Laws - Hawaii

Here comes another post about a state law that still exists on the books and why it is ridiculous (to see them all, click here):

Hawaii

"No child can be given the name “Charles”."

Okay.....well......ummm......WHAT?!?  Why in the fuck not?  Sure, I could see why maybe the original inhabitants of the island would want to have more traditional names for their kids, but what about the rest of the residents of Hawaii?  Do they not get a say in naming their children?  And why only "Charles"?  This makes no sense.  Damn Hawaii, you have baffled me on the first stupid law we have covered, so I can only assume there is more stupidity to come.

"Look at that smug bastard, rookie.  He is in for a world of hurt!"
"Sarge, I think his name is Charlie."
"Rookie?"
"Yes."
"How many damn times do I have to remind you to leave the thinking to me?"
Sorry, Sarge."

Stupid State Laws - Georgia 16

Here comes another post about a state law that still exists on the books and why it is ridiculous (to see them all, click here):

Jonesboro, Georgia

"It is illegal to say 'Oh, Boy'."

Oh, Boy!  This is a good one.  I want you to think of the last time that you said "Oh, Boy" and it offended someone.  You can't, can you?  That's because there is absolutely no reason that saying "Oh, Boy" should be a bad thing.  The only reason to say it is if something good happened.  However, I did just think of two reasons it might be considered bad.....wait, make that three.  1)  A redneck is referring to a black guy.  2)  Some redneck is about rape an unsuspecting guy in the woods.  And 3)  A redneck was happy that his fat girlfriend just had another little boy and not a little girl.  Only those first two might, a big might, be offensive enough to make the saying illegal, but even then, this law is just stupid.

"Rookie, he said 'Oh', now we wait until he says 'Boy' and we can arrest this punk!"
"Sarge, I'm pretty sure the law says the offender has to say 'Oh' and 'Boy' back-to-back."
"Interesting interpretation, but I disagree.  Oh Boy, he said 'Boy', let's mace this bastard!"
"Ah, Sarge."

Stupid State Laws - Georgia 15

Here comes another post about a state law that still exists on the books and why it is ridiculous (to see them all, click here):

Quitman, Georgia

"It is illegal for a chicken to cross the road."

Finally, I sensible law.  Wait.  It's illegal for chickens to cross the road?  Never mind, this is stupid.  Did some idiot finally get tired of all the lame "Why did the chicken cross the road?" jokes and outlaw them so he would never have to hear them again?  If that's the case, I take it back, this law does make some sense.  In fact, what in the hell was the point of that joke anyways?  It's "punchline" was never funny and this joke should be outlawed.  So, thank you Georgia for finally putting a stop to that nonsense.

"Rookie, what does the law say about arresting and then eating offenders of the road crossing law?"
"Uh, I doesn't say you can't."
"Perfect!  I've been wanting to try a new recipe.  Heck, if you want, you can come over and try it."
"Thanks?"

Stupid State Laws - Georgia 14

Here comes another post about a state law that still exists on the books and why it is ridiculous (to see them all, click here):

Columbus, Georgia

"It is illegal for stores to sell corn flakes on Sunday."

Corn flakes, eh?  Not on Sundays, they say?  What?!?  Alcohol?  Sure.  Tobacco?  Makes sense.  Lottery tickets and scratch-offs?  I could see that.  But corn flakes?  That is just dumb.  What if your kid wakes up and wants corn flakes (for whatever reason) before church and you are out of them, what then?  Well, if you live in Georgia, tough luck.  You are going to have to listen to your kid complain throughout the Lord's day because of some stupid law that Georgia passed and for the life of me, I don't know why.  I can't think of a single reason why this is illegal.  Not.  A.  One.  Thanks a lot, Georgia, you've ruined everyone's lives.

"Bust her, rookie."
"Who?  The kid?  I don't think she can even afford cereal, Sarge."
"No, not the kid!  The mom, you idiot!"
"But she's not selling corn flakes, Sarge."
"Oh.  Well, mace her and let's be on our way."

Stupid State Laws - Georgia 13

Here comes another post about a state law that still exists on the books and why it is ridiculous (to see them all, click here):

Georgia

"On Mondays, it is illegal for one to whistle very loud after 11:00 PM."

Loud whistling is annoying any time someone does it, but the specifics of this law are, as the great Chaz Michael Michaels one said, mind-bottling.  Why only Mondays?  And why only after 11:00 PM?  What is so special about Mondays that they had to make such a stupid law to put a stop to loud whistling?  I can only assume it has something to do with Monday Night Football because that would answer both the Monday part of this law and the after 11:00 PM part as well (that's about the time the game would be over).  But MNF is only on 17 weeks a year, so that can't be it.  Georgia, I'm so confused.  Thanks a lot, dick.

"Arrest that man, rookie."
"But Sarge, it's Tuesday, he's not breaking any laws."
"Not because of that, idiot.  Arrest him because he's black, duh."

Stupid State Laws - Georgia 12

Here comes another post about a state law that still exists on the books and why it is ridiculous (to see them all, click here):

Georgia

"Goldfish may not be given away to entice someone to enter a game of bingo."

This law is so stupid, it's funny.  Who cares if you entice people to play bingo by giving away goldfish?  No one.  And for that matter, would you take the goldfish even it was free?  No way, that thing is just going to die in a couple days anyways.  On top of that, if someone is on the fence about playing bingo, I truly don't think a free goldfish is going to be what gets them to buy a card.  Why, Georgia?  Why is this law in existence?  Explain yourself!

"Well, what do we have here?  It looks like we finally nabbed the Goldfish Bingo Bandit.  Isn't that right, rookie?"
"I don't think that's what the law means by goldfish, Sarge."
"Damn it, rookie!  How many times do I have to remind you to leave the thinking to me!"

Stupid State Laws - Georgia 10

Here comes another post about a state law that still exists on the books and why it is ridiculous (to see them all, click here):

Georgia

"Model airplanes may be flown so long as they stay on either private property or city property adjacent to the county morgue."

This law makes a lot of sense....until that last part.  You can fly model airplanes on city property adjacent to the county morgue?  In what way does that make sense?  While making this law, who stood up and lobbied for that exception to this law?  I cannot fathom a single reason as to why of all places, you can fly model airplanes "adjacent" to a county morgue.  And what exactly does "adjacent" mean?  I looked it up and I still don't know the answer to that question.  Either way, someone made a really strange call on this law and it baffles me as to why.

"Rookie, did you get that picture of this guy?"
"Yes, Sarge."
"Good, now mace him in the face for breaking the law!"
"That seems a little excessive."
"Don't use fancy words with me, rookie and just do it."

Stupid State Laws - Georgia 9

Here comes another post about a state law that still exists on the books and why it is ridiculous (to see them all, click here):

Georgia

"Cussing over the telephone is against the law."

This is one of those laws that just straight up baffles me.  How in the hell do you even enforce something like this unless a cop happens to be standing beside you as it happens?  Simple answer, they can't.  Complicated answer, they cannot.  I lived in Atlanta for three years and I can honestly say that I should be in jail right now with the amount of cussing I did over the phone during that span.  Sure, I can understand that if someone is cussing on their phone in public with children around to hear it, that's bad, but what about a couple getting in a heat argument on the phone in their homes?  Does Georgia have enough cops to enforce something like that?  Not that I know of.  Then again, speeding isn't illegal as long as you don't get caught either.

"Rookie, some lady just cussed at me on the phone.  Go find her and arrest that bitch!"
"Wasn't that your mother-in-law, Sarge?"
"Uhhhhh......no."

Stupid State Laws - Georgia 8

Here comes another post about a state law that still exists on the books and why it is ridiculous (to see them all, click here):

Georgia

"Persons under the age of 16 may not play pinball after 11:00 PM."

I have two very important questions about this law.  First, why is the cutoff age 16?  And second, do pinball machines even exist anymore?  Seriously, that second question is way more important.  Sure, this law was probably written in the 1800's when pinball machines still existed, but I can honestly say I haven't seen one outside of an arcade at the beach since I was, well, oddly enough 16.  Plus, does this law apply to kids who own their own pinball machines (which I'm assuming their great great grandfather gave them)?  I feel like Georgia should go ahead a repeal this law because I really don't think kids play pinball anymore unless there is a game on their iPhone that let's them play it.

"How old are you, kid?"
"17."
"Carry on then."
"Sarge, I really don't think..."
"What did I tell you rookie, I do the thinking around here.  Now let's go pester some Mexicans at the Home Depot.  I love watching them scatter."

Stupid State Laws - Georgia 7

Here comes another post about a state law that still exists on the books and why it is ridiculous (to see them all, click here):

Georgia

"Cars may not be driven through playgrounds."

Another stupid law that should be chalked up to common sense.  First off, why would any sane person drive through a playground?  And second, how many crazy people drove through playgrounds legally until someone had to make a law about it?  I would love to have seen some loony bastard arguing in court how he didn't break a crime when he drove his car through the monkey bars and pushed the swings with his bumper.  As long as he didn't break anything, he was perfectly in his rights to drive through a playground.....until they actually had to make a law against it.  They really should just make a law against stupidity and get it over with.

"Look rookie, this punk is driving through a playground."
"Sarge, I don't think...."
"Don't think rookie, leave that to me.  Now arrest this guy and let's get out of here so I can take a nap while pretending to radar speeding idiots."

Stupid State Laws - Georgia 6

Here comes another post about a state law that still exists on the books and why it is ridiculous (to see them all, click here):

Georgia

"Crosses may be burned on someone else’s property, so long as you have their permission."

Who in their right mind would want a cross burned on their property?  Oh yeah, it's the South.  Then again, isn't the point of burning a cross on someone's property supposed to send a message to that person?  So, once again, who would actually want a cross burned on their property?  No one that the people doing the burning want to send said message to.  This just seems like excused racism and Georgia should really look into that and just might want to change this law.

"Oh look Sarge, it's a Halloween bonfire."
"Rookie, how old are you?"
"23, Sarge."
"You're not from the South, are you?"
"Nope, born in Idaho."
"That explains a lot."

Stupid State Laws - Georgia 4

Here comes another post about a state law that still exists on the books and why it is ridiculous (to see them all, click here):

Georgia

"If you want to read your favorite book in public to your friends, do it before 2:45 AM."

Ah yes, this great example of incredible lawmaking.....just kidding, this is beyond stupid.  I don't know what I don't understand less, the fact that you can't read your favorite book but could conceivably read any book, the fact that you can't read it to your friends but could conceivably read it to a group of strangers, or the "before 2:45 AM" part.  None of it makes sense.  None.  Of.  It.  Georgia, why in the hell did you make this law?  Answer me!!!!

"What time is it, rookie?"
"2:53, Sarge."
"Just what I thought, let's bust these perps!"
"But....."

Stupid State Laws - Florida 17

Here comes another post about a state law that still exists on the books and why it is ridiculous (to see them all, click here):

Florida

"You cannot use a whistle on a bicycle."

Florida, you truly are one of a kind.  Why would this matter at all?  Sure, it could be annoying for people to have to hear some jackass using a whistle on a bike, but it doesn't stop just any random person from using a whistle.  Does this law forbid drunken idiots from walking around using a whistle?  Nope.  So, what's the point of stopping only people on bikes?  Plus, wouldn't it be a good idea to have someone on a bike use a whistle?  They could whistle if a car is about to merge into them or to warn bystanders that aren't paying attention that they are coming.  Florida, did you even think this one through for more than a minute before putting into the books?  I'm guessing no, but then again, thinking has never been that state's strong point.  Alcohol and stupidity is more in their wheelhouse.

"Rookie, what does the law say about stupid horns on bicycles?"
"Nothing that I know of, Sarge."
"Hmmmm.  Well, let's arrest the owner of this thing anyways, just in case."
"Sounds reasonable to me."

Stupid State Laws - Florida 16

Here comes another post about a state law that still exists on the books and why it is ridiculous (to see them all, click here):

Florida

"Pickup trucks are not allowed to be visible after 7:00 p.m.."

That is just dumb.  Why in the hell not?  I feel like every drunk redneck citizen of Florida probably owns a pickup truck and there is no way that every single one of those idiots own a garage.  And this law clearly didn't think about the "Gremlins Eating After Midnight" conundrum we have here.  You know, if you can't feed a Gremlin after midnight, then when can you feed them?  That is never clearly stated in the movie and it's not stated here.  Damn it, Florida!  I'm beginning to truly loath your stupid laws.  Then again, you have given me plenty of fodder for this post.

"Alright rookie, it's 7:01, write this idiot a ticket."
"Sarge, I think we should let this one go."
"Never!  It's not like his truck is on fire or anything."
"If you would stop playing Angry Birds for a second and look up....."
"Never!"

Stupid State Laws - Florida 15

Here comes another post about a state law that still exists on the books and why it is ridiculous (to see them all, click here):

Florida

"Citizens may not be caught downtown without at least 10 dollars on their person."

So basically, this law is to get rid of hobos from loitering around the downtowns of Florida.  I guess that makes some sense, but does it apply to everyone?  Because have you seen the citizens of Florida recently?  If the news is to be believed (which it shouldn't), Florida is nothing but meth-addicted drunk rednecks that will more likely have ten beers or lottery tickets on them than ten bucks.  If you apply that fact and this law is actually enforced, then 95% of the population would be in jail at any given time.  How in the hell does that state function if they have laws like this?  Florida, you continue to amaze me with your stupidity.

"Alright rookie, arrest these bums."
"Um, Sarge...."
"Bums are poor, so these bums probably don't have 10 bucks on them and therefore are breaking the law."
"Um, Sarge...."

Stupid State Laws - Florida 14

Here comes another post about a state law that still exists on the books and why it is ridiculous (to see them all, click here):

Florida

"It is illegal for an owner of a store to allow another person to pass out free ducklings in front of the store."

Of course it's illegal for an owner to allow someone to hand out free baby ducks in front of their store.....what?  Unless those baby ducks are riddled with disease, why in the hell would this be illegal?  If anything, it should be illegal to NOT be handing out free baby ducks in front of every store.  I honestly don't know if that last sentence made any sense, let's try again.  It should be a law that every store in Florida has to have someone handing out free baby ducks in front of their stores.  Better?  No?  Screw you.  Either way, this law is just another example of why Florida truly needs to get their priorities straight.  They have way too many problems to be outlawing free baby duck hand-outs.

"Rookie, what exactly is a duckling?"
"It's a baby duck, Sarge.  You knew that, right?"
"Of course rookie!  Now arrest this idiot."
"The law says the owner of the store is the offender is this case."
"Good, that was a test, just like the duckling question."