Daily random thoughts ranging from movies to sports and to even boobs. We have questions and sometimes we even have answers. Only on Brainfart Thoughts.
This is not a review of the trailer, but a review of this movie based entirely on this movie's trailer. I have a special talent of being able to figure out whether a movie will be any good based just on the trailer and I'm finally putting that talent to good use. Screw you, it's a real talent.
Everything about this trailer screams "Cliche!", but at the same time, it looks entertaining. I don't know why, but I actually want to see this thing. Maybe not in the theater, but I'll seek it out when it comes on HBO instead of waiting until it eventually plays on TNT.
As for the trailer, you have a no-name actor recruited to be a spy (?) by Colin Firth. Lots of crazy training appears to take place, cool gadgets are introduced, and we meet the villain played by Samuel L. Jackson who talks with a lisp.....and it is awesome. Do I really need to say anything else? Not really, because like I said, I would actually go see this thing and I still might go while it is still in the theater.
Estimated Opening Weekend Box Office Gross - $35 million
What Kind of Fart This Movie Will Resemble:
The Command Fart - This fart differs from the Anticipated Fart in that it can be held for long periods of time waiting for the right moment. Unlike the Anticipated Fart, it is intended to be noticed. Harold Tabor recently held a Command Fart for the whole period in history class and let it go right at the end when the teacher asked if there were any questions.
This is not a review of the trailer, but a review of this movie based entirely on this movie's trailer. I have a special talent of being able to figure out whether a movie will be any good based just on the trailer and I'm finally putting that talent to good use. Screw you, it's a real talent.
For the guys (well, one guy and one gal who used to be a guy, it's confusing, look it up) who brought you The Matrix Trilogy and Speed Racer, we have Jupiter Ascending. In other words, these directors have made two movies since The Matrix and only one of them was semi-decent (that being Cloud Atlas), so the chances of this succeeding are slim. What is about? Something about Earth actually being populated by another planet and the rulers of that planet now deciding our fate through treachery. I think.
As for the trailer. This is the only one I could find that made the movie look halfway worth seeing. It has a good cast, Mila Kunis, Channing Tatum, that guy who played Stephen Hawking, and Sean Bean (how will his character die this time?). But it also looks really, well, I don't know what it looks like. I guess my biggest problem with it is that Mila Kunis is a janitor. In what world, would a hottie like that be a janitor? None. Plus it doesn't help that this thing was pushed back from this past summer to February. Nothing good ever comes out in February. Ever. So, should you go see it? Probably not unless one of your dumb friends saw it and said it was good. Then again, he is is your dumb friend for a reason and his opinion is sketchy at best.
(P.S. At its opening, people walked out halfway through because they said it was confusing and stupid. If your dumb friend still suggests you go see this, get new friends.)
Estimated Opening Weekend Box Office Gross - $30 million
What Kind of Fart This Movie Will Resemble:
The G and L Fart - This is one of the most ordinary and pedestrian of farts, known to everyone. Certainly it is the least gross. If you have not already guessed, G and L stands for Gambled and Lost. One of the most embarrassing of all farts, even when you are alone.
Here is our weekly funny video post. Let's see what we got for you guys:
Set up: This is a clip from the show Community. Watch it, then I will explain, however, watch in the background at the end, it's important:
Summary: Yup, on the third "Beetlejuice", a guy dressed like Beetlejuice walks by in the background. The great thing about this joke is that it took place over several seasons. That's right, the writers actually set up a joke several seasons before the payoff, and it only works if you just happened to notice the guy in the background, which many people didn't.
Here is our weekly funny video post. Let's see what we got for you guys:
Set up: Here is NBA player (and former Clemson Tiger) K.J. McDaniels blocking a shot:
Summary: Now, what was so impressive about that block? Nothing at first, but what if I told you that he hit a fan in the head so hard that they suffered a concussion. Pretty impressive now, isn't it?
Here is our weekly funny video post. Let's see what we got for you guys:
Set up: Do you enjoy watching things getting destroyed? What about really big things? Good, because this is the video for you:
Summary: How cool was that? I've always found it amazing (and slightly disturbing) that with a dozen well placed explosives, you can take down a structure like that.
This is not a review of the trailer, but a review of this movie based entirely on this movie's trailer. I have a special talent of being able to figure out whether a movie will be any good based just on the trailer and I'm finally putting that talent to good use. Screw you, it's a real talent.
I saw the first Taken and didn't think it was, well, worthy of not one, but two sequels. On top of that, Liam Neeson has killed an entire country's worth of people, how many enemies could he possibly have left by now? Also, his teenage daughter is played by Maggie Grace. Do you know how old she really is? 31 years old. 31! She's a teenager twice over by now. For some reason, that really irks me.
As for the trailer, it looks like another Taken movie except this time they kill his wife and frame him for the murder. Who are they? Who cares. You kill Famke Janssen and I'm not going to see your movie. Oh, and if you think a 31 year old playing a teenager is ridiculous, do you know how old Liam Neeson is? 62 years old. 62! They are trying to make us believe that a 62 year old dude can beat up everyone he comes across. Come on. I don't care how good Liam looks for his age, that is just stupid. So, should you go see this thing? Not unless you are really really really bored and have money burning a hole in your pocket.
Estimated Opening Weekend Box Office Gross - $40 million
What Kind of Fart This Movie Will Resemble:
The Did An Angel Speak Fart - This is any loud fart in church. This fart was first called to my attention by my father. He probably read about it somewhere. For fart watchers who go to church, this is a good one to watch for as this is the only place it can be found.
Here is our weekly funny video post. Let's see what we got for you guys:
Set up: I did the first one of these awhile back and here is the second one:
Summary: What was the best name? I can't decide between Fartrell Cluggins, Harvard University, and Benedict Cumberbatch. I take that back, I'm going with Benedict Cumberbatch because they thought that name was so ridiculous that it should be included in this sketch and I agree.
Here is our weekly funny video post. Let's see what we got for you guys:
Set up: Do you love those Christmas light shows that some crazy people like to set up? No?!? What are you, a commie? Well, do you love Star Wars? Of course you do. Here is some nerdy person who made a light show set to the songs from Star Wars:
Summary: I can see a light show from my window and it doesn't hold a torch to the awesomeness that is in this video. How awesome was the Imperial March? If this doesn't get you in the Christmas spirit, I don't know what will, you commie!
Here is our weekly funny video post. Let's see what we got for you guys:
Set up: On Thursday on Stephen Colbert's show, Stephen interviewed Smaug from The Hobbit movies and it was awesome:
Summary: I don't know what was better, the part where they argue over the pronunciation of Smaug's name or the part where Smaug calls Benedict Cumberbatch a "hack" (if you didn't know, Cumberbatch does the voice of Smaug). I'm going with the part where they make fun of his name only because my brother and I do the same thing all the time.
This is not a review of the trailer, but a review of this movie based entirely on this movie's trailer. I have a special talent of being able to figure out whether a movie will be any good based just on the trailer and I'm finally putting that talent to good use. Screw you, it's a real talent.
I'm not even going to preface this one. This movie looks like a total piece of shit. And that's coming from a guy who loves him some Christian Bale. But come on, you expect me to believe that Batman looks in any way like a guy from the Middle East? Not a chance. Sure, this, uhhh, "true" story makes for a good movie material with its locusts, frogs, plagues, and Red Sea parting, but I just don't buy it. Don't go see this unless you are really into this sort of thing.
Estimated Opening Weekend Box Office Gross - $30 million
What Kind of Fart This Movie Will Resemble:
The Burning Brakes Fart - A silent fart identified by odor alone. Usually and adult fart, occurring while the adult is driving a car or has a front seat passenger who farts. The Burning Brakes Fart actually does smell a little like burning brakes, and seems to hang around longer than most farts Which gives whoever farted a chance to make a big show of checking to see if the emergency brake has been left on. When he finds it hasn't you know who farted. A common automobile fart.
Here is our weekly funny video post. Let's see what we got for you guys:
Set up: Yup, we are doing another Weird Al video. This is another song that proves that Al has still got it:
Summary: I really wish a school band would play this song during a game. It's demoralizing and hilarious at the same time. Just imagine the crowd yelling in unison "We're great and you SUCK!". It would be priceless.
Here is our weekly funny video post. Let's see what we got for you guys:
Set up: Do you remember that stupid character that Ryan Reynolds played in that stupid Wolverine origin story movie? Well, they are giving that character his own movie. However, based on this "leaked" footage, it kind of looks good:
Summary: My understanding is that the comic book version of Deadpool, also know as the Merc With a Mouth, is exactly like the character you see in this video. So technically, Ryan Reynolds is perfect for the part, which begs the question - how did they so royally fuck it up in that crappy Wolverine movie? Hopefully this movie will get Ryan Reynolds out of the funk he is in right now. Other than his cameo in Ted, his last few movies have been pretty terrible.
Here is our weekly funny video post. Let's see what we got for you guys:
Set up: I stumbled across this video recently and it blew my mind:
Summary: And we all thought sharks were at the top of the food chain in the ocean. Nope, that shark went out like Boba Fett in Return of the Jedi, aka like a bitch.
Here is our weekly funny video post. Let's see what we got for you guys:
Set up: Have you ever wondered what the game Mousetrap would look like if someone built it for real? Behold:
Summary: The most amazing thing about this real life version is that it actually works unlike the board game. Plus, seeing a car crushed is pretty cool.
Here is our weekly funny video post. Let's see what we got for you guys:
Set up: I don't care if you have already watched it a dozen times, but The Avengers 2 trailer came out this week and I'm going to make you watch it again:
Summary: I'm pretty excited about this thing, but I'm a nerd. But how awesome is James Spader? I loved him in Stargate, I loved him on Boston Legal, and I love him on The Blacklist. What I'm trying to say is he is going to make an incredible villain in the Marvel Universe. Also, (pseudo-spoiler) I read somewhere that this movie will end on a huge bummer and we will have to wait until Avengers 3 to find out how our group of superheros (and Hawkeye) get out of it.
