Movie Trailer Review - Kingsman

This is not a review of the trailer, but a review of this movie based entirely on this movie's trailer.  I have a special talent of being able to figure out whether a movie will be any good based just on the trailer and I'm finally putting that talent to good use.  Screw you, it's a real talent.

Kingsman: The Secret Service

Everything about this trailer screams "Cliche!", but at the same time, it looks entertaining.  I don't know why, but I actually want to see this thing.  Maybe not in the theater, but I'll seek it out when it comes on HBO instead of waiting until it eventually plays on TNT.

As for the trailer, you have a no-name actor recruited to be a spy (?) by Colin Firth.  Lots of crazy training appears to take place, cool gadgets are introduced, and we meet the villain played by Samuel L. Jackson who talks with a lisp.....and it is awesome.  Do I really need to say anything else?  Not really, because like I said, I would actually go see this thing and I still might go while it is still in the theater.

Estimated Opening Weekend Box Office Gross - $35 million

What Kind of Fart This Movie Will Resemble:

The Command Fart - This fart differs from the Anticipated Fart in that it can be held for long periods of time waiting for the right moment. Unlike the Anticipated Fart, it is intended to be noticed. Harold Tabor recently held a Command Fart for the whole period in history class and let it go right at the end when the teacher asked if there were any questions.

Movie Trailer Review - Jupiter Ascending

This is not a review of the trailer, but a review of this movie based entirely on this movie's trailer.  I have a special talent of being able to figure out whether a movie will be any good based just on the trailer and I'm finally putting that talent to good use.  Screw you, it's a real talent.

Jupiter Ascending

For the guys (well, one guy and one gal who used to be a guy, it's confusing, look it up) who brought you The Matrix Trilogy and Speed Racer, we have Jupiter Ascending.  In other words, these directors have made two movies since The Matrix and only one of them was semi-decent (that being Cloud Atlas), so the chances of this succeeding are slim.  What is about?  Something about Earth actually being populated by another planet and the rulers of that planet now deciding our fate through treachery.  I think.

As for the trailer.  This is the only one I could find that made the movie look halfway worth seeing.  It has a good cast, Mila Kunis, Channing Tatum, that guy who played Stephen Hawking, and Sean Bean (how will his character die this time?).  But it also looks really, well, I don't know what it looks like.  I guess my biggest problem with it is that Mila Kunis is a janitor.  In what world, would a hottie like that be a janitor?  None.  Plus it doesn't help that this thing was pushed back from this past summer to February.  Nothing good ever comes out in February.  Ever.  So, should you go see it?  Probably not unless one of your dumb friends saw it and said it was good.  Then again, he is is your dumb friend for a reason and his opinion is sketchy at best.

(P.S.  At its opening, people walked out halfway through because they said it was confusing and stupid.  If your dumb friend still suggests you go see this, get new friends.)

Estimated Opening Weekend Box Office Gross - $30 million

What Kind of Fart This Movie Will Resemble:

The G and L Fart - This is one of the most ordinary and pedestrian of farts, known to everyone. Certainly it is the least gross. If you have not already guessed, G and L stands for Gambled and Lost. One of the most embarrassing of all farts, even when you are alone.

Movie Trailer Review - Taken 3

This is not a review of the trailer, but a review of this movie based entirely on this movie's trailer.  I have a special talent of being able to figure out whether a movie will be any good based just on the trailer and I'm finally putting that talent to good use.  Screw you, it's a real talent.

Taken 3

I saw the first Taken and didn't think it was, well, worthy of not one, but two sequels.  On top of that, Liam Neeson has killed an entire country's worth of people, how many enemies could he possibly have left by now?  Also, his teenage daughter is played by Maggie Grace.  Do you know how old she really is?  31 years old.  31!  She's a teenager twice over by now.  For some reason, that really irks me.

As for the trailer, it looks like another Taken movie except this time they kill his wife and frame him for the murder.  Who are they?  Who cares.  You kill Famke Janssen and I'm not going to see your movie.  Oh, and if you think a 31 year old playing a teenager is ridiculous, do you know how old Liam Neeson is?  62 years old.  62!  They are trying to make us believe that a 62 year old dude can beat up everyone he comes across.  Come on.  I don't care how good Liam looks for his age, that is just stupid.  So, should you go see this thing?  Not unless you are really really really bored and have money burning a hole in your pocket.

Estimated Opening Weekend Box Office Gross - $40 million

What Kind of Fart This Movie Will Resemble:

The Did An Angel Speak Fart - This is any loud fart in church. This fart was first called to my attention by my father. He probably read about it somewhere. For fart watchers who go to church, this is a good one to watch for as this is the only place it can be found.

Movie Trailer Review - Exodus

This is not a review of the trailer, but a review of this movie based entirely on this movie's trailer.  I have a special talent of being able to figure out whether a movie will be any good based just on the trailer and I'm finally putting that talent to good use.  Screw you, it's a real talent.

Exodus: Gods and Kings

I'm not even going to preface this one.  This movie looks like a total piece of shit.  And that's coming from a guy who loves him some Christian Bale.  But come on, you expect me to believe that Batman looks in any way like a guy from the Middle East?  Not a chance.  Sure, this, uhhh, "true" story makes for a good movie material with its locusts, frogs, plagues, and Red Sea parting, but I just don't buy it.  Don't go see this unless you are really into this sort of thing.

Estimated Opening Weekend Box Office Gross - $30 million

What Kind of Fart This Movie Will Resemble:

The Burning Brakes Fart - A silent fart identified by odor alone. Usually and adult fart, occurring while the adult is driving a car or has a front seat passenger who farts. The Burning Brakes Fart actually does smell a little like burning brakes, and seems to hang around longer than most farts Which gives whoever farted a chance to make a big show of checking to see if the emergency brake has been left on. When he finds it hasn't you know who farted. A common automobile fart.

Movie Trailer Review - Hunger Games 3-1

This is not a review of the trailer, but a review of this movie based entirely on this movie's trailer.  I have a special talent of being able to figure out whether a movie will be any good based just on the trailer and I'm finally putting that talent to good use.  Screw you, it's a real talent.

The Hunger Games: Mockingjay - Part 1

Let's get this out of the way.  I read these books and loved the first one, liked the second one, but loathed the last one, which this movie and the next are based on.  Why did I hate it?  Three reasons: 1) The climax was such a letdown, then it just kept going and it didn't get any better.  2)  The author introduced a lot of cool futuristic technology but failed miserably explaining what those cool gizmos did.  3) For every one paragraph of interesting plot, there were two or three paragraphs about how Katniss felt about what was going on.  All in all, I just really didn't like this book and....

I didn't even bother watching the trailer because I really have no interest in going to see this thing because of my disdain for the book.  To be fair, the first half of the book was okay and that is what this movie will cover.  So, if my mom asks me to go see it with her, I might go just because I won't be paying.  Should you go see it?  Depends if you are a big fan of this franchise and/or Jennifer Lawrence.  Otherwise, nah.

Estimated Opening Weekend Box Office Gross - $90 million

What Kind of Fart This Movie Will Resemble:

The Cushioned Fart - A concealed fart, sometimes successful. The farter is usually on the fat side, sometimes a girl. They will squirm and push their butt way down into the cushions of a sofa or over-stuffed chair and ease-out a fart very carefully without moving then or for some time after. Some odor may escape, but usually not much. Common with some people.

Movie Trailer Review - Interstellar

This is not a review of the trailer, but a review of this movie based entirely on this movie's trailer.  I have a special talent of being able to figure out whether a movie will be any good based just on the trailer and I'm finally putting that talent to good use.  Screw you, it's a real talent.

Interstellar

Christopher Nolan is back and this time he is tackling, well, interstellar travel.  The Earth is doomed and only the "Alright, alright, alright" guy can save us.  Sounds good, right?  Well.....

Of all the trailers that have been released for this movie, this is the only one that doesn't make this movie look boring.  Yeah, I said it, this movie just doesn't excite me like any of Nolan's recent movies.  In fact, it just looks like a giant "Humans are screwing up the Earth and we are doomed if we don't do something now" message.  Not that there is anything wrong with that kind of message, but it doesn't feel right coming from the guy who brought us an awesome movie about dreams within dreams.  Should you go see this?  Honestly, I would wait until word of mouth gets around and someone actually tells us it isn't as boring as it appears to be.

Estimated Opening Weekend Box Office Gross - $60 million

What Kind of Fart This Movie Will Resemble:

The Bitburr: Sounds like just that--you're walking and the initial explosion "BIT!--" during one step is followed by a more gentle release of the rest of the volume during the next step: "brrrrrr..."

Movie Trailer Review - Sin City 2

This is not a review of the trailer, but a review of this movie based entirely on this movie's trailer.  I have a special talent of being able to figure out whether a movie will be any good based just on the trailer and I'm finally putting that talent to good use.  Screw you, it's a real talent.

Sin City: A Dame to Kill For

It's been 9 years since the first Sin City came out.  9 Years!  Now, I will admit that I loved the the original.  It was unique, it was cool, and it was entertaining, but why wait 9 years to make a sequel?  I just don't get it.  Did it have production problems?  Did they never intend to make a sequel but Hollywood ran out of ideas and this was all they could come up with?  What?  Enough of the questions, on to the trailer.

I picked the Red Band trailer because I get to choose and that was what I went with.  The good news is that the original cast is back except for Clive Owen.  For some reason, he decided not to reprise his role as Dwight and Josh Brolin is taking over.  Why did Clive Owen not come back?  I have no idea, it's not like Clive has that big of a career going for him or anything.  Anyways, who cares.  As for the rest of it, they made it look like the original and that's cool, the action looks pretty good, and the plot seems reasonable (I guess), but I still don't see the point.  I really wanted to get behind this thing because of the first one, but I just can't.  Don't go see it, instead go see Guardians of the Galaxy again.  That movie is easily the best movie I've seen this year and it's not even close.

Estimated Opening Weekend Box Office Gross - $40 million

What Kind of Fart This Movie Will Resemble:

The Jerk Fart - The Jerk Fart is a fart by a jerk who smirks, smiles, grins, and points to himself in case you missed it. It is usually a single-noted, off-key, fading away, sort of whistle fart, altogether pitiful, but the jerk will act as if he has just farted the Biggest Fart in the World Fart.

Movie Trailer Review - Frank

This is not a review of the trailer, but a review of this movie based entirely on this movie's trailer.  I have a special talent of being able to figure out whether a movie will be any good based just on the trailer and I'm finally putting that talent to good use.  Screw you, it's a real talent.

Frank

This just looked so weird that I had to review it.  If you didn't watch this trailer, then here is a quick plot outline - a guy wearing a giant fake head named Frank is the lead singer of a band that has been invited to the South by Southwest Music Festival and then a lot of weird stuff happens.  In case you haven't figured it out, that's Magneto under that giant fake head.  Weird concept, but sometimes weird is a great way to go.

As for the trailer, other than Maggie Gyllenhaal being in this movie, the rest of the cast looks solid.  Plus, who doesn't love seeing Michael Fassbender playing something other than Magneto, especially a character as bizarre as this one.  Will I go see this while in the theater?  No chance, but that is because, as I've stated before, I refuse to go see a movie in the theater where seeing it on the big screen doesn't add to the viewing experience.  Should you go see it in theater?  Sure, it's either this or going and seeing Let's Be Cops (another comedy you should wait to rent) or the movie reviewed below.

Estimated Opening Weekend Box Office Gross - $15 million

What Kind of Fart This Movie Will Resemble:

The Cushioned Fart - A concealed fart, sometimes successful. The farter is usually on the fat side, sometimes a girl. They will squirm and push their butt way down into the cushions of a sofa or over-stuffed chair and ease-out a fart very carefully without moving then or for some time after. Some odor may escape, but usually not much. Common with some people.

Bonus Review - The Expendables 3

No.

Movie Trailer Review - TMNT

This is not a review of the trailer, but a review of this movie based entirely on this movie's trailer.  I have a special talent of being able to figure out whether a movie will be any good based just on the trailer and I'm finally putting that talent to good use.  Screw you, it's a real talent.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

The only movie I have ever waited in line for was the original Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles with my buddy Evan and his dad back in 1990 when I was 8 years old.  I loved these crazy turtles.  They still hold a place in my heart.  But then I saw that Michael Bay was producing this thing and he originally wanted to make the turtles aliens or something stupid, but fans screamed until he took that back.  What was he thinking?

As for the trailer.  I don't know why people were so pissed when they announced that Megan Fox was going to play April O'Neil.  Sure, Megan can't act, but she is still super hot and I can overlook her lack of talent as long she doesn't totally fuck this up.  Also, Johnny Knoxville is the voice of Leonardo.  I don't know how I feel about that.  Leonardo is the leader of the Turtles and Johnny Knoxville just doesn't strike me as a leader.  Otherwise, the action looks kind of cool, but I'm not so sure about Shredder.  The are making it look like he is more Iron Man than a martial arts expert.  Not cool.  Am I going to wait in line for this thing?  No chance.  But I will most likely see it.....mostly because I have a movie gift card.  So, I guess I'm saying go see it, if for no other reason than to relive your childhood.

Estimated Opening Weekend Box Office Gross - $75 million

What Kind of Fart This Movie Will Resemble:

The G and L Fart - This is one of the most ordinary and pedestrian of farts, known to everyone. Certainly it is the least gross. If you have not already guessed, G and L stands for Gambled and Lost. One of the most embarrassing of all farts, even when you are alone.

Movie Trailer Review - Guardians of the Galaxy

This is not a review of the trailer, but a review of this movie based entirely on this movie's trailer.  I have a special talent of being able to figure out whether a movie will be any good based just on the trailer and I'm finally putting that talent to good use.  Screw you, it's a real talent.

Guardians of the Galaxy

Marvel has made some great movies recently, so I have high hopes for this thing.  Seriously, a talking raccoon that loves to shoot stuff?  I'm on board.  Sure, it's a little out there.  And sure, I had never heard of this comic book before they announced they were making this movie.  But a raccoon that shoots stuff!

As for the trailer.  When I saw the first trailer they made, I was in.  But that's not the trailer I put up above.  I included the most recent one that shows more action.  First off, I have to say that I love Chris Pratt.  He's the guy from Parks and Recreation and he is hilarious.  Next, even though I know Bradley Cooper is the voice of the raccoon, I still hear Christian Slater's voice.  Also, they show the villain briefly and believe it or not, but under all of that heavy makeup is Lee Pace, the elf king from the Hobbit movies.  There's a ton of CGI and I guess going into this movie, you should know what you are getting.....lots and lots of CGI.  Will this movie be any good?  I honestly have no idea, but when I made a list of my most anticipated movies of the summer, this one was number one, so you can bet that I'm recommending everyone go see it.  In fact, I'm going to see it tomorrow.

Estimated Opening Weekend Box Office Gross - $85 million

What Kind of Fart This Movie Will Resemble:

The Anticipated Fart - This one warns that it is back there waiting for some time before it arrives. A person who is uneasy for a time in a crowd and who later farts at a time when they think no one will notice has farted an Anticipated Fart.

Movie Trailer Review - Lucy

This is not a review of the trailer, but a review of this movie based entirely on this movie's trailer.  I have a special talent of being able to figure out whether a movie will be any good based just on the trailer and I'm finally putting that talent to good use.  Screw you, it's a real talent.

Lucy

Can Scarlett Johansson carry an action movie?  At least I think it's an action movie, it may just be a thriller with some action thrown in there.  I'm not entirely sure.  Either way, a scantily clad Sco-Jo (that's her nickname, right?) is always a good way to go even though I really wasn't a fan of hers until she started wearing tight leather in the Marvel movies.

As for the trailer, my first thought was "This doesn't look that bad" and I stick by that.  It's only problem is that it reminds of that terrible movie where Bradley Cooper took a drug and it made him smarter.  And that movie sucked a big one which doesn't bode well for this thing.  I guess the difference is that this movie features a hot chick and also takes it a step further by straight up giving Sco-Jo superpowers, which seems like it is just trying to be another comic book movie without calling it a comic book movie.  Also, you do know that that "You only use 10% of your brain" thing is bullshit, right?  You use your whole brain, just not all at once.  And here is a fun prediction based on the trailer - Morgan Freeman is the bad guy.  So, should you go see this?  Nah.  But it has to be better then the movie I reviewed below.

Estimated Opening Weekend Box Office Gross - $35 million

What Kind of Fart This Movie Will Resemble:

The Malted Milk Ball Fart - Odor alone is diagnostic and positively identifies this fart. It smells exactly like malted milk balls. No other food works this way. It is rare.

Bonus Review - Hercules

If you think The Rock can play a Greek god and you love ridiculous CGI battle sequences, then this is the movie for you.  As for me, no thank you.  Also, I keep seeing movie posters that say "Brett Ratner's Hercules" like he is a badass director or something.  Do you know what else he has directed?  The Rush Hour movies and that terrible 3rd X-Men movie.  Yeah, this thing is going to blow.

Movie Trailer Review - Transformers 4

This is not a review of the trailer, but a review of this movie based entirely on this movie's trailer.  I have a special talent of being able to figure out whether a movie will be any good based just on the trailer and I'm finally putting that talent to good use.  Screw you, it's a real talent.

Transformers: Age of Extinction

I want to start out by saying that I have never seen a single Transformers movie while it was in the theater even though I did enjoy the first one.  The second one was a train wreck of racism and the third was okay but all-around dumb.  Having said that, on to the trailer.

Mark Wahlberg is more entertaining than he probably deserves, but I really don't think he can save this movie.  That is unless of course you like these sorts of films, aka a CGI explosion extravaganza.  The only thing this movie really has going for it is that it is the only big action movie to come out in the past month and the action junkies will probably flock to it.  Will it be any good?  Probably not, but honestly, I don't think that's what Michael Bay is going for.  He is more of the kind of director that casts attractive people and then makes anything that can explode explode.  Do I suggest you go see it?  Nah, it's not worth it, just wait until Guardians of Galaxy comes out at the end of next month.

Estimated Opening Weekend Box Office Gross - $85 million

What Kind of Fart This Movie Will Resemble:

The Thank God I'm Alone Fart - Everyone knows this rotten fart. You look around after you have farted and say, "Thank God I'm alone." Then you get out of there fast!

Movie Trailer Review - Edge of Tomorrow

This is not a review of the trailer, but a review of this movie based entirely on this movie's trailer.  I have a special talent of being able to figure out whether a movie will be any good based just on the trailer and I'm finally putting that talent to good use.  Screw you, it's a real talent.

Edge of Tomorrow

I don't know what to make of this movie other than it is Groundhog Day, War of the Worlds, and the mech suit scene from the 3rd Matrix all wrapped up in one.  I guess my problem with this thing is that Tom Cruise hasn't put out a great movie in a long time, depending on how you felt about the 4th Mission: Impossible, which I felt was decent, but not great.  Seriously, after looking at his IMDB page, the last great movie he was in might have been Jerry Maguire and that was nearly 20 years ago.  In other words, this thing doesn't really stand a chance.

As for the trailer, it definitely makes this movie look interesting.  In fact, it kind of looks cool.  At least it's a more original concept from some the crap Hollywood has been pumping out lately.  The fight scenes look really cool, but they build the "There is no way we can win this thing" angle too much and I hate when they do that.  We all know the good guys will win, that's how movies work.  Also, I am a big Emily Blunt fan, I think it's the accent, but she's not enough for me to want to see this thing.  So, should you go see this movie in the theater?  It depends on how bored and/or hot it this weekend.  I've heard it's pretty decent, so if it's super hot outside this weekend, go blow a couple bucks to sit inside in an air conditioned theater and if it does suck, just take a nap in the cool air.

Estimated Opening Weekend Box Office Gross - $40 million +

What Kind of Fart This Movie Will Resemble:

The Ghost Fart - A doubtful fart in most cases, as it is supposed to be identified by odor alone and to occur, for instance, in an empty house. You enter and smell a fart, yet no one is there. People will insist that only a fart could have that odor, but some believe it is just something that happens to smell like a fart.

Movie Trailer Review - A Million Ways to Die in the West

This is not a review of the trailer, but a review of this movie based entirely on this movie's trailer.  I have a special talent of being able to figure out whether a movie will be any good based just on the trailer and I'm finally putting that talent to good use.  Screw you, it's a real talent.

A Million Ways to Die in the West

First off, I have say that I have a long-standing stance that I won't see a comedy while it is in theater.  There is no point.  You can enjoy it at home and not miss anything that would make it a better movie by seeing it while in theaters.  Having said that, let's get on with the review.

I went with the red band trailer on this one because, well, I liked it more.  More cussing, more blood, more sense of what this movie is about.  Will this movie be good?  Hard to say.  It has a great cast.  Charlize Theron is the most naturally beautiful woman in Hollywood (if not the world), Liam Neeson is more entertaining than the garbage he usually stars in, Amanda Seyfried is....okay, Neil Patrick Harris is the man, but Seth MacFarlane casting himself as the lead is an interesting choice.  There's no doubt that he is funny and a talented voice artist, but can he act?  I don't know and that is why I have mixed feelings about this movie.  Should you see it?  Sure, but wait until it comes out on Blu-Ray.  There's no need to blow 10 bucks per ticket when you can watch it on your couch for far less cash.

Estimated Opening Weekend Box Office Gross - $35 million

What Kind of Fart This Movie Will Resemble:

The Chicken Soup Fart: One day I had chicken soup for lunch at work and then stopped off at the gym after work. When it came on, I eased it out, covered by the gym's muzak. It smelled exactly like chicken soup. A few feet away some woman sniffed and said; "Is somebody cooking?" I had to turn to the wall to hide my laughter.

Bonus Review - Maleficent

This is how imagine this movie got made:

Hollywood Big-Wig 1:  "Whoa, did you see how much money Snow White and the Huntsman made?  We need to do something like that."
Hollywood Big-Wig 2:  "Okay, okay, I got it.  We do Sleeping Beauty, make it darker but get a bigger actress to play the villain, like Angelina Jolie!"
Hollywood Big-Wig 1:  "Genius.  And why don't we make it all about the villain and make a crazy back story and I guess throw in the Sleeping Beauty story, no one will care if it's only about Angelina, right?"
Hollywood Big-Wig 2:  "We will be rolling in cocaine and hookers by next year!"

Something tells me this movie will suck balls.

Movie Trailer Review - X-Men

This is not a review of the trailer, but a review of this movie based entirely on this movie's trailer.  I have a special talent of being able to figure out whether a movie will be any good based just on the trailer and I'm finally putting that talent to good use.  Screw you, it's a real talent.

X-Men: Days of Future Past

The old cast and the new cast?  Yes please.  I decided to include the trailer that shows us a lot more of the plot than any of the previous ones and it gives us a better idea of how this movie will play out.  Basically, mutants are being hunted down by Sentinels in the future, so future Professor X sends Wolverine back in time to convince his younger self to save everyone.  On top of that, young Magneto has been captured and young Professor X has to break him out of jail, then they get to saving the future by stopping Tyrion Lannister.  Did I need to tell you the plot of this movie?  Nope, but I did anyways.

As for the trailer, it looks awesome.  Seriously, all you need to do is look at that GIF below and that should be all that needs to convince you to see this thing.  Am I recommending this movie?  Yes, go see it and enjoy it with no worries of it being bad.  You're welcome.

Estimated Opening Weekend Box Office Gross - $80 million +

What Kind of Fart This Movie Will Resemble:

The Amplified Fart - This is any fart that gets its power more from being amplified than from the fart itself. A metal porch swing will amplify a fart every time. So will a plywood table,and empty fifty gallon drum, a tin roof, or some empty cardboard boxes if they are strong through being amplified in this way can be called an Amplified Fart. These are common farts under the right conditions. For example, if you're sitting on an empty 55-gallon steel drum.

Bonus Review - Blended

Adam Sandler and Drew Barrymore in a crappy comedy.....NO!!!!!!

Movie Trailer Review - Godzilla

This is not a review of the trailer, but a review of this movie based entirely on this movie's trailer.  I have a special talent of being able to figure out whether a movie will be any good based just on the trailer and I'm finally putting that talent to good use.  Screw you, it's a real talent.

Godzilla

Okay, let's get this out of the way.  It's going to be really tough to convince myself or anyone to go see another Godzilla movie after that piece of shit that came out in 1998.  Do you remember how pumped you were to see that thing?  It looked awesome.  And then you bought your ticket and witnessed an atrocity to the eyeballs.  Holy shit, that thing was bad.  So, when they announced they were making another American-made Godzilla, only negative thoughts came to mind.  Like I said it's going to be really tough to convince anyone to see this thing, but they might just do it.

As for the trailer, I'm just glad that this Godzilla actually looks like Godzilla and not a big iguana.  Seriously, he looks HUGE!  And yet, some fans are complaining that the monster looks "too fat".  Come on, people, don't complain just for the sake of complaining, get a life.  Otherwise, while Bryan Cranston is well known for being a great TV actor, his movie track record isn't so hot.  Outside of Argo, his recent movies have been that stupid Total Recall remake, Rock of Ages, and John Carter.  Yeah, if you base this movie off of Cranston's recent track record, it doesn't look like it has a chance.  However, having said that, I still feel like they might have something here, only because this Godzilla looks so cool.  Plus no Matthew Broderick.  Should you go see this?  Yes, but only because this seems like the kind of movie you should see in a theater.  Am I going to see it?  Probably, but that's because I got $60 in movie gift cards and I have to spend that on something.

Estimated Opening Weekend Box Office Gross - $70 million +

What Kind of Fart This Movie Will Resemble:

The Snart: This is a fart that you succeed in suppressing so as not to not to offend, but then a sneeze jars it loose.

Movie Trailer Review - Spider-Man 2

This is not a review of the trailer, but a review of this movie based entirely on this movie's trailer.  I have a special talent of being able to figure out whether a movie will be any good based just on the trailer and I'm finally putting that talent to good use.  Screw you, it's a real talent.

The Amazing Spider-Man 2

At first, I was pretty excited about this movie, but then they just kept adding villains and now I'm not so sure because it reminds me too much of that atrocity Spider-Man 3.  Even though I like Jamie Foxx and Paul Giamatti (did you know his dad used to be the MLB Commissioner?), I have never heard of their characters before.  Seriously, who are Electro and The Rhino?  And on top of them, they are giving us the Green Goblin, who is played by that guy (Dane DeHaan) from that movie about kids who get superpowers, Chronicle, who I think is a great actor, but still, why so many villains?  They really should scale it back a little considering they have two more sequels already in the pipe.

Anyways, on to the trailer.  The trailer I put in up there is the one that shows how Jamie Foxx becomes Electro and even shows a little bit of his and Spider-Man's first confrontation.  And frankly, I don't see how Spider-Man can defeat that guy, he looks way more powerful.  In any case, this movie looks decent, the effects look on par to the rest of the superhero movies they throw at us each year, but the plot looks a little more complicated than it needs to be.  It's going to be a real debate as to whether I go see this in the theater or not.  I saw the first one during its first week and liked it more than most people, but after watching the trailer for this one, something about it doesn't seem to sit right with me.  So, I going to recommend seeing it only if you are bored and have ten bucks to burn.

Estimated Opening Weekend Box Office Gross - $100 million +

What Kind of Fart This Movie Will Resemble:

The Dud Fart - The Dud Fart is not really a fart at all. It's a fart that fails. For this reason it is strictly a group one identification fart, because there is no real way you can identify a fart that somebody else expected to fart but didn't. It is the most private of all farts. In most cases the farter usually feels a little disappointed.

Movie Trailer Review - Transcendence

This is not a review of the trailer, but a review of this movie based entirely on this movie's trailer.  I have a special talent of being able to figure out whether a movie will be any good based just on the trailer and I'm finally putting that talent to good use.  Screw you, it's a real talent.

Transcendence

The new Johnny Depp movie is about, well, it's not entirely clear but it has something to do with Johnny dying and having his brain uploaded to a computer.  After that, I have no idea what happens, but apparently Johnny takes over the world, I guess.  This movie also has that chick from the third Iron Man movie and the incredibly hot Kate Mara.

I've seen this movie pop up on a few "Must See Summer Movie" lists, but based on the trailer, I just can't get behind it.  The CGI looks like crap.  The plot looks dumb.  And most importantly, outside of the Pirates of the Caribbean movies, Johnny Depp hasn't been in anything worth watching in years (Alice in Wonderland, Dark Shadows, The Lone Ranger, and Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory were all terrible).  Based on the trailer, I would recommend waiting until this comes on HBO before attempting to watch it and even then, only if you are really really bored.  The only way this movie has a chance at being good is if it has a really cool twist ending, but something tells me that's not going to happen.

What Kind of Fart This Movie Will Resemble:

The Alarm Fart - This is a good fart for the beginner. It is easy to identify. It starts with a loud unnaturally high note, wavers like a siren, and ends with a quick downward note that stops before you expect it to. It sounds like something is wrong. If it happens to you, you will know right off why it is called the Alarm Fart. You will be alarmed. The alarm fart however is rare.

Trailer Movie Review - Captain America 2

This is not a review of the trailer, but a review of this movie based entirely on this movie's trailer.  I have a special talent of being able to figure out whether a movie will be any good based just on the trailer and I'm finally putting that talent to good use.  Screw you, it's a real talent.

Captain America: The Winter Soldier

This is a movie produced by Marvel and so far, they haven't let us down, so that's a good thing for this movie.  The problem I have about this movie is its release date.  Nothing good ever comes out in early April and the big blockbusters usually don't start coming out until early May.  However, I'm hoping they are just trying to pull a "Christmas Creep" on us and releasing things earlier and earlier, you know, kind of like how Christmas seems to start earlier each year.

Anyways, on to the trailer.  I used the extended trailer above because I think that gives you a better idea of what this movie is bringing to the table and that something looks awesome.  The action scenes look great, Scarlett Johansson is looking good, and it looks like they are going against the norm and are only giving us one villain in a sequel.  Seriously, that might be a first.  However, if I had to guess based on the trailer, Robert Redford might actually be a bad guy, so don't be surprised when I nail that little prediction.  Only by seeing the trailer, I'm going to recommend seeing this movie while in the theater.

What Kind of Fart This Movie Will Resemble:

The Relief Fart - Sound or odor don't matter on this one. What matters is the tremendous sense of relief that you have finally farted. Some people will even say, "Wow, what a relief." Very common.