Stupid State Laws - Rhode Island

Here comes another post about a state law that still exists on the books and why it is ridiculous (to see them all, click here):

Rhode Island

"It is illegal to coast downhill in your car with your transmission in neutral, or with the clutch disengaged."

This law brings up a very big question - why not?  What if you ran out of gas and the only way to get to a gas station is to coast down a hill?  Would that still be considered illegal?  And for that matter, does Rhode Island even have any hills?  It's the smallest state in America (only being 37 miles wide and 48 miles long, I think LA covers more area) and located against the Atlantic Ocean.  So, how many hills could they possibly have in that state?  I guess only a couple and if that's the case, then I guess it is really easy to post a couple of cops at the bottom of them and easily bust all of the lawbreakers.  Seriously, Rhode Island, what in the hell were you thinking when you made this thing?

"We can't pull them all over, I guess we just pick one and punish that bastard for breaking the law!"

Saturday's Video of Saturday

Here is a new weekly post we are going to try out and see how it goes. Basically, Alex is going to comb the internet for the dumbest/funniest/awesome-est/sexiest video he can find and post it for the world to see. However, this week Sambo found a video he liked a lot and took over for a week. Let's see what he's got this week:

Set up:  Instagram just swatted Vine with its pimphand and came out with a video app.  The coolest hippest celebs and teens are using it like Madonna?!?!  What could she want to send out?  Maybe a profound message?

Summary:  Nope! A gross 54 year old dancing.  Yikes.  She even labeled it "Hard candy booty pop up class."  Her daughter is too old to be filming this.  I feel like Madonna was hot from 18-45 years old then immediately leapt into old skeleton with a random British accent.  Weird.

Robot Chicken Part Two

Part two of our Surprising Actors to Provide Their Voice for Robot Chicken posts.  To see the first one, click here.  Let's do this:

• David Hasselhoff - What can you say about The Hoff that hasn't already been said?  The Germans love him, he can't act, he can't sing, and his reality show was stupid (I'm guessing here, I never watch such garbage).
• Gene Simmons - This guy probably has an amazing amount of STD's for being such an ugly dude.  I guess that tongue was a turn-on.
• Hugh Hefner - You know how people still can't figure out how Magic Johnson is still alive?  The same can be said about Hugh Hefner.  Scientists really should find out if banging slutty 20 year olds is a real-life Fountain of Youth.
• Charlize Theron - I think this is our first Oscar winner on these lists.  So, that begs the question - why would she go on Robot Chicken?  Doesn't she have better things to do with her time?
• Stan Lee - Actually, this one isn't really surprising.  However, this guy has to be insane rich by now, so if he didn't do the show for the money, then why did he do it?
• Malcolm McDowell - You probably don't recognize the name, but you will remember him as the actor who played the main character in A Clockwork Orange.  I heard him interviewed on a podcast one time and he is surprisingly hilarious.
• Billy Dee Williams - Oh, Lando Calrissian, is the only work you can find doing voice-overs of your only memorable character on a show about farting and 80's cartoon references?
• Lee Majors - When I clicked on his IMDB page, I was shocked to see that his top-billed performance was not The Six Million Dollar Man, but something called The Fall Guy.  Also, would six million dollars be able to buy you the same thing in today's world?
• Jean-Claude Van Damme - The Mullet From Brussels....or is it Muscles?  It should be Mullet.
• Lea Thompson - You may remember her as Marty McFly's mom from Back to the Future, or if you are weird, you remember her from Caroline in the City.  Either way, she obviously doesn't have much else to do if she is doing cameos on Robot Chicken.
• Olivia Wilde - I believe this will be the 10th list I have included the super sexy Olivia on.  I can't resist making up an excuse to include a picture of her sexy eyes in a post.  So sexy.

"How did Jason Sudeikis bag her?  How?!?"

Death to Board Shorts

Somewhere back in the "ought's", guys thought it would look really cool to wear really long swim suits.  Surfers did it, and if adrenaline junkie high school drop outs with no life plans do something, Abercrombie and the rest of America does it too.  As a symbol of peace, I will give you the offering that board shorts can look good.  Now, onto why they are devil clothes:

• Board shorts are not for anytime, they are for boarding. It is right there in the name! You wouldn't wear baseball pants to a restaurant....or would you?
• They are too long.  Other than lounging around modeling for pictures you cannot do any running around. There isn't enough give to bend down and play in the sand.  You are basically a mummy from the waist down.
• They have velcro.  What the hell - is this the '80s?  Every time you take a piss it is a bathroom full of dudes with that ripping velcro sound - it is very off-putting (that's why I just pee in the ocean).
• Too many floral patterns.  Chances are if you have board shorts half of them have flowers.  Take it easy with that bros.  Pastels OK, flowers not OK.
• Girls look good wearing almost any of your clothes - there is just something inherently sexy about it.  Not board shorts - they look super awkward and are even worse than capris.

Guys, let's not get too creative - stick with regular swim trunks.  They are timeless, classic, and you can do all your beaching activities in them.  If there is a doubt, I would go full European before board shorts.  Hey Hey! Rainbows 4 Life.

"Seriously guys, no homo.....ok, this is full homo."

Random Movie Trivia - X-Men

Here is the next edition in our weekly Random Movie Trivia post.  Enjoy:

X-Men

• The studio's first choice to play Wolverine was Russell Crowe, but he turned it down because he demanded a higher fee.  Their next two choices were more baffling, Keanu Reeves and Gary Sinise.  Also considered for the role were Aaron Eckhart, Jean-Claude Van Damme, Viggo Mortensen, and Edward Norton.  Dougray Scott was cast but couldn't do it because of a scheduling conflict with Mission Impossible 2.  In the end, they went with the unknown Hugh Jackman who nailed the part.  Of all of those actors, only Russell Crowe made any sense.
• Hugh Jackman was cast a month and a half into shooting and you can notice a difference in his physique throughout the movie because he didn't start working out until he showed up.
• In the comic book, Wolverine is only 5 foot 3 inches tall.  Hugh Jackman is 6'2, a full four inches taller than James Marsden who plays Cyclops.  In order to make Cyclops appear taller than Wolverine in the movie, Marsden had to wear lifts in any scene where the two actors were talking face-to-face.
• The special contact lenses that Rebecca Romijn had to wear for her Mystique costume only allowed her 10% of her normal vision and she could only wear them for about an hour at a time.  On top of that, her costume took nine hours to apply each day of filming.
• Surprisingly, neither Sir Patrick Stewart nor Sir Ian McKellen knew how to play chess for their chess game at the end of the movie.
• Angela Bassett, Janet Jackson, and Jada Pinkett Smith were all considered for the role of Storm.
• Hugh Jackman got his balls caught in a harness doing a stunt during the Statue of Liberty scene.
• Sarah Michelle Gellar and Christina Ricci were considered for the part of Rogue and Natalie Portman was offered the role, but turned it down.
• The mansion used for Professor Xavier's School was the same one used in Billy Madison.
• Edward Burns, D.B. Sweeney, Thomas Jane, and Vince Vaughn were all interested in the role of Cyclops.  Jim Caviezel was cast but had to drop out after a scheduling conflict with another movie.  And no, it wasn't Passion of the Christ.  Also, Vince Vaughn.  Really?
• This is the first movie based on a Marvel comic book that Stan Lee makes a cameo in.
• Terence Stamp (aka the original General Zod) and Christopher Lee (aka Saruman) were considered for the role of Magneto.  Shortly after getting cast, Ian McKellen was offered the role of Gandalf in The Lord of the Rings and the director (Bryan Singer) rearranged filming so that he could do both.
• To celebrate the last day of filming, Rebecca Romijn brought a bottle of tequila to the set.  Unfortunately, that was the day that they were filming the Wolverine/Mystique fight scene and she ended up vomited blue-colored tequila all over Hugh Jackman.
• Is it possible that a role was more perfectly suited for an actor like Patrick Stewart and Professor X? I don't think so.

"Yup, that beautiful mullet almost played Wolverine."

Sequels, Prequels, Remakes, and More Part 5

Another look at Hollywood's hilarious concept of upcoming movies, meaning that they have run out of ideas and they can only come up with another round of prequels, sequels, and remakes and nothing original:

• Men in Black 4 - As confusing as the third one was, I feel like making a fourth one will only make this franchise that much stupider.  Then again, this only proves my theory that Hollywood truly has run out of ideas.
• 21 Jump Street 2 - Channing Tatum and Johan Hill didn't look like high schoolers in the first movie, so making another one three years later makes even less sense.
• Mission Impossible 5 - How old is Tom Cruise?  He has to be getting pretty close to where he is too old and no longer being a believable super spy.
• Angry Birds - Sure, why not?  They might as well milk as much cash out of this game while they can, but it's set to come out in 2016, so will anyone even still be playing the game by then for the studio to even sell tickets?  Plus, what in the hell is the plot of this movie going to be?
• Rio 2 - You know, this will be the sequel about two birds doing stuff in Rio.  Kids will go see it I guess.
• Hot Tub Time Machine 2 - I enjoyed the first one, but is a second one really necessary?  And will it be the same guys going back in time again?  This has a Hangover 2 feel to it.
• Haunted House 2 - This obviously is the new crappy franchise that has replaced the Scary Movie movies.  You already know this won't be the last one.
• Godzilla Remake - For some reason Breaking Bad's Bryan Cranston is in this thing and it will be hitting theaters sometime next year.  The good news is that it can't possibly be as bad as that piece of shit starring Matthew Broderick.
• Fast and Furious 7 - Yeah, they are making another one and it is coming out next summer, one year after the sixth one.  Who keeps going to these things allowing them to keep making more?
• Resident Evil 6 - Does Milla Jovovich get any work other than these movies anymore?  I guess not and that's why she must be forcing the studios to keep making them.
• Night at the Museum 3 - First off, this one's subtitle is "Brother From Another Mother".  What does that even mean?  Will Ben Stiller be getting another security guard who also happens to be his brother.....from another mother?
• Horrible Bosses 2 - The only funny part about the first movie was Colin Farrell, but they killed his character, therefore this movie will suck.  Plus, how is it possible that these guys got more terrible bosses?  You think they would have learned their lesson.

"What is he looking at?  A naked chick?  I wanna see!"

NOKW - Star Wars VI

Here comes the next chapter in our "I'm Okay With, I'm Not Okay With" series (if you don't know what this is, click here for all of the past posts):

Movie:  Star Wars: Episode VI: Return of the Jedi

Basic Plot:  Something about space wizards, space rebels, and space bears.

I'm Okay With:  The fact that they show robots being tortured in Jabba's palace as if robots can feel pain.
The fact that Luke seems to become an expert at all things Jedi since the last movie when it took every other Jedi years to master the Force.  The fact that big hairy guy cried over losing his Rancor when there is no way that thing knew who he was or if he was dinner or not.  The fact that Luke's plan to save Han involved having everyone get captured and almost killed by Jabba the Hutt and not just paying the ransom which would have been infinitely easier.  That fact that there is no way a Sarlacc could grow that large let alone survive in an environment that provides zero subsistence unless Jabba the Hutt throws him some prisoners every once in a while.  The fact that Boba Fett went out like such a bitch.  The fact that for the longest time I pronounced it Hans Solo and not Han Solo.  The fact that Ewoks exist.  The fact that the Empire had a spy amongst the rebels and spoiled their surprise attack and the rebels didn't have any spies to tell them that their plan was actually a trap.  The fact that killing the Emperor wouldn't solve the galaxy's problems, it would only create a bloody power vacuum that would last for years.

I'm Not Okay With:  The fact that who ever is funding to make the Death Star would ever give the Empire more money to build a second Death Star after the first one was destroyed so easily.  Sure, the Empire can probably strong arm some people into giving them funding, but think about the insurance on something like the Death Star especially after the first one blew up.  Those premium payments would bankrupt even the richest regime in the universe.  Oh, and I just looked this up, the first Death Star was only 160 km wide while the second one was 900 km wide.  That's almost SIX times larger.  That means that you will have at least ten times the building materials needed (if not a lot more because I really have no idea the math behind something like this).  The budget on this thing would be enormously bigger than the budget for the first one.  And let's not forget about the loss of life after the first one blew up.  Would you want to work on the second one?  No.  I do know that the second Death Star had over two million people working there when it blew up, that's a lot of people.  Plus, you would have to imagine that the first Death Star was employed by the best and brightest in the Empire, so the second one would be staffed by the JV squad after the Varsity squad blew up.  I don't care how far-reaching the Empire is, there is no way that someone would front the cash for a second Death Star after a rag-tag team of rebels blew up the first one.  I am not okay with that.

"Plus how exactly does this thing fly?  I don't see anything on the there that looks like a propulsion system?"

Stupid State Laws - Pennsylvania 7

Here comes another post about a state law that still exists on the books and why it is ridiculous (to see them all, click here):

Pennsylvania

"A special cleaning ordinance bans housewives from hiding dirt and dust under a rug in a dwelling."

Come on, Pennsylvania, you guys are just getting absurd.  Okay, let's say you are a housewife illegally cleaning your house.  And let's say that the police get a search warrant to come into your home.  Also, let's say that they do find dirt and dust under a rug in your home.  At what point can they actually charge you with anything when they can't actually prove you did it?  Sure, they found some dirt under a rug in your home, but what if your husband was the one who did it, there's nothing in that law about husbands hiding dirt and dust.  Also, what if you are married, but not a housewife, does this law still apply to you, too?  Apparently not, Pennsylvania left a huge loophole for themselves with this stupid law.  Idiots.

"She's smiling because she knows she's breaking the law and will definitely get away with it."

Truly Random Brainfart Thoughts - Part 4

Here comes the next edition of Truly Random Brainfart Thoughts (click here to see the others).  Basically,  these are a bunch of random thoughts that came to mind that I couldn't really expand on and thought I should just make them into list form for your enjoyment.  Here goes:

• Why did He-Man live in a skull-shaped castle and Skeletor live in a non-skull-shaped castle?  Isn't that backwards?
• What's the opposite of a "Butterface"?
• Was Jabba the Hutt the only one of his species?  Or were there other ones but we didn't notice because they weren't morbidly obese?
• If you're a wizard in the Harry Potter Universe and you are whacking it to a witch porno mag, does that mean that the naked women in the photos are watching you whacking it?
• What is the proper amount of time before you can throw away a birthday card?  A month?  A week? A day?  Right after you read it?
• Do you think Mila Kunis ever gets depressed because everyone has been shitting all over her character on Family Guy for the past 11 seasons?
• In the Marvel Universe, what would be worse - being a normal dude?  Or having a worthless mutant ability like shooting light out of your hands like Dazzler?
• You're a towel!
• Why is it that the easiest thing someone can do to make their character appear evil is to give them facial hair?
• Is there a cure for HIV that no one told me about?  Because Magic Johnson has had that disease for two decades and seems perfectly healthy.
• For the longest time I thought Martha's Vineyard was where Martha Stewart lived and not a small island near Cape Cod.
• In Star Wars, do you think any of the high-ranking officers in the Empire ever said to a co-worker, "Did you know we blew-up a planet this week, killing billions of innocent people for no good reason.  Do you ever get the feeling that we might be the bad guys?"?

"Is that other guy Jabba's cousin?  What do the other Hutt's look like?  Are they all super fat?"

Robot Chicken Part One

I sometimes stay up late at night and catch reruns of the hilarious sketch show, Robot Chicken.  You know, that show with stop-motion dolls, lots of fart jokes, people exploding, and random celebrity cameos.  And it's that last one that I want to key in on, random celebrity cameos.  If you have watched this show and if you watch the credits, you will sometimes be surprised by some of the people who have done voices for that show and I am here today to present another fun list of those people.  However, my list will not include every celebrity that has come on the show, but rather the ones that I find surprising.  So, there will be no Mila Kunis or Seth MacFarlane (they work with show creator Seth Green on Family Guy) on the list, just people that I said "Whoa, they did this show" when I saw their name pop up on the credits.  Oh, and there are a lot of names, so I will be splitting this up over the next three weeks.  Let's do this:

• Dom DeLuise - I like this guy, but I have always found it strange that everyone knows who is despite not really ever being the lead role in anything.  The first thing I think of when I hear his name is All Dogs Go To Heaven (which isn't true b/c the villain definitely goes to hell) and that was a movie he provided his voice for, so how is that everyone knows who he is?
• Burt Reynolds - I know this guy's career has been in the crapper for years and by doing this show it was actually a huge step up from the last thing I saw him in, that terrible Jason Statham movie, In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale.  Yeah, I actually watched that whole thing.  I'm dumber now.
• Mark Hamill - Did you know that he also has done the voice of The Joker on pretty much any animated Batman show for years as well as a ton of other voice work?  Well, you do now.
• Conan O'Brien - Sure, Conan is a goofy guy and him doing this show isn't a stretch, but you would think he wouldn't have any time for doing this show.  Then again, he did have a few years off because of something that happened at NBC.
• Dave Coulier - Oh yeah, Uncle Joey took some time out of his busy schedule to provide the voice of Popeye for Robot Chicken.  I don't know how he found the time, but he did.
• Don Knotts - Barney Fife.  That's all I got.
• Bruce Campbell - Quite possibly the greatest B actor of our generation.  Did you know he auditioned to play Batman in Batman Forever?  I think he would have been a lot better than Val Kilmer.
• Jimmy Kimmel - Another funny talk show host who I was surprised to see had time to do this show.
• Melanie Griffith - Antonio Banderas's baby momma swung by the show and did the voice of Hermoine Granger.  Also, did anybody see the short-lived show Ben and Kate?  The actress who played Kate was Dakota Johnson, who is Melanie and Don Johnson's daughter.
• Sam Elliott - You may not know his name, but you definitely know his voice.  He played The Stranger in The Big Lebowski and has the manliest voice known to mankind.
• Weird Al Yankovic - I love this guy.  Everything he has ever done was hilarious and I am shocked that he doesn't get more work in movies and TV.  And for the love of god, will SNL please bring this guy on the show to host!!!

"I really wish this scene was in the real movies."

Volcanic Eruption

Contrary to the title, this post is not about sex.  I recently went to Nicaragua and visited an active volcano.  Those things are HUGE and scary.  They definitely leave you in awe of mother nature.  I tell you that to get to this - today I came across a small article about a volcano that erupted in Mexico.  Thinking of looking down into an active volcano, the thought of an actual eruption is mind-blowing (and Earth-blowing! Zing!).  It sent ash two and a half miles in the air.  Since I blog and take pride in gathering information I actually read the whole article which was fortunate because that's where the payoff was.  Because of the eruption they (whoever they is) "raised the volcano alert level to Yellow Phase 2." Best name for an alert level ever!!!  It combines colors and Phases for ultimate preparation.

Now I am forced to Google "volcano alert level" to mine some more of this gold.  What could make this system even better?  PICTURES!!!!!  Take a look.

Pure genius.  Before there was a lot of issues in interpreting the alert level but the pictures clear all that up.  I am surprised this was not thought of when our forefathers wrote the Constitution.  This system was 100% made up by a Star Wars gamer kid.

Anyways, just wanted to Yellow Phase 2 alert you to this awesome system.  Until my next post which will be when blog level reaches thirty option X.

Movie Review - Man of Steel

As I always like to do after seeing a good movie, here is my review and recommendation of a new release:

Man of Steel

Going into this movie, I had read that the critics thought it was average but the fan boys loved it.  And now I know why.  As a whole, the acting was "meh", but the fight scenes were fucking amazing.  The two big fight scenes in this movie were the kind of fight scenes I have been waiting for for a long time.  They nailed it when it came to depicting invisible supermen fighting against each other.  Building were destroyed when Superman was thrown or threw someone through them.  An I-beam was used as a bat.  And best of all, someone threw a train at someone else.  How awesome is that?  At one point, I leaned over to my brother and said, "This might be the best fight I've ever seen".  As for the rest of the movie, you should know that this was a 100% origin story and they didn't even show a glasses-wearing Clark Kent until the last scene (which we didn't even really get to see because lighting struck the theater and the projector turned off during the last minute of the movie which pissed me off and now I probably will go see it again just for that scene).

Otherwise, the movie was well paced and never really had any slow parts to it.  It started out on Krypton like the original movie did and then went straight to a 30 year old Clark wandering around, then threw in flashbacks scenes throughout the movie to help build his character.  I thought that was well done and gave the movie a good feel to it and helped with avoiding any long boring scenes.

As for the acting, it was a mixed bag.  Henry Cavill made a great Superman/young Clark Kent, but I'm worried that he won't be able to pull off the "gee-whiz, aw-shucks" Clark Kent that we all know and love.  However, it was refreshing to finally have a Superman that was ripped.  Cavill definitely put in the effort in the gym for this role which is something past Supermen never really did.  Michael Shannon's General Zod was good, but I felt like he could have toned down his intensity a notch and it would have been a little better.  Amy Adams was the weak link in this movie.  Her Lois Lane wasn't terrible, but it wasn't good whatsoever.  We are used to an "in-your-face" reporter and she just couldn't pull that off.  Plus making her Superman's love interest right off the bat made no sense.  Clark Kent seemed to fall for her right away and I still have no idea what he saw in her character, she pretty much stalked him the first half of the movie and then did nothing but get in harms way the second half.  If they had cast someone else, this movie would have been a lot better and she definitely qualifies for The Maggie Theory (explanation below).  But it was Russell Crowe's Jor-El that I thought stole the movie.  On top of Crowe's great acting, I was surprised to see his character a lot more involved in the movie than you would have thought.  And I can't forget about Kevin Costner and the role he was born for, Superman's adoptive father, Jonathan Kent.  Costner should have been the only choice for this role and if anyone else was suggested, I hope someone got fired.

Lastly, they made one mention of Lex Luthor in the movie when Zod threw a truck with the LexCorp logo on the side of it at Superman during their big fight scene.  I will be interested to see who plays the part of Lex in upcoming films (because this thing made a ton of money in its first weekend and there will definitely be a sequel).  I've racked my brain and the best actor I could think of to play the part is Tom Hardy.  He has already played parts where his character was bald with Bane in the most recent Batman and the bad guy in an old Star Trek movie (Star Trek: Insurrection I think).  Plus, he already has ties with Christopher Nolan (who produced this movie) so it wouldn't be that surprising if they cast him.

In conclusion, I suggest you go see it.  The fight scenes alone are well worth the price of admission.

*The Maggie Theory (scroll about 3/4ths of the way down the column to find it) was thought up by ESPN writer Bill Simmons and is named for the character Maggie from Caddyshack.  Basically, Maggie's character was so bad in that movie that she made it hard to rewatch in the future.  Others that would qualify would be Bruce Willis's annoying girlfriend in Pulp Fiction and (appropriately) Maggie Gyllenhaal in The Dark Knight.

Fart Rating (out of 5):  4.0 Farts

Best Head Cover In Golf

I was watching the U.S. Open this weekend and saw either the greatest or creepiest head cover a golfer could possibly own.  This is what I saw:

That's 2012 Masters winner Bubba Watson.  First off, for some reason the word "Bubba" is considered misspelled by Spell Check.  Second, look at that thing.  I know it's supposed to be a head cover of himself, but that thing is scary.  It looks like it could come alive at any moment and start haunting kids' nightmares at any minute.  At the same time, I love it.  Not many people would have the balls to use a head cover like that.  I would, but I'm an idiot.  But a professional golfer has an image to protect and should probably think twice before putting a doll in coveralls on his driver that everyone will see on national TV.  I applaud Bubba for his huge balls.

NOKW - The Terminator

Here comes the next chapter in our "I'm Okay With, I'm Not Okay With" series (if you don't know what this is, click here for all of the past posts):

Movie:  The Terminator

Basic Plot:  A killer robot from the future is sent back in time to kill the mother of an unborn man who will lead humans to victory over the machines in a future war.  Also, the humans send back a man to protect the woman and accidentally becomes that unborn man's father.  Looking at that way, how did this get made?

I'm Okay With:  The fact that the first thing a self-aware computer program thinks to do is kill all humans.  The fact that the time machine can only send back living tissue, yet the Terminator is a machine with a thin layer of living tissue on it (and don't get me started on the fact that in the second movie, they don't even bother giving the T1000 any living tissue before it is sent back).  The fact that the machines would be losing so badly in the future that their first thought is to send someone back in time to kill one guy who may or may not actually affect the outcome of the future war.  The fact that the robots didn't just keep sending back more killer robots until one of them finally succeeded.  The fact that the humans didn't think to send back more than one human to help protect Sarah Conner.  The fact that one dude and one waitress are able to defeat a super-strong killer robot.  The fact that a killer robot would think to wear sunglasses.

I'm Not Okay With:  The fact that the future humans had the ability to send someone back in time and sent Kyle Reese back to protect Sarah Conner instead of sending him back to destroy Skynet.  Let's imagine this scenario - you're the leader of the future humans' army who are in a war with machines.  Those machines are fighting you because of a singular event in the past when Skynet was turned on and became self-aware.  You have created the ability to travel back in time.  What should be your first thought upon creating time travel?  As the head of the human resistance trying to stop machines from killing you, the correct answer is to travel back in time and stop that singular event by destroying Skynet.  That would prevent machines from becoming self-aware and murdering everyone you know.  Instead, you send back ONE guy to protect your mother from a killer robot.  Why?  Sure, you could argue that Judgement Day is inevitable, but in the sequel the T800 says that it can be prevented which is immediately contradicted in the third movie, so I'm basing this off of the second movie.  So, if the war can be prevented, why would you send someone back in time to protect your mom instead of sending someone back in time to stop the whole damn thing to begin with?  Is it because you technically wouldn't be born if you didn't?  Who cares, you would stop the war and save billions of lives.  I am not okay with that.

"And if the machines hate humans so much, then why did they make their killer robots look so human?"

Stupid State Laws - Pennsylvania 6

Here comes another post about a state law that still exists on the books and why it is ridiculous (to see them all, click here):

Pennsylvania

"Ministers are forbidden from performing marriages when either the bride or groom is drunk."

Yup, we are dipping back into Pennsylvania for the sixth time, but for good reason.  This state is chock full of stupid laws and this one is pretty stupid.  Today's law kind of makes sense except for one little detail - this law says that a minister cannot perform a marriage when the bride is drunk.  The groom being intoxicated for a wedding is understandable.  He is about to take a leap in his relationship that he probably didn't want to take, but the bride has been waiting for this day since she was a little girl.  On top of that, the bride takes hours to get ready and doesn't have the time to drink.  Meanwhile, the groom is surrounded by a bunch of guys who have probably been partying hard for the past couple of days and having a couple more beers won't hurt.  So, why did they include the bride in this law?  Was it because they felt they should cover all of their bases and close a loophole?  Or do Pennsylvanian women hate getting married as much as the men?  Someone answer me these questions.

"In this case, they might both be drunk."

Saturday's Video of Saturday

Here is a new weekly post we are going to try out and see how it goes.  Basically, Alex is going to comb the internet for the dumbest/funniest/awesome-est/sexiest video he can find and post it for the world to see.  However, this week Sambo found a video he liked a lot and took over for a week.  Let's see what he's got this week:

Set up:  There isn't much to set up here other than that someone made an interesting change to the video game Skyrim, just watch and thoroughly enjoy the awesomeness of it.

Summary:  Adding Randy Macho Man Savage to anything instantly makes things better and we all know it. Just hearing the dragon screaming "Yeaaaa!" before torching people is worth watching this thing over and over.

Simple Inventions Taken for Granted

In today's world, I feel like we seem to overlook some really great things that make life that much easier.  I'm not talking about iPads, remote controls, and internet porn.  I'm talking about simple inventions that if they didn't exist, I really don't know how the modern human would cope.  These inventions don't have electronic components, can generally fit in your pocket, can be broken if you sat on them, and if they didn't exist I'm not sure how we would do the job they were invented to do for us.  I think that explains what I'm talking about, so let's see what I came up with:

• Cheese Grader - shredded cheese is great.  You can put it on salads, baked potatoes, and tacos.  It make everything taste better and without a cheese grader, I have no idea how someone could make it.  I guess you could chop up a block of cheese with a knife, but that would be a pain in the ass and wouldn't accomplish the same result.
• Sunglasses - while some people will say that you could live without sunglasses, I disagree.  Go outside on a sunny day with a hangover without sunglasses and tell me you can't live without them and then we will learn something about you.  You're an alien.
• Toothbrush - I really want to know at what point in history someone finally said, "My breath smells bad, I should do something about it" and came up with the idea of making a toothbrush.  Before that point it must have been hell when teenagers were awkwardly making out all the time.
• Mechanical Pencil - I could have gone with the pencil sharpener here, but who the hell still uses regular pencils anymore?  I know I don't and the mechanical pencil is a godsend when it comes writing myself reminders on sticky notes (another invention I probably should have added).
• Golf Tee - this one might be a little far-fetched, but you try and hit a driver without one.  You would top the hell out of the ball for the 30th time that round, break your driver, and be out 300 bucks and then tell me you wouldn't kill someone for a way to hit a ball really far.
• Fingernail Clippers - this is the invention that put this post in motion.  I was clipping my fingernails when I realized how simple this invention was and how without them, I have no idea how I would clip my fingernails without having to bite them all the time.  Whoever came up this invention, I want to buy you a beer.

"Oh yeah, take them off real slow."

Random Movie Trivia - Iron Man

Here is the next edition in our weekly Random Movie Trivia post.  Enjoy:

Iron Man

• In the comic book, Tony Stark is captured after an injury to his heart and is forced to make weapons for a bad guy during the Vietnam War.  In the movie, they followed the same origin but just updated it to the war on terror in Afghanistan.
• Rachel McAdams was the director's first choice to play Pepper Potts.
• The script for the movie wasn't finished before they started filming, so a lot of the lines are ad-libbed which gave the movie a more real feel to it.  However, Gwyneth Paltrow had a hard time with this because she said she never knew what Robert Downey Jr was going to say from take to take.
• In 1999, Quentin Tarantino was approached to write and direct this movie.  Then in 2001, Joss Whedon was in negotiations but couldn't reach a deal (and then later when on to direct The Avengers).  Next up in 2004 was The Notebook director, Nick Cassavetes, but that fell through.  Finally, Jon Favreau took over the helm in 2006.
• If you didn't know, director Jon Favreau also plays Tony Stark's bodyguard/chauffeur, Happy, in the movie.
• Nicolas Cage and Tom Cruise were interested in the part of Iron Man and Cruise was even going to produce before Favreau got his way and they hired RDJ to play the part.  And he nailed it.
• Also considered for the role of Tony Stark were Clive Owen, Timothy Olyphant, and Sam Rockwell.  Rockwell went on to play Justin Hammer in the sequel.
• In the scene where Pepper discovers Tony trying to get out of his armor, you can clearly see Captain America's shield sitting on a worktable in the background.
• Jeff Bridges actually shaved his head and grew a beard for the part of Obadiah Stone.  Also, at one point in the movie, Stone tells Tony that "We are iron mongers, we make weapons".  Stone's alter-ego in the comic books is named Iron Monger.
• In an early draft of the script, it is revealed that Tony is the creator of Doctor Octopus' tentacles from Spider-Man 2.
• Tony Stark's computer is called JARVIS (meaning "Just A Rather Very Intelligent System") as a tribute to the comic book character Edwin Jarvis, who was Tony's butler.  The voice of JARVIS was performed by Paul Bettany, who did the whole recording in two hours and at the time, he didn't know what he was making the recording for, he only did it as a favor to Favreau.
• The montage at the beginning of the movie showing Tony's early life contains real photos of a young RDJ and his father RDS.
• Jon Favreau did the voice of Iron Man on an episode of Robot Chicken.  I mention this only because I am doing a post on Robot Chicken in the near future.
• Favreau celebrated getting the directing job by losing 70 pounds.  If you have seen the new movie, he didn't keep it off.

"I still find it funny that they gave the part of a drunk billionaire to a recovering addict.  Things worked out."

Louisville!?! More Like Whoi-ville!

Louisville is on a hell of a run.  They always seemed like an OK team in basketball and decent in football.  Now they have a BCS bowl-caliber football team, a championship basketball team, and a World Series-bound baseball team.   They are the first school in NCAA history to accomplish this and on top of that, they finished as the runner-up in lacrosse plus a soccer team in the elite eight.  Pretty good for a school from Kentucky.

The football program got over the hump of good into great when Louisville decided to fork over the money and hired Bobby Petrino in football who led them to a 41-9 record over 4 years.  They took a dive for three years after that before hiring Charlie Strong in 2010.  He has them on the right track with a 11-2 year last year and comes into this year with a legitimate shot at a national championship lead by the Heisman candidate quarterback, Teddy Bridgewater.

A coach helped keep the Louisville basketball program elevated as well.  Rick Pitino was hired in 2001.  He has made the tournament 10 out of 12 years.  He has two Elite Eights, two Final Fours, and a championship.  They are one of the 5 or 6 programs in NCAA basketball that has a shot at the championship every single year.

No one knows about college baseball unless you have a long dynasty which Louisville does not, but since baseball is a big sport so it looks good to have a strong team.

So Louisville, you have my permission to rock out with your collective cocks out because this stretch is unprecedented and will come to an end sometime.  I suggest drinking so much you don't remember it.

"This should happen every night in Louisville."

IMDB

I'm a huge movie nerd and therefore, one of the most useful websites on the internet is IMDB.  You can look up all sorts of useful information on that site like who did the voice of Megatron in the Transformers movies (Hugo Weaving) or are they making a Horrible Bosses 2 movie (unfortunately yes).  Another feature IMDB offers is that they show which actors, actresses, directors, etc have a birthday each day, which is something I always glance at when I surf the site.  Well, I just so happened to look at their celebrity birthday feature on May 11th and these were the Top 5 people for that day:

Born Today

Jonathan Jackson (31)

Marco Ferreri(1928-1997)

Doug McClure(1935-1995)

Peter North (56)

Denver Pyle(1920-1997)

  

See all birthdays »

Yeah, not much of selection.  In fact, I only know who one of those people are, can you guess who that is?  If you guessed Denver Pyle, you are way off because it was the porn star.  I find this hilarious.  Not only were there so few people born on May 11th that no one has ever heard of, but a large donged porn star was their 4th biggest name of the day.  How does that happen?  Did someone at IMDB do this as a joke?  Or is Peter North that big of a (porn) star that he actually deserves to make that list?  All good questions, no good answers.

NOKW - Ferris Bueller's Day Off

Here comes the next chapter in our "I'm Okay With, I'm Not Okay With" series (if you don't know what this is, click here for all of the past posts):

Movie:  Ferris Bueller's Day Off

Basic Plot:  The classic tale of a kid who fakes being sick so that he can run around Chicago and do a bunch of grown-up stuff for some reason.

I'm Okay With:  The fact that Ferris's mom should probably take her son to the doctor instead of just going to work considering he was missing his 9th day of school that year (I looked that up).  The fact that this movie makes more sense if you watch it thinking that Ferris is nothing but a figment of Cameron's imagination.  The fact that Cameron would let Ferris talk him into leaving his bed despite him actually being sick and then letting Ferris talk him into stealing his dad's car.  The fact that they actually made a TV series based on this movie where a pre-Friends Jennifer Aniston played Ferris's sister.  The fact that a bunch of high school kids would start a "Save Ferris" campaign.  The fact that high school kids would go to a museum when skipping school instead of just getting drunk or something fun.  The fact that Ferris wasn't instantly arrested for jumping on a parade float and singing.  The fact that they thought driving the car in reverse would actually lower the mileage on the odometer.  The fact that I really want to know what happens to Ferris's sister after she allows the dog to attack the principal.

I'm Not Okay With:  The fact that Principal Rooney is trying to hunt down Ferris for missing school even though he has an excused absence.  Yeah, after Ferris convinces his mom that he is sick, she calls the school and informs them that he will be out for the day and yet Principal Rooney still decides that he has the authority to leave school grounds and find Ferris.  The kid was excused from school and the principal thought it would be perfectly okay to look for him.  Why?  What exactly did he think he was going to accomplish?  Was he going to find Ferris and then suspend him from school?  No, because Ferris was allowed to miss class by his mother and so suspension was out of the question.  Was he going to nab Ferris and then tell his parents about his adventures?  Maybe, but who are they going to believe, their son or the crazy principal who illegally hunted down their son to prove a point?  I would wager it would be their son.  If anything, Principal Rooney should have seen that Ferris was out that day, accepted it, and went on doing his job as a school administrator.  Instead, he runs around town and accosts kids then attempts to break into Ferris's house.  I am not okay with that.

"What genius thought it would be a good idea to let a high school kid take over the parade?"

Stupid State Laws - Pennsylvania 5

Here comes another post about a state law that still exists on the books and why it is ridiculous (to see them all, click here):

Pennsylvania

"Fireworks stores may not sell fireworks to Pennsylvania residents."

Really Pennsylvania?  This makes no sense.  Do you have fireworks stores in your state but refuse to sell fireworks to your own residents?  Or is it that you don't have fireworks stores and refuse your residents from going to other states and buying fireworks?  Because if it is the second one, how in the hell do you expect to enforce that?  Do you have have Pennsylvanian cops in other states (outside of their jurisdiction I might add) stopping state residents from buying fireworks?  You do realize that that is ridiculous and illegal?  Wouldn't it have been a lot easier to just outlaw fireworks in Pennsylvania?  I guess not.  Or is it that you needed extra revenue in the state, so you allow fireworks stores, but just not the actual selling of fireworks to state residents?  I'm more confused than when I started.

"Hahaha, try and stop me coppers!"

Saturday's Video of Saturday

Here is a new weekly post we are going to try out and see how it goes.  Basically, Alex is going to comb the internet for the dumbest/funniest/awesome-est/sexiest video he can find and post it for the world to see.  However, this week Sambo found a video he liked a lot and took over for a week.  Let's see what he's got this week:

Set up:  I think I may have posted this video before, but that doesn't matter.  It is that awesome.  And it will get stuck in your head and you will love every minute of it.

Summary:  Now try and make it through the rest of the day without singing those lyrics and putting the make of your car in the song.  It's impossible.  Also, how hot is the chick the singer is hitting on in this video?

Same Dad Same Week

Alright, I generally only watch sitcoms or some sort of comedy show on TV.  But if I do watch something that is not a comedy, I really don't like tuning into those shows that are what I call "rinse and repeat" shows.  Basically that means that each week there is a new crime/murder/ailment that the characters have to solve by the end of the show and there really is no deviation from this basic formula.  Those shows get really boring after awhile and it's the reason I never watched CSI or any of those types of shows.  A couple of the non-comedies I do like include Game of Thrones, Dexter, and Shameless.  They have something new happen it each week that doesn't involve solving crimes or whatever and it keeps the show fresh (even though Dexter can sometimes feel like the same thing each episode).  However, there is one "rinse and repeat" show I do watch and that is Castle.  I think the only reason I watch this show is because Nathan Fillion is awesome and anything he is on is worth watching.

In any case, one of the subplots of the show is that Castle has never met his father and in an episode that came on a couple of weeks ago, Castle finally meets his secret operative father played by James Brolin.  It was a pretty good episode and Mr. Brolin was a great choice to play his dad.  However, later that week I was watching Community, the underrated show about a group of misfits at a community college that NBC seems to want to cancel but never actually does.  In that show, Joel McHale's character also has an estranged father and in that week's episode, we finally met his father played by......James Brolin.  Two shows, two estranged fathers, one actor.  I found that really weird.  Was it that both shows hired the guy not knowing he had done the same character on the other show?  Or does Hollywood not have anyone else to play a father character other than James Brolin?  I don't know what happened here, but I felt like I should point it out because it really confused me and I actually had to look it up to make sure that it really was the same guy playing the same character on two different shows.  Once again, I guess all this really proves is that Hollywood is one big pile of originality.

"He does look like a good guy to play someone's dad though."

Random Movie Trivia - Shrek

Here is the next edition in our weekly Random Movie Trivia post.  Enjoy:

Shrek

• Chris Farley was originally cast as Shrek and even did some of the voice recording before he tragically passed away.
• It took more than four and a half years to make this movie and they even started working on Shrek 2 before they finished the first movie.  In fact, the movie took so long to make that they even reference other movies that hadn't even come out before they begin making it like The Matrix.
• The principal actors who voiced the characters in the movie never actually met one another and read all of their lines with a stand-in.
• Shrek means "monster" in Yiddish.  What is Yiddish, you ask?  Turns out it is a German language with Jewish origins.  You learned something new today.  Knowledge is power!
• In the scene where all of the fairy tale creatures show up in Shrek's swamp, you can see Papa Bear comforting Baby Bear.  Later you see Mama Bear as a rug in Lord Farquaad's castle, but at the end of the movie she is seen dancing with all of the other characters.
• In that same scene in the swamp, over 1,000 fairy tale creatures can be seen invading the swamp.
• The effects department actually took mud showers so that they could realistically make mud in the film.
• Mike Myers recorded the entire film in an accentless voice.  After watching the film, he decided to re-record the entire movie in a Scottish accent because that was how his mother used to read him bedtime stories when he was a kid.
• This movie marks the fifth time that Mike Myers uses a Scottish accent in a performance, the others being Saturday Night Live, Wayne's World 2, So I Married An Axe Murderer, and as Fat Bastard in the last two Austin Powers movies.  I should point out that he is Canadian.
• Originally, Steven Spielberg was going to produce the movie in 1991 with Bill Murray as Shrek and Steve Martin as Donkey.  That movie would have been hand-drawn and probably not as good.
• Robin Williams was going to do a voice in the movie but had a huge falling out with producer Jeffrey Katzenberg and refused to work with him.
• In the original script, Shrek was supposed to be a knight and was going to rescue Donkey from a wicked witch.

"He does look more like the character than Mike Myers does."

The Movie Spoof

What in the hell happened to the movie spoof?  And we absolutely can not count those terrible terrible [insert the genre they are making fun of] Movie movies as spoofs!  They are nothing but taking a scene or character from a good/okay movie and then overdoing it with way too many cliches, making fun of too many movies at once, and there is no actual plot or originality.  Date Movie, Epic Movie, Disaster Movie, Superhero Movie, Extreme Movie, Dance Flick, Meet the Spartans, and any of the Scary Movies after the first two were all garbage that attempted to be a spoof but failed miserably.  What in the hell is funny about fart jokes combined with The Chronicles of Narnia?  Nothing.  Abso-fucking-lutely nothing.  Hell, they are even working on a Hunger Games "spoof" that is combining The Hunger Games, The Avengers, Sherlock Holmes, and Harry Potter into a big vat of fucking awful "comedy" and if you pay money to see it, then you might as well have set that money on fire, it will bring you more amusement.

Can you even name the last good spoof movie?  I racked my brain and thought it was the first Scary Movie but then realized that it was written by the same guys who did all of the movies in the previous paragraph, so that automatically rejects it.  Then I thought it might have been Hot Shots! Part Deux.  It starred pre-crazy Charlie Sheen and was genuinely funny, but there was another spoof movie that came out in between those two that I feel is highly underrated and should be shown some respect.  That movie was Galaxy Quest.  It made fun of Star Trek (and only Star Trek unlike the crap that came out recently that spoof half a dozen movies at a time) perfectly, it starred actors you have actually heard of, and it is rewatchable.  Not a single one of the movies in the paragraph above would you ever watch a second time unless you had a serious brain injury and those movies were the only way to relieve your pain.

All I'm saying is that I miss the days when they came out with a good spoof movie that actually made you laugh.  What happened to spoofs like Spaceballs, Airplane!, Robin Hood: Men in Tights, The Naked Gun, and Young Frankenstein?  Sadly, the answer is that Mel Brooks got old, Leslie Nelson passed away, and the same two idiot writers who keep making today's "spoofs" keep finding work somehow.  One of these days a young Hollywood exec will come along and remember how funny Blazing Saddles was and finally green-light a real spoof movie again and all will be right with the world.  Until then we will have to continue waiting for the release of the next prequel/sequel/remake comic book movie to come out.

"Have you ever wondered where the idea for the Chainsaw Gun came from for the Gears of War games?  Look no further than Hot Shots! Part Deux.  At least, that's my assumption."

One-Hit Movie Wonders

I was watching Fight Club the other day and got to thinking - has Brad Pitt been getting a free pass for some of the crap he has put out because everyone thought he was such a badass in Fight Club?  Sure, Snatch was pretty good, the Ocean movies were somewhat entertaining, and his character in Inglourious Basterds was awesome, but the rest of the stuff he has put out was crap and we all know it.  So, this got me to thinking, what other actors seem to be getting a free pass despite only doing one decent movie in their careers.  I'm sure I will come out with another one of these lists once I think of some more actors that fit the bill, but for now, this is what I got:

• Gerard Butler, 300 - he has done one movie since 300 that you could say was good (RocknRolla) but not many people saw that one.  Otherwise, he has done a couple terrible romantic comedies and a bunch of other crap that I wouldn't watch unless forced to.
• Aaron Eckhart, Thank You For Smoking - this may seem a little far-fetched, but it holds true.  Thank You For Smoking was underrated and since then, Aaron has done nothing else worth a damn (I don't count The Dark Knight b/c he was more of a minor character and kind of sucked at that).  The Core, Battle: Los Angeles, The Wicker Man.  Crap, Crap, Crap.
• Halle Berry, Monster's Ball - seriously, she won an Oscar for Monster's Ball and then has done a couple X-Men movies (and her character was pointless), Catwoman, and Die Another Day.  I feel like she gets way too much credit for only one good performance.
• Christoph Waltz, Tarantino Movies - I love this guy and Quentin Tarantino won him two Oscars.  Hans Landa was incredible, making me like a guy who hunted and murdered Jews is hard to do.  Otherwise, his other roles were in terrible terrible movies like The Green Hornet and The Three Musketeers.  So disappointing for such a great actor.
• Drew Barrymore, E.T. - ever since E.T. she has done nothing but get uglier and more annoying.  All of the romantic comedies she has done are unwatchable only because she is in them and those Charlie's Angels movies would have decent if they had cast anyone but her.
• Kate Hudson, Almost Famous - that movie was amazing and since then, Kate Hudson has wasted such a great performance on after-thought rom coms.  Maybe if she went back to her roots and people would like her again, but probably not.

"Halle Berry has been getting work for over a decade now based solely on her looks....not that I'm complaining."