Truly Random Brainfart Thoughts - Part 24

Here comes the next edition of Truly Random Brainfart Thoughts (click here to see the others).  Basically,  these are a bunch of random thoughts that came to mind that I couldn't really expand on and thought I should just make them into list form for your enjoyment.  Here goes:

• Do you think dentists floss everyday like they tell us to do?
• Fun Fact - Krusty the Clown and Homer Simpson look so similar because the writers were originally going to have Homer play Krusty as a side job.
• Did you know that Sloan from Ferris Bueller's Day Off gets naked in Timecop?  You're welcome.
• I'm proud to say that I've never eaten a McRib.
• Doctor Who sounds more like a cool band name than the title character of a nerdy TV show.
• Why is it so satisfying to replace your windshield wipers?
• If Hitler had sported a handlebar mustache, would that mean it would be okay to sport a Hitler 'stache and not cool to wear a handlebar 'stache?
• Considering that no one speaks Latin anymore, is it strange that one day modern languages like English and French may no longer exist?
• Do you think Indians from Asia get confused when they hear that a baseball team in America is called the Cleveland Indians?
• In today's modern world, how quick do you think people would figure out the secret identities of comic book superheros?  I'm guessing an hour tops.

"Yup, you get to see her boobs in Timecop."

Truly Random Brainfart Thoughts - Part 23

Here comes the next edition of Truly Random Brainfart Thoughts (click here to see the others).  Basically,  these are a bunch of random thoughts that came to mind that I couldn't really expand on and thought I should just make them into list form for your enjoyment.  Here goes:

• In Lord of the Rings, why does it seem like there is a total of three chicks in all of Middle-Earth?
• I still don't understand how an eraser erases stuff without damaging the paper it is erasing said stuff off of.
• If you traveled a couple thousand years into the past and killed one random person, how many people you know today do you think will cease to exist when you came back?
• In the movie Time Bandits, John Cleese is the top-billed actor in the opening credits but is only in the movie for three and a half minutes.  I timed it.
• Why does Coca-Cola bother spending so much money on advertising when they know we are all already addicted to their product?
• Dear anyone on their phone while ordering food at a restaurant (for example, Chipotle), hang the fuck up, you are holding everybody up because you are an asshole and shouldn't be allowed to carry on your genes.
• No homo, but how has Chris Hemsworth (aka Thor) not won People's Sexiest Man of Year?
• If dogs evolved from wolves, then how in the hell did we end up with the chihuahua?
• I just found out that Taco Bell serves breakfast.  Please tell me no one actually eats that.
• Recently, I've found myself randomly watching the newest animated version of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and was shocked to find out that Jason Biggs (American Pie) and Sean Astin (Rudy/Samwise Gamgee) do the voices of Leonardo and Raphael.
• What made the people at Looney Tunes think that a Tasmanian Devil spins around like a tornado?

"Not only do they not spin around, but they are black not brown like in the cartoons.  Did the guy who came up with that character even look at picture of a Tasmanian Devil before he drew his?"

Truly Random Brainfart Thoughts - Part 22

Here comes the next edition of Truly Random Brainfart Thoughts (click here to see the others).  Basically,  these are a bunch of random thoughts that came to mind that I couldn't really expand on and thought I should just make them into list form for your enjoyment.  Here goes:

• Why does VH1 own the rights to Showgirls?  They do realize that no one has ever watched that movie for its plot, right?
• Zoe Saldana might be the biggest banking actress in Hollywood.  She currently is starring in three big franchises: Avatar, Star Trek, and Guardians of the Galaxy.
• Why in the hell does ESPN show so much Little League World Series coverage?  Does anyone actually watch it?
• I believe that Channing Tatum is the next Bruce Willis.
• Before certain shows, why does FX have a warning that the show might contain Nudity when none of their shows ever actually contains nudity?
• At what point does a struggling actress give up and go to porn?
• How has NASCAR driver Jimmie Johnson never been sponsored by Jimmy John's?
• The Worst Tasting Thing You Would Purposely Put in Your Mouth Award has to go to a bitten into Tylenol.
• Did you know we are only 4 years away from kids born in the year 2000 being able to vote and buy cigarettes and porn?
• The only James Bond actors I feel like could actually win in a fistfight are Sean Connery and Daniel Craig.  Sorry, Dalton, you mean seem tough, but you would go down.
• Do the marketing people at Cheez-It realize that their commercials portray the idea that they murder sentient cheese to make their product?

"That talking cheese will soon be murdered for your enjoyment."

Truly Random Brainfart Thoughts - Part 21

Here comes the next edition of Truly Random Brainfart Thoughts (click here to see the others).  Basically,  these are a bunch of random thoughts that came to mind that I couldn't really expand on and thought I should just make them into list form for your enjoyment.  Here goes:

• Fun Fact - referring to The Netherlands as Holland is like referring to America as Texas.  Holland is actually just a province in The Netherlands.
• I'm proud to say that I have never taken a selfie.
• American Ninja Warrior would be enjoyable to watch if the contestants would stop referring to themselves as "ninjas" instead of what they really are, non-lethal white guys.
• Sticky Notes might be the most under-appreciated invention ever.
• I can't stand it when ESPN reports breaking news and covers that news as if it is the biggest thing ever when they have been telling us it was going to happen for the past week.
• Reason No. 144 That I Know I'm Getting Older - Back Hair.
• Am I the only one who gets super annoyed when they get caught at a red light for a single car that is turning right?
• How often do you find random cuts and bruises on your body that you have no idea where they came from?  This seems to be happening more and more often to me.
• Can Leonardo DiCaprio act or is he just the same character every time but sometimes with a different accent?
• How many votes do you think the leading vote getter for the WNBA All-Star Game got?  8?  9?
• I would love to see a former James Bond actor play a villain in a James Bond movie.  I'm looking at you, Dalton.
• Movies that are set in the past drive me crazy when all of their females are so perfectly groomed.  Perfect hair and perfect makeup did not exist when the ancient Greeks were roaming the Earth.
• How appropriate is it that wrestling's favorite wrestler (John Cena) always wears jean shorts?

"Hilarious."

Truly Random Brainfart Thoughts - Part 20

Here comes the next edition of Truly Random Brainfart Thoughts (click here to see the others).  Basically,  these are a bunch of random thoughts that came to mind that I couldn't really expand on and thought I should just make them into list form for your enjoyment.  Here goes:

• Why is the Stanley Cup played in June?  It's ice hockey, shouldn't it be played when it's cold outside?
• Did you know that there were two Sandlot sequels and that the 3rd one starred Luke Perry?
• It should be illegal to have a commercial that uses the words "vaginal" and "cream" back-to-back.
• If Batman and Superman live in the same universe, then why don't more Superman villains go to Gotham City, kick Batman's ass, and take over?
• I always found it funny that Kansas City, Missouri is bigger than Kansas City, Kansas.
• Did you know that the guy who played Jimmy Olsen on Smallville is not the same guy who played Iceman in the X-Men movies?  It turns out that those guys are twins, Aaron and Shawn Ashmore.
• Is there a com.com?  I assume so, and I also assume that it is a porn site.
• Do you think there is a single square inch on Earth that at one point hasn't been pooped or peed on?
• The movie Deliver Us From Evil advertises that it is so scary that it will disturb your sleep for weeks.  How is that a good thing and why would you want that?
• In the X-Men universe, if they know that mutants exist due to a genetic defect, then why aren't there more people who can fly or shoot laser beams out of their eyes?  You would think they could replicate that defect somehow.
• Is it weird that I find comic book and cartoon characters attractive?

"You're telling me you wouldn't hit that?  No?  Okay, never mind."

Truly Random Brainfart Thoughts - James Bond Edition

Here comes the next edition of Truly Random Brainfart Thoughts (click here to see the others).  Basically,  these are a bunch of random thoughts that came to mind that I couldn't really expand on and thought I should just make them into list form for your enjoyment.  Here goes:

• For some reason, I always want to say James Bonds even when I know that's incorrect.
• Was Pierce Brosnan a good Bond?  Or was the Goldeneye video game for the N64 so awesome it has blinded my generation from seeing how shitty he actually was?  I honestly don't know, that game was awesome and I'm biased.  Then again, Die Another Day was really really bad and that should pretty much conclude that he wasn't that good.
• You would think that a super spy would be in his late 20's or early 30's, aka his prime, and not a 40 year old or nearly 60 like Roger Moore was when he filmed his last movie.
• Just once I would love to see Q give Bond a gadget that didn't come in handy at just the right time.
• Moneypenny just isn't that hot, why does James try to bang her all the time?
• Sean Connery played Bond 7 times, but in a really weird order.  He did 5 movies, then George Lazenby did one, Connery did one more, then Roger Moore did 6, followed by another Connery movie, then Roger Moore did his last one.  Weird.
• If Skyfall is supposed to be a prequel to the rest of the movies, then either James Bond doesn't age or Q has a debilitating aging disease.
• For being a British spy, James Bond was played by one Scot (Connery), one Australian (Lazenby), one Welshman (Dalton), one Irishman (Brosnan), and finally two Brits (Moore and Craig).
• How many illegitimate children do you think Bond has?
• Timothy Dalton was highly underrated as Bond, it just sucks the movies he was in weren't very good.
• Considering Bond's notoriety, he seemed to be able to infiltrate every one of his villains' organizations way too easily.
• Was I the only one who was always super annoyed by almost getting to see some boobs in every movie?  Especially the opening credits.  What a tease!
• Have you ever noticed that James says his witty one-liners way too often when no one else is around?  What's the point if there is no one else to laugh along with him?
• Does Q hate Bond?  He always seem to hate to have to deal with him.
• How many years did Bond train on driving vehicles alone?  Because he seems at equally at home driving in cars, tanks, 18-wheelers, planes, helicopters, submarines, and space shuttles.
• Did any of the Bond villains' evil schemes actually make sense?
• And if you are Bond villain, you really should stop hiring henchmen who look like evil henchmen, it gives away that you are a villain way too quickly to everyone.
• What is the mortality rate of sleeping with Jimbo?  It's gotta be about 50% because it seems like one chick per movie dies after he bones them......and that doesn't include the multitude of STDs he gave the ones that didn't get murdered.

"Q at age 30?"

Truly Random Brainfart Thoughts - Part 19

Here comes the next edition of Truly Random Brainfart Thoughts (click here to see the others).  Basically,  these are a bunch of random thoughts that came to mind that I couldn't really expand on and thought I should just make them into list form for your enjoyment.  Here goes:

• How did the Fast & Furious crew go from thieves and street racers in the 1st movie to stopping international terrorists and experts in hand-to-hand combat in the 6th movie?
• I'm suddenly mad at myself for never having made a mixed CD (or tape if I was old enough) called "Sam's Jams".
• Why do men's pants' sizes go by 2 inch increments?  Because I find it very annoying that 34's are too tight and 36's are too loose on me and 35's don't exist unless you have them tailored and I'm too impatient for that nonsense.
• The guy in front of me at a gas station the other day bought 2 cases of Bud Light, a carton of Marlboro Lights, and $100 in scratch-off tickets.  Welcome to South Carolina.
• Why do people enjoy taking baths?  All you are doing is sitting around in your own filth.
• I have never fired a gun, is that weird or normal?
• It's good to see that Andrew Dice Clay is getting work even if it is doing the voice of a hamster on a phone commercial.
• Has anyone ever eaten at Hooter's for the food?
• What exactly was so cold about the Cold War?  Is it because Russia is considered so cold?  If so, did Russia call it the Warm War?
• Where do bugs go when it rains?
• Reason No. 32 I Know I'm Getting Old - It took me 20 seconds the other day to remember how old I was.

"That's my little brother.  It's even warm when it snows.  Welcome to South Carolina."

Truly Random Brainfart Thoughts - Part 18

Here comes the next edition of Truly Random Brainfart Thoughts (click here to see the others).  Basically,  these are a bunch of random thoughts that came to mind that I couldn't really expand on and thought I should just make them into list form for your enjoyment.  Here goes:

• How exactly did Martha and Johnathan Kent explain where they suddenly got a new kid from?  It's a small town, people would have known if they were adopting well before it happened.
• Is it possible to be good at Family Feud?
• Did you now that Ryan Gosling and Macaulay Culkin are the same age?  Yup, they are both 34.
• What did I sign up for that makes someone keep sending me Russian Bride spam emails?
• Remember this the next time you are buying spaghetti sauce - it's Rag-ewww and Pre-Gooooo!
• The Kentucky Derby has way too much TV coverage for an event that only lasts a couple of minutes.
• What do you call people who can use the Force but don't become a Jedi?  I really want to know but don't want to look it up.
• It would suck to be a painting in the Harry Potter universe unless that painting was of an orgy.
• It angers me that I find Mark Wahlberg entertaining.  It angers me even more that I find Two and a Half Men funny.
• It's kind of weird that I can no longer drive to a Blockbuster and rent a movie or more importantly, a video game.
• I dare you to watch the movie Frozen and not get that "Let It Go" song stuck in your head for three days.  I double dare you.
• 1)  Magic Johnson announced he had HIV in 1991.  Is there a cure for HIV that no one has bothered to tell me about?  2)  Has Magic had sex since 1991 knowing he has HIV?
• Below is a picture of Patrick Stewart from the 80's.  He hasn't aged a day!  Is he a Highlander?

"I swear I wrote this before Stephen Colbert pointed this out on his show a couple of weeks ago."

Truly Random Brainfart Thoughts - Part 17

Here comes the next edition of Truly Random Brainfart Thoughts (click here to see the others).  Basically,  these are a bunch of random thoughts that came to mind that I couldn't really expand on and thought I should just make them into list form for your enjoyment.  Here goes:

• Why do action movies never seem to get nominated for Best Picture?  There are some really good action movies out there.
• I can't believe the WNBA still exists.
• Why is my dog so scared of the vacuum cleaner?
• If a TV show is described as "Surprisingly Entertaining", is that a compliment or an insult?  I really don't know.
• I've always found it really funny how close "Santa" and "Satan" are spelled.
• It drives me crazy when I saw people call King Joffrey's death a "shocker" on Game of Thrones when the book the current season is based on came out 14 years ago.  Spoiler, there will be more "shocking" deaths before the season is over.  You know how I know?  I read a book.
• As cool as having a flying car would be, a world where they exist would be terrifying when one could crash into your home at any time.
• Do you think if someone finishes their round of Jeopardy! with negative money they have to pay the show that money?
• I loath pollen.
• I'm still confused about what the people who made the Super Mario Bros. movie were doing?  Did they even play the game before making the movie?  Hell, Mario and Luigi weren't even brothers in the movie even though it's right there in the title.
• With as much money as SHIELD throws around, you would think that they would be able to recreate the Super Soldier Serum again.
• I saw Godzilla yesterday and I liked it, but I couldn't get over how unattractive Elizabeth Olsen is.  Just look at that picture below, yuck.  And yes, she is related to the Olsen twins, she is their younger sister.

"I give her a 6, but that's being really really generous."

Truly Random Brainfart Thoughts - Part 16

Here comes the next edition of Truly Random Brainfart Thoughts (click here to see the others).  Basically,  these are a bunch of random thoughts that came to mind that I couldn't really expand on and thought I should just make them into list form for your enjoyment.  Here goes:

• Besides the millions of dollars, being a baseball player must be depressing considering failing 2/3rds of the time while batting is considered really really good.
• If I unfriended every Facebook friend who posted nothing but news stories and pictures of their kids, I would have zero Facebook friends.
• With America getting fatter every year, when are they finally going to redo shirt sizes and make an XL the new Medium?
• I would watch every single shot of The Masters, so why in the hell do they seem to have so little coverage of that tournament?  It never comes on TV before 3pm, why not earlier?!?
• Daylight Savings seems to benefit so few people and pisses off a much larger portion of the population who have to change all of their clocks twice a year.  So, why do we still have it?  I honestly don't know what its purpose is anymore.
• I never have and never will trust the weatherman.  Did you know that if you predicted that it would be sunny everyday, you would be more correct percent-wise than the "professionals"?
• Why is fighting in hockey or purposely beaning a guy in baseball not considered assault?  I can't wait for the first lawsuit resulting from someone suing another player because he got tackled in football.
• Would crime go away if the penalty for every crime was death?
• How is it that I have 500+ TV channels and I still can't seem to find anything worth watching?
• I just don't get the show Workholics, I think the actors are funny but that show is really dumb.
• I will never be able to look at the NASA logo the same way again after realizing how much the shooting star circling the logo looks like a sperm.

"And now you won't see it the same either, MWHAHAHAHA!!!"

Truly Random Brainfart Thoughts - Part 15

Here comes the next edition of Truly Random Brainfart Thoughts (click here to see the others).  Basically,  these are a bunch of random thoughts that came to mind that I couldn't really expand on and thought I should just make them into list form for your enjoyment.  Here goes:

• If the Fantastic 4's Thing's entire body including his internal organs are all made of stone, than why are his eyeballs normal?  And why does he only have three fingers and a thumb?  Where did his other finger go?
• Why does the local news still interrupt Jeopardy! with a severe weather report when you can either go outside and see if the weather is severe or just use the internet like everyone else?
• Did you know that Christian Bale's character from American Psycho and James Van Der Beek's character from The Rules of Attraction are brothers?
• Why do fire alarm batteries always seem to die in the middle of the night and scare the shit out of you?
• I'm fairly certain that I have never eaten lobster.
• Why do football players wear eye black during night games?  Its purpose is to lessen the glare from the sun.
• For some reason, if I'm about to stop reading a book, I can never end on the 13th chapter.  I'd rather lose sleep than to stop on the 13th chapter and I don't know why.
• One of Lyrica's, a prescription drug, side effects is suicidal thoughts.  Another is unusual dreams.  How exactly can a drug cause these things?
• I know I've said this before, but those first four games of the NCAA Tournament should not be called the 1st Round, they should be called the Play-In Round.  Calling the Round of 64 the 2nd Round just sounds dumb.  Round.
• I find it really weird that 9 out of every 10 people are right handed.
• At the current population growth, during which year do you think that the Earth will be covered in nothing buy graveyards?
• Twitter is stupid and the only excuse I will allow someone to have an account is if you have it just so you will have something to read while pooping.
• You do realize that George R.R. Martin said that the newest Game of Thrones book (or the sixth Song of Ice and Fire book for you nerds) would come out in the summer of 2012?  Yup, it still hasn't come out and still doesn't have a release date.
• I find it really funny that Mother Nature's solution to getting her creatures to reproduce was the orgasm.

"Is this Vanilla Ice?  Or is it Justin Bieber in 10 years?  Trick question, it's both, Bieber is actually Vanilla Ice after he traveled back in time."

Truly Random Brainfart Thoughts - Part 14

Here comes the next edition of Truly Random Brainfart Thoughts (click here to see the others).  Basically,  these are a bunch of random thoughts that came to mind that I couldn't really expand on and thought I should just make them into list form for your enjoyment.  Here goes:

• I wonder how old the oldest living 300-pound person currently is.  60?  50?  35?
• In G.I. Joe, why did the good guy, Snake Eyes, wear black and his nemesis, the bad guy, wear white?  Shouldn't it be the other way around?
• If Bigfoot doesn't exist and everyone knows this, then how are there multiple TV shows about finding one?
• I really tried to like IFC's mini-series, The Spoils of Babylon, but it was just dumb.
• Batman owns a customized car, motorcycle, boat, and airplane which would cost a fortune (and be easily traceable), so how has no one in the Gotham Police Department figured out that only a couple of people could afford those things?  Hence, Batman is billionaire Bruce Wayne.
• I find it amusing that we still use most of the same names for constellations that were thought up thousands of years ago.
• Why do Transformers speak English when talking to each other?  Don't they have their own language?
• Do you think that Brits whom have been knighted hate Sir Mix-a-Lot?
• Why does the 6 o'clock local news show a traffic report?  Everyone who is watching it is already home from work.
• Is it just me or does watching women's tennis really turn you on?  All the moaning, grunting, and hot blond Russians is pretty damn sexy.
• What goes through a whale's mind as it is swimming through miles and miles of an ocean that all looks exactly the same forever?
• If they were to drug test at the X Games, would they have to cancel the event due to the lack of clean athletes?
• Dear Cameron Diaz, just hang it up already.

"Seriously, Cameron, you are one plastic surgery away from looking like a scary cat woman."

Truly Random Brainfart Thoughts - Part 13

Here comes the next edition of Truly Random Brainfart Thoughts (click here to see the others).  Basically,  these are a bunch of random thoughts that came to mind that I couldn't really expand on and thought I should just make them into list form for your enjoyment.  Here goes:

• Did you know that Back to the Future 2 and 3 were released only a couple of months apart?
• Terror Poops are real.  I recently found out that my dog had a cancerous tumor in her jaw (it was removed and she is okay now) and it scared my so bad that I took the largest poop in recent memory shortly after hearing the news.
• Did we ever find out why The Jetsons had to live in cities above the clouds?  Was it pollution?  Nuclear war?  What?
• Hot water freezes faster than cold water.  Look it up.
• Despite being smart enough to be on Jeopardy!, contestants who hunt for a Double Jeopardy! and then fail to use them to their advantage are dumb.
• The "Award for Gayest Name to Say with a Lisp" goes to Bruce.
• Did Brendan Fraser retire?  The last time I remember seeing him was a super fast cameo in the first G.I. Joe movie.
• Where is Old Zealand?
• Why are the words "Analyst" and "Analysis" pronounced so differently despite being so similar?
• Did you know that Stan Lee is 91 years old?
• Does Subway realize that it is the Winter Olympics that is upcoming?  Because they keep showing Summer Olympic athletes in their commercials.
• Is it just me or is plucking out a super-long nose hair really satisfying?
• I wish life had a "10-Second Back" button like my cable remote.
• If Super Mario was an Italian plumber, then why did he never ever use a wrench or plunger as a weapon in any of his games?

"Have you ever noticed that on the original Mario Brothers cover that Mario is falling into a lava pit and about to die?"

Truly Random Brainfart Thoughts - Part 12

Here comes the next edition of Truly Random Brainfart Thoughts (click here to see the others).  Basically,  these are a bunch of random thoughts that came to mind that I couldn't really expand on and thought I should just make them into list form for your enjoyment.  Here goes:

• I can't wait to see a 70 year old guy that thought when he was young it would be a good idea to cover his entire body in tattoos.
• Do you know what was the first full-length movie Tim Burton directed?  That would be Pee-Wee's Big Adventure.  I still watch that every time it comes on.
• With the lack of lakes in LA, why didn't the Lakers change their name when they moved from Minnesota?  This still makes no sense to me.
• Are Michael Bolton and Michael Bay the same person?  They kind of look alike, they both have the same first name and the same first letter of their last names, plus I doubt anyone has ever seen them in the same room before.  Prove me wrong.
• Jacqueline Kennedy........meh.
• I wish I could send a camera back in time so that we could see what historical figures actually looked like.  Was Cleopatra as sexy as history tells us?  Was Napoleon really a dwarf?  Did Jesus really look like he does in paintings or did he look like a guy from the middle east, you know, like where he was from?
• If the same character read the same book in both The Neverending Story 1 and 2, then how is it possible that the two movies weren't exactly the same?
• Is it legal to own a human skeleton?
• If any of the Hall of Fame voters don't vote for Greg Maddux this year then they should no longer be allowed to vote.  He is easily the greatest pitcher of his generation and if he doesn't get 100% of the votes, then the guys who didn't vote for him obviously don't know what they are doing and should never be allowed to vote again.
• I really want to know what went through the first caveman's head who looked up at the sky and wondered what the sun was.
• Did you know that the movie Willow was directed by Ron Howard?  And did you know that the heads on the two-headed dragon were modeled after Ron's brother, Clint?

"See.  Perfect match."

Truly Random Brainfart Thoughts - Part 11

Here comes the next edition of Truly Random Brainfart Thoughts (click here to see the others).  Basically,  these are a bunch of random thoughts that came to mind that I couldn't really expand on and thought I should just make them into list form for your enjoyment.  Here goes:

• Who in the hell is Pitbull and why in the hell does he have so many endorsements?
• I have a crush on the Amazon Kindle Fire commercial redhead, Amy.  She's smoking hot.
• How exactly do my shirts and pants always turn inside out while in the dryer?
• Are iPhones allowed into college graduations?  If so, that would make that long-ass ceremony way more bearable.
• I feel like I have seen Beau Bridges in a dozen different TV shows this past year.  I've seen him White Collar, Franklin & Bash, The Millers, The Goodwin Games, and Masters of Sex.  All in the last year, he's got to be the hardest working actor in Hollywood right now.  (P.S. Watch Masters of Sex, it's awesome and full of boobs.)
• I can't get the word "Gullyhole" out of head.  Thanks a lot, Family Guy.
• Did you know that we are two years away from when Back to the Future 2 was set?  Where in the hell are our hoverboards?
• I just saw that during a recent election that a guy from the Webster (NC) City Council received zero votes.  He didn't even vote for himself?!?
• How did 7'0, 500 pound Andre the Giant ever lose when he wrestled?
• Did you know that the Taliban have elections?  For an organization that really hates America, that's a very American thing to do.
• Family Guy killed off Brian.  What?  Why?
• I just found out that Tom Hardy might be playing John Conner and Emilia Clarke might be Sarah Conner in The Terminator reboot.  I only mention this so that I can show a picture of Emilia's fine self.

"So fine."

Truly Random Brainfart Thoughts - Part 10

Here comes the next edition of Truly Random Brainfart Thoughts (click here to see the others).  Basically,  these are a bunch of random thoughts that came to mind that I couldn't really expand on and thought I should just make them into list form for your enjoyment.  Here goes:

• Dear Chris Berman, when was the last time that your "2-Minute Drill" segment was actually two minutes and not five minutes of utter nonsense?
• Is it just me or are the new cell phone features that I keep seeing advertised super pointless?  A cell phone camera that can zoom?  Who the hell cares, it's a phone, not a camera.
• Reason No. 234 That I Know I'm Getting Old - the last time I got a haircut, my barber trimmed my eyebrows.
• Do you know where the "Teddy" of a Teddy Bear comes from?  It's named after Teddy Roosevelt because he refused to kill a helpless bear cub on a hunting trip and someone started making kids' bears named after him.
• How awkward do you think it is for someone making a WWII movie to go to a store and buy Nazi flags?
• Advertisements before YouTube videos drive me crazy.
• How can people hear Iron Man from more than a couple of feet away?  Does he have speakers on his suit somewhere?
• Why is it so hard to just buy normal Band-Aids anymore?  They offer way too many different varieties that normal ones don't seem to exist.
• I find it crazy that the New York Yankees have 8 more World Series wins (27) than any other team even has appearances (two tied with 19).
• Did Darth Vader kill the Emperor because of Luke?  Or was it because he was jealous that he was about to be replaced?
• I feel like we are only a couple of years away from seeing Christmas commercials right after Easter.  They do seem to get earlier and earlier each year, don't they?
• Why don't all of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles carry swords?  Wouldn't that make more sense than one of them using those worthless sais?
• Speaking of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, did you know that Corey Feldman was the voice of Donatello in the first and third movies?

"Makes me glad that Michelangelo was my favorite Turtle."

Truly Random Brainfart Thoughts - Part 9

Here comes the next edition of Truly Random Brainfart Thoughts (click here to see the others).  Basically,  these are a bunch of random thoughts that came to mind that I couldn't really expand on and thought I should just make them into list form for your enjoyment.  Here goes:

• With the release of the new movie Riddick, I guess Vin Diesel has finally come to realize his acting range is limited to only Riddick and Fast and Furious movies.
• Am I the only one that every time I reach into my mailbox I feel like I'm going to be bitten by mailbox spiders?
• I feel like the NFL shouldn't count an intercepted ball that is not directly the fault of the quarterback against said QB's stats but they should call it something else, especially in fantasy football.
• Do you think that woman with the last name the same as a state's name are considered pretentious when they keep calling themselves "Ms. [insert state name]" even though that is their name?
• Is it just me or is that Wendy's commercial redhead seem to be becoming a bigger and bigger c#$% with each new commercial?
• Why do college football fans refer to California as "California" when everyone else knows the school as either "Berkeley" or "UC-Berkeley"?
• If Hillary Clinton gets elected in 2016 and re-elected in 2020, then she and Bill will be tied with each other for the President Having Lived in the White House the Longest Award, even if they were only President only half of that time.
• I've never understood how Acting Award voters can actually judge an acting performance against another when both are completely different roles.
• Why in the hell is It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia and The League on FXX?  Nobody gets that fucking channel and I miss those shows.
• Someone should tell Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sylvester Stallone that they are 66 and 67 respectively and that action movies starring them are no longer believable.  Oh, I guess I just did.
• I had a blood test done recently and found out that due to a genetic trait in my blood I am pretty much a shoe-in to get Alzheimer's.  Well, that sucks.....I think, I can't remember.
• I saw a picture of Marlon Brando in his prime the other day it is blew my mind as to how I picture him from his later work.  Just look at those two pictures, the transformation is scary.

Truly Random Brainfart Thoughts - Part 8

Here comes the next edition of Truly Random Brainfart Thoughts (click here to see the others).  Basically,  these are a bunch of random thoughts that came to mind that I couldn't really expand on and thought I should just make them into list form for your enjoyment.  Here goes:

• Why do movie commercials tell you that they are showing you a "sneak peek" of their movie when it really is just one of that movie's trailers?
• Do you think terrorists watch Olympus Has Fallen and White House Down (two movies about the White House being taken over) as training videos?
• Do you think that I just got red-flagged by the FBI because of that last statement?
• I still don't understand why we park in driveways and drive on parkways.
• Dear ESPN, if you are showing a game on Thursday, calling it "Monday Night Football" makes no sense.
• Did you know that Gene Hackman's last movie was 2004's Welcome to Mooseport?
• I'll one up that last one.  Can you believe that Sean Connery's last movie was in 2003?  And that that movie was The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen?  Ouch.
• Remember when everyone thought that the Denver Broncos were crazy when they signed Peyton Manning and traded Tim Tebow?  Manning had 7 TD's in his first game this season and Tebow couldn't even make a team as the 3rd string quarterback.  Ha.
• My life's goal is to one day say this phrase - "Excuse me gentlemen, but I have an appointment to go helicopter shopping".
• Is anyone else disturbed that Michael Jordan keeps murdering sentient shirt tags in those Hanes commercials?
• I hate dust.
• What do dogs dream about that causes them to bark in their sleep?  My dog does this all the time and I really want to know what's going on in her dream.
• Did you know Selena Gomez is 21?  Look at that picture below, she looks like she is fucking 12.

"No way is she 21."

Truly Random Brainfart Thoughts - Part 7

Here comes the next edition of Truly Random Brainfart Thoughts (click here to see the others).  Basically,  these are a bunch of random thoughts that came to mind that I couldn't really expand on and thought I should just make them into list form for your enjoyment.  Here goes:

• Do you guys ever wonder how really large dinosaurs had sex?  I guess that's where the phrase "If the continent be a rockin', don't come a knockin'" came from.
• I feel like I should like Rory McIlroy because his name sounds so much like Tin Cup's main character Roy McAvoy, but I can't stand McIlroy.
• I still find it highly suspicious that the New England Patriots won the Super Bowl right after 9/11.  Seriously, there mascot is a Patriot, that seems really convenient.
• If the Big Bang never happened, would there be any sentient being there to notice?
• How exactly does spinach make Popeye super strong?  And if it works for him, why doesn't EVERYONE in that universe constantly use it?
• I find it hilarious that the next generation of kids will think that this symbol "#" will mean hashtag and not pound.
• Why does the NCAA refer to the play-in games as the 1st Round of March Madness when there are only 4 games being played?  They should just call it the Play-In Round and the next round as Round 1.
• I've always found the word "abbreviation" to be hilariously ironic.
• How many freaking X-Games are there?  I've seen at least 5 of them in the past month on ESPN which is 5 too many.
• If Wolverine's mutant power is that he can heal super fast, does that mean that he never has to eat or drink?  If he can just heal to stay alive then he shouldn't ever feel the effects of thirst or hunger.
• Why does the sports media always say that a good play or game is instantly the best ever when it probably was just okay?
• Does anybody actually like 3-D technology?
• If I ever accidentally go back in time, my first thought would be "Cool!" followed by "How do I get back?" then "Should I go back when I could use my knowledge of the future to become super rich?".

"Seriously, how does this work?  It makes no sense even for a cartoon."

Truly Random Brainfart Thoughts - Part 6

Here comes the next edition of Truly Random Brainfart Thoughts (click here to see the others).  Basically,  these are a bunch of random thoughts that came to mind that I couldn't really expand on and thought I should just make them into list form for your enjoyment.  Here goes:

• Do you think the "N Word" refers to something completely different in Germany than it does in the US?  Hint: It starts with "N" and ends in "azi".
• I need to clear something up.  When you say that you are doing something "Next Monday", that means that you are referring to two Mondays from now and not the upcoming Monday.  The upcoming Monday would just be referred to as "Monday".  Now you know.  Knowledge is Power!
• Is the money worth it to be in an AIDS Home Test or Vagisil commercial when whenever someone recognizes you from that ad they will just assume you have AIDS or a smelly vag?
• Did you know that in baseball when a pitcher is intentionally walking a batter that the catcher cannot step out from behind the plate until the ball leaves the pitcher's hand or it will be called a balk?  Watch for it next time you are watching a game.
• Why do car companies and sports video games always release their new models/seasons four or five months before the year of that new model/season actually begins?
• I have 6 keys on my key chain and only know what 2 of them are for.
• With fans voting for the MLB All-Star Starters, why hasn't there been a campaign by some nerds to get a really crappy player voted in to start?
• How is it that dragons can breath fire?  And where does their endless supply of flammable liquid come from?
• Same question, but with spiders and their webbing?
• Can dogs see of even hear a TV?  Or is it that they can hear it but just ignore any weird noises coming from a TV?
• Does ESPN even know the definition of "Breaking News"?  Because Alex Rodriguez appealing his suspension is NOT breaking news.
• Why would the designers of the USS Enterprise put the bridge in such a vulnerable spot on the ship?  Wouldn't it make more sense to put it in the deepest part of the ship and just put up a video screen so that they could see space?
• What is the stupidest possible name someone could change their name to?  The answer is Metta World Peace.  And if you are his teammate, wouldn't you just continue to call him Ron?

"Seriously, I feel like a dragon could only breath fire once before he would have to refill his flammable liquid supply.  But no, somehow it is infinite.