Dream Journal

I started having the most vivid dreams a couple of years ago and decided to start writing down any that I could remember when I woke up in a Dream Journal.  Like all dreams, they are pretty damn weird, but my dreams are also hilarious.....but still weird.  Here are a couple of those dreams:

• I am a player in a Borderlands Death Match (it's an awesome video game, look it up) and my teammates are my brother and some other guy.  The arena is a big square with a raised perimeter accessible by two staircases on opposite sides of the room.  Our opponents are Kanye West, Kim Kardashian, and her fat sister.  I immediately go up a staircase and the two (whore) sisters try to take me out because they are dumb and don't understand I have the upper ground.  I blew their heads off with one bullet.  Then I woke up.
• I'm chasing the Hulk for some dumb reason and wind up in a yoga studio.  As I am about to continue the chase, a tall hot blond asks me if I would help her stretch.  After helping her stretch one of her legs, she goes to switch legs then does some sort of crazy ninja-like move that results in her locking me up with her legs.  That's when she reaches for my balls and squeezes.  I then woke up like how you wake up as if you were falling in a dream except in my case, my balls actually hurt when I woke up.

"What in the hell did I think I was going to do when I caught up with this guy?"