Funniest Nicknames in Sports

Alright, I got to thinking the other day (which is rare) and had a (brainfart) thought.  What happened to all of the awesome nicknames in sports?  We used to have such gems as Clyde 'The Glide' Drexler, Randy 'The Big Unit' Johnson, and William 'The Refrigerator' Perry and that is just a sampling of the the great sports nicknames of yesteryear.  In today's game, everyone has nicknames but they are stupid and generic and usually follow a pattern of using the first letter of someone's name followed by something like 'Smooth' or 'Nuts'.  So, I decided to make a list of the funniest, not best, nicknames of the current players from the big three sports.  And because of the Olympics, we are handing out medals.  Let's do this:

NBA

• Honorable Mention - AK-47 (Andrei Kirilenko, Free Agent), his initials plus his jersey number plus he's Russian makes a great nickname.  (Plus the NBA has a terrible selection of nicknames to choose from.)
• Bronze - The Jambulance (Blake Griffin, LA Clippers), this one actually made me laugh when I saw it.
• Silver - Big Baby (Glen Davis, Orlando), it's funny because he is so large.
• Gold - The Black Mamba (Kobe Bryant, LA Lakers), did you know he gave this nickname to himself?  I find that hilarious.

MLB

• Honorable Mention - Greek God of Walks (Kevin Youkilis, Chicago White Sox) and The Big Donkey (Adam Dunn, Chicago White Sox), they are teammates and both names make me smile.
• Bronze - Fat Elvis (Lance Berkman, St. Louis), come on, that's just funny.
• Silver - Kung Fu Panda (Pablo Sandoval, San Francisco), an original and amusing nickname.
• Gold - El Chupacabra (Yovani Gallardo, Milwaukee), this one isn't funny until you find out what it means in English, it translates to 'The Goatsucker'.  How hilarious is that?

NFL

• Honorable Mention - Pacman (Adam Jones, Cincinnati), another sport with some terrible nicknames, but this one made the cut b/c I didn't like any of the rest.
• Bronze - Purple Jesus (Adrian Peterson, Minnesota), the football gods would approve.
• Silver -  The Law Firm (Benjarvus Green-Ellis, Cincinnati), read that guy's name and don't tell me that it doesn't sound like a law firm, another original and hilarious nickname.
• Gold -  Muscle Hamster (Doug Martin, Tampa Bay), no need to explain, just funny. 

"Part Man.  Part Kitchen Appliance.  All Awesome."

NOKW - Ghost Busters

Here comes the next chapter in our "I'm Okay With, I'm Not Okay With" series (if you don't know what this is, click here for all of the past posts):

Movie:  Ghostbusters

Basic Plot:  Four guys with a catchy theme song bust ghosts, also there is a giant marshmallow man.

I'm Okay With:  The fact that Egon constantly preaches that they shouldn't "cross the streams", but every time they go after some ghosts, they are firing their proton packs all over the place with no regard to that rule.  The fact that so many people have actually witnessed ghosts flying around and had a marshmallow man explode in front of their own eyes, but still believe the Ghostbusters are frauds (wait, they should be for the next movie).  The fact that it is the EPA that shuts them down, when technically they are running a monopoly, you know, being the only ghost-busting business in town and can totally charge their customers whatever they want, so the EPA should be the least of their worries.  The fact that Venkman has zero sexual harassment lawsuits pending against him.

I'm Not Okay With:  The fact that that dick from the EPA makes our good guys turn off their (nuclear-powered) ghost containment machine and it releases a shit-ton of ghosts into New York City, but then they never revisit what exactly happened to all of those ghosts.   And if you remember that scene, that machine releases an ass-ton of ghosts, but where did they go?  Did the Ghostbusters recapture them after the credits?  No, they didn't.  We know this because the second movie explains that our ghost-busting buddies got their asses sued off by the city and are now subjected to dressing up for birthday parties.  So, where in the hell did all of those ghosts go?  Are they haunting another city?  Did they all decide to pass on to the other side?  I really think this should have been cleared up, but it wasn't.  I am not okay with that.

"I don't remember there being a sexy Ghostbuster....if you don't count Egon."

Stupid State Laws - Connecticut

Here comes another post about a state law that still exists on the books and why it is ridiculous (to see them all, click here):

Connecticut

"No one may use a white cane, unless they are blind."

First off, you would have to think that this would get a lot of color-coordinated pimps in trouble.  What I don't understand is why is it only white canes?  Why not black canes?  Wouldn't those be harder to see at night and therefore more dangerous to any unsuspecting victims who would not see them coming?  This law is just weird.  I really want to know what in the hell happened that made a lawmaker go, "You know what, we need to ban white canes....unless of course for the blind, they're cool".  Way to go, Connecticut, you have successfully baffled me.

"Notice that he doesn't have a white cane.  He knows his Connecticut laws."

The Hulk

One of the greatest comic book characters ever created is The Hulk.  So, considering that Bruce Banner's story isn't very hard to transfer to the big screen, how is it that Hollywood is 0 for 2 on making a good Hulk movie?

The first movie (just called Hulk) had numerous flaws.  It was way too long.  Its plot was stupid and boring.  It only had one good fight scene.  And the climax (hehe) was dumb and made no sense.  However, this movie did have a couple of redeeming qualities.  The cast was great and I feel like Jennifer Connelly was born to play Betty Ross.  Other than Nick Nolte, I think everyone did a great job with such a terrible script and even then, I don't think it was Nolte's fault, it just wasn't the right role for him.  Also, I think the CG Hulk in this movie was very well done, he looked like what you would expect The Hulk to look like and wasn't too over the top (however, I did read somewhere that people thought he was too green, what?).  The only other thing this movie did well was the multiple screens look.  It actually resembled a real comic book and I thought that was a great feature and has actually been used in other movies since.  It's just too bad the movie as a whole was terrible.

As for the second movie (this time called The Incredible Hulk), I really can't think of one thing I truly liked about it.  I think Ed Norton is a great actor, but playing Bruce Banner just never made sense to me.  He would have made a good Spider-man ten years ago, but The Hulk/Banner just didn't mesh well.  And casting Liv Tyler in anything other than Empire Records is just a bad idea.  Otherwise, the plot was dumb, the action scenes were bad, and the CG Hulk was overly complicated looking.  Once again, as a whole, this movie was just as terrible as the first one.

Technically, The Hulk was in the blockbuster hit, The Avengers, but he wasn't the star of the movie and doesn't really count in this discussion.  But since we are talking about The Hulk, I feel like we should discuss this one, too.  Mark Ruffalo was an interesting choice to play Bruce Banner and while I don't think he made the best one to date (I'm sticking with Eric Bana as the best of the three), I can overlook that because of the "Hulk Smash Loki" scene.  Also, this movie had by far the best Hulk action scenes of the three movies, it's not even a contest.

In the end, I am just stunned that Hollywood can't make a good Hulk movie considering how awesome that character is and how hard it is to mess up.  Come on Hollywood, just make us one good Hulk movie, the upside is that a new one can't be as bad as the first two.

"Now that is a Hulk, he looks real and everything."

Mason and the Exterminator

It's Friday and that means I have another story about my awesome nephew Mason and his awesome adventures.  Today's story is short but funny, so here goes.  A couple of weeks ago, the monthly visit from the exterminator just so happened when all three of my sister's kids were home.  And because my nephews are kids, they love everything that looks like it could be a weapon, therefore, they naturally followed the exterminator and his bug spray gun everywhere he went while he was there.  After he was finished spraying the house, he went to tell my sister he was leaving, but right before he left, he looked at Mason and then said that her house should have a sign out front that says, "Enter at your own risk".  In other words, he realized in his short time around Mason that he was dangerous and that others should know the risks of entering his vicinity.  And I couldn't agree more.

"Here's Mason learning the weak points of his brother's mouth, so that the next time they get in a fight, he can take him down fast."

The New Playoff and Bowl Games

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Women's Field Hockey

Ummmm.....has anyone else caught a women's field hockey game during the Olympic's coverage yet?  If so, did you also immediately say to yourself, "Holy crap, I did not expect these chicks to be so hot"?  Yeah, women's field hockey is a breeding ground for hotties, especially the Dutch team.  Just see for yourself:

I'm going to recommend watching the next possible US or Dutch Women's Field Hockey event that comes on one of the hundred channels with Olympic coverage the next time one comes on, you'll thank me.