Pros and Cons of Being Immortal

We all wish we could live forever, but do we really want to?  Like most everything in life, being immortal has its pros and cons.  So, let's break it down and see if it is truly worth it.

Pros

• You never die, duh.
• You would have lived through and seen history's most memorable moments.
• You would be insanely wealthy by just depositing a couple bucks in a savings account and letting it sit there for a hundred years.
• You could experience everything you wish you would want to see or do.
• You could jump off of building, run in front of train, become a crime fighter, or risk your life in any number of imaginable ways without worrying about the consequences to your health.
• Depending on when you started your life, you could convince people you were a god.

Cons

• Everyone you ever knew and/or loved will grow old and die while you stay the same age.
• You would have to hide your immortality from everyone so you don't end up being endlessly studied by those who would want to exploit it.
• There's a good chance you would end up floating through a void of nothingness when the universe ends.
• You never die.

So, what did we learn?  I'm not sure.  I honestly don't know what I would want.  Maybe if I could live for a couple hundred of years, I would definitely take it, but forever?  Sounds like it would kind of suck.  In conclusion, we learned nothing.  You're welcome.

"This is how rich you would be though."

Even More Celebrity Heights

Awhile back I wrote a couple of posts about some celebrities and their surprising heights (click here, here, or here).  Well, I found some more interesting ones, let's see what I got:

• Judy Garland (4'11) - Dorthy from the Wizard of Oz may be famous for that iconic role, but I doubt she would have been able to ride any roller-coasters in her day.  Then again, those things were death traps back then and anybody could probably ride them.
• Nicole Richie (5'0) - I'm still not sure why she is "famous".  At least, it's not because she made a sex tape.
• Dolly Parton (5'0) - Do you think Dolly is taller from head-to-toe or from back-to-nipple?
• Kristen Bell (5'1) - I always assumed Veronica Mars was short, but not this short.  She's married to Dax Shepard, that guy who used to punk people for Ashton Kutcher, who is 6'3.  Think about that.  Now, get your mind out of the gutter, pervert.
• Christina Ricci (5'1) - Apparently, Wednesday Addams forgot to keep growing.
• Ellen Page (5'1) - They don't call her "The Little Canadian" for nothing.
• Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen (5'1 and 5'2) - Does it piss you off that these two are worth $300 million?  Also, if they are identical twins, how is one taller than the other?

"Twins?  Or aliens?  Tough call."

Lawyers

Question:  If a lawyer knows their client is guilty, and lawyers are supposed to uphold the law, then why do they always seem to do everything they can to prove their client is not guilty?

Am I missing something here?  Is this just a TV/movie attribute of lawyers?  I would say yes, but we all saw the OJ Simpson trial (and I'm not racist, it was just pretty clear he did it).  His lawyers had to know he did it, but they still proved he was "innocent".  I understand that he paid them a lot of money to defend him, but that still doesn't seem right to me if they know he is guilty.

Then again, maybe when a lawyer takes on a client, they tell the guy not to tell them whether or not they are guilty.  Instead, they just listen to their side of the story and work things out from there.  On the other hand, if their client tells their story which invokes their guilt and the lawyer still tries to get them proven innocent, that seems wrong to me.

And what about lawyers who get their clients off on a technicality, like improper handling of evidence.  But at the same time, the rest of the evidence clearly proves the guy was guilty, how does that make any sense?  The guy was guilty and yet he gets off because of some stupid loophole?  What?!?

Basically, I'm just trying to point out that our legal system might be broken.  It could be worse, at least we don't work like the legal system in Game of Thrones where they allow you or someone on your behalf to battle to death against someone of the court's choosing and if you win, you're off the hook.

"However, I'm perfectly okay with the rule against incompetent lawyers."

Hotter Sports Sideline Reporter?

Erin Andrews v. Samantha Ponder

First up, we have Erin Andrews.  She used to work for ESPN until she got a bigger contract from FOX.  She certainly has a classic beauty about her.  Great smile, nice eyes, very natural looking, and we've seen her naked (look it up).  Definitely a hot lady and I was a much bigger fan of hers before she went to FOX, where we rarely see her anymore.  But that may have more to do with the fact that she doesn't cover college football as much anymore, and I watch college ball way more than pro ball.

And then we have Erin's replacement at ESPN, Samantha Ponder.  Super cute, easy smile, beautiful eyes, but no naked pictures that I know of.  I would say her only flaw is that she seems to think she has to dye her hair blond for some reason.  Go natural, there's nothing wrong with a hot brunette.

Verdict:  Tough call.  But I'm going Samantha because I like the cute "girl next door" look better.  Maybe it's just me, but I would pick those dimples over Erin's hot body any day.

Happy Boobs Year

"Happy Boobs Year, Everybody!"

Merry Chirstmas

"Ha Ha Ha, I mean, Ho Ho Ho."

R-Rated Movies

Have you ever wondered what makes a movie rated PG-13 or rated R?  No?  Well, I don't care how you answered, I'm going to tell you anyways.  I stumbled across a couple reasons behind this baffling question, here is what I found:

• If "Fuck" is used 4 or more times as an expletive, or once as a verb.
• Tobacco use.
• Nudity - Full body for a female okay for PG-13 (ex: Titanic), but automatically rated R for male nudity.
• Sex.  Period.
• Blood - you will notice all blood in PG-13 movies is not red, but usually black.
• Hard drugs - I guess that means pot, too.

The only one I don't truly understand is the one about using the F-word.  Why would it matter if you just yelled "FUCK!!" or if you said "I'm going to fuck that chick!"?  You're still saying "fuck".  But apparently it matters to the idiots who decide these sort of things.  Also, I didn't realize that Titanic was rated PG-13 until I researched this thing.  There was full bush in that movie and it still got a PG-13 rating, who knew?  Knowledge is Power!

"Too red, rate this thing R now!"

1000th Post

This is the 1,000th post for our little website!  And to celebrate, I would like to share a GIF that expresses my gratitude:

"This is to everyone who said I would grow bored with this site after a month.  Suck it!"

The Logistics of Grocery Stores

Where in the hell does all that food come from in our grocery stores?  Or to be more specific, how does every grocery store have so many perishable items?  Think about it, if you go in your local grocery store, there are at least a hundred jugs of milk and even more cuts of meat, each of which only last a week or two at most.  Not only does every grocery store have all of these perishable items, but there is no way that all of them are sold.  That's a lot of wasted food/milk.

Now think about how many grocery stores are in your town.  Within 10 miles of my house, I can think of a dozen or so grocery stores, all of which have thousands of perishable items for sale.  And that doesn't even include all of the gas stations that sell perishable stuff.  So, if you include those, those number jumps up even more.

So, where does it all come from?  The milk I can understand a lot more than the meat.  It's not like you can raise a cow to maturity in a week, it takes at least a year, and yet I still find hundreds of cuts of meat in my local grocery store every time I walk in.

I guess my real problem with this question is that I live in a city and there isn't a farm within an hour drive.  If I lived in the middle of the country, I can only assume that there are just miles and miles of farms in every direction.  But from where I live, I honestly don't understand where it all comes from.

"This really seems like the only way to drink all of the milk available in your local grocery store.  However, I know from personally experience, chugging a gallon of milk will only come right back up."

A Sports Question

Miami Marlins player, Giancarlo Stanton, recently signed a 13-year/$325 million contract.  That is an absurd amount of money!  In fact, during his press conference after signing his contract, a reporter informed him that his new contract will pay him roughly $69,000 a day for the length of his contract.  That is beyond absurd.  This got me to thinking.  What comes first - a player in one of the major sports signs a one billion dollar contract?  Or the Apocalypse?

In the past two years, seven sports stars have signed contracts worth over $200 million.  That's a lot of money.  In fact, that's more money than you can spend unless you really don't understand how to manage your money, and if you have that much money, you can definitely afford a good money manager.  Ten years ago, players were only signing contracts in the 100 million dollar range.  So, at this rate, I can only assume that a player will sign the first billion dollar contract in the next 30 years or so (I have nothing to base that on, just guessing).  With that in mind....

When will the Apocalypse occur?  In the next 30 years?  Depends on what we are talking about.  I can only assume that at the rate computers are improving, we could see the machines take over in that same time span.  So, that brings me back to my original question - what comes first?  A billion dollar athlete?  Or robots becoming our overlords?  It really could go either way.

"Guess what kid, one day you will either grow up to be the first guy to ever have a billion dollar contract, or have your brains eaten by a zombie.  It really is 50/50."

Time Travel

There is one reason I know time travel will never exist - if it did, someone would have already traveled back in time and told us about it.  That is of course if multiple timelines don't exist and the guy who traveled back in time went to a parallel timeline and not this one.  Yes, it is very confusing, but that is the only explanation as to why we don't know about time travel from a guy from the future.  Then again, if I had time travel, I wouldn't tell anyone and would just travel back in time, get some great stock tips, and then profit like crazy in the future.

But let's say you do travel back in time and talk to one random person for half an hour or so, what do you think the repercussions would be?  Just by talking to that one guy, he might miss a date with his future wife, she dumps him, causing random people to never be born, changing all sorts of other future actions to never happen, which changes a lot of history, and might cause the guy who originally traveled back in time to never be born.  Or maybe the parents of the guy who invented time travel never met and time travel was never invented to begin with.  In other words, just by traveling into the past and doing absolutely nothing to directly affect the future, you probably don't exist anymore and couldn't have traveled back in the first place.  Do you see where I'm going with this?  Time travel is pretty stupid and will never exist.

However, what if multiple timelines exist in parallel universes?  Could time travel be possible then?  Sure, but that's the only way it could work, otherwise just by traveling back in time, you miight change too much that the future you know no longer exists making it impossible to happen in the first place.

One last point I want to make about time travel that happened in a movie.  In The Terminator, the machines send Arnold back in time to kill Sarah Conner, right?  Well, we know they fail, they know they fail, so why don't they try again?  Or better yet, why don't they send back a dozen Arnolds to kill her?  This never made sense to me, but if you apply my theory of changing the past, it does make some sense.  In their timeline, John Conner's dad is Kyle Reese who is from the future.  So, that means that in order for John Conner to exist, a man had to travel back in time to bang his mom.  This also means that no matter what the machines did, they would fail, John Conner would be born and lead the humans in a war against the machines.  Do you think the machines knew this before they sent Arnold back?  So technically, had they not sent him back, Kyle Reese would not have been sent back, John Conner would have never been born, and the machines would have won.  Then again, they wouldn't have had to send Arnold back if John Conner didn't exist in the future to begin with.  So, no matter what, this timeline already existed and there was nothing the machines could have done to win.  I'm confused now.

In conclusion, time travel will never exist, or if it does, we will never know about it because we live in the wrong parallel timeline.  Knowledge is Power!

Disclaimer - I wrote this before a recent episode of The Big Bang Theory went over something very similar.  I swear.

"Seriously, if they had just sent two killer Arnolds, the machines would have easily succeeded."

Anastasia Date Comment

Awhile back (and I'm talking about over a year ago), I wrote a post about those Anastasiadate.com commercials.  If you haven't seen them, they are claiming that they can hook you up with hot foreign brides like this lady:

Basically, my previous post made fun of the fact that there is no way that you will be getting a chick as hot as that woman.  Funny thing was, someone commented on that post and it wasn't one of you guys, it was the website's customer service:

     All of the ladies on AnastasiaDate.com are real and genuine. With video chat you can even see the lady in real-time and check yourself. We verify all our members and provide the best anti-scam, money-back protection in the industry. 

    Thanks,

    Gregory
    AnastasiaDate Customer Service 
    www.anastasiadate.com

Well, Greg, thanks for letting us know.  However, I'm still calling bullshit that any ladies you "chat" with on your site are anywhere near as sexy as the lady above.  Look at her, she doesn't need some lonely loser to sweep her off her feet, she can have the pick of the litter.  Unless you guys are paying some insanely high salaries, I cannot and will not believe that women of that ilk work for your site.  But thanks for contacting us, Greg.

Sambo

A couple of years ago during the Super Bowl, my buddy BP told me his dad asked about the website I used to write for and how he could find it.  My buddy just told him to Google "Clemson Sambo" and it should be the top result (if you do that now, you can find an old article of mine from the website I wrote for before I wrote for the one I'm talking about.  Confused?).  His dad's response was "he does know that 'Sambo' is a derogatory term, right?".  Yup, Sambo is an old-timey term for people of African decent and I had no idea.

However, there is a reason I go by the name Sambo.  That's what my parents called me all the time when I was young.  Basically, before I was born, they came down to naming me either Samuel or Bo, and went with Sam, but still threw the "Bo" in there when they could.

The only reason I'm bringing this up is because I wanted anyone that may be offended by it to let me know.  If you are, then TOUGH!  I'm not going to do anything about it.

That's all,
Sambo

Dog Names

Our family dog, Georgia, passed away at the end of the summer.  It was a sad time for our family because she was the best dog ever (trust me, she was better than your dog).  And because she was the best dog ever, I decided to honor her by naming every dog we get in the future with the name of a U.S. State.  After looking through a list of the states, I came up with a nifty list of my own.  Most of the names are derived from a state, but I still found a couple that work by themselves.  Here are the best ones I found:

Males

• Ari or Zona - Arizona
• Colorado
• Indiana
• Tuck - Kentucky
• Louie - Louisiana
• Monty - Montana/Vermont
• Tex - Texas

Females

• Ally - Alabama
• Cali - California
• Connie - Connecticut
• Deli - Delaware
• Georgia (of course)
• Ida - Idaho
• Ana - Louisiana
• Minnie - Minnesota
• Missy - Mississippi (by far my favorite)
• Penny - Pennsylvania
• Virginia or Ginny

After showing my brother this list, he came up with a few of his own that I liked:

• Nessie - Tennessee
• Whiskey - Wisconsin
• Mitch - Michigan
• Brasky - Nebraska
• Rhodie - Rhode Island

"Georgia loved the snow.  Unfortunately, it snowed more on the day of this picture than it has in the last five years combined.  Welcome to South Carolina."

Weirdest Movies I Own

During and shortly after college, I went through a phase of collecting DVDs.  I'm fairly sure a lot of us movie junkies did that.  What college kid didn't own Se7en, Office Space, and The Big Lebowski?  But I also bought some really random movies too and still own them to this day for some reason.  Here is a space-filler, I mean, list of those movies:

• The Brothers Grimm - Matt Damon and Heath Ledger in a movie directed by Terry Gilliam?  Sounds great on paper, not so great on film.  However, it did also feature Lena Headey, aka Cersai Lannister.
• Boiler Room - This was based on the same story as The Wolf of Wall Street, except this one had way less drugs, sex, and nudity, and way more suckiness.
• Confessions of a Dangerous Mind - Actually a good movie.  It stars the criminally underrated Sam Rockwell and is directed by George Clooney.  Worth a watch, not a buy.
• Welcome to Collinwood - Another movie starring Sam Rockwell, as well as William H. Macy, Luis Guzman, and another George Clooney sighting.  This is the kind of movie you would have to own to ever see it and I would actually recommend it.
• The Sum of All Fears - Remember Patriot Games and Clear and Present Danger?  They starred Han Solo as Jack Ryan, who was an american spy or something.  Well, this is same character but played by Ben Affleck and he does not live up to the billing and I do not know why I own it.
• Two Copies of LotR: Two Towers and Return of the King - I can actually explain this.  I bought the first copies of these movie when they came out and then bought the extended versions later.  Why I never got rid of these, I will never know, but I might do so now.
• A Night at the Roxbury - I should probably just throw this away even if it does bring back fond memories of high school.
• Master and Commander - I watched this once and I have no plans to ever do so again.  It should probably join the garbage this week.
• Crash - The good news is that this movie did (undeservedly) win Best Picture.  The bad news is that I wasted money on this movie and have no intentions of ever watching again.
• The Da Vinci Code - I was a huge fan of the book before it was cool to be a big fan of the book.  The movie sucked.

"Still Tom's worst haircut to date."

Space Travel

I really don't think the human race will ever travel to the stars.  Why?  Because the investment just isn't worth it.  Unless we figure out how to travel at a speed thousands of times faster than the speed of light or learn how to bend space, anyone who invests in space travel is just throwing their money away.  It would be wiser to invest in Facebook stock.

Look at it this way.  If we build a space craft that can at least travel at the speed of light, it would take eight and a half years to travel to the nearest star and back.  And what would be gained by that?  Absolutely nothing.  There is nothing near Alpha Centauri A that would be worth investing billions of dollars to send someone there.  Sure, you would be able to say that you sent humans to the stars, but you wouldn't receive anything from your investment.  Some good press?  Yeah, but is that worth the money you sunk into the project?  Nope.

What about the other nearby stars?  Maybe they have something worth the investment?  They might, but let's say the closest star with profitable resources is 40 light years away.  That means it would be an 80 year round trip plus the time it would take to gather said resources.  So, by the time that the space craft gets back to Earth, everyone that spent money on the expedition would be dead as would be the crew who flew there.  In other words, this project would never even make it past the initial investment meeting.

And what happens if the space craft is damaged?  Communication from those distances isn't feasible.  The good news is that radio waves travel at the speed of light.  The bad news is that if the space craft sent out a mayday, it would take years just for someone who could help to hear it.  And even if they do hear it, that would mean doubling the cost of the project just to send someone out to save the first craft, assuming they are still alive.  On top of that, saving the first mission doesn't profit anyone involved.

In conclusion, unless humans can invent a way to create wormholes in space or build an engine that can travel way faster than the speed of light, I highly doubt we will ever travel the galaxy.  Hell, we can't even cure the common cold, so I doubt space travel is high on our priority list.  Then again, robots will take over the world soon enough and I bet they will travel the stars just to mock us filthy human scum.

"And don't even get me started on the problems with chest-bursting aliens."

Baby Names

With being a nerd becoming more and more acceptable, there are going to be consequences.  And those consequences are going to fall onto those nerds' children.  What do I mean?  Well, if you look at the Top 10 Most Popular Baby Names over the past couple of years, Edward and Jacob have been on that list.  In other words, women are naming their kids after 'popular' fictional characters from the Twilight series.  I also read somewhere that about 200 hundred kids were named Khaleesi after the hot chick from Game of Thrones.  Knowing this, I decided to take a few of the more popular shows and movies and list the names of the main characters that kids might have to suffer from in the near future.  However, I will not being listing villains' names, so there will be no Malfoy or Cersei (even though it would be pretty awesome to name your kid Voldemort).  After compiling this list, I did notice one thing and I will tell you what is was in a minute.  First, let's see what I got:

Hunger Games

• Girls - Katniss
• Boys - Peeta, Gale

Twilight

• Girls - Bella
• Boys - Edward, Jacob

Harry Potter

• Girls - Hermione (how many of you didn't know how to pronounce her name until the movies came out?  And even then, I still don't see it)
• Boys - Harry, Ron

Game of Thrones

• Girls - Sansa, Arya, Daenerys, Khaleesi
• Boys - Jon, Robb, Bran, Jaime (and even though he is the best character in the series, I doubt anyone will name their kid Tyrion)

Did you notice what I was talking about?  The girl's names are way more noticeable than the boy's names.  Other than Peeta, none of the boy's names would cause said boy to be picked on his whole life.  However, every single one of the girl's names would cause the other girls to talk behind her back.  Then again, they would probably do that anyways, am I right, fellas?  In any case, I really do feel sorry for the future generation when you will one day meet a kid named Kal-El, Michelangelo, or something else equally dumb because their nerd parents thought it would cute if they named their kid after a movie character that no one will remember by then.  Then again, Nicholas Cage already named his kid Kal-El, so that time might be coming sooner than you think.

"I heard her parents named her after some dumb chick who banged a vampire who sparkled.  Dork."

Expendables 3

I was half watching the trailer for the new Expendables movie and they were showing who all was in the cast and I thought to myself, "Good lord, that is a lot of old guys to be in an action movie".  So, I decided to look up who all was in this thing and figure out their average age just for laughs.  Luckily, when I clicked on the IMDB page for the movie, they had it broken down into two parts, Credited Cast and then everyone else in the movie.  And the Credited Cast was basically all of the old guys and that made my job even easier and more hilarious.  Let's check out just how funny it is:

• Sylvester Stallone - 68
• Jason Statham - 47
• Jet Li - 51
• Antonio Banderas - 54
• Wesley Snipes - 52
• Dolph Lundgren - 57
• Mel Gibson - 58
• Harrison Ford - 72
• Arnold Schwarzenegger - 67

That's a total of 526 years for an average of 58.4 years per actor.  Almost 60 years old per actor!  For an action movie!  Your prime years are usually in your late 20's or early 30's and these guys are on average double that.  Hell, only one of them is under 50.  That's ridiculous.  And yet people keep going to see these things, so much so that they are on their 3rd movie in the series with a 4th one already in the pipe and a 61 year old Pierce Brosnan has already signed up to do it.  I guess what I'm trying to say is that Hollywood really needs a new young batch of action stars or they need to stop making movies with all of the really old ones.

"Yeah, he is slightly past his prime."

More Celebrity Heights

Awhile back I wrote a couple of posts about some celebrities and their surprising heights (click here or here).  Well, I found some more interesting ones, let's see what I got:

• Bruno Mars (5'5) - His real name is Peter Hernandez.  Where in the hell did this midget get the name Bruno Mars from?  Nothing in Peter Hernandez translates to Bruno or Mars.  Weird.
• Jada Pinkett Smith (4'11) - Better known as Will Smith's wife.  This little person has been in a couple things you might have seen like the two crappy Matrix sequels and, well, that's about it.  However, she will be in the new FOX TV show Gotham which is about Batman when he was a kid.  I'm pretty excited about it except for the fact that Bruce Wayne will only be a minor character and still a kid/not Batman.
• Elton John (5'3) - For a guy who plays the piano as his primary instrument, he sure did pump out some great hits, didn't he? 
• Sylvester Stallone (5'7) - Yup, one of Hollywood's "biggest" action stars is only a couple inches taller than the average woman.  It makes you wonder how often he was standing on a box in all of his movies.
• Kevin Hart (5'2) - I love this guy and he makes fun of his height more than anyone, which he should considering he is only 5'2.
• Dustin Hoffman (5'5) - This is surprising, but at the same time it isn't.  I guess it makes some sense considering he has really only done voice work for the Kung Fu Panda movies recently that way we won't notice how small he is in today's taller Hollywood.

"Will Smith married a little person, so cute."

Happy 4th of July

Whoops, how did that get on there?  Let's try that again:

Happy 4th of July!  America!