Stupid State Laws - Florida 5

Here comes another post about a state law that still exists on the books and why it is ridiculous (to see them all, click here):

Florida

"You are not allowed to break more than three dishes per day, or chip the edges of more than four cups and/or saucers."

Why not?  What could have possibly motivated someone to pick up their phone or head downtown and have a chat with their local lawmaker in order to have this law made?  I cannot conceive of even one possible scenario in which someone would be so offended by some broken dishes that they would feel compelled to do something about it.....except for one possibility.  A dude and his wife get in a fight and his wife starts breaking dishes (b/c bitches be crazy) and the dude figures out a way he can win the fight and that is by getting his wife arrested for her heinous dish-breaking crime.  Other than that, this law is beyond stupid.

"Sorry honey, that's your fourth broken dish, I'm calling the cops even if you are wearing your sexy socks."

Weekly Picks of the Week - Week 2

Picks in Bold

Rankings based on Coaches Poll
All lines provided by Sportsbook.ag

Miami Hurricanes (+7) @ #20 Kansas St. Wildcats

12:00

Penn St. Nittany Lions @ Virginia Cavaliers (-10)

12:00

#23 Florida Gators (+1.5) @ Texas A&M Aggies

3:30

Washington Huskies (+23.5) @ #3 LSU Tigers

7:00

#14 Nebraska Cornhuskers (-5.5) @ UCLA Bruins

7:30

#7 Georgia Bulldogs (-2) @ Missouri Tigers

7:45

-Holy crap, are there a lot of terrible games this weekend.  Not a single Top 25 match-up for us to watch and the two best games are SEC games that involve both of the newcomers into the conference, so who knows if even those games will be worth watching.  Seriously, the match-ups are so bad this week that I had to include the Penn State/Virginia game just so that I would have six games to pick (and I also picked that one b/c Penn State sucks and Virginia should cover easily).  Let's just say that if you enjoy college football but need to get some yard work done, then I give you permission to go mow the yard this Saturday, you won't be missing anything important.

As for last week, I finished 3-3 and frankly, I was happy about that, especially after watching how terribly wrong I got that Michigan pick.  This week, I guarantee a better outcome or your money back.

And finally, because I love watching ESPN's College GameDay and my favorite part of the show is to read all of the signs in the background, I decided I would try and pick out the funniest sign each week and share it with you guys.  I couldn't find a picture of this week's winner, but I did find a picture of another one that made me laugh.  So, enjoy this week's college football, even if it is probably going to suck hard.

The Funniest College GameDay Sign From Last Weekend Said:
Bama - 1
Tree - 0
(If you don't get that, then click here and you will understand why that sign probably shouldn't be funny but was hilarious if you can take a joke.)

Last Week's Results: 3-3

Season Results: 3-3

Dessert Madness

Society has to stop the boutique dessert places.  They are everywhere.  All I hear about is the new hip pie place or the trendy food truck that serves cupcake balls.  They even opened a popcorn store near me...that is a chain!  Why wouldn't you take the two minutes to pop your plenty good 50 cent popcorn in your own home when you could drive ten minutes to pay five bucks for someone else's popcorn.

Remember when you ordered dessert in a damn restaurant?  Wasn't it nice to order dessert at the same place you ate at - not drive another 20 minutes to get even fatter?  Sure enough, every place I've been to has dessert and it doesn't suck at all.

And why do we need such frilly pastries and evening delights?  Did someone start a club that hates cheesecake and chocolate cake?  Those are delicious, sensible, easy.  If that doesn't suit you then just eat some candy.  When did a good ol' Hershey bar or Skittles take a dive?  Don't hurt our Americana foundation by whoring yourself out to the latest dessert craze, keep it simple stupids!

"This is the only way I will eat fruit for dessert."

***BONUS***

I have my first post for my weekly NFL picks set to debut Saturday but I could not resist to pick the game for the opener on Wednesday.  Enjoy the preview:

Cowboys at Giants -3.5

Wednesday 8:30

-Remember the Super Bowl last year?  Me either!  Turns out the Giants won crowning them best team in the NFL.  They are very good on offense with a solid QB, good RBs, and great WRs, but their strength is their defensive line.  This week some talking heads proclaimed them a Top 10 All-Time D-line.  I don't think I'm prepared to go there but the point is a good one.  Just so happens Dallas' main weakness last year (and especially this preseason) is terrible offensive line play.  The Giant's ends will be closer to Romo than his own running back, DeMarco Murray, and they will be wreaking havoc and causing turnovers.  I don't expect the Giants to crush them but a solid double digit win should be in the cards.

NFL Preview

Just like we did with college football, we here at Brainfart thought it should be our duty to give you guys our predictions for the upcoming NFL season.  Did I say predictions?  I meant, we are going to show you the future.  Let's do this:

	Sambo	Alexatgt
AFC North	Cincinnati	Baltimore
AFC East	New England	New England
AFC South	Houston	Houston
AFC West	Denver	San Diego
Wildcard #1	Baltimore	Tennessee
Wildcard #2	Buffalo	Buffalo
NFC North	Green Bay	Green Bay
NFC East	Dallas	New York
NFC South	Atlanta	Atlanta
NFC West	San Francisco	San Fransisco
Wildcard #1	New Orleans	Detroit
Wildcard #2	New York	Philadelphia
Super Bowl Winner	Green Bay	New England
	Awards
MVP	Aaron Rodgers	Tom Brady
Def. POY	DeMarcus Ware	Jason Pierre-Paul
Off. ROY	Doug Martin	Andrew Luck
Def. ROY	Quinton Couples	Melvin Ingram

"Foooootbawl!!!!!"

NOKW - Spider-Man 3

Here comes the next chapter in our "I'm Okay With, I'm Not Okay With" series (if you don't know what this is, click here for all of the past posts):

Movie:  Spider-Man 3

Basic Plot:  Basically, this movie ruined the franchise so much that they had to reboot the whole damn thing 5 years after its release.  Oh, and Spidey fights Venom and the Sandman, and I guess The Green Goblin Jr.

I'm Okay With:  The fact that the alien symbiote just hangs out in Peter Parker's room for a couple days before it finally decides to attach itself to Spider-Man.  The fact that Topher Grace's character had pointed teeth when he became Venom, but just turned Peter into a giant tool.  The fact that Spider-Man gets beaten repeatedly but never has a single scratch on him even when after a fight where he gets his suit ripped all to hell.  The fact that while conducting the experiment that created Sandman, the scientists completely ignore the sensor that says something is inside the test area when any outside factors would skew their results.  The fact that Peter Parker thought it would be a good idea to kiss another girl at the Key to the City ceremony while his girlfriend is in the audience.  The fact that Topher Grace was able to identify his girlfriend, Gwen Stacy, while she was dangling from the top of a building twenty stories up.

I'm Not Okay With:  The fact that Sandman is able to grow to four or five stories tall despite there only being a very limited amount of sand for him to use.  Go back and watch that final battle again and tell me how it was possible for Sandman to grow that large.  It takes place in a construction site in the middle of New York, you know, a place not known for large quantities of sand.  While I will agree that construction crews will use sand when they are putting up a building, there is no way that they had enough sand on site in order for Sandman to grow to the size they depict him.  The only way for him to have grown that large was if the entire construction site was sitting on top of a beach, but that would be about the dumbest thing you could do when putting up a very large and very heavy building.  So, how did he do it?  Did he grow large in order to intimidate his foes but leave a hollow shell?  Nope, we saw Green Goblin Jr shoot him with some missiles and expose his sandy insides.  Nothing about that scene made sense anyways, but that was the most baffling thing of all.  And I am not okay with that.

"He looks confused, that's what happened to me after I saw this movie.  Like why did they cast Topher Grace in an action movie?  So confused."

Stupid State Laws - Florida 4

Here comes another post about a state law that still exists on the books and why it is ridiculous (to see them all, click here) and just so you know, Florida is littered with hilarious laws, so we will be revisiting this state a few more times:

Florida

"It is considered an offense to shower naked."

Wait, so how are you supposed to shower?!?  In a bathing suit?  What exactly constitutes "naked"?  Does this mean that if you wear just one sock while showering, you are not breaking the law?  How about a hat or even a small band-aid?  How exactly are you supposed to fully clean yourself?  You know this law came about due to a mishap at the gym.  Some lawmaker was taking a shower when an old man and his naked old man balls or a black dude and his monster wang walked in and scarred him for life.  Also, what does it mean by offense?  Is it a fine?  A warning?  Or do they force you to take a shower in prison?  And not a good prison, more along the lines of the rapey kind of prison.  This is about as stupid a law as it gets.

"Okay mam, you are okay to carry on, wearing a bathing suit while in the shower is not against the law.....though it should be with that body."

Fun With Celebrity Heights

The other day I found out how tall Arnold Schwarzenegger really was (we'll get to the answer in a minute) and decided to do a little research and see if I could find any other surprising celebrity heights.  And I found a lot, so this may take a couple of posts to cover.  In the first post, we will play a little game of "Guess Who Is Taller" where I (obviously) ask you which celebrity is taller.  Keep in mind that the average height for US males is 5'9.5 and for females is 5'4 (all of these figures are courtesy of Celebheights.com).  Let's do this:

Guess Who Is Taller

• Arnold Schwarzenegger or John Cusack - I was shocked to find out that Arnold is only 6'1.5, I always assumed he was at least 6'4.  Meanwhile, the funny John Cusack is taller than Arnold, standing in at 6'2.  Hell, I found out that even Gene Hackman (6'2) is taller than Arnold.
• Justin Bieber or Jessica Biel - Biebs comes in at a whopping 5'6 and the future Mrs. Timberlake is 5'7.  Take that you little talent-less hack.
• Jason Alexander or Napoleon - this was another one that I didn't see coming, Napoleon is two full inches taller (5'6.5) than George Constanza who is only 5'4.5.
• Andre The Giant or Shaq - considering that Andre is a giant, you would think he would be taller than the Big Cactus, but no.  Andre is 7'0 to Shaq's 7'1.
• James Marsden or Hugh Jackman - I included this one b/c James Marsden played Cyclops in the X-Men movies and his character is supposed to tower over Wolverine (who is 5'3 in the comics) played by Hugh Jackman, but not in real life.  James is 4 inches shorter (5'8) than Hugh (6'2).
• Josh Hutcherson or Jennifer Lawrence - they play the two lovers in The Hunger Games and I find it hilarious that Jennifer is 5'7.5 to Josh's 5'5 in real life.
• Dudley Moore or Prince - okay, I put this one in here b/c both of these guys are really short, but Dudley Moore is taller standing at an imposing 5'2.5 and Prince is 5'2.  Somehow I doubt they rode too many roller coasters in their lifetimes.

"Also, this post allows me to show you a picture of Jessica Biel.  You're welcome."