Winter Olympic Takeaways

Unless you have been living in a cave or in outer space for the past two weeks, then I can only assume you have been watching the Winter Olympics like the rest of the world (and even then, I assume that caves and outer space have cable in today's world).  Well, we here at Brainfart decided it was our sole duty (hehe) to tell you what we thought of while we were watching people in spandex compete for shiny pieces of medals and endorsement deals.  Let's see what kind of stupidity crossed our minds:

• The Winter Olympics are actually really dumb and I'm not sure why I was so fascinated by them.  Every sport seemed pointless and yet I still watched.
• Also, when was the last time it actually snowed during a Winter Olympics?
• I just don't get the appeal of Figure Skating.  If the winner of your "sport" is decided by a panel of judges, then it isn't a sport, it's considered a beauty pageant.  Frilly outfits, gaudy makeup, overreaction to losses....sounds like an episode of Toddlers and Tiaras to me.
• And speaking of Figure Skating, why did it feel like every time I turned on the TV, that stupid "sport" was on.  Based on screen time, you would think that there were only two events at this year's Olympics - Figure Skating and everything else.
• Downhill Skiers are insane.  Those dudes and dudettes are going down a steep hill on a sheet of ice at close to 100 miles per hour.  I know that the speeds involved in the Luge and Bobsled are equally as fast, but if they crash, at least they have a track to slide on, downhill skiers are at the mercy of the hill they are flying down.
• Moguls look really painful, that has to kill those athletes' knees.
• Is it so hard to ask the athletes to wear a uniform that tells us which country they are competing for?  I could never tell who was who without NBC displaying the athletes' names at the bottom of the screen.  Couldn't they have just worn an easily noticeable flag on their helmets or spandex somewhere?
• If Sweden (15 total medals) and Norway (26 total medals) are so good at the Winter Olympics, then why does Finland (5 total medals) suck so hard compared to their neighbors?
• I wrote the following during the first week of the Olympics - Why in the hell is there no Snowboard Racing?  Good news, there is and it is awesome!
• Shooting and Cross Country Skiing?  Who thought that those two things should every mix together for an Olympic sport?
• Is it just me or does Meryl Davis, Ice Dancing gold medal winner, look like an elf?  I don't mean that in a bad way and I actually think she's cute, but she just reminds me of what I picture an elf to look like.  And her partner, Charlie White, kind of reminds me of Jon Heder's character from Blades of Glory.

• The Dutch are really really good at Speed Skating.  That's seem really really random.
• If you can play your sport drunk and it not affect your performance, then it probably shouldn't be in the Olympics.  What I'm trying to say is, if Curling is an Olympic sport, then they should add Cornhole and Bocce Ball to the Summer games.  Let's get this done!
• Short Track Speed Skating is way cooler than Long Track Speed Skating.
• Was it just me or did it seem like every post-race interviewer only asked the same two questions - "How does it fell to [insert finish]?" or "What was going through your mind after [insert finish]?".
• I don't know how anything could feel worse than to train for four years in an obscure sport, make the Olympics, and then miss out on winning a medal by 0.1 seconds.
• In conclusion, what we really learned is that the Summer Olympics are a spectacle of athletic prowess and the Winter Olympics are just 42 different kinds of sliding.  (I have to give my brother credit for that one.)

"Maybe curling isn't so bad if it allows me to meet this pretty lady."