Truly Random Brainfart Thoughts - Part 24

Here comes the next edition of Truly Random Brainfart Thoughts (click here to see the others).  Basically,  these are a bunch of random thoughts that came to mind that I couldn't really expand on and thought I should just make them into list form for your enjoyment.  Here goes:

• Do you think dentists floss everyday like they tell us to do?
• Fun Fact - Krusty the Clown and Homer Simpson look so similar because the writers were originally going to have Homer play Krusty as a side job.
• Did you know that Sloan from Ferris Bueller's Day Off gets naked in Timecop?  You're welcome.
• I'm proud to say that I've never eaten a McRib.
• Doctor Who sounds more like a cool band name than the title character of a nerdy TV show.
• Why is it so satisfying to replace your windshield wipers?
• If Hitler had sported a handlebar mustache, would that mean it would be okay to sport a Hitler 'stache and not cool to wear a handlebar 'stache?
• Considering that no one speaks Latin anymore, is it strange that one day modern languages like English and French may no longer exist?
• Do you think Indians from Asia get confused when they hear that a baseball team in America is called the Cleveland Indians?
• In today's modern world, how quick do you think people would figure out the secret identities of comic book superheros?  I'm guessing an hour tops.

"Yup, you get to see her boobs in Timecop."

The Logistics of Grocery Stores

Where in the hell does all that food come from in our grocery stores?  Or to be more specific, how does every grocery store have so many perishable items?  Think about it, if you go in your local grocery store, there are at least a hundred jugs of milk and even more cuts of meat, each of which only last a week or two at most.  Not only does every grocery store have all of these perishable items, but there is no way that all of them are sold.  That's a lot of wasted food/milk.

Now think about how many grocery stores are in your town.  Within 10 miles of my house, I can think of a dozen or so grocery stores, all of which have thousands of perishable items for sale.  And that doesn't even include all of the gas stations that sell perishable stuff.  So, if you include those, those number jumps up even more.

So, where does it all come from?  The milk I can understand a lot more than the meat.  It's not like you can raise a cow to maturity in a week, it takes at least a year, and yet I still find hundreds of cuts of meat in my local grocery store every time I walk in.

I guess my real problem with this question is that I live in a city and there isn't a farm within an hour drive.  If I lived in the middle of the country, I can only assume that there are just miles and miles of farms in every direction.  But from where I live, I honestly don't understand where it all comes from.

"This really seems like the only way to drink all of the milk available in your local grocery store.  However, I know from personally experience, chugging a gallon of milk will only come right back up."

Truly Random Brainfart Thoughts - Part 23

Here comes the next edition of Truly Random Brainfart Thoughts (click here to see the others).  Basically,  these are a bunch of random thoughts that came to mind that I couldn't really expand on and thought I should just make them into list form for your enjoyment.  Here goes:

• In Lord of the Rings, why does it seem like there is a total of three chicks in all of Middle-Earth?
• I still don't understand how an eraser erases stuff without damaging the paper it is erasing said stuff off of.
• If you traveled a couple thousand years into the past and killed one random person, how many people you know today do you think will cease to exist when you came back?
• In the movie Time Bandits, John Cleese is the top-billed actor in the opening credits but is only in the movie for three and a half minutes.  I timed it.
• Why does Coca-Cola bother spending so much money on advertising when they know we are all already addicted to their product?
• Dear anyone on their phone while ordering food at a restaurant (for example, Chipotle), hang the fuck up, you are holding everybody up because you are an asshole and shouldn't be allowed to carry on your genes.
• No homo, but how has Chris Hemsworth (aka Thor) not won People's Sexiest Man of Year?
• If dogs evolved from wolves, then how in the hell did we end up with the chihuahua?
• I just found out that Taco Bell serves breakfast.  Please tell me no one actually eats that.
• Recently, I've found myself randomly watching the newest animated version of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and was shocked to find out that Jason Biggs (American Pie) and Sean Astin (Rudy/Samwise Gamgee) do the voices of Leonardo and Raphael.
• What made the people at Looney Tunes think that a Tasmanian Devil spins around like a tornado?

"Not only do they not spin around, but they are black not brown like in the cartoons.  Did the guy who came up with that character even look at picture of a Tasmanian Devil before he drew his?"

Truly Random Brainfart Thoughts - Part 22

Here comes the next edition of Truly Random Brainfart Thoughts (click here to see the others).  Basically,  these are a bunch of random thoughts that came to mind that I couldn't really expand on and thought I should just make them into list form for your enjoyment.  Here goes:

• Why does VH1 own the rights to Showgirls?  They do realize that no one has ever watched that movie for its plot, right?
• Zoe Saldana might be the biggest banking actress in Hollywood.  She currently is starring in three big franchises: Avatar, Star Trek, and Guardians of the Galaxy.
• Why in the hell does ESPN show so much Little League World Series coverage?  Does anyone actually watch it?
• I believe that Channing Tatum is the next Bruce Willis.
• Before certain shows, why does FX have a warning that the show might contain Nudity when none of their shows ever actually contains nudity?
• At what point does a struggling actress give up and go to porn?
• How has NASCAR driver Jimmie Johnson never been sponsored by Jimmy John's?
• The Worst Tasting Thing You Would Purposely Put in Your Mouth Award has to go to a bitten into Tylenol.
• Did you know we are only 4 years away from kids born in the year 2000 being able to vote and buy cigarettes and porn?
• The only James Bond actors I feel like could actually win in a fistfight are Sean Connery and Daniel Craig.  Sorry, Dalton, you mean seem tough, but you would go down.
• Do the marketing people at Cheez-It realize that their commercials portray the idea that they murder sentient cheese to make their product?

"That talking cheese will soon be murdered for your enjoyment."

Hot Dog, I'm Going To A Game

In my opinion, hot dogs are the best food item ever, which makes them a really easy choice for best stadium food ever. Baseball games do no count unless you eat a hot dog - that's why David Wells and Cecil Fielder have played the most real games of anyone ever. Hot dogs are similar to a sandwich in that it is a blank canvas...but this canvas mandates meat. There are actually people out there that don't like sadwiches and hot dogs. You put whatever the hell you want on it moron. It's like researching and picking out a car then buying and not liking it - makes no sense. Do you like chicken noodle soup? How about a hot dog with grilled chicken and some crunchy noodles. If you think ketchup and cheese will make it worse then stop reading right now.

Hot dogs are similar to what Ron White said about breasts, you will try any of them once even if they don't look that great. You want to see a 60 year old biker lady's boobs, "Sure, why not." You want to try a hot dog with onion rings and Doritos with some blue cheese? "I'll have a bite."

Hot dogs also don't lend themselves to dirty hippie vegans. There are plenty of vegan sandwiches but you can't have a true vegan hot dog - only a bunch of grass shaped like a penis. Fortunately for those men who are nervous about the shape, there is a world-wide gentleman's agreement not to make fun of it. It is the same agreement we have with cigars.

To celebrate the first start of another overpriced Japanese pitcher, the Rangers even sold some super weird Chinese hot dog even though Yu Darvish is from Osaka (Oops).

"Wanton wrapped hot dog?  I'll take two!"

So, the next time you are at a game, have a hot dog and enjoy. What's did you say? You prefer pizza? Then put some hot dog in the crust!