NOKW - Inception

Here comes the next chapter in our "I'm Okay With, I'm Not Okay With" series (if you don't know what this is, click here for all of the past posts):

Movie:  Inception

Basic Plot:  A group of people who infiltrate dreams are tasked with the impossible mission of implanting an idea inside The Scarecrow's head.  Oh, and a lot crazy shit happens that still doesn't make sense.

I'm Okay With:  The fact that if you truly try to understand this movie, you will have more questions than answers and a headache.  The fact that this movie seems to contradict itself constantly.  The fact that the big dilemma in the movie is that they are so heavily sedated that dying in a dream would send them to Limbo, but we also learn that that isn't that big of deal because if you die in Limbo, you just wake up, plus they go their anyways and it doesn't seem like it really matter anyways.  The fact that when the first dream level is in free-fall, the second level has no gravity and if you follow this line of logic, you would assume that the third dream level would follow suit, but somehow doesn't.  The fact that despite never being inside of one of Leo's dreams, his dead wife keeps showing up.  The fact that the Japanese guy dies after Leo goes into Limbo but has somehow aged 100 years and Leo still looks the same.  The fact that even though Leo accomplishes the Inception, he botched a job at the beginning of the movie that resulted in a group of people wanting to murder his ass and even found him in Kenya, so hiding at his home in America at the end of the movie isn't going to solve that problem.  The fact that we will never know if Leo was dreaming the whole time or not.

I'm Not Okay With:  The fact that their whole plan revolved around "The Chemist" outrunning the bad guys in the first dream level who had guns and all-performance SUV's against a large crappy van full of passed out people.  The reason this is ridiculous is because being in a dream in this movie is not like being in The Matrix and you can't just download a skill into your head to instantly make you an expert at things like fighting or stunt driving.  So, The Chemist was nothing but a lab rat and had no training in evasive driving, but he was tasked with making sure the rest of his team, who are passed out in the back of the van, were not killed while driving a van that would easily flip over if it took a turn at more than a snail's pace (and he does that at one point).  However, this task also included him being chased by a bunch of gun-totting badasses in high-performance SUV's and motorcycles.  So, shitty van v. SUV's and motorcycles, who wins?  I'll give you a hint, not the chubby Chemist.  In fact, there is no way he would have made it more than one block before his tires were shot out, everyone in that van was murdered, and they fail their mission before the rest of the group even makes it into the third dream level.  I am not okay with that.

"I still find it amazing that this is the same guy who played Bane in The Dark Knight Rises."

Stupid State Laws - Montana

Here comes another post about a state law that still exists on the books and why it is ridiculous (to see them all, click here):

Montana

"It is illegal for married women to go fishing alone on Sundays, and illegal for unmarried women to fish alone at all."

Okay, this one is a doosey.  First off, how many women do you know that even enjoy fishing enough to want to do it on their own?  And if a woman does love fishing that much, I still don't see a guy taking her along with him because as all stereotypes point out, women never shut up and that defeats the point of going fishing.  So if anything, wouldn't it be more advantageous for the woman to go fishing by herself instead of some poor schlub having to listen to her complain about her co-workers the whole time?  I know I sound sexist here, but sadly stereotypes were created for a reason.  But maybe this law was created for another reason.  It was put in place so that multiple women would go fishing with each other and allow their husbands or boyfriends a couple moments of peace at home.  If that's the case, then that is some genius thinking on the part of the state of Montana.  And if not, then that state just made one of the most pointless laws in existence.

"Maybe this is why this law was created and if so, I say shame on those lawmakers.  Shame."

NFL Awesome Picks Spectacular - Playoffs Week 2

Because we here at Brainfart love us some football, we decided that we would be doing some NFL picks, too. So, here is where I make my NAPS (NFL Awesome Picks Spectacular):

Picks are in red

All lines are provided by Sportsbook.ag

Baltimore Ravens (+10) @ Denver Broncos
(UNDER 46.5)

Saturday 4:30

- There is precedence for an upset in the divisional round and I think this is the big one.  Manning is scary but the Ravens win in the playoffs.  Everyone is high on the Broncos and down on the Ravens but I think these teams are close to equal. It should be a tight game and decided late.  This could be the first game a team actually misses Willis McGahee.

Green Bay Packers (+3) @ San Francisco 49ers
(UNDER 45)

Saturday 8:00

- The Pack looked perfect against the Vikings   They slowed Peterson and shut down anything else the Viking tried to do on offense.  They also got a look at a mobile quarterback which is what they will be up against this week.  The offense preformed just fine as well and although the 49ers are a better defense, when Aaron Rogers is rolling no one in the NFL can stop him - people seem to have forgotten about that fact.  If you were worried about rookie QBs in their first playoff games you should be extra nervous about Kaepernic who has only started a few games and has had an extra week to get scared.

Seattle Seahawks @ Atlanta Falcons (-2.5)
(UNDER 45.5)

Sunday 1:00

- You can only tell a team so many times they suck before they punch you in the face.  The Seahawks are going to be that face.  The Falcons have heard for two weeks, and really all year, about how no matter what happens they cannot win in the playoffs.  Seattle is good and everyone is thinking they will win but those Vegas guys aren't dumb and they still favor the Falcons.  If Vegas wants you to go one way, go the other-fast!

Houston Texans @ New England Patriots (-9.5)
(OVER 48)
Sunday 4:30

- Houston doesn't scare anyone and it took a very average game by the Bengals to even get to this round.  The Texans haven't had a great game in a while - their offense just isn't versatile enough to do a whole lot.  They are like the Vikings when they had Harvin.  Nothing special.  The Patriots come in with a better defense and an offense with a healthy Gronk.  And Brady.  Brandon Lloyd, who has had a 1,400 yd/11 TD season, is the 4th best receiver on the team.  Now Ridley and the running game have gotten going and Houston is just going to have to choose their poison - but guess what; they still get poisoned.

Last Week's Results: 5-3

Season Results: 41-45-2

Mason Returns

It's been quite awhile since I have given you guys an awesome story about my awesome nephew Mason, so here is a story that my sister told me about recently.

This story started out at my sister's church where she was picking up Mason's little brother, Doc, from daycare.  In what must have been a lapse of stupidity, my sister went inside the church to get Doc and left Mason alone in the car and when she came back, sure enough, Mason was missing.  Well, she heads back inside to see where Mason could have gone and was walking down a hallway that is adjacent with a small courtyard when she found Mason.  Unfortunately, just as she was about to head inside the courtyard, Mason suddenly pulled down his pants and started to take a leak in a bush.  Now there is nothing strange about Mason taking a leak in public, however, this particular bush was right beside the window to a church conference room that was currently holding a meeting and to my sister's horror, everyone in that meeting just so happened to notice Mason, too.  After finishing, Mason waved at everybody in the conference room, ran back inside, and announced he was ready to go.  Luckily for my sister, pretty much everybody in that conference room knew who Mason was and laughed it off.  As for my sister, you would think that she would have learned her lesson by now to not leave Mason alone or bad/funny things will most definitely happen.  And by the way, Mason turned 6 this week and do you know what he asked for for his birthday?  A machine gun.  He has Batman villain written all over him.

"Here is Mason and his brothers at Halloween, they dressed up as the Duck Dynasty guys."

Don't Update Things That Don't Change

One of my pet peeves is when you get an update from any medium about something that has not actually updated.

Example:  ESPN breaking news update:  "Nick Saban is continuing to coach Alabama."

No shit, that is just the status quo.  He gets paid as much as pros and is treated like a king AND just won a championship.  I bet Notre Dame has a football team next year, too.  Let's start the breaking news sounder when there is actually new news.  Maybe we can create a stopwatch sounder for non-news that is not breaking.

I got on this rant after seeing yet another article form Yahoo! about the richest zip codes in America.  That reminded me of an article from a few weeks ago about the richest cities in America.  That reminded me of  an older article about the richest counties in America.  That reminded me of an even older article about the richest neighborhoods in America.  Affluent places or home values do not change very fast.  This is a good article every three years and then only if something changed drastically.  No one is in awe over the fact that the top 5 richest cities are in California or that the top two zip codes swapped spots because Mark Zuckerberg decided to expand his mansion across city lines.

"SEC - good at football.  Bad at life."

Weekly Picks of the Week - Recap

Well, the official end of the college football season came to a close on Monday night when Alabama slapped Notre Dame around like they were a drunken Irishman beating his wife.  And with the season over, I wanted to get a couple final notes off my chest before next fall:

-I would say that my picks were pretty good considering I finished the regular season with an overall winning record of 49-38.  However, when it came to picking bowl games, I was fucking terrible and went 3-10-1.  The good news is that I had my first push of the season.  Also, before the bowl games even started I told you guys that picking those glorified exhibition games is hopeless and then proved that hypothesis correct.

-Congratulations to Alabama for winning their third championship in four years, but this officially means that every fan other than Alabama fans (and fans of crappy SEC teams) now hates them.  They have now become the Yankees of college football.  Some Bama fans will love it because that means they are winners and people are just jealous of their success, but in reality, people will dislike them because success will go to their heads and they will probably become arrogant dicks, you know, like every fan of an SEC already is.

-Speaking of the National Championship, can someone please tell me why ESPN thought showing the overall record between Alabama and Notre Dame was relevant to last Monday's game?  It's great and all that Notre Dame is 5-1 all-time against Alabama, but they haven't played each other since 1987.  That means that none of the players on either team had even been born when that game was played.  So, how does Notre Dame beating Alabama over two decades ago seem pertinent to their recent matchup?  It doesn't.

-Lastly, I have one prediction for next season.  College GameDay will be in Clemson the first weekend of next season for the Top 10 matchup between Georgia and Clemson which will result in some great signs for me to pick from for my next Funniest GameDay Sign selection.  See ya next season, college football fans.

Regular Season Results: 49-38
Bowl Results: 3-10-1

"This is Alabama's QB's girlfriend.  I think I chose the wrong profession."

Rookie Performance v. Rookie Salary Cap

This football season we are seeing a lot of rookie quarterbacks succeeding in the NFL and a couple of them have even put their teams in the playoffs.  You can say the same thing about last season's rookie class when Cam Newton put up one of the, if not the, greatest seasons for a rookie QB in NFL history.  Before the past two seasons, rookies put up some decent numbers but nothing like we are seeing recently.  But why?  You could say that it is because the players coming into today's league are more mature and ready to succeed right away.  You could say that this is just a fluke and next year's class will fall flat on their ass when they enter the league.  But I think I have a simpler explanation.

Two years ago, the NFL implemented a new rookie wage scale that greatly reduced the amount of money a high draft pick could earn with their first contract and that is the reason we are seeing the new rookies' performances rise.  But why exactly?  Well, because immature 20 year olds are no longer being paid obscene amounts of money and can now focus on football and not swimming in their money vaults like Scrooge McDuck.  Sure, these guys are still making a ton of money, but it is far less than what they would have made before the new rookie wage cap.  For example, the year before they put the rookie wage scale in place (2010), the number one pick overall, Sam Bradford, got a 6-year/$78 million contract that guaranteed he would get $50 million even if he was cut or injured on the first play of his career.  That is an obscene amount of money and was more money than every QB in the league was making at the time except for Peyton Manning.  Then in 2011, Cam Newton was drafted first overall and because of the new rookie wage scale, his contract was only worth $22 million over four years.  In other words, his first contract was less than half of the previous year's first pick's guaranteed cash.  And yes, Cam is still making a lot of money, but is a third less than what he could have made if he was drafted one year earlier.

Basically, what I'm trying to say is that there is a direct correlation between the new rookie wage scale and recent rookie QB performance.  Before Cam Newton and Andrew Luck were picked first overall, the first pick in the four previous drafts were Sam Bradford (had one half decent year), Matthew Stafford (only good when he is healthy which seems rare), Jake Long (he's been good but playing offensive line isn't as tough as QB), and JaMarcus Russell (biggest flop of all-time).  And sure, a couple of the high draft picks have been good over the years, but the rookie contracts had ballooned out of control only very recently and personally, I think it was about time they put a clamp on the ridiculous amount of money they were dishing out to unproven rookies.  Think about what I said earlier, Sam Bradford got a larger contract than all but one of the current starting quarterbacks in the league and he had yet to play a single down in the NFL.  How does that possibly make sense?  Those incoming rookies were making more than veterans who had proven that they can make it in the league and it took this long to finally fix that oversight?  Sure, the NFL makes billions in profit each year, but you would think that it would make more business sense in investing that money in your current players instead of guys you drafted in hopes that they were good enough to even cut it in your violent league.  I got way off topic there, but I think you see what I'm trying to say and if not, well, tough titties.

"Also, getting less money means it's okay to grow wicked neck beards."