National Signing Day Recap?

Nope.  We won't be talking about National Signing Day today.  But we will be talking about something I saw on National Signing Day that confused the hell out of me.  Below is a picture from Twitter of Clemson's running backs coach, Tony Elliot, after he received MacKensie Alexander's (ESPN's no. 4 overall recruit) letter of intent.  What I want you to do is look at it very closely and see if you spot it:

It's hard to miss, isn't it?  There are three Twilight posters on the wall, a Twilight calender over his shoulder (with what appears to be someone's face taped on top of Kristen Stewart's face), and some other Twilight paraphernalia on top of the desk.  Being a Clemson alum, I am truly weirded out by the fact that one of the coaches of my favorite football team would have his walls and desk littered with so much Twilight crap.  So I looked at this picture again and came to the conclusion that there is no way that this is his desk.  Not only would a football coach not have multiple, let alone one Twilight poster on his wall, but no guy would have that much crap on his desk in general.  After looking it up, it turns out that the fax machine is beside a female staffer's desk and she took the picture for him when he picked up that letter of intent.  You have no idea how much better I felt after finding that out.  Dodged a huge bullet as a Clemson fan.

How bad are the Astros?

The Astros have been terrible in the recent past.  In the last four years they are 126 games under .500 winning only 40% of their games.  The last two years they are 111-213; worst record in MLB for the last two years.  They have not gotten to the playoffs in 8 years while playing in a division with the Cubs and Pirates.  They even lost off the field because their main sponsor for their new stadium was Enron!  They also have an amusement park-like field with a hill and poles in the outfield - who does that?

The Astros are currently terrible.  They have easily been the worst team in baseball.  If anything they have the least amount of hope - at least the Pirates have Andrew McCutchen.  The 'Stros were the worst team last season by 9 games, only winning 34% of their games.  In the last four years they are 126 games under .500 winning only 40% of their games.  The last two years they are 111-213; worst record in MLB for the last two years.  They have no good players on their roster.  Their highest paid player - Wandy Rodriguez for $5 million - is on the Pirates.  I am a very avid fantasy baseball player and I have only heard of two of their position players and three pitchers - check it out. Scary.

They were terrible in the past.  In the last four years they are 126 games under .500 winning only 40% of their games.  The last two years they are 111-213; worst record in MLB for the last two years.  They have not gotten to the playoffs in 8 years while paying in a division with the Cubs and Pirates.

They are going to be bad in the future. Their current payroll is $20 million dollars!  That's nothing!  20 players in baseball make that much or more this year.  How can you be expected to win when four INDIVIDUAL Phillies (Ryan Howard, Roy Halladay, Cole Hammels, and Cliff Lee) get paid more than your whole team!?!?  At least they have the Pirates.....oh, wait - the Astros just moved to the superior American league this year and get to face the Angles, Athletics, and Rangers.  Good luck Atsros!

"Did you know Lance Berkman was not a "Killer B's"?  It was originally Biggio, Bagwell, and Bell.  Biggio and Bagwell brought the baseball. Bell brought the cool."

College Football Signing Day

The three biggest days in college football are:  1) The first game of the season, 2) the rivalry game, and 3) National Signing Day.  And coming in a distant fourth is the National Championship because that game is usually terrible and only two of the past nine BCS National Championships have been remotely close (2005 - Texas v. USC and 2010 - Auburn v. Oregon) and worth watching.

Today we are going to talk about number three on that list, National Signing Day.  The day where recruits can finally sign a letter of intent and boosters can sign big checks to those recruits.  Wait a second, Brainfart, are you telling me that you think college football prospects accept cash and gifts from schools which is completely against NCAA rules?  Yes I do, dear reader.  Why wouldn't they?  I mean, what exactly is going to stop them?  The school itself?  Hell no.  A university that gets caught red-handed paying players will face numerous sanctions (by the NCAA, an institution that in theory has no actual power to do anything) like paying fines, forfeiting wins, and worst of all, losing scholarships.  But it might actually be worse for the recruit himself.  If he is caught, not only is his free ride to a solid university taken away, but he can no longer play football and prove to NFL scouts that he is a good enough player to make it in their league, you know, the place where this kid will be making some real cash.  On top of that, even if he is drafted, his credibility takes a huge hit and his draft stock plunges so far that it will take him years of proving himself in order to finally get a decent contract with a team and that means he has to stay healthy which is nearly impossible to do in football.  So, if a college football prospect is paid for his services, how could they get caught if everyone involved wouldn't dream of snitching about it?  I'm serious.  The only way that they could get caught is if the NCAA goes and looks at their bank accounts, but they don't actually have any real authority, so I still don't know how these kids and universities get caught.  Oh wait, I forgot that these are immature teenagers who can't keep their mouths shut and that when one university beats out (outbids) another one for a football recruit, they might also let a couple things slip.  And that's how Cam Newton almost got caught, which brings me to an interesting subject - the perfect loophole.

Do you know why Cam Newton was never caught?  It was because Cam and his parents said that he didn't personally know that they were asking for money and therefore, nothing was ever proven.  So, if you are the parents of a big-time college football prospect, the perfect loophole has been created.  All they have to do is go to a school and ask for money and they will then promise to steer their kid to your respective school.  Sure, that kid could still pick another school, but then all you really have to do is go to a representative of the school your kid really wants to go to and ask for cash.  It really is that simple.  As long as your kid doesn't know about it and that school doesn't get caught, you can get enough money to last you until he makes it pro and pays off your house.  So, enjoy tomorrow's National Signing Day and the ridiculous spectacle that these kids put the colleges that they are about to pick through.

"Auburn may or may not have paid Cam Newton $200,000.  If you ask me, after winning a National Championship and a Heisman Trophy, they definitely earned back their investment and then some."

NOKW - Back to the Future

Here comes the next chapter in our "I'm Okay With, I'm Not Okay With" series (if you don't know what this is, click here for all of the past posts):

Movie:  Back to the Future

Basic Plot:  A crazy scientist invites time travel and a teenager accidentally gets stuck 30 years in the past only to almost undo himself by changing stuff, but ultimately fixes things and makes his future life better.

I'm Okay With:  The fact that why a car has to go 88 miles per hour in order for the flux capacitor to work is never explained.  The fact that Doc knew Libyan terrorists and though it would be a good idea to steal freaking plutonium from them   The fact that those some Libyan terrorists actually had plutonium and weren't using it to do terrorist-y things with it.  The fact that Biff isn't in jail for any one of the numerous crimes he commits throughout the movie, the worst of course being attempted rape.  That fact that this site will probably be red-flagged because I have now mentioned terrorists, plutonium, and rape in the same post.  The fact that the future is not changed any more than it is considering that Marty does introduce rock music many years before it actually hits the air.  The fact that when he shows up in the future and his family is now no longer dysfunctional, he still technically is and therefore should be looked at as insane by the rest of his family.

I'm Not Okay With:  The fact that Marty and the Doc are even friends to begin with.  How many old eccentric people are you friends with that are not family or family of your best friends?  The answer is none.  So how did Marty and Doc even meet in the first place let alone have enough in common to become friends?  It's not like Marty is a brilliant science prodigy or master inventor savant, he is just a punk high school kid who wears a puffy vest all the time and doesn't like to be called "yellow" for some reason.  And it's not like Marty is an outcast at school and has to make friends wherever he can, he has a hot girlfriend and if he was bored he should probably be spending more time trying to get into her pants.  Which brings me back to the point at hand, why are Marty and Doc good enough friends that Doc would show him the most earth-shattering scientific discovery in history?  There is no explainable reason unless they forgot to mention that Doc is actually Marty's crazy uncle or grandfather or something, but that is not the case.  I am not okay with that.

"The fact that this should be the real result of time travel."

Stupid State Laws - New Hampshire

Here comes another post about a state law that still exists on the books and why it is ridiculous (to see them all, click here):

New Hampshire

"On Sundays citizens may not relieve themselves while looking up."

Why the hell not?  Would you be somehow offending God if you "looked up" while taking a leak?  I don't see how.  It's not like you are peeing, looking up, AND cursing his name, you are only doing those first two things.  So why does New Hampshire find it necessary to outlaw such a thing?  And for that matter, which one is New Hampshire?  I always get it mixed up with Vermont and the only thing I know about Vermont is that is the state that Super Troopers was set in, so they at least have that going for them.  Meanwhile, New Hampshire has to make up some stupid laws in order to get anyone to notice them.  Well, good job, New Hampshire, you finally got someone to notice you for your stupidity.

"However, this is perfectly legal."

Brainfart's Super Bowl Prediction

It's Super Bowl Time!!  So, you know what that means, Brainfart is going to look into the future and give you the outcome of this game:

Sambo's Pick - In order to understand why I'm picking who I think will win the Super Bowl I must tell you a story.  Let's go back to the Fall of 2003.  It's Homecoming Weekend at Clemson and I am in my first senior year (I had two of them!).  It's Friday and a couple friends and I decide to take a break from building our fraternity's Homecoming float (and by building our float, I mean watch pledges build our float) and go take advantage of Happy Hour at a nearby bar.  We head inside and find some bar stools next to an attractive female and her parents.  After a couple of beers, I strike up a conversation with the attractive female's father and find out that he is a Boston Whaler dealer from Baltimore who is also a huge Baltimore Ravens fan and a season ticket-holder.  He tells me how awesome the games are, how much the tailgating rules at Ravens' games, and how exciting it is when Ray Lewis comes on the field and does his crazy dance.  He also gives me his cell number and says that we have to come up to game before the season is over.  What happens next is not entirely clear, but this guy decides to re-live his college days and challenges my friends and I to a shot-drinking competition.  However, because I was talking some shit to the guy, he decides that I should take two shots to his every one.  And because I am an idiot, I gladly accept his challenge.  We were in there for only an hour and a half and not a one of us remembers leaving that bar.  The next thing I do remember is waking up on the couch at my place with a half-eaten pizza on the coffee table, a trash can with vomit in it on the floor, and Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory playing on the TV.  My roommate tells me that I came stumbling into the house and demanded he put on Willy Wonka and he made my wish come true because I was too drunk to even turn on the TV, let alone work the DVD player.  I'm also told that I got a ride home from a pledge and that at one point while stuck at a redlight, I leaned out the window of his car and yelled "How Much?" to a coed who happened to be standing at a crosswalk with her parents.  So, because I love that story I am picking the Ravens to win the Super Bowl and I hope that crazy Boston Whaler dealer is out there somewhere pulling for them, too.  Also, there is no way I can pull for a team that has Randy Moss on it.

Baltimore 28 - San Francisco 24

Alex's Pick - By all accounts this game is tough to predict....except for me.  The Ravens have one thing going - Ray Lewis and his direct connection to God.  Or does he?  He talks like a preacher and his speeches inspire players to take their game to a whole new level.  Heck, he even sent a guy to heaven after the last super bowl he was in.  But I think he is actually being worshiped too much thus making him a false idol which is in fact anti-God.  This is troublesome and should put God slightly on the 49ers side.  San Francisco is not a team of angels - their star quarterback is even promoting inking yourself, clearly anti-holy.  But the 49ers don't fake it - they are a group of old fashioned, hard-hitting, gay-hating football players; and even God has to respect that - at least by a field goal. This way God keeps himself from getting too involved, letting the 49ers win, but giving a shout-out to the people who gambled on the Ravens.  Smart play God.

Baltimore 17 - San Francisco 20

"I'm fairly certain that Colin Kaepernick is the reincarnation of Steamin' Willie Beamen."

Finally, A Laser Gun

Do you know when the gun was invented?  The first firearm was thought to have come into existence around 1132 in China and there is even a deception on record 200 years before that.  Now, when do you think the laser was discovered?  Einstein came up with concept nearly 100 years ago, but the first one wasn't observed until the 50's.  And when do you think the first person came up with the idea of a laser-based weapon?  I don't actually know that answer, but I bet it was the instant some Army general heard about the laser in the 50's.  Lastly, why in the hell do we not have functional laser guns?  Well, actually we do...Finally.  The navy says they are only a couple of years away from having laser cannons installed on their ships.  These laser cannons will be able to shoot down threats like missiles and drones and will also be able to disable an enemy's engines (here is a video of just that).  Contractors are also hard at work in developing other weapons that use lasers for other branches of the military.  In fact, the first combat laser was developed 40 years ago but they wouldn't deploy them because they were considered "too cruel".  Once again, why did it take so long to get back around to making these things?  And don't you think Nixon wished he had those things back when we were in the Vietnam War?  Seriously, what was holding back the development of these things?  Did technology finally come to the point where we can create an effective laser gun?  No, because we know they made them back when computers were as big as a house.  I feel like we have been cheated out of Star Wars-like weapons for far too long and it is about damn time they finally made one.  Too bad it will be a decade from now until you can buy one at your local Walmart.

"Star Wars happened "a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away..." and they had laser guns, why has it taken this long for them to made on Earth?"