Whales

If you think you are having a tough day, imagine that you are a bottom of the ocean-dwelling crab and you just finished building your new house (crabs make houses, right?) when all of the sudden you are crushed to death by a 150-ton, 90-foot dead blue whale. Seriously, what happens when a whale dies? Does it go whale heaven? Is there a whale heaven? Does it float in the ocean until it is devoured by sharks and Aquaman (I just assume Aquaman's diet consists of nothing but whale burgers and fish sticks)? Or the more likely option is that it sinks to the bottom of the ocean until it crushes some poor little crab's brand new crab-house. Think about that the next time some dick cuts you off in traffic while talking on his cellphone causing you to drop your Pop-tarts in your lap and you will realize that your day has been a breeze compared to poor Crabby the crab (our fictional crab just got a name!).

"Do you think he will be aroused if I swim in his blowhole?"