That's All, Folks?

Dear Readers,

Alright, this will be my last post....maybe.  As of late, I just don't have the time to sit down and give the effort I used to and that's just not me.  I'll put it this way, I've put writing this post off for two weeks, that's how little time I've had.  Plus I feel like I have just been rehashing the same thing each day.  I have a notebook where I write down any (brainfart) thoughts that come to mind and recently, I've been scrapping the bottom of the barrel.  But we've had some good times, covering topics from boobs to movies to boobs to sports to more boobs and I had a blast doing it, hopefully, you guys (and ladies) have, too.  I'm not going to commit to saying this is the last post because my schedule could become clear in the future and I will come back.  So goodbye, but check the site every few months, just in case.

Thanks,
Sambo

"I Googled 'Greatest Boobs Ever' and this was one of the pictures that came up."

Movie Trailer Review - Kingsman

This is not a review of the trailer, but a review of this movie based entirely on this movie's trailer.  I have a special talent of being able to figure out whether a movie will be any good based just on the trailer and I'm finally putting that talent to good use.  Screw you, it's a real talent.

Kingsman: The Secret Service

Everything about this trailer screams "Cliche!", but at the same time, it looks entertaining.  I don't know why, but I actually want to see this thing.  Maybe not in the theater, but I'll seek it out when it comes on HBO instead of waiting until it eventually plays on TNT.

As for the trailer, you have a no-name actor recruited to be a spy (?) by Colin Firth.  Lots of crazy training appears to take place, cool gadgets are introduced, and we meet the villain played by Samuel L. Jackson who talks with a lisp.....and it is awesome.  Do I really need to say anything else?  Not really, because like I said, I would actually go see this thing and I still might go while it is still in the theater.

Estimated Opening Weekend Box Office Gross - $35 million

What Kind of Fart This Movie Will Resemble:

The Command Fart - This fart differs from the Anticipated Fart in that it can be held for long periods of time waiting for the right moment. Unlike the Anticipated Fart, it is intended to be noticed. Harold Tabor recently held a Command Fart for the whole period in history class and let it go right at the end when the teacher asked if there were any questions.

Pros and Cons of Being Immortal

We all wish we could live forever, but do we really want to?  Like most everything in life, being immortal has its pros and cons.  So, let's break it down and see if it is truly worth it.

Pros

• You never die, duh.
• You would have lived through and seen history's most memorable moments.
• You would be insanely wealthy by just depositing a couple bucks in a savings account and letting it sit there for a hundred years.
• You could experience everything you wish you would want to see or do.
• You could jump off of building, run in front of train, become a crime fighter, or risk your life in any number of imaginable ways without worrying about the consequences to your health.
• Depending on when you started your life, you could convince people you were a god.

Cons

• Everyone you ever knew and/or loved will grow old and die while you stay the same age.
• You would have to hide your immortality from everyone so you don't end up being endlessly studied by those who would want to exploit it.
• There's a good chance you would end up floating through a void of nothingness when the universe ends.
• You never die.

So, what did we learn?  I'm not sure.  I honestly don't know what I would want.  Maybe if I could live for a couple hundred of years, I would definitely take it, but forever?  Sounds like it would kind of suck.  In conclusion, we learned nothing.  You're welcome.

"This is how rich you would be though."

Random Movie Trivia - Silence of the Lambs

Here is the next edition in our weekly Random Movie Trivia post.  Enjoy:

The Silence of the Lambs

• Jodie Foster claims that during the first meeting between Lecter and Starling, Anthony Hopkins's mocking of her southern accent was improvised on the spot. Foster's horrified reaction was genuine; she felt personally attacked. She later thanked Hopkins for generating such an honest reaction.
• In preparation for his role, Anthony Hopkins studied files of serial killers. Also, he visited prisons and studied convicted murderers and was present during some court hearings concerning serial killings.
• One of the inspirations that Anthony Hopkins borrowed from for his interpretation of Hannibal Lecter was a friend of his in London who never blinked which unnerved anyone around him.
• At 24 minutes and 52 seconds, Anthony Hopkins's performance in this movie is the second shortest to ever win an Academy Award for Best Actor in a Leading Role, with David Niven in Separate Tables (1958) beating him by one minute.
• Nicole Kidman and Halle Berry auditioned for the role of Clarice, and Andie MacDowell was also considered. Meg Ryan, Michelle Pfeiffer, and Melanie Griffith turned the role down because of the disturbing subject matter.
• Buffalo Bill is the combination of three real-life serial killers: Ed Gein, who skinned his victims, Ted Bundy, who used the cast on his hand as bait to convince women to get into his van, and Gary Heidnick, who kept women he kidnapped in a pit in his basement.
• After Jodie Foster first read the Thomas Harris novel, she tried to buy the rights herself, only to find Gene Hackman had beaten her to it.
• As of 2014, the only horror film to win an Oscar for Best Picture. Only two others have been nominated: The Exorcist and Jaws.
• When Jonathan Demme filmed the scene where Lecter and Starling first meet, Anthony Hopkins said he should look directly at the camera as it panned into his line of sight. He felt Lecter should be portrayed as "knowing everything."
• John Hurt, Christopher Lloyd, Dustin Hoffman, Patrick Stewart, Louis Gossett Jr., Robert Duvall, Jack Nicholson, and Robert De Niro were all considered for the role of Dr. Hannibal Lecter. Jeremy Irons and Sean Connery turned down the role.
• The pattern on the moth's back in the movie posters is not the natural pattern of the Death's-Head Hawk Moth. It is, in fact, Salvador Dalí's "In Voluptas Mors", a picture of seven naked women made to look like a human skull.

"Yup, that is actually seven naked ladies shaped like a skull."

Stupid State Laws - Idaho 3

Here comes another post about a state law that still exists on the books and why it is ridiculous (to see them all, click here):

Pocatello, Idaho

"It is illegal not to smile."

I would absolute love to go to Pocatello, Idaho and walk around with a frown on my face just to see if they actually enforce this asinine law.  Seriously, how can you make it illegal to do something that natural occurs when faced with different emotions?  What about when you are sleeping?  Do you have to smile then, too?  On top of that, have you ever smiled for a really long time?  It's exhausting.  Come on, Idaho, you have to think these things through before you pass such stupid laws.

"Finally, rookie!  I get to take this smug bastard down a peg.  Cuff him!"
"Mr. Clooney, can I get your autograph?"
Damn it, rookie!  I said cuff him!"

Saturday's Video of Saturday

Here is our weekly funny video post.  Let's see what we got for you guys:

Set up:  I know I've shown this video before, but I love it that much:

Summary:  So awesome.  Plus I couldn't find anything else I wanted to post.

Movie Trailer Review - Jupiter Ascending

This is not a review of the trailer, but a review of this movie based entirely on this movie's trailer.  I have a special talent of being able to figure out whether a movie will be any good based just on the trailer and I'm finally putting that talent to good use.  Screw you, it's a real talent.

Jupiter Ascending

For the guys (well, one guy and one gal who used to be a guy, it's confusing, look it up) who brought you The Matrix Trilogy and Speed Racer, we have Jupiter Ascending.  In other words, these directors have made two movies since The Matrix and only one of them was semi-decent (that being Cloud Atlas), so the chances of this succeeding are slim.  What is about?  Something about Earth actually being populated by another planet and the rulers of that planet now deciding our fate through treachery.  I think.

As for the trailer.  This is the only one I could find that made the movie look halfway worth seeing.  It has a good cast, Mila Kunis, Channing Tatum, that guy who played Stephen Hawking, and Sean Bean (how will his character die this time?).  But it also looks really, well, I don't know what it looks like.  I guess my biggest problem with it is that Mila Kunis is a janitor.  In what world, would a hottie like that be a janitor?  None.  Plus it doesn't help that this thing was pushed back from this past summer to February.  Nothing good ever comes out in February.  Ever.  So, should you go see it?  Probably not unless one of your dumb friends saw it and said it was good.  Then again, he is is your dumb friend for a reason and his opinion is sketchy at best.

(P.S.  At its opening, people walked out halfway through because they said it was confusing and stupid.  If your dumb friend still suggests you go see this, get new friends.)

Estimated Opening Weekend Box Office Gross - $30 million

What Kind of Fart This Movie Will Resemble:

The G and L Fart - This is one of the most ordinary and pedestrian of farts, known to everyone. Certainly it is the least gross. If you have not already guessed, G and L stands for Gambled and Lost. One of the most embarrassing of all farts, even when you are alone.

Today's Celebrity Birthdays - Feb. 5th

I decided to start up a new post where I list the "celebrities" that were born on this day and then either praise them or mock them.  It will be fun, so let's do this:

• Tim Meadows (54) - The Ladies' Man has a birthday today and when he is leading off this list, you know there were slim pickings.  The good news is that Tim is awesome.
• Cristiano Ronaldo (30) - He plays soccer and is really really good, that's all you need to know.
• Micheal Sheen (46) - You know him from Masters of Sex, or the head werewolf from the first and third Underworld movies.  Did you also know he used to be married to Kate Beckinsale?
• Bobby Brown (46) - I find it amazing that he is the same age as Michael Sheen, but looks at least 30 years older.
• Jennifer Jason Leigh (52) - For some reason I know her name, but I couldn't name a single thing she has been in.  When I looked it up, she apparently was in Fast Times at Ridgemont High.  So there.
• Hank Aaron (81) - Baseball's true Home Run King is still kicking it at 81.  Being a Braves' fan, this guy is a god to me.
• Sara Foster (34) - Who?  Not important.  She's an actress/model and is hot.  End.

Who Is This? Part 37

First person that comes to mind, who is it?  No, it's not your dad.  What's wrong with you?  Okay, I'll give you a hint - he was on a TV show.  Yup, that was my greatest hint ever.  Oh wait, just the opposite.  In that case, here is a better hint - he was on a TV show where he played a crime-fighters sidekick, both of whom were winged-animal themed.  Yup, that's Burt Ward, or Robin from the original Batman TV show.  Kind of let himself go, didn't he?  Look how skinny he used to be.  What happened?

What is he up to now?  If I had to guess, living off of autograph signings at comic book conventions.

Brainfart's Crush of the Month - February

At the beginning of every month, we here at Brainfart will be bringing you our Brainfart Crush of the Month!  Sometimes it will be someone you have heard of, sometimes it will be just a random hottie you may have seen before, and sometimes it might be my neighbor.  Who knows!  Let's see who we picked this month:

This is Katie McGrath.  You may know her from the short-lived show Dracula or as Morgana from the TV show Merlin.  I first fell in love with her from Merlin.  The show was pretty dumb, but she made up for it with her hotness.  Also, I have a thing for ladies with English accents (real ones, not fake and yes, you can add boobs to that description) and she is Irish, which is close enough.  Plus, just look at her, how could I not pick her for this prestigious award.  Congratulations Katie on being this month's Crush of the Month (I assume she reads this site daily).

Random Movie Trivia - The Dark Knight Part 2

Here is the next edition in our weekly Random Movie Trivia post.  Enjoy:

The Dark Knight Part 2

• Christian Bale admitted he did not pack on as much muscle weight for this film as he did for Batman Begins, in part due to keeping with the new Bat-suit design, which is leaner and more flexible.
• The only Batman movie where Batman does not use a batarang and first Batman film with no live-action or CGI bats.
• Bruce Wayne's penthouse was actually shot on the ground floor of an office building in downtown Chicago. During the daytime the same exact space was re-dressed and used for Harvey Dent's press conference scenes.
• The comic book film with the most Academy Award nominations (8).
• Matt Damon was offered the part of Harvey Dent, but had to turn it down because of a schedule conflict with Invictus, another Warner Bros. film. Ryan Phillippe, Hugh Jackman, Mark Ruffalo, Liev Schreiber, and Josh Lucas were also considered for the part of Harvey Dent.
• While filming both the bank and police department scenes at the post office, an unrelated fire broke out in a top floor mechanical room and many onlookers believed that the smoke and fire was related to the filming.
• Sam Rockwell, Hugo Weaving, and Heath Ledger were the finalists for the role of joker, Ledger got the part.
• Christian Bale stated in an interview that during the interrogation scene, Heath Ledger wanted him to beat him as hard as he could to get the real feeling of what was required from the scene.
• During the hospital blow up scene Heath Ledger had to improvise after there was an unexpected delay in the explosion, there was only one chance to film the shot which was saved through Ledgers' quick thinking.
• When Harvey holds the Joker at gunpoint in the hospital scene, you can see that the Joker is actually holding the revolver's hammer with his finger, thus preventing the shot in case Harvey's coin lands on "bad" side.

Stupid State Laws - Idaho 2

Here comes another post about a state law that still exists on the books and why it is ridiculous (to see them all, click here):

Idaho

"Snakes have been banned from biting humans on a Sunday – except when it's snowing."

I have three really large problems with this.  First, how can you ban an animal from doing something that is part of its natural instincts.  Second, why on Sundays?  And last, why in the hell is it allowed when it's snowing?  Not a single part of this law makes a lick of sense, least of all, well, all of it.  There isn't a part of it that can be explained.  Idaho, I like your style because snakes are scary little bastards, but this law is just dumb.  I expect an explanation in my inbox on Monday.

"There's the culprit, rookie!  Cuff him!"
"With what, Sarge?"
"Handcuffs, you idiot!"

Saturday's Video of Saturday

Here is our weekly funny video post.  Let's see what we got for you guys:

Set up:  This is a clip from the show Community.  Watch it, then I will explain, however, watch in the background at the end, it's important:

Summary:  Yup, on the third "Beetlejuice", a guy dressed like Beetlejuice walks by in the background.  The great thing about this joke is that it took place over several seasons.  That's right, the writers actually set up a joke several seasons before the payoff, and it only works if you just happened to notice the guy in the background, which many people didn't.

Super Bowl XLIX Predictions

It's Super Bowl Time!!  So, you know what that means, Brainfart is going to look into the future and give you the outcome of this game:

Sambo's Pick - I'll put it this way - I want Seattle to win, but I feel like New England will prevail.  Why?  Because they will be super pissed off about people constantly talking about their balls.  If the national media was constantly talking about my balls, I would be itching to kick some ass.  However, I'm still going to pick Seattle.  Why?  Because fuck the Patriots and their cheating asses!  I'm pretty sure I would find Tom Brady cool (in that Justin Timberlake kind of way, where he's super talented and bangs hot chicks, but I would still love to hang out and play a round of golf with him), but Bill Belichick ruined Brady for everyone.  Bill is such a cheating dick that Brady is a cheating dick by association.  And since both of those cheating dicks are Patriots, I am picking Seattle.

Seattle 29 - New England 24

Alex's Pick - I don't really have a strong feeling either way in this game...except for one man whom I love more than all the rest - GRONK!  This guy is amazing.  He may be the most beastly, skilled, un-guardable player in the NFL, but he thinks and acts like a 15 year old.  He acts like Brady is his idol saying "If Tom Brady believes I can do it, then I believe."  He was asked about a fan fiction erotica book where he spikes a football in a girl's buttcheeks.   On cue he said that if someone wants me to do that, I think it's cool.  He was also asked why there was so much interest in him going out and partying to which he replied "Uh, cuz I'm a baller?"  After a game, he was asked about his lineman and he said they deserve to get laid and "They played a great job."  Perfect!  This could be the best player in the Super Bowl!

Gronk 31  - Seattle 24

Top/Bottom 5 - Matthew McConaughey

Here is where I pick a random actor or actress's Top 5 and Bottom 5 Movie Roles (I assume the post title gave that away).  This won't necessarily be the chosen actor or actress's best roles, but a combination of their best and my favorite.  In other words, if there is a tie, I'll go with my favorite.  Also, I won't actually be ranking them, they will be in a random order.  Lastly, this isn't these actor's or actress's best movies, but their best characters.  Let's get started:

Matthew McConaughey

Top 5

Wooderson, Dazed and Confused - I don't care that Matt (we're cool like that) has gone on to win an Oscar, this is and always will be his best movie character.  Alright, alright, alright?
Jack Brigance, A Time to Kill - I think I liked this role so much because of his previous role.  He was actually convincing as a lawyer, which is tough to do when all anyone knew him for was Wooderson at that point in his career.
Rick Peck, Tropic Thunder - Owen Wilson was supposed to play this part but dropped out and Ben Stiller somehow convinced Matt to do it.  And you know what?  He nailed it.
Mark Hanna, The Wolf of Wall Street - A very small part, but he easily overshadowed Leo when on the screen and that says something.
Denton Van Zan, Reign of Fire - Everything about this movie was crap even if it did star Christian Bale, but Matt's role was great.  A crazy person who hunts dragons in a tank while wielding a giant ax.  Awesome in my book.

Bottom 5

Palmer Joss, Contact - If I ever wrote a book, my main character would be named Palmer, which pisses me off now that I know a character named Palmer was in this long, boring piece of garbage.
Steve Edison, The Wedding Planner - Anything Jennifer Lopez is in automatically makes the Bottom 5.  Every.  Single.  Time.
Steven Bedalia, Tiptoes - Have you every heard of this movie?  Look it up.  It's about a family of little people and Matt plays the only person in the family who is not little.  It's fucking crazy terrible.  Gary Oldman, a non-little person, plays a little person.  What?!?
Dirk Pitt, Sahara - I'm going to admit to having read every Dirk Pitt novel and Matt couldn't be any further from that character.  Whoever cast this movie had obviously never picked up any of the books.
Conner Mead, Ghosts of Girlfriends Past - There were plenty of crappy rom-coms I could have picked here, but I picked this one because the name Conner Mead sounds so stupid.

Who Is This? Part 36

Super easy one.  Oh wait, just the opposite.  Super hard one (hehe).  I'll give you a hint to help you out.  He is actually from Africa and only acted in one movie in his career.  Got it?  Of course not, you're an idiot.  How about this hint?  The one movie he acted in, he wore an alien costume.  Yup, that's Bolaji Badejo, or the guy who played the original alien in Alien.  He was cast because he is really tall and really skinny, as you can see below.

So, what is up to know?  Fuck if I know.  Oh wait, he passed away in 1992.

Where Are They Now? Part 3

Basically, this will be a new post where I take a popular TV show that is no longer on the air and see how said show's cast is doing these days.  Enjoy:

The Cast of Full House

• Bob Saget (Danny Tanner) - First off, have you ever seen this guy perform stand-up comedy?  He might be the filthiest comic ever, and he somehow landed the role of straight-lace dad on a sitcom.  How?  As for what he's up to now?  Other than a cameo on Entourage and doing the voice-overs on How I Met Your Mother, he really hasn't done anything of note in the past 20 years.
• John Stamos (Uncle Jesse) - Come on, it's John Stamos, he's handsome, he can do whatever he wants (and that includes the ladies).
• Dave Coulier (Uncle Joey) - I can honestly say that outside of Bob Saget's Comedy Central Roast, I haven't seen Dave Coulier since Full House went off the air.  I guess he's still alive because his IMDB page says he's done a lot of stuff I've never heard of, most of which is voice work.
• Candace Cameron (D.J. Tanner) - A lot of TV movies, and that's about it.
• Jodie Sweetin (Stephanie Tanner) - After the show, she did very little acting for a decade and a half.  When she did go back to acting, she didn't do anything you or I have ever seen and it looks like it's going to stay that way.
• Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen (Michelle Tanner) - Getting filthy rich somehow.
• Andrea Barber (Kimmy Gibbler) - Absolutely nothing.  She apparently did a "short" with Dave Coulier a few years ago and is set to be in the Full House "Revival" this year.  Yup, Full House is coming back.

NOKW - TMNT 2

Here comes the next chapter in our "I'm Okay With, I'm Not Okay With" series where I point out things in a movie I can tolerate and then one thing I just couldn't (if you want, click here for all of the past posts):

Movie:  Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2

Basic Plot:  The sequel to everyone's favorite martial art using teenage amphibians.  This time they fight the Shredder and his evil clan again, along with two other mutants.

I'm Okay With:  The fact that this is a movie about giant turtles who can kick all sorts of ass while going through puberty, so we are just going to skip this part and jump into the next bit of this post.

I'm Not Okay With:  The fact that when a fight between four giant turtles and two other mutants break out in the middle of a Vanilla Ice concert, no one freaks out and runs for the exits.  Seriously, if you saw a bunch of giant monsters crash into the building you just happen to be in, I'm fairly certain your first instinct would be "Run!".  They may have been high and/or drunk which inhibits people's decision-making abilities, but that doesn't mean you stick around when monsters are a few feet away attempting to kill each other.  And to top it off, Vanilla Ice not only didn't run, he started the concert back up so the turtles and other monsters could fight to a beat.  I am not okay with that.

"The fact that I still don't know what the one in the middle is supposed to be.  A dog?  Werewolf?  What?"

Stupid State Laws - Hawaii 3

Here comes another post about a state law that still exists on the books and why it is ridiculous (to see them all, click here):

Hawaii

"Men from the Orakama tribe are not permitted to eat their second wife."

Now hold on just a minute.  You can EAT your first wife if you are part of the Orakama tribe?  Holy fuck, that's insane.  But it's just as insane that they made it illegal for them to EAT their second wife.  However, is it possible that some lawmaker though that "eat" meant something more....perverted?  That would make this law make a lot more sense, but at the same time, kind of make husbands selfish in the bedroom, if you know what I'm saying.  If this law has nothing to do with munching the muff, then Hawaii really has some weird priorities when it comes to marriage.

"Alright, rookie, the plan is easy.  We wait until he eats his first wife, remarries, attempts to eat his second wife, and then we bust his ass."
"Sarge......uh......sigh......great plan.  Wait, is he even part of the Orakama tribe?"
"Good question.  We'll go with yes."

Saturday's Video of Saturday

Here is our weekly funny video post.  Let's see what we got for you guys:

Set up:  Here is NBA player (and former Clemson Tiger) K.J. McDaniels blocking a shot:

Summary:  Now, what was so impressive about that block?  Nothing at first, but what if I told you that he hit a fan in the head so hard that they suffered a concussion.  Pretty impressive now, isn't it?