Fun With Analogies

I've always thought that the analogy "It's Like Shooting Fish in a Barrel" never made any sense.  Think about it. If someone says that something is as easy as "shooting fish in a barrel", do they actually know this from experience?  Because I would imagine shooting fish in a barrel could actually be pretty difficult.  Unless you shoot at the fish from point-blank range, I bet it would be really tough to actually kill the fish with the actually bullet.  If you miss the fish (which is the most likely case), then all you would end up with is a slowly leaking barrel and no dead fish.  In either case, I guess the fish would ultimately die, but it defeats the purpose of the analogy.  Well, that's all I've got, it's Saturday, sue me.

"Maybe they should change the saying to 'Shooting Fish at Point-Blank Range in a Small Bowl on Top of a Barrel'."

Mason and His Neighbor

You're damn right I have another story about my awesome nephew Mason and here it is.  As I've discussed earlier, Mason tends to wander off and on occasion and steal things.  Well recently, he has gotten into the habit of breaking into his neighbor's house on a regular basis.  He likes to go over there and pilfer his neighbor's pantry and help himself to any sweets he finds.  One day, he made his way into the neighbor's office and was drawing/coloring on some computer paper when Mr. Greg (the neighbor) walked by and Mason scared him half to death.  So, Mr. Greg says "Hey Mason, I like your drawing, but I'm getting ready to leave", to which Mason responds "See ya", and keeps right on doing whatever it was he was doing.  A couple of weeks later, Mr. Greg found Mason in the pantry where Mason was complaining that there were no Scooby Snacks for him to eat.  Mr. Greg tells him that he hadn't been to the store lately and Mason says "OK", takes a coke, and heads home.  Three days after that, Mason sees Mr. Greg pulling down the driveway and the first thing out of Mason's mouth is "Have you been to the store yet, Mr. Greg?".  My sister swears she feeds her kids, but feels if Mason keeps this up, she will have to have her husband start mowing his yard for free (he owns a landscaping business).  So, in the future, if you find a random kid in your house, don't be alarmed, it is probably just Mason looking for food or drawing pictures in your living room.  Just feed him and he will spare your life......for now.

"Here is Mason wearing a fake pair of glasses I gave him."

The Rubberbandits

I felt like getting a random song stuck in your head today, so please watch this video, you won't regret it:

That's all I've got for today, but it was well worth it, wasn't it?  Try and get that song out of your head because I know I couldn't the first time I saw the video.......and can't get it out now, damn me!

Why Isn't This Standard - Visitor's Tax

There are a lot of countries out there - just look at a map.  Many of these countries have special monetary deals just for being a member of their country.  Discounts are offered on everything from food to alcohol to cars.  From the extensive research I have done (none) to the many experts I have talked to (two friends), it seems African countries are the ones that are perpetuating this scam.  It sounds like a joke, but a vacationer and a local walk into a bar, order the same drinks, and the local will sometimes save 90% (in Eritrea)!!!!!!!!!  This would seem like a genius way to raise money for your country without stealing it (taxes) from your citizens.  Where can you think of that has an economy that isn't so hot and needs money but doesn't want to raise taxes?  Who would complain?  It's a no-lose proposition.

Other countries also charge a departure tax.  Don't know what that is?  That's a tax to LEAVE their country.  Can't pay to get out?  Then you will have to pay to stay in.  I have paid $50 for this luxury.  Another huge profit generator.  According to the internet, over 50 million people visit the US every year.  I say we charge them $20 each for the trouble of stopping and giving them directions and furthering stereotypes.  That is One Billion extra revenue a year.  BOOM.  Done.  Do I want to be president?  Not really, but everyone says I should be with all these ideas.

America must do this.  You appease anyone not wanting taxes raised and you appease anyone who wants to deter foreigners (the South).  Who doesn't fit into those categories?

"I only accept cash up front for directions, you Frenchy.  You don't like that, then my sister/wife here will give you free directions to Hell."

Commercial Advice

Someone needs to inform marketing departments that hiring Fergie as a commercial spokeswoman is a terrible idea.  Just look at that picture below and tell me that when you see her promoting a soft drink that it actually makes you want to drink it.  I know I don't, she's scary-looking/butt-ugly.  For that matter, why do makeup companies hire Drew Barrymore to promote their products when A) her career peaked decades ago, and B) she is far from attractive.  This same rule applies to Queen Latifah (by the way, does anybody remember that Queen Latifah started her career out as a terrible rapper?).  I can only assume they hire these women because other women won't be intimidated by them and might actually buy their products.  But if that was the case, then why do they also hire supermodels and actresses like the super-hot Kate Beckinsale to promote their stuff?  It makes no sense.  Well, that's all I've got.

"I'm sorry if she haunts your nightmares tonight."

NOKW - The Hangover Part II

Here comes the next chapter in our "I'm Okay With, I'm Not Okay With" series (if you don't know what this is, click here for all of the past posts):

Movie:  The Hangover Part II

Basic Plot:  Zach Galifianakis and friends run around Bangkok (hehe) while trying to remember the night before.

I'm Okay With:  The fact that this was the exact same movie as the first one, except in Bangkok (hehe) and it was Stu's soon-to-be brother-in-law that is missing this time.  The fact they are making another one of these movies despite having already done the exact same movie twice (if you can't tell, I didn't like this one).  The fact that the main characters don't end up dead or in jail after starting a riot.  The fact that Stu is not ragged on more after getting banged by a transvestite stripper.  The fact that Mike Tyson would fly all the way to Stu's wedding to sing a song even though they stole his tiger in the first movie.  The fact that Doug is 0 for 2 in going out on the town with his buddies on these crazy nights.

I'm Not Okay With:  The fact that the whole plot is based around the fact that Stu's brother-in-law, Teddy,  was stuck in an elevator due to rolling blackouts and the gang couldn't find him.  The key to that sentence being "rolling" blackouts, which means that the power would have come back on at some point and Teddy would have easily gotten out.  The blackouts happen randomly throughout the movie, but the power comes back on, however magically, it doesn't at the hotel they woke up in.  That is stupid.  On top of that, Teddy was supposed to be some sort of genius and even if he was missing a finger, he should have easily found a way out of that elevator.  But movie logic decided to have the power stay out at their hotel and made Teddy an idiot at a time his brains should have helped him out.  I am not okay with that.

Stupid State Laws - Arizona

Here comes another post about a state law that still exists on the books and why it is ridiculous (to see them all, click here):

Arizona

"You may not have more than two dildos in a house."

Now that is just silly.  Does this mean that the police raid sorority houses all the time?  Or do they wait for a bachelorette party and bust a bunch of drunk chicks and start handing out tickets?  (By the way, spell-check doesn't recognize the word "bacholerette" for some reason, it is a word, right?)  Which lawmaker thought that having two dildos in one house should be illegal?  Was it someone who liked sharing, but their roommate didn't?  Gross.  Nothing about this law makes sense to me and it definitely had to be mentioned.

"Ten seconds later the police busted in and Delta Iota Lambda Delta Omega (see what I did there) was never the same again."