NOKW - X-Men: First Class

Here comes the next chapter in our "I'm Okay With, I'm Not Okay With" series where I point out things in a movie I can tolerate and then one thing I just couldn't (if you want, click here for all of the past posts):

Movie:  X-Men: First Class

Basic Plot:  The origin story of some of your favorite mutants back when Magneto and Professor X were friends and the world still didn't know about mutants.

I'm Okay With:  The fact that young Professor X had a full head of hair.  The fact that January Jones was really bad in this movie, how did she get cast?  I guess they saw their error and that's why she isn't in Days of Future Past.  The fact that I still don't know what the hell Kevin Bacon's mutant power was because it seemed to range from kind of lame to incredibly destructive for no reason.  The fact that young Magneto was a badass and they should make a movie about him going around the world hunting Nazis.    The fact the government seemed to be scared of the mutants and yet still had a facility for them to hang out.  The fact that the only good guy mutant who dies was black.  The fact that Magneto really did have a point of wanting to kill all the humans who tried to blow them up at the end of the movie.

I'm Not Okay With:  The fact that Beast wanted to give Mystique a shot that would make her "normal", but in actuality, it would have taken away her mutant ability while his would still work.  If you don't know what I'm talking about, there is a scene where Beast makes a formula which he thinks will make Mystique and himself look normal.  However, making Mystique look normal would have resulted in her no longer being able to shape shift and yet he would have still been really strong and whatever else his mutant ability is.  Thankfully, she turned it down.  But he didn't, it backfired, and turned him into a furry blue monster.  Actually, I am okay with that, but the fact that she would have been robbed of her mutant ability because Beast is a dick?  I am not okay with that.

"The fact that she is virtually naked and yet I'm not turned on.  There is nothing left to the imagination and I still feel robbed somehow."

Stupid State Laws - Arkansas 3

Here comes another post about a state law that still exists on the books and why it is ridiculous (to see them all, click here):

Arkansas

"A law provides that school teachers who bob their hair will not get a raise."

Wait.  What.  Why.  This makes little to no sense.  In fact, it makes less than no sense.  What does having a bob haircut have to do with a woman's teaching ability?  It doesn't.  There is only one explanation for this stupid law.  Pure and utter jealous revenge.  One teacher who didn't have a bob got jealous of another teacher that did (big surprise that a woman was jealous of another woman, am I right fellas?) and went to her lawmaking husband and got him to make this utterly ridiculous law.  There really is no other scenario that makes this law feasible.  And of course, said jealous woman probably "bobbed" her lawmaking husband's knob and that is why this law exists.  It does makes sense, Bill Clinton is from Arkansas and we all know how much he likes getting a little "bob" on the side.

"You're lucky you are not a teacher, lady.  Come on, rookie, let's get out of here."
"Excuse me, can I get your autograph?"
"Damn it rookie, we don't have time for this, we need to be out there arresting people for hunting whales or owning too many dildos."

Saturday's Video of Saturday

Here is our weekly funny video post.  Let's see what we got for you guys:

Set up:  Do you like hockey?  Of course not!  But there is one guy out there trying to make hockey more fun and his name is Randy Moller.  He used to be the Tampa Bay Lighting's radio announcer and after every Tampa Bay goal, he would quote a random movie line and it. is. awesome.

Summary:  Yup, I included two of his goal compilations and next time I will post two more!  It's that funny.

Selling My Car

I sold my car about a year ago and am finally getting around to telling you guys about a funny story involved with the transaction.  First off, I should tell you that it was an orange-ish 1998 Ford Explorer Sport.  The "Sport" part means that it had the upside of being a stickshift, but the downside of only having two doors.  I loved that car as long as I didn't have more than one other person in it, because it was annoying to have to scoot the seats forward to give legroom to people sitting in the back.  Now, I had had this car for a decade and a half and it had all sorts of weird quarks.  Let me tell you about them:

• The windshield wipers worked about 75% of the time and if you wanted to use the windshield wiper fluid, you had to pump the button a few times until it finally figured out what you wanted.
• The rear windshield wiper worked maybe once a year.
• The cruise control feature quit working after only three years of owning the car.  So, you had to control your own speed on the interstate which was annoying on long trips.
• In order to unlock the tailgate, you had to hit the unlock button a few times.  If you wanted to use a key to unlock it, you had to wiggle the key in the lock really hard until it finally caught.
• The key just flat out didn't work on the passenger side door.
• And the best part of all, in order to listen to the radio, you had to have a CD in the CD player otherwise it would constantly be trying to find one and cut the radio off.

So, knowing that last part, I decided to burn one last CD for my car before I sold it and I came up with possibly the worst song known to man to put on that CD.  What song you ask?  The Monster Mash!  Yup, the Monster Mash.  Most annoying song ever if you have to listen to it on repeat and because that was the only song I put on that CD, if the new owner turned on the CD player, they would have to listen to that song on a loop until they figured out what was going on.  I'm sure the first time they heard it, they thought "I remember this song, fun".  The second time they thought "Weird, it's the Monster Mash again, oh well, I'll listen it to it again".  The third time "what the fuck, this song is really getting on my nerves".  And on the fourth time their head exploded causing my old car to fly off a conveniently placed cliff and my car is now in a trench with human brains splattered all over the interior.  Frankly, I think that's the way it would have wanted to go.

"It was nicknamed the Orange Delight by the cop who patrolled my high school."

Movie Trailer Review - Transformers 4

This is not a review of the trailer, but a review of this movie based entirely on this movie's trailer.  I have a special talent of being able to figure out whether a movie will be any good based just on the trailer and I'm finally putting that talent to good use.  Screw you, it's a real talent.

Transformers: Age of Extinction

I want to start out by saying that I have never seen a single Transformers movie while it was in the theater even though I did enjoy the first one.  The second one was a train wreck of racism and the third was okay but all-around dumb.  Having said that, on to the trailer.

Mark Wahlberg is more entertaining than he probably deserves, but I really don't think he can save this movie.  That is unless of course you like these sorts of films, aka a CGI explosion extravaganza.  The only thing this movie really has going for it is that it is the only big action movie to come out in the past month and the action junkies will probably flock to it.  Will it be any good?  Probably not, but honestly, I don't think that's what Michael Bay is going for.  He is more of the kind of director that casts attractive people and then makes anything that can explode explode.  Do I suggest you go see it?  Nah, it's not worth it, just wait until Guardians of Galaxy comes out at the end of next month.

Estimated Opening Weekend Box Office Gross - $85 million

What Kind of Fart This Movie Will Resemble:

The Thank God I'm Alone Fart - Everyone knows this rotten fart. You look around after you have farted and say, "Thank God I'm alone." Then you get out of there fast!

Random Movie Trivia - Inception

Here is the next edition in our weekly Random Movie Trivia post.  Enjoy:

Inception

• If you take the first letters of the main characters' names - Dom, Robert, Eames, Arthur, Mal and Saito - they spell "Dreams". If you add Peter, Ariadne and Yusuf, the whole makes "Dreams Pay", which is what they do for a mind thief.
• When Cobb gave Ariadne the puzzle test, Ariadne's final solution was a diagram of King Minos' Labyrinth. Ariadne is the name of King Minos' daughter in the same mythology.
• Joseph Gordon-Levitt performed all but one of his own stunts during the fight scene in the spinning hallway.
• Dom Cobb's main objective is to get Home. His name, Dom, literally means 'home' in most Slavic languages.
• Kate Winslet was approached for the role of Mal, but turned it down, citing that she couldn't see herself as the character.
• The running time of the movie INCEPTION in DVD is exactly 8888 seconds.
• The slow, gloomy, blaring trombones in the main theme of the film score are actually based on an extremely slowed down version of the fast, high pitched trumpets in the beginning of the Édith Piaf song "Non, je ne regrette rien," which is used as the music that the characters hear when they know they are about to be woken up.
• In spite of the films extensive surreal effects sequences, the majority special effects throughout the film, such as the Penrose stairs, rotating hallway, mountain avalanche, and zero gravity sequences, were created through practical methods, not through the use of computer generated imagery.
• The role of Arthur was originally meant for Heath Ledger before his untimely death.  James Franco was in talks with Christopher Nolan to play Arthur, but was ultimately unavailable due to scheduling conflicts.
• Despite prominent billing, Michael Caine only gets three minutes of screentime.
• There is a series of numbers that keep appearing, on the front of the train the number is 3502, the taxi number is 2305 and the hotel room number is 5302.
• The Hollywood Reporter reported that Brad Pitt and Will Smith were separately offered to play the role of Cobb, but both actors passed on the role.
• Evan Rachel Wood was Christopher Nolan's first choice to play Ariadne, but she turned it down. Before Ellen Page was offered and accepted the role, Nolan considered casting Emily Blunt, Rachel McAdams, Emma Roberts, Jessy Schram, Taylor Swift and Carey Mulligan.
• In Greek mythology, Ariadne helps Theseus to kill the minotaur by providing him with a sacred sword and a string to find the way and out of his trap - a labyrinth.
• In an effort to combat confusion, television broadcasts in Japan include text in the upper-left corner of the screen to remind viewers which level of the dream a specific scene takes place in.
• Not counting flashbacks, Cobb's wedding ring only appears in scenes where he is dreaming. Many times in the film, the scene cuts away just as Cobb's left hand comes into view.  In the end when Cobb uses his spinning top the answer (Real vs. Dream) is foreshadowed when he clears Customs earlier and you briefly see his left hand as he hands over his passport.

"I could see Brad being okay in this thing, but Will?  Nope (no racist)."

Truly Random Brainfart Thoughts - Part 19

Here comes the next edition of Truly Random Brainfart Thoughts (click here to see the others).  Basically,  these are a bunch of random thoughts that came to mind that I couldn't really expand on and thought I should just make them into list form for your enjoyment.  Here goes:

• How did the Fast & Furious crew go from thieves and street racers in the 1st movie to stopping international terrorists and experts in hand-to-hand combat in the 6th movie?
• I'm suddenly mad at myself for never having made a mixed CD (or tape if I was old enough) called "Sam's Jams".
• Why do men's pants' sizes go by 2 inch increments?  Because I find it very annoying that 34's are too tight and 36's are too loose on me and 35's don't exist unless you have them tailored and I'm too impatient for that nonsense.
• The guy in front of me at a gas station the other day bought 2 cases of Bud Light, a carton of Marlboro Lights, and $100 in scratch-off tickets.  Welcome to South Carolina.
• Why do people enjoy taking baths?  All you are doing is sitting around in your own filth.
• I have never fired a gun, is that weird or normal?
• It's good to see that Andrew Dice Clay is getting work even if it is doing the voice of a hamster on a phone commercial.
• Has anyone ever eaten at Hooter's for the food?
• What exactly was so cold about the Cold War?  Is it because Russia is considered so cold?  If so, did Russia call it the Warm War?
• Where do bugs go when it rains?
• Reason No. 32 I Know I'm Getting Old - It took me 20 seconds the other day to remember how old I was.

"That's my little brother.  It's even warm when it snows.  Welcome to South Carolina."