Weekly Picks of the Week - Week 6

Picks in Bold

Rankings based on Coaches Poll
All lines provided by Sportsbook.ag

Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets @ #15 Clemson Tigers (-10)

3:30
ESPN

#3 LSU Tigers @ #11 Florida Gators (+2.5)

3:30
CBS

#5 Georgia Bulldogs (+2) @ #6 South Carolina Jerks

7:00
ESPN

#7 West Virginia Mountaineers (+7) @ #9 Texas Longhorns

7:00
FOX

Miami Hurricanes @ #10 Notre Dame Fighting Irish (-12.5)

7:30
NBC

#20 Nebraska Cornhuskers @ Ohio State Buckeyes (-3)

8:00
ABC

-What is crazier?  Arkansas being 1-4 or Duke being 4-1?  I feel like it should be Arkansas, a preseason Top 10 team, but Duke Football is Duke Football and them only being two wins away from a bowl bid has to be more unbelievable   Considering it is Duke Football and that they have averaged roughly 3 wins a season for the past decade and Arkansas returned the bulk of their team after a season in which they finished 11-2 with their only two losses coming against the two teams that played for the National Championship, I feel like you would still have to go with Duke.  I mean come on, it's Duke.

-The Georgia Bulldogs are supposed to have one of the best defenses in the country and when they scored 51 points this week in a conference game, you would think they would have easily covered the 13-point spread.  But no.  And West Virginia scored 70 points this week and when any team scores 70 points, you would expect them to easily cover a 12.5-point spread.  But they didn't.  How is that even possible?  I don't know how to look it up, but I'm going to assume that this is the first time in gambling history that a team scored 70 points and didn't cover the spread.  As a result, I went 2-4 last week instead of 4-2.  So gay.  In any event, I hope to not get screwed this week and will finally post another winning week or your money back.

-Lastly, I'm pretty sure that ESPN read my picks from last week and saw that I was right when I said their primetime schedule sucked.  So, this week they definitely stepped it up:

Georgia v. South Carolina 7:00 ESPN
Texas A&M v. Ole Miss 7:00 ESPNU
Florida State v. NC State 8:00 ESPN2

A lot better than last week where they had three games with 21+ point spreads.  Good job, ESPN.

The Funniest College GameDay Sign From Last Weekend Said:

(There was also a sign that said "Samantha, I'm Single" that I thought was amusing b/c I'm slowly beginning to think that new sideline reporter Samantha Steele is hotter than Erin Andrews and others are seeing that, too.)

Last Week's Results: 2-4
Season Results: 14-17

Virtual Tours

With the internet being so cool and hip not only is everything on Facebook and Twitter but it is now common for anything to be an "e-whatever" or "virtual".  Buzzwords like these are taught to salespeople by some old farts who think these words are the key to moving products and selling merchandise   So, in their zealousness to make a deal, people are using those words very very liberally.  Take this example - the virtual tour.

For the most part, virtual tours are neither virtual nor tours.  Discuss.  Apart from the rare exceptions, virtual tours are just looking at pictures.  The only virtual part is that it's online.  Look at what you get for this house listing when you click on the virtual tour.  Really?  Panning in and out on still pictures?  What is this the 1990's world wide web?  They actually have an option to look at the "virtual tour" or look at the pictures - so why in the hell would you look at moving pictures when you could just make them stay still?  This is a common and rampant practice in way too many house listings and car sales.

Congress is all up in our sports world, so why can't they take a quick second to mandate that in order to call something a "virtual tour" you have to use either a video of someone walking through a house or whatever, you see their point of view, or something you can pan around yourself and navigate around the terrain yourself.  If you did not follow this rule you will be put to death.  Harsh?  Sure, but how hard is it to not falsely apply the term "virtual tour"?  Just don't be an idiot and you will live just like everything else in life.

"Look at what I have virtually created!"

Outer Space

I've always found it amazing that outer space is only roughly 73 miles above our heads.  Actually, the start of the boundary of outer space depends on who you ask, however, most agree it is anywhere from 50 to 80 miles from sea level, but we are going to go with 73 miles because that is the most recent estimate.  In any case, think about that.  It means that if you could drive your car in a straight line from the beach to outer space, it would take you only about an hour to get there (but probably faster because I doubt there are any speed limits in the stratosphere).  Or if you were to walk there, it would take the average human about 21 hours until they are floating around like an astronaut.  For some reason, I find that fascinating and felt that you guys should ponder on this little nugget today.

"Umm, Houston, I don't know how to tell you this, but I just saw a station wagon drive by.  Did you guys forget to tell me something or are these mushrooms finally kicking in?"

NOKW - The Dark Knight Rises

Here comes the next chapter in our "I'm Okay With, I'm Not Okay With" series (if you don't know what this is, click here for all of the past posts):

Movie:  The Dark Knight Rises

Basic Plot:  The final movie in the Dark Knight Trilogy, this time Batman fights the awesome villain, Bane, and kind of Selina Kyle, aka Catwoman.

HUGE SPOILER ALERT!!!!

I'm Okay With:  The fact that at the beginning of the movie, the authorities assume that a plane crashed despite the wings coming off first, then the tail many miles later, and finally the rest of the plane falls to earth many many miles after that.  The fact that when the police see Batman fly off in the Bat-Plane thing they don't instantly say that Batman is either A) bankrolled by Bruce Wayne or B) Bruce Wayne.  The fact that the small EMP Bruce Wayne uses on the paparazzi when he makes his first public appearance in years only shuts off their cameras and nothing else in the vicinity.  The fact that Bane is so large despite having no way to eat without being in extreme pain.  The fact that Bruce Wayne had to wear a special knee brace in order to walk due to no cartilage in his knee, but later in the movie he is no longer wearing it and has no visible limp.  The fact that it is daytime when Bane takes over Wall Street and eight minutes later, it is somehow nighttime.  The fact that Batman talks in the Batman voice even when he is alone.  The fact that Bane releases every prisoner from the Gotham jail, but we never see The Joker (too soon?).  The fact that when the police are finally released from being trapped underground for five months, they are not only reasonable clean but also completely clean shaven.  The fact that the Bat-Cycle has guns mounted on it when Batman refuses to use guns.  Like ever.  The fact that the bad guy's plan revolved around waiting for five months for their bomb to go off which should have given the good guys plenty of time to work out a plan to stop them.  The fact that the military failed to successfully infiltrate Gotham, but Bruce was able to do so after escaping a prison penniless in the Middle East.  The fact that according to the League of Shadows, destroying Gotham City will "restore balance" but never really explain how exactly.  The fact that Batman is able to get the nuclear bomb away from the city when he had only one minute to do so and it had a six-mile blast radius, meaning he would have had to travel at roughly 360 miles per hour just so Gotham is not flattened to the ground and that doesn't even take into account the radiation fallout.

I'm Not Okay With:  The fact that Bruce Wayne thought it would be a good idea to hand over his Batcave and other bat-themed toys to "Robin" John Blake despite the guy having little to no training.  What was Bruce thinking?  John Blake is a decent detective which is an important part of being Batman, but Bruce spent a couple years training to become a fighting machine and John Blake got his ass handed to him the one time he got surrounded by more than two guys (he got lucky that one time when he fought two guys) and Batman had to bail him out.  So, what is going to happen the first time he gets in a similar situation on his own?  He is probably going to get his skinny ass killed and Gotham will be left to the cops to protect and we all know how that is going to turn out.  I am not okay with that.

"I wrote this post and a couple days later I saw this picture in a Photoshop Contest on Cracked.com and had to include it."

Stupid State Laws - Georgia 3

Here comes another post about a state law that still exists on the books and why it is ridiculous (to see them all, click here) and since I found another funny one from the state of Georgia, we are going back there:

Georgia

"It is illegal to use profanity in front of a dead body which lies in a funeral home or in a coroner's office."

Georgia, you cease to amaze me.  You can only imagine the scene that occurred in order for this law to come into existence.  Uncle Dale just died and his brother, Bubba, shows up at the funeral home to pay his respects.  However, Bubba is drunk.  As usual.  And he starts yelling about how Dale still owes him money from that failed deer-flavored pizza venture they invested in.  Sure enough, things escalate and Bubba starts spewing profanity-filled insults at the deceased Dale and has to be restrained by the police.  The next thing you know, the lawmakers feel obliged to make a law about cussing at dead bodies and history is made in stupidity.  Thank you, Georgia.

"It probably looked something like this, but with more jorts and cut-off rebel flag t-shirts, oh and Natty Light."

NFL Awesome Picks Spectacular Week 4

Because we here at Brainfart love us some football, we decided that we would not only be doing college football picks each week, but we would also be doing some NFL picks, too. So, here is where I make my NAPS (NFL Awesome Picks Spectacular):

Picks are in red

All lines are provided by Sportsbook.ag

New England Patriots (-4) at Buffalo Bills

Sunday 1:00

-  The Pats are pissed and they need a win badly.  It's never a good idea to back Brady into a corner - I think they get back to basics and dissect the Bills.  The Bills running game is knicked up all over the board and Belichick should be able to come up with a defense to brink out Evil Fitzpatrick.  Patriots win by 10. (Side note - has anyone ever noticed the Patriot's coach is named Belly-Chick?!?  How have there not been more jokes?  Com on Jet's fans - step it up.)

New York Giants (+1) at Philadelphia Eagles

Sunday 8:30

- How are the Eagles favored?  Does Vegas think Vick is going to ONLY have 3 turnovers?  The Eagles are way to random to beat a solid team like the Giants.  I expect a lot of swings but Eli's consistency and the Giants pass rush should win the day.

Carolina Panthers at Atlanta Falcons (-7) 

Sunday 1:00

- Cam is solid but it appears like the NFL has caught up a little bit taking away anything deep and letting him run for a yard or two when he wants.  The Falcon's offense is hitting on all cylinders and should be able to top 25 or 30 points.  The only thing I worry about in this game is the back-door cover - just like college! Zing.

San Francisco 49ers (-4.5) @ New York Jets

Sunday 1:00

- The 49ers are pissed.  Jim Harbaugh does not like losing - so much so that he didn't even let the team go home during the week, instead having them practice in Ohio to avoid a long trip back to New York.  Want to know a good way to make a bunch of huge guys really really really angry?  Keep them at Youngstown State for a week  - they are going to annihilate the first Jet they see on Sunday.  The Jets are struggling on offense and the 49ers will be the best defense they will have played yet.  I have a hard time seeing the Jets scoring more than 14 points.  I'm going to go ahead and call this one exactly - 24-10 San Fran.

New Orleans Saints at Green Bay Packers (OVER 53.5)

Sunday 1:00

-  The Saints are not a good football team right now, but there offense has been solid.  Green Bay hasn't gotten going yet but the Saint's defense is just what they need to get going after coming off really tough match-ups the first three games. I think this game will look a lot like last year's score-fest when the Pack won 42-32.  So far this season the Saints have scored 27 points per game while giving up 34.

Last Week's Results: 3-1-0
Season Results: 5-7-1

Fun With Celebrity Heights Part 2

A couple of weeks ago, I did a post about some celebrity heights that I found shocking.  This week, we are going to continue that theme and compare some of the more celebrities and their height.  Let's get it on:

• Emilio Estevez and Charlie Sheen - these brothers' careers didn't have the same path and neither did their heights, Charlie (5'9) has nearly 6 inches on his tiny brother Emilio (5'4.5).
• Ben Stiller, Ron Jeremy, and Macaulay Culkin - all of these guys are only 5'6 and the only one that I could see actually being that tall is the pornstar.  For some reason, I just assumed that Ben Stiller was taller.
• Daniel Radcliffe and Emma Watson - the co-stars in the insanely lucrative Harry Potter series also share something else in common, they are both 5'5.  I found that really funny.
• David Hasselhoff, Stephen King, and Steven Segal - this group all stands in at 6'4 and I could see The Hoff being that tall and I could understand the horror writer having some hops, but at no point during Steven Segal's career did I ever think he was this tall.
• Donald and Kiefer Sutherland - father and son have both had great acting careers, however, dad did not pass on his height gene.  Donald is 6'3.5 and his son is only 5'8.5.
• Megan Fox and Corey Feldman - I always just assumed that Megan Fox was model tall, but it turns out that she is only 5'4, which is average for a woman.  In the meantime, Corey Feldman is only one inch taller at 5'5.  (I just wanted an excuse to show a picture of Megan Fox and her boobs.)
• Michael Cera, Jackie Chan, and Angela Lansbury - when I think of Micheal Cera, I always picture a tall, lanky dude.  And when I think of Jackie Chan, I picture a small Asian dude.  It turns out that both are 5'8.5.  Also, I found out that Angela Lansbury of Murder She Wrote fame is the same height.  I did not see that coming.
• Heath Ledger and Clay Aiken - surprisingly, both of these guys are 6'1.  While 6'1 isn't that tall, I just did not picture either of them breaking 6 feet.
• Robert Downey Jr, Zac Efron, and Katie Holmes - did you know that Iron Man is only 5'8?  So is Zac Efron.  But the once desirable Katie Homes is taller than both, standing at 5'9.
• Danny DeVito and Peter Dinklage - if you don't know who Peter Dinklage is, he is the actor who plays Tyrion Lannister on Game of Thrones, so you now know that he is a little person.  However, I found it really funny that Danny DeVito (4'10) is only 5 inches taller than Peter (4'5).

"Boy, did her career sizzle pretty fast, but those boobs are still spectacular."