Friday, October 25, 2013

Worst Movie Remakes

Last week, we did a list of the Best Movie Remakes.  This week, we are doing the funnier of the two lists - the worst movie remakes.  Let's do this:

  • Bangkok Dangerous - I'm fairly positive no one saw this movie and therefore no one knew it was even a remake to begin with, therefore instantly making it a terrible remake.
  • Bedazzled - You know what, I actually like Brendon Fraser, but I did not like this movie.  It was so silly, it was stupid and should just be forgotten it was ever (re)made.
  • Clash of the Titans - Sadly, I saw this one when it was in the theater and I remember walking out of it thinking, "The special effects were kind of cool, but what a stupid pile of shit".
  • Carrie - Why does this need to be remade?  I've heard of the first one but have never seen it and I'm fairly sure that if that scene where Carrie gets blood poured on her at the prom wasn't in the movie, no one would have ever remembered it.  But whatever, a remake is unnecessary and yet Hollywood is dumb and a remake was made.
  • The Day the Earth Stood Still - I never saw this movie and tried to watch it once when it was on FX, but it was terrible.  Also, did you know that Jon Hamm's character dies in this movie?  That's not cool.
  • Godzilla - Not only did Hollywood not learn their lesson the first time they remade this, they are making another one that is coming out next year.  The worst part is that there is no way even Bryan Cranston can save the new one.
  • The Karate Kid - The kid didn't even learn karate in this one, therefore it shouldn't be called The Karate Kid and therefore sucks balls.
  • The Longest Yard - Adam Sandler as a quarterback.  Try again, Hollywood.
  • Planet of the Apes - Mark Wahlberg has grown on me, but this movie with its impressive cast was dumb and confusing and Marky Mark should have passed.
  • Psycho - For some reason, the director did a shot-for-shot remake of the original.  What's the point of that?  You're just watching the exact same movie with a different cast and that defeats the purpose of a remake.
  • Red Dawn - I never saw this one but my brother said it sucked, so it's going on this list.
  • Taxi - Anything that combines Jimmy Fallon and Queen Latifah shouldn't have even made it past pre-production.  What in the hell were the producers thinking?
  • The Wicker Man - Quite possibly one of the worst movies ever made and Nick Cage's second movie on this list.  When will he ever learn?  However, seeing him covered in bees was pretty funny.
"Any time Nick Cage sports some ridiculous hair in a movie, I feel obligated to show a picture of it."

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