Monday, January 28, 2013

NOKW - Empire Strikes Back

Here comes the next chapter in our "I'm Okay With, I'm Not Okay With" series (if you don't know what this is, click here for all of the past posts):

Movie:  Star Wars: Episode V - The Empire Strikes Back

Basic Plot:  The second of the original (and best) Star Wars Trilogy.  This time Luke and friends fight Vader and his minions and we also learn (spoiler alert!) that Vader is Luke's pops.

I'm Okay With:  The fact that the rebels think destroying all of the Empire's drones that come to the planet their Rebel base is hidden on will keep their secret and not raise more suspicion.  The fact that I'm never sure if that that hidden base is a random rebel base or the only rebel base.  The fact that those AT-AT Walkers might be the worst military vehicles ever built, they are slow and have the worst field of vision imaginable.  The fact that the odds of flying through an asteroid field and surviving are actually really really good and if you fly through the one in our solar system, the odds that you actually hit anything is one in a billion.  The fact that a giant worm creature is able to survive in an asteroid without food, water, or oxygen.  The fact that there is only one black guy in all of the Star Wars universe.  The fact that Vader thought freezing Luke in carbonite was a good plan when he could have just knocked him out or something instead.  The fact that Leia is revealed to have the force in the 3rd movie and Luke doesn't realize this sooner even after she is the one who hears and saves his ass while he is hanging onto the bottom of Cloud City.

I'm Not Okay With:  The fact that being a Jedi doesn't give you special powers to survive the freezing cold of that planet in the Hoth system without a thick coat, a fall from an AT-AT Walker, or the thin air/freezing temperatures while hanging from the bottom of the Cloud City.  Let's break this down.  First up, Luke gets captured and escapes from some monster while patrolling on that ice planet and when he escapes, he is no longer wearing the protective coat that obviously was helping him live in the freezing temperatures.  Han Solo happens to find him, but the only way that Han could have done anything to save Luke was if he found him immediately.  Imagine walking around the North Pole in only a track suit, that's what Luke was basically doing.  Second, the fall from the AT-AT Walker right after his near-death after the ice monster.  Those things are roughly 75 ft. tall (I actually looked that up) and Luke dropped from one after throwing a grenade inside.  Sure, he fell into the snow, but he walked away from the fall without even a limp and even snow doesn't cushion a fall from that height without some damage.  And lastly, Luke somehow survived hanging from the bottom of Cloud City in thin clothes and even thinner air with only one hand.  And how do I know that the air was thin?  Because I looked it up.  Cloud City floats 60,000 km (37,000 miles) above a planet and considering you would have to wear an oxygen mask if you climb Mount Everest and it isn't even 6 miles tall, Luke surely would have died if he left the confines of Cloud City.  Seriously, this movie put Luke into some ridiculous situations and he surely should have died before it ever started.  And now that I think about it, when Han and Chewy showed up to Cloud City, they left their ship without any sort of protection and probably should have died, too.  I am not okay with that.

"YOUR MY WHAT?  IT'S REALLY LOUD IN HERE, DID YOU SAY SOMETHING IMPORTANT OR JUST MENACING?"

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