Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Book Review - Clovenhoof

Believe it or not, but I enjoy reading a good book now and again.  Anything from Vince Flynn to Ken Follett to Douglas Adams.  And speaking of Douglas Adams, I recently read a book that reminded me of his Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.  That book is Clovenhoof by Heide Goody and Iain Grant and their book was hilarious and it had that same sense of humor that Douglas Adams conveyed in his wonderful Hitchhiker's Guide series.  For example, here is a line in the book - "Clovenhoof stopped a shelf-stacker with a left breast named Barbara".  I actually laughed out loud when I read that.  Anyways, the plot of the book is that Satan is fired from his job as that Prince of Darkness and is forced to retire to a small town in England and he loathes every minute of it.  And because he is Satan, he is a massive dick to everyone and doesn't understand even the most basic aspects of being a human, but has to learn quick because of his forced retirement.  Over the course of the book, he becomes infatuated with alcohol, learns to love credit cards, accidentally robs a bank, becomes a death metal star, and even gets a girlfriend.  Here are a couple of funny examples as to why I loved this book and as to why you should read it:
  • When Satan is relocated to Earth, he is given the name Nicolas Clovenhoof and when asked if he liked it, he said the name was stupid and they might as well have called him Lou Cypher.  In the end, he picked the name Jeremy Clovenhoof but still hated that, too.
  • He puts an unfinished drink on his mantle one day and leaves it there for a long time where it eventually starts to grow a mold.  When someone asks him what it is, he says "That's Herbert, he's my pet".
  • Heaven conducts monthly management meetings which is attended by angels and various saints, and one of the funny things that the author does is portray that the minutes-keeper, Mother Teresa, is terribly at spelling. Trust me, it's funny.
  • One of the characters works for a company called The Helping Hand Job Agency.
  • During a Singles Night at a bar, Satan goes up to a woman and when asked what he did, he responded, "I like to weigh myself before and after I poo".
I'm telling you, those little snippets don't do the book justice, but they get my point across as to how funny this book really is and I highly suggest reading it.  You will thank me later.

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