Cost of Xmas Song Crap

News alert from every organization that is lazy - the cost of the crap from the Twelve Days of Christmas has gone up (click that link to see what I'm talking about....or don't)!  HORNS! ALERT! BANG! BOOM! BIFF!  It's called inflation, idiots.  Apparently this year's cost is up 6%.  The cost never goes down unless there is a flood of  pear trees on the open market.  Oh well - I guess news organizations cater to the Walmart crowds. Let's give into the stupidity and further examine the Twelve Days of Christmas list:

• 12 Drummers Drumming ($2,775.50) - What else would drummers do?  How much to watch them play tennis?
• 11 Pipers Piping ($2,562) - What else would pipers do?  How much to watch them play tennis?  Fun fact - Pipers are only slightly more expensive than drummers.  Seems like they would be much more expensive given the lack of supply.
• 10 Lords a Leaping ($4767) - Are there 10 lords left in the world?  It will be close - I will make a call to my fiefdom.
• 9 Ladies Dancing ($6294) - All payable in ones.  ZING.  This may be the only one I want.
• 8 Maids a Milking ($58) - Joke overload - I can't do it.
• 7 Swans a Swimming ($7000) - Wow - so much more expensive than the goose.  Maybe you could get old ones that are way past thier prime for $4000.
• 6 Geese a Laying ($210) - How exactly do you time it so that all of them are "a laying"at the same time?  Seems improbable.  $210 also seems cheap enough to make this experience a fun Tuesday night with some friends.  This one is up $48 from last year - a 30% increase!?!?!  We need government regulation - this is worse than gas prices.
• 5 Golden Rings ($750) - The way I lose wedding rings I will be there shortly.  You knew Jesus was a boy because there are only 5 pieces of jewelry on this list.  ZING!
• 4 Calling Birds ($519.96) - As my morning self can tell you, there is no bird that doesn't call loudly so that is no worry.  If you were smart you would get 3 turtle doves and 2 partridges so they would be interchangeable and you wouldn't have to worry about losing the turtle doves or the one partridge that is so critical to the song.  I hope everyone considers this.
• 3 French Hens ($165) - How disappointing if you got all the other items and only got regular hens, not the French ones.  What a Charlie Brown moment that would be!
• 2 Turtle Doves ($125) - More birds!  What's the deal - I know of a few people who have ONE bird, but this makes 23 birds for one Christmas - ridiculous.  You should have just said you want a lot of birds.
• 1 Partridge in a Pear Tree ($15) and a Pear Tree ($189) - This is really the big climax?  A bird and a tree?  There are like 50 of each in my backyard.

"If this what they mean by "Nine Ladies Dancing" then I am in, however, I don't think my wife will appreciate the gift as much as I will."