Tuesday, September 23, 2014

Sequels, Prequels, and More - Part 16

Another look at Hollywood's hilarious concept of upcoming movies, meaning that they have run out of ideas and they can only come up with another round of prequels, sequels, and remakes and nothing original.  In this case, we will be looking at all of the video games that are in production to become movies:

  • Van Helsing - Another Van Helsing movie, just what we need.  The Hugh Jackman version was silly but somehow entertaining, so I can only assume this one will be dark and gritty because Hollywood is dumb and that is all they know how to do these days.
  • xXx 3 - Because Vin Diesel finally realized he has no range, he is coming back to this movie franchise (?).  Do we need another xXx movie?  Nope.  That's all.
  • The Ring 3 - This one is in 3D for some reason.  I saw the first one and liked it.  I didn't see the second one and can only assume it sucked.  A third one only makes sense because Hollywood is desperate for ideas.
  • Skull Island - This is a King Kong origin story and sequel wrapped up in one movie.  Jack Black's character's son travels back to Skull Island for some stupid reason.  If this was just an origin story, I would be in because I really want to know how Kong got so big, but a sequel to King Kong is just unnecessary.  Then again, it was announced that Tom Hiddleston, aka Loki, will be starring in this thing.
  • Men In Black 4 - This one will take place on another planet and star J and K.  Tommy Lee Jones was so old when they made the third one that he was barely in it, what makes them think he isn't too old to do another 5 years later?
  • The Office - Starring Ricky Gervais's character from the British version, aka the original version.  If you never saw the original version, then take Steve Carrell's character and multiple his irritation factor by about 100 and you will get Ricky Gervais's character.
  • Kickboxer Reboot - Dave Bautista, aka Drax from Guardians of the Galaxy, will be starring in this remake/reboot.  Will it be worth watching?  Let's just say that when a wrestler is the star, that should give you your answer.
  • Bloodsport Reboot - Another remake of a Jean Claude Van Damme movie?  Why?!?
  • Tomorrowland - You know the ride inside of Epcot's large ball?  Well, they are making a movie about it and it will be starring George Clooney.  Fucking Hollywood.
  • Dawn of the Planet of the Apes 3 - I didn't see the second Dawn of the Planet of the Apes, but I heard good things, so why not make another one?


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