Best Food Ever?

So last week I took a little trip to the west coast.  I somehow escaped learning how to surf or like dudes or get an electric car, but while I was out there a restaurant was recommended to me that had a twist on a California Burrito.  For the uninitiated, a California burrito is a normal burrito with carne asada, cheese, onions, sour cream, cilantro, and guacamole but with french fries in it - awesome right.  The twist at this place was that instead of fries they use tater tots!  MIND BLOWN!  It was the best burrito I have ever had - I have been back for almost a week and I miss it so much.  Now I will list the things that are Awesome about this food:

• The restaurant is called Bull Taco
• There is one at Petco Park - home of the Padres
• The worst part of a burrito - beans - is replaced by one of the best foods ever - tater tots
• Think carbs are the enemy?  You can just get the side of carne asada tots (see picture below)
• It's only $7 - one of the cheapest on their menu
• Bull...wait for it....Taco
• They serve lots of cool/weird meats like alligator, rattlesnake, caribou, and kangaroo
• All four locations are within a half mile from the ocean
• At the Cardiff location you can jump from your table into the ocean 
• They serve breakfast

Pretty insanely awesome place!  If you are ever in Southern California look it up - you will not be disappointed.

"There are no words."

Random Movie Trivia - Tropic Thunder

Here is the next edition in our weekly Random Movie Trivia post.  Enjoy:

Tropic Thunder

• The part of Kirk Lazarus (Robert Downey Jr) was written as Irish, but Downey had already played an Aussie in the movie Natural Born Killers and thought it would be easier for him to do the same accent so they changed Lazarus to be Australian.
• Robert Downey Jr. didn't want to take the part at first because he thought it would be offensive playing an African American, but agreed to sign on because he really liked the script and wanted to work with Ben Stiller and Jack Black.
• In the movie, Kirk Lazarus claims that he doesn't break character until the DVD commentary, so Robert Downey Jr. did the DVD commentary for Tropic Thunder as Lazarus.
• The song "Low" by Flo Rida that Tom Cruise is always dancing to was not added until after filming was done when the song became a hit.
• Tom Cruise made up every aspect of his character in the movie including the dancing, the body hair, and the oversized prosthetic hands.
• The water buffalo that Jack Black rides at one point in the movie was unknowingly pregnant while on set and one day, the cast showed up and it was nursing a newborn.
• Owen Wilson was set to play Ben Stiller's character's agent but was replaced by Matthew McConaughey after his apparent suicide attempt.  And at one point, Ben Stiller was supposed to play this role and Keanu Reeves was to play Tugg Speedman.  I'm not sure how I feel about that.
• At one point in the movie, the character of Kirk Lazarus is mentioned to have won five Academy Awards.  The actual record for most Oscar wins is Katherine Hepburn with four which is shocking because I just always assumed Meryl Streep has at least a dozen but actually only has three wins.
• At the end of the movie, Jon Voight is shown to be angry at losing the Academy Award for Best Actor to Tugg Speedman which is a reenactment of Voight's response to losing the same award to John Wayne in 1969.

"Yup, this character was nominated for a Golden Globe."

Forrest Gump

Do you guys remember the feel-good movie, Forrest Gump?  Of course you do, it starred Tom Hanks as the "stupid is that stupid does" main character that goes on some crazy adventures.  Forrest plays football at Alabama, goes to Vietnam, saves some people, meets a couple of Presidents, plays ping-pong, starts a successful shrimping company, makes friends with a crippled Army vet, runs across the country a couple of times, teaches Elvis how to dance, and well, you get the idea, he does a bunch of stuff.  However, did you know that that movie was based on a book?  It's true.  And did you know that the movie adaptation left out most of the craziest stuff that Forrest accomplished?  Also true.  So, I thought I would tell you about the things they didn't put in the movie.  Enjoy:

• He played in a folk music band with Jenny.
• He actually flunked out of Alabama after only one semester (not a surprise).
• He went on a NASA mission to space with a female astronaut and a chimp named Sue.
• After crash landing on Earth, he is captured and lives with cannibals for four years.
• He becomes a chess champion (cough...bullshit...cough).
• He works as a stunt man in Hollywood and stars in a movie with a naked Raquel Welch.
• And finally, he becomes a professional wrestler named "The Dunce" (also, not surprising).

I would say that I think that the movie left out the best stuff, but then again, had they left that stuff in then it probably wouldn't have won the Academy Award for Best Picture.  However, if they did leave that stuff in then the Academy Awards would have rightfully given the Best Picture Award to The Shawshank Redemption like they should have in the first place that year.

"You have to admit that seeing Forrest go to space with a chimp named Sue would have been pretty awesome."

NOKW - Empire Strikes Back

Here comes the next chapter in our "I'm Okay With, I'm Not Okay With" series (if you don't know what this is, click here for all of the past posts):

Movie:  Star Wars: Episode V - The Empire Strikes Back

Basic Plot:  The second of the original (and best) Star Wars Trilogy.  This time Luke and friends fight Vader and his minions and we also learn (spoiler alert!) that Vader is Luke's pops.

I'm Okay With:  The fact that the rebels think destroying all of the Empire's drones that come to the planet their Rebel base is hidden on will keep their secret and not raise more suspicion.  The fact that I'm never sure if that that hidden base is a random rebel base or the only rebel base.  The fact that those AT-AT Walkers might be the worst military vehicles ever built, they are slow and have the worst field of vision imaginable.  The fact that the odds of flying through an asteroid field and surviving are actually really really good and if you fly through the one in our solar system, the odds that you actually hit anything is one in a billion.  The fact that a giant worm creature is able to survive in an asteroid without food, water, or oxygen.  The fact that there is only one black guy in all of the Star Wars universe.  The fact that Vader thought freezing Luke in carbonite was a good plan when he could have just knocked him out or something instead.  The fact that Leia is revealed to have the force in the 3rd movie and Luke doesn't realize this sooner even after she is the one who hears and saves his ass while he is hanging onto the bottom of Cloud City.

I'm Not Okay With:  The fact that being a Jedi doesn't give you special powers to survive the freezing cold of that planet in the Hoth system without a thick coat, a fall from an AT-AT Walker, or the thin air/freezing temperatures while hanging from the bottom of the Cloud City.  Let's break this down.  First up, Luke gets captured and escapes from some monster while patrolling on that ice planet and when he escapes, he is no longer wearing the protective coat that obviously was helping him live in the freezing temperatures.  Han Solo happens to find him, but the only way that Han could have done anything to save Luke was if he found him immediately.  Imagine walking around the North Pole in only a track suit, that's what Luke was basically doing.  Second, the fall from the AT-AT Walker right after his near-death after the ice monster.  Those things are roughly 75 ft. tall (I actually looked that up) and Luke dropped from one after throwing a grenade inside.  Sure, he fell into the snow, but he walked away from the fall without even a limp and even snow doesn't cushion a fall from that height without some damage.  And lastly, Luke somehow survived hanging from the bottom of Cloud City in thin clothes and even thinner air with only one hand.  And how do I know that the air was thin?  Because I looked it up.  Cloud City floats 60,000 km (37,000 miles) above a planet and considering you would have to wear an oxygen mask if you climb Mount Everest and it isn't even 6 miles tall, Luke surely would have died if he left the confines of Cloud City.  Seriously, this movie put Luke into some ridiculous situations and he surely should have died before it ever started.  And now that I think about it, when Han and Chewy showed up to Cloud City, they left their ship without any sort of protection and probably should have died, too.  I am not okay with that.

"YOUR MY WHAT?  IT'S REALLY LOUD IN HERE, DID YOU SAY SOMETHING IMPORTANT OR JUST MENACING?"

Stupid State Laws - Nevada

Here comes another post about a state law that still exists on the books and why it is ridiculous (to see them all, click here):

Nevada

"It's still 'legal' to hang someone for shooting your dog on your property."

You have got to be kidding me.  I love my dog and if anyone were to shoot her, I would definitely want to kill that person for murdering an innocent defenseless animal, especially my innocent defenseless animal.  However, I would be the one committing the murder of another human being, not the dude who shot my dog.  How does that make.sense?  And on top of that, what if someone was on your property with your permission and your big ass dog attacked him unprovoked and he shot that dog, would you still be legally within your right to hang that guy?  I guess if you didn't like that guy and have been looking for the perfect way to kill him, then here is your chance and the state of Nevada has finally given you the perfect loophole to commit murder.  Way to go Nevada, you have made one of the Ten Commandments irrelevant.

"It rarely snows in South Carolina, but when it does, my dog loves it."

NFL Awesome Picks Spectacular - Super Bowl

Because we here at Brainfart love us some football, we decided that we would be doing some NFL picks, too. So, here is where I make my NAPS (NFL Awesome Picks Spectacular):

Picks are in red

All lines are provided by Sportsbook.ag

San Francisco 49ers v. Baltimore Ravens (+3.5)
(UNDER 47.5)

Sunday Feb. 3rd
6:30

- This is going to be a good game - no doubt about that.  The aging veteran defense with young offensive skill position players versus the scary defense with a rookie QB.  At this point I am putting some stock in the "Ray Lewis Boost" the Ravens are getting.  The Ravens have not been spectacular but they are solid, never getting too high or low.  The 49ers have been mostly great but they have shown some weakness in a couple of games in the second half of the year.  With things this close I am going to have to take the points in this one, but I am hoping some nerves come into play to keep the score low.

Last Week's Results: 2-2

Season Results: 47-52-2

Celebrities Real Names

The other day I stumbled upon an article about Django Unchained actor, Jamie Foxx.  In said article, it went on to explain that Jamie Foxx is not his real name.  When he first started in entertainment, he was a stand-up comedian and because his favorite comedian was Red Foxx, he used his last name.  And because Jamie can be considered both a male or female name and because women were usually picked to go first at comedy clubs, he went with Jamie so that he would be bumped up on the performance lists.  So, what is his real name?  That answer is below along with a list of my favorite birth names of random celebrities.  Also, when I was compiling this list, I found it funny how many of the stars of yesteryear had changed their names to something completely unrelated to their real names.  Let's do this:

• Cary Grant - Archibald Alexander Leach
• Charlton Heston - John Carter (this one made me laugh)
• Harry Houdini - Erich Weiss
• Kirk Douglas - Issur Danielovitch Demsky
• John Wayne - Marion Robert Morrison
• Mel Brooks - Melvin Kaminsky
• Albert Brooks - Albert Einstein
• Gene Wilder - Jerome Silberman
• Michael Caine - Maurice Micklewhite
• Ben Kingsley - Krishna Pandit Bhanji
• Elvis Costello - Declan Patrick Alaysius MacManus
• Woody Allen - Allan Konigsberg
• Nicolas Cage - Nicolas Coppola (yup, his uncle is the guy who directed The Godfather)
• Charlie Sheen - Carlos Estevez
• Jamie Foxx - Eric Marlon Bishop
• Skeet Ulrich - Bryan Ray Trout (remember him? Me neither)
• Helen Mirren - Ilyena Lydia Vasilienvna Mironoff
• Meg Ryan - Margaret Mary Emily Ann Hyra (five names?!?)
• Whoopi Goldberg - Caryn Elaine Johnson
• Natalie Portman - Natalie Hershlag (she was actually born in Jereseleum)
• Olivia Wilde - Olivia Cockburn
• Winona Ryder - Winona Horowitz
• Carmen Electra - Tara Leigh Patrick (did you know she is dating Simon Cowell?)

"Plus I love making a list that allows me to show a picture of the super sexy Olivia Wilde, I mean, Olivia Cockburn."

The Yu Darvish Museum

Alternate post title: That's a Huge mYUseum

Apparently playing baseball and being good at it is so cool in Japan that one solid year in the big leagues get you a five story museum!  Last year Darvish made the All-Star team and went 16-9 with a 3.90 ERA - good but not great.  If you aren't an artist or Wilt Chamberlain, how could anyone have five stories worth of interesting stuff that people would want to look at?  The Japanese love them some tourism and documentation so I guess anything goes there.  Let's take a closer look at the details of this museum.

- The museum will be in Kobe, the fifth-largest city in Japan and capital of the Hyogo prefecture.
     I assume that is where the beef is from.  They should have a beef bar (no homo).

- Will be in Kobe because Darvish’s father, Farsa, has a strong connection with the community.
     Coolest Name Ever Award - Farsa Darvish?  Sounds like a foreign Looney Tunes character.

- The museum will be in a five-story building modeled after western-style buildings from the Meiji Period, which ran from 1868-1912 and was a time of unprecedented change in Japan.
     Were there five-story buildings in the 1800's?  I assume that the Western influence is because when he pitches he rotates so that he always faces.....nope no connection, just weird.

- The museum will be complete by August and probably will open on November 1 or November 11. The latter opening date would be in honor of Darvish’s uniform number.
     Bitter winters a month after the baseball season always bring out the fans.

- Trophies and various other memorabilia will be on display on the third floor. Darvish will approve all items on display.
     If they put everything he ever touched in a museum I bet it only takes up two floors.  If they are lucky.

- The top floor will be an events center, with a capacity of about 40.
     This will be tough because they will need space for the legions of people who want to have huge weddings at the Darvish museum.

- Admission will probably be free for children 12 or younger.
     Or for anyone after the first week.

- The other floors may be used as gallery spaces to introduce Persian culture. Darvish’s father grew up in Iran and is an arts dealer.
     So, he is so revered that in his museum people will be interested in what his father's interests are?

"Are we sure he isn't a surfer?"

Random Movie Trivia - Gladiator

Here is the next edition in our weekly Random Movie Trivia post.  Enjoy:

Gladiator

• Just like today's athletes, ancient Roman gladiators used to endorse products while fighting and this was going to be included in the script but was deemed too unbelievable and was cut.
• Lou Ferrigno (aka the original Hulk) was originally cast as Tigris of Gaul (that big-ass gladiator that Maximus fights while surrounded by tigers) but Sven-Ole Thorsen lobbied hard for the part and got it.
• The guy who played Proximo, Oliver Reed, suffered a fatal heart attack during filming and they had to CGI his face onto another actor for the scenes they had not finished with his character.  His character was supposed to survive in the original script but was killed due to Reed's death.
• The wounds on Russell Crowe's face in the opening battle are real after his horse was startled and backed him into a tree.  You can clearly see stitches on his face when he is talking with Commodus after the fight.  Crowe also broke bones in his foot and hip as well as injuring both biceps tendons at some point during filming.
• Mel Gibson was offered the role of Maximus but turned it down because at 43, he felt he was too old for the part.  Also considered for the role was Antonio Banderas.
• Jennifer Lopez auditioned for the part of Lucilla.  Thankfully they chose Connie Nielsen because J-Lo might be one of the worst actresses to ever walk the earth (if you can't tell, I do not like her).
• The script called for a scene where Maximus fights a rhinoceros, but because it was too hard to train a rhino and the CGI would have been too expensive, the scene was unfortunately cut.
• Russell Crowe frequently complained about the dialogue of the script and re-wrote parts of it to fit his needs.  If he didn't get his way, he would storm off set and at one point even told the writer, "Your lines are garbage but I'm the greatest actor in the world and I can make even garbage sound good".
• According to history, Marcus Aurelius died of the plague (not murdered by his son) and Commodus wasn't killed by a gladiator in the Coliseum but was actually a beloved ruler (however, he was assassinated by an athlete later in his reign).
• In the original script, the character Maximus was named Narcissus, which was the real name of Commodus's real assassin.
• The real Commodus did fight in the Coliseum and actually would stab his opponent's in the back before fights just like he did with Maximus in the movie.
• During filming, Russell Crowe and Richard Harris (Marcus Aurelius) became friends, however, the same cannot be said about Crowe and Oliver Reed (Proximo).  At one point, Reed even challenged Crowe to a fight.

"This guy almost played the part of Maximus.  Well, at least he is actually a Spaniard unlike Russell Crowe."

NOKW - Varsity Blues

Here comes the next chapter in our "I'm Okay With, I'm Not Okay With" series (if you don't know what this is, click here for all of the past posts):

Movie:  Varsity Blues

Basic Plot:  This movie follows the lives of some high school kids in a small town where football is king and how they eventually rebel against their dick of a head coach during the biggest game of the year.

I'm Okay With:  The fact that this town puts giant cardboard cut-outs of players on that player's lawn.  The fact that the rest of the coaching staff is okay with the head coach forcing his injured players to take  painkillers and play with injuries that will probably result in long-term health problems.  The fact that the team's best wide receiver is not even five and a half feet tall.  The fact that Tweeter steals a cop car while intoxicated then gets naked while driving along with a couple of naked underage girls and is not thrown in jail for a couple of years.  The fact that James Van Der Beek's character thinks he can actually get an academic scholarship to Brown.  The fact that the evil head coach actually thinks he has the kind of clout to be able to take away that scholarship.  The fact that a guy, especially a horny high school guy, would turn down a hot chick wearing nothing but whip cream.  The fact that one of the teachers in a small town is able to work as a stripper and no one knows about her part-time job.  The fact that this movie was made in 1999 and the writers of this teen movie realized concussions were dangerous and the NFL didn't recognize this fact until a decade later.

I'm Not Okay With:  The fact that after halftime of the final game and the evil head coach walks out of the locker room alone, the team goes back out of the field and the injured quarterback takes over play calling even though one of the assistant coaches should have been the one to assume the coaching duties.  Seriously, where in the hell did all of the assistant coaches go?  We know that the team mutinies against the evil head coach and we know this because he leaves the locker room all by himself.  The keyword being alone, so what happened the rest of the coaching staff?  When the team takes the field after halftime, they do so without any of the other coaches, but why?  It's not like the team hated the assistant coaches, they just hated the evil head coach because he was a dick and deserved what he had coming, but that doesn't mean the rest of the coaches should just hand over the play calling to a bunch of high school kids in the biggest game of the year.  If anything, they should have told the injured quarterback to shut the hell up and sit his ass on the bench and they certainly would not have called that ridiculous fumblerooski that magically won the game.  I am not okay with that.

"Do you see any coaches?  I don't."

Martin Luther King Jr Day

Today is Martin Luther King Jr Day and that can only mean one thing, the NBA's only holiday in which they will be having day games on a weekday   Yes, you can argue that MLK Jr Day is a federal holiday, but come on, it is also the only federal holiday that people don't actually take off unlike Labor Day or Memorial Day.  But why am I even bringing this up?  Good question.  Like I said above, this is one of the few weekdays in which the NBA has day games (the others being Christmas or New Years if they happen to fall on a weekday) and I want to know if that should be considered racist or just savvy marketing?

Think about it this way - the NBA has day games on a holiday that only African Americans (and the post office) actually celebrate by taking the day off from work and you can't tell me that this isn't at least a little racist.  Whites are still the majority in this country (for now) and Latin Americans couldn't care less about basketball.  So when your sport, one in which is played by (and probably only watched by) African Americans, specifically caters to a minority on a minority holiday, how can that not be considered stereotyping?  At the same time, if this is something the NBA does every year, then they must know their target market and are selling their product accordingly.

What I'm really trying to say is that the NBA isn't my cup of tea and being a white guy from the South where college football is king, I find it a little racist that the NBA chooses to have day games on the one holiday that only the black community truly embraces but not on Washington's Birthday which is also a federal holiday.  Does that make me racist?  Probably, but then again, I am a white guy from the South....not that that makes it okay.

"However, you have to admit that MLK would have loved him some LeBron James."

Stupid State Laws - Nebraska

Here comes another post about a state law that still exists on the books and why it is ridiculous (to see them all, click here):

Nebraska

"If a child burps during church, his parent may be arrested."

I love the wording of this stupid law.  First it says "a child" and then refers to that child as a he by using the pronoun "his".  In other words, they have created a nasty little loophole in that law because any lawyer of the parents of a little girl accused of burping in church would tear that thing apart.  On top of that, what exactly constitutes a "child"?  Is there an age limit?  Does it include toddlers?  And most importantly, is there a law that makes it illegal for adults to burp in church?  I think that question needs to be answered before they start arresting people.

"It's a good thing Barney isn't a child or a big churchgoer."

NFL Awesome Picks Spectacular - Playoffs Week 3

Because we here at Brainfart love us some football, we decided that we would be doing some NFL picks, too. So, here is where I make my NAPS (NFL Awesome Picks Spectacular):

Picks are in red

All lines are provided by Sportsbook.ag

San Francisco 49ers @ Atlanta Falcons (+4.5)
(UNDER 49)

Sunday 3:00

- There are too many people still saying the Falcons don't deserve to be here.  Maybe the pundits are right but the Falcons have a decent QB, a solid defense, and three top tier pass-catchers.  That combination is solid and is what got them to the #1 seed.  Colin Kaepernick is the X-factor in this game.  For the 49ers to win he will have to make some special plays.  He has the ability to do that but he has also had games where he has been less than spectacular.  He is never a huge passing threat and he only has one viable receiving option in Crabtree.  The 49ers defense is good but it has been far from unstoppable like they showed earlier in the season.  This game should be more of slug-fest than either teams' previous games which is why I will take the 4.5 points and go with the Falcons.

Baltimore Ravens (+8) @ New England Patriots
(OVER 51.5)

Sunday 6:30

- We all know how good Brady and the Patriots offense is, but without Gronk they do lose something.  Without their crazy TE, Brady still has tons of weapons but not a guy he can just throw it up to with any confidence even if they are well covered.  Their defense has also continued to progress; however, Flacco has been great so far in the playoffs connecting on a lot of 50+ yard touchdowns. The Patriots are great at taking away the other team's number one threat but the Ravens have options with the deep ball, underneath throws to Boldin and Pitta, and running with Ray Rice.  The number one thing the Ravens have going for them is that they are the one team that isn't intimidated at all by the Patriots and they know they can beat them.  Since 2007, the Patriots are 4-2 against the Ravens but they have never won by more than 6.  This game is going to be close which makes it easy to take the 8.

Last Week's Results: 3-5

Season Results: 44-50-2

Mason Strikes Again

Alrighty, I've got another story about my awesome nephew Mason and it is a good one.  First off, Mason is now enrolled in kindergarten and that means he is out of my sister's control for a few hours each day, so you know trouble is going to follow.  And as she told me at Christmas, she has already had to sign notes about his behavior from his art, math, and reading teachers as well as the lunch lady which I didn't even know was possible.

Anyways, one day Mason was in class and asked the teacher if he could go to the bathroom.  The teacher unwisely gave him a pass and let him go on his way unsupervised.  What transpired next is not entirely clear because Mason refuses to tell his side of the story, but my sister thinks she has figured it out.  After leaving class to go to the "bathroom", Mason left the school entirely, jumped on a random school bus, and the next thing my sister knows, Mason walks in the front door at home.  I don't even know how this is possible because it was the middle of the day and school buses should not be running kids to and from school at that time.  All we do know is that Mason somehow talked his way into getting a ride home from a complete stranger and somehow found his way home on his own.  I should remind you that he is in kindergarten, a time in your life when you can barely spell your own name but Mason knows how to skip school and con his way into getting a free ride home.  I don't know what this says about our society, but I do know that my nephew is destined for greatness.....or some serious shenanigans when he is finally old enough to drive.  Hopefully my sister is smart enough to never give him the keys to a motor vehicle or we might all be doomed.

"I can only assume Mason was pretending he was Godzilla and was jumping on the unsuspecting public."

Random Movie Trivia - The Shawshank Redemption

Here is the next edition in our new weekly post, Random Movie Trivia.  Enjoy:

The Shawshank Redemption

• If you didn't know, this movie was based on a Stephen King novella.  What is a novella?  I'm glad you asked.  A novella is considered longer than a novelette but shorter than a novel.  Did that clear everything up?  Probably not.  Also, King sold the movie rights for only one dollar.
• In Stephen King's original story, the part of Red was written as a white Irish guy and when they cast Morgan Freeman for the part, they left in the line "Maybe it's 'cause I'm Irish" as an inside joke.
• The mugshots of a young Morgan Freeman are actually just photos of his son, Alfonso.
• Because the film didn't gain popularity until after it was released for rental, the rights were inexpensive and sold to Ted Turner and due to its low cost, that is why they show it quite frequently on TNT.
• During casting, one agent who didn't actually read the script (originally named Rita Hayworth and Shawshank Redemption) asked if his supermodel client could audition for the part of Rita Hayworth.  Of course, there is no part for the legendary actress, just a poster of her on Andy Dufrense's cell wall.
• Tom Hanks was the original choice for the part of Andy Dufrense, but had to turn it down because he was filming Forrest Gump.  Kevin Costner also turned down the role because he was working on Waterworld, but later regretted it after seeing the movie.  Also, considered for the role were Nicolas Cage, Johnny Depp, and Charlie Sheen.  Personally, I couldn't imagine anyone but Tim Robbins in this part.
• As for the part of Red, Clint Eastwood, Paul Newman, and Robert Redford were all considered, but the director always had Morgan Freeman in mind for the role because of his authoritative voice and cool demeanor.
• Director Frank Darabont did not include any of the deleted scenes in the DVD because he was embarrassed by them and didn't want them to be seen publicly.
• Rob Reiner loved this script so much that he offered Frank Darabont $2.5 million for it, but obviously was turned down.  Reiner was going to cast Harrison Ford and Tom Cruise as the title characters.
• Even though this movie is considered one of the greatest of all-time, it was deemed a flop at the box office because it only recouped its production costs of $18 million (and an additional $10 million when it got some Oscar consideration).
• Although it was never directly said, Red's character was in prison because he murdered his wife and daughter after a losing streak at poker.
• The movie was released in Taiwan under the name "1995: Fantastic" and many viewers thought they were going to see an action movie.  I like to think they saw something much much better.

"Ha, he's covered in poop."

Cold Weather Manning

Before I get to my point I thought of naming this post cOLD MANning WINTER - maybe too odd for the title but too genius to not include.

After last year Peyton Manning heard all the questions and people doubting he could ever play quarterback again, much less be the old Peyton.  After rehabbing he had to know his skills were returning and had to have been confident he would overcome his neck surgeries.  Thus started the Manning World Tour, interviewing with several teams to decide which one would fit him the best.  There was only one problem - besides all of the coaches and surrounding personnel, he did not consider the weather.

A large part of Manning's neck injuries resulted in slightly lower grip on the ball, something that can be magnified in extreme weather   Even before that revelation, it seemed that the number one thing that could stop him was the cold.  This situation would only rear it's ugly head in the playoffs if he had to go on the road, like he had with the Colts, somewhere like New England.  That is, unless he put himself in that situation at his own home stadium!  Basically Manning guaranteed that if he was good he would get home playoff games and have to play in the cold!  WHY!!!  His first playoff game against the Ravens was so-so but in crunch time, in OT when the game was on the line and the temperatures were in the single digits and the wind chill below zero, he made a throw into traffic that was so slow a white guy in the 100 meters could catch it.

We started to see chinks in the armor at the end of regulation with the game tied.  The Broncos forced a punt giving them the ball back on their own 20 with two timeouts and 31 seconds left on the clock.  In good weather, ask yourself how you would feel if you were the Ravens in this spot.  Put Brady or Brees in for Manning.  You are petrified - no, you are calm knowing that your best hope is allowing a 40 yard field goal attempt because you know an ace quarterback will move the ball.  But what did Manning do?  He knelt.  Clock expires.  Play for overtime.  That was definitely a first and shocked everyone to the point that his coach and GM had to come out supporting the decision after the game.  If it wasn't such a big name in football the announcers would be talking about how the quarterback has lost the team's and coaches' confidence.  And maybe they did.  It got worse after that - in overtime Manning was 3-5 with a interception.  Even more damning was without their starting running back the Broncos' coaches did not trust him, running the ball seven times versus five passes.

It appears that Manning himself was nervous, just look at this quote from the Denver Post: "You can't simulate it.  I tried everything from putting my hand in a freezing tank.  But you just can't simulate it.  Next year, the Super Bowl's in New York.  So that was a good hurdle for me to be effective in those type of conditions."  Is it really a good hurdle if you didn't even jump and just slammed face first into it?  I would almost feel sorry for him if he didn't have more than enough time to court all the teams he did - but it is his fault he chose the ugly girl at the bar (not a shot at his wife - she's hot).  How long into putting his hands into a freezing tank do you think he thought, "I've made a huge mistake, I should have picked anyone but the team that guarantees I will play in cold weather at the end of the season."  My guess is two minutes - the same time his terrible across-his-body-over-the-middle-floating throw was in the air.

"You know how I know you're cold?  You have gloves on and still need a hand warmer."

The Bone Wars

I can only assume that everyone saw the heading above and instantly thought "Finally, he's going to write about porn, it's about damn time!".  Well, I'm sorry to disappoint.  This Bone Wars has nothing to do with large breasts, but feel free to go look at some when you are done reading!

Around the 1860's, two colleagues named Othniel Charles Marsh and Edward Drinker Cope started out as friends in the same profession.  Both wanted to uncover the remains of dinosaurs and both sported wicked mustaches.  A couple years after going on some expeditions together, they went their separate ways and even split amicably.  However, after a discovery of fossils in New Jersey, Marsh bribed the pit operators to divert any new finds his way and when Cope found out about it, he was pissed.  And thus, the Bone War began.  So, let's break down some the stupidity these two got into during their stupid feud:

• Opposing research teams occasionally resorted to fighting and sometimes even used dynamite in said brawls.
• They would blow up recently excavated sites so that the other guy couldn't dig up any leftover fossils.
• In a race to discover the most dinosaurs, between them they "found" the same dinosaur 20 times and named it something different each time.
• Sometimes they would just put a different skull on the wrong body of a skeleton so they could claim another discovery.  This resulted in the non-existent Brontosaurus which is actually just a Apatosaurus that Marsh put another skull on and claimed a new species.  The mistake wasn't corrected for 70 years.
• Wrote fraudulent papers about each other trying to discredit the other guy with little research ever put into those articles.
• Sending spies into the other's research team who would report mistakes made by the other and even sabotaged some digs.

In the end, the whole field of paleontology was disgraced and it took decades for future paleontologists to correct all of Marsh and Cope's idiotic mistakes all because these two nitwits couldn't get along.  And you thought your argument about taking the garbage out with your girlfriend was petty.  Sure, you both probably said some nasty things you wish you could take back, but at least you didn't ruin an entire profession that took until the release of Jurassic Park to fix.

"Yup, this never existed.  Thanks a lot, non-porno Bone Wars."

NOKW - Inception

Here comes the next chapter in our "I'm Okay With, I'm Not Okay With" series (if you don't know what this is, click here for all of the past posts):

Movie:  Inception

Basic Plot:  A group of people who infiltrate dreams are tasked with the impossible mission of implanting an idea inside The Scarecrow's head.  Oh, and a lot crazy shit happens that still doesn't make sense.

I'm Okay With:  The fact that if you truly try to understand this movie, you will have more questions than answers and a headache.  The fact that this movie seems to contradict itself constantly.  The fact that the big dilemma in the movie is that they are so heavily sedated that dying in a dream would send them to Limbo, but we also learn that that isn't that big of deal because if you die in Limbo, you just wake up, plus they go their anyways and it doesn't seem like it really matter anyways.  The fact that when the first dream level is in free-fall, the second level has no gravity and if you follow this line of logic, you would assume that the third dream level would follow suit, but somehow doesn't.  The fact that despite never being inside of one of Leo's dreams, his dead wife keeps showing up.  The fact that the Japanese guy dies after Leo goes into Limbo but has somehow aged 100 years and Leo still looks the same.  The fact that even though Leo accomplishes the Inception, he botched a job at the beginning of the movie that resulted in a group of people wanting to murder his ass and even found him in Kenya, so hiding at his home in America at the end of the movie isn't going to solve that problem.  The fact that we will never know if Leo was dreaming the whole time or not.

I'm Not Okay With:  The fact that their whole plan revolved around "The Chemist" outrunning the bad guys in the first dream level who had guns and all-performance SUV's against a large crappy van full of passed out people.  The reason this is ridiculous is because being in a dream in this movie is not like being in The Matrix and you can't just download a skill into your head to instantly make you an expert at things like fighting or stunt driving.  So, The Chemist was nothing but a lab rat and had no training in evasive driving, but he was tasked with making sure the rest of his team, who are passed out in the back of the van, were not killed while driving a van that would easily flip over if it took a turn at more than a snail's pace (and he does that at one point).  However, this task also included him being chased by a bunch of gun-totting badasses in high-performance SUV's and motorcycles.  So, shitty van v. SUV's and motorcycles, who wins?  I'll give you a hint, not the chubby Chemist.  In fact, there is no way he would have made it more than one block before his tires were shot out, everyone in that van was murdered, and they fail their mission before the rest of the group even makes it into the third dream level.  I am not okay with that.

"I still find it amazing that this is the same guy who played Bane in The Dark Knight Rises."

Stupid State Laws - Montana

Here comes another post about a state law that still exists on the books and why it is ridiculous (to see them all, click here):

Montana

"It is illegal for married women to go fishing alone on Sundays, and illegal for unmarried women to fish alone at all."

Okay, this one is a doosey.  First off, how many women do you know that even enjoy fishing enough to want to do it on their own?  And if a woman does love fishing that much, I still don't see a guy taking her along with him because as all stereotypes point out, women never shut up and that defeats the point of going fishing.  So if anything, wouldn't it be more advantageous for the woman to go fishing by herself instead of some poor schlub having to listen to her complain about her co-workers the whole time?  I know I sound sexist here, but sadly stereotypes were created for a reason.  But maybe this law was created for another reason.  It was put in place so that multiple women would go fishing with each other and allow their husbands or boyfriends a couple moments of peace at home.  If that's the case, then that is some genius thinking on the part of the state of Montana.  And if not, then that state just made one of the most pointless laws in existence.

"Maybe this is why this law was created and if so, I say shame on those lawmakers.  Shame."

NFL Awesome Picks Spectacular - Playoffs Week 2

Because we here at Brainfart love us some football, we decided that we would be doing some NFL picks, too. So, here is where I make my NAPS (NFL Awesome Picks Spectacular):

Picks are in red

All lines are provided by Sportsbook.ag

Baltimore Ravens (+10) @ Denver Broncos
(UNDER 46.5)

Saturday 4:30

- There is precedence for an upset in the divisional round and I think this is the big one.  Manning is scary but the Ravens win in the playoffs.  Everyone is high on the Broncos and down on the Ravens but I think these teams are close to equal. It should be a tight game and decided late.  This could be the first game a team actually misses Willis McGahee.

Green Bay Packers (+3) @ San Francisco 49ers
(UNDER 45)

Saturday 8:00

- The Pack looked perfect against the Vikings   They slowed Peterson and shut down anything else the Viking tried to do on offense.  They also got a look at a mobile quarterback which is what they will be up against this week.  The offense preformed just fine as well and although the 49ers are a better defense, when Aaron Rogers is rolling no one in the NFL can stop him - people seem to have forgotten about that fact.  If you were worried about rookie QBs in their first playoff games you should be extra nervous about Kaepernic who has only started a few games and has had an extra week to get scared.

Seattle Seahawks @ Atlanta Falcons (-2.5)
(UNDER 45.5)

Sunday 1:00

- You can only tell a team so many times they suck before they punch you in the face.  The Seahawks are going to be that face.  The Falcons have heard for two weeks, and really all year, about how no matter what happens they cannot win in the playoffs.  Seattle is good and everyone is thinking they will win but those Vegas guys aren't dumb and they still favor the Falcons.  If Vegas wants you to go one way, go the other-fast!

Houston Texans @ New England Patriots (-9.5)
(OVER 48)
Sunday 4:30

- Houston doesn't scare anyone and it took a very average game by the Bengals to even get to this round.  The Texans haven't had a great game in a while - their offense just isn't versatile enough to do a whole lot.  They are like the Vikings when they had Harvin.  Nothing special.  The Patriots come in with a better defense and an offense with a healthy Gronk.  And Brady.  Brandon Lloyd, who has had a 1,400 yd/11 TD season, is the 4th best receiver on the team.  Now Ridley and the running game have gotten going and Houston is just going to have to choose their poison - but guess what; they still get poisoned.

Last Week's Results: 5-3

Season Results: 41-45-2

Mason Returns

It's been quite awhile since I have given you guys an awesome story about my awesome nephew Mason, so here is a story that my sister told me about recently.

This story started out at my sister's church where she was picking up Mason's little brother, Doc, from daycare.  In what must have been a lapse of stupidity, my sister went inside the church to get Doc and left Mason alone in the car and when she came back, sure enough, Mason was missing.  Well, she heads back inside to see where Mason could have gone and was walking down a hallway that is adjacent with a small courtyard when she found Mason.  Unfortunately, just as she was about to head inside the courtyard, Mason suddenly pulled down his pants and started to take a leak in a bush.  Now there is nothing strange about Mason taking a leak in public, however, this particular bush was right beside the window to a church conference room that was currently holding a meeting and to my sister's horror, everyone in that meeting just so happened to notice Mason, too.  After finishing, Mason waved at everybody in the conference room, ran back inside, and announced he was ready to go.  Luckily for my sister, pretty much everybody in that conference room knew who Mason was and laughed it off.  As for my sister, you would think that she would have learned her lesson by now to not leave Mason alone or bad/funny things will most definitely happen.  And by the way, Mason turned 6 this week and do you know what he asked for for his birthday?  A machine gun.  He has Batman villain written all over him.

"Here is Mason and his brothers at Halloween, they dressed up as the Duck Dynasty guys."

Don't Update Things That Don't Change

One of my pet peeves is when you get an update from any medium about something that has not actually updated.

Example:  ESPN breaking news update:  "Nick Saban is continuing to coach Alabama."

No shit, that is just the status quo.  He gets paid as much as pros and is treated like a king AND just won a championship.  I bet Notre Dame has a football team next year, too.  Let's start the breaking news sounder when there is actually new news.  Maybe we can create a stopwatch sounder for non-news that is not breaking.

I got on this rant after seeing yet another article form Yahoo! about the richest zip codes in America.  That reminded me of an article from a few weeks ago about the richest cities in America.  That reminded me of  an older article about the richest counties in America.  That reminded me of an even older article about the richest neighborhoods in America.  Affluent places or home values do not change very fast.  This is a good article every three years and then only if something changed drastically.  No one is in awe over the fact that the top 5 richest cities are in California or that the top two zip codes swapped spots because Mark Zuckerberg decided to expand his mansion across city lines.

"SEC - good at football.  Bad at life."

Weekly Picks of the Week - Recap

Well, the official end of the college football season came to a close on Monday night when Alabama slapped Notre Dame around like they were a drunken Irishman beating his wife.  And with the season over, I wanted to get a couple final notes off my chest before next fall:

-I would say that my picks were pretty good considering I finished the regular season with an overall winning record of 49-38.  However, when it came to picking bowl games, I was fucking terrible and went 3-10-1.  The good news is that I had my first push of the season.  Also, before the bowl games even started I told you guys that picking those glorified exhibition games is hopeless and then proved that hypothesis correct.

-Congratulations to Alabama for winning their third championship in four years, but this officially means that every fan other than Alabama fans (and fans of crappy SEC teams) now hates them.  They have now become the Yankees of college football.  Some Bama fans will love it because that means they are winners and people are just jealous of their success, but in reality, people will dislike them because success will go to their heads and they will probably become arrogant dicks, you know, like every fan of an SEC already is.

-Speaking of the National Championship, can someone please tell me why ESPN thought showing the overall record between Alabama and Notre Dame was relevant to last Monday's game?  It's great and all that Notre Dame is 5-1 all-time against Alabama, but they haven't played each other since 1987.  That means that none of the players on either team had even been born when that game was played.  So, how does Notre Dame beating Alabama over two decades ago seem pertinent to their recent matchup?  It doesn't.

-Lastly, I have one prediction for next season.  College GameDay will be in Clemson the first weekend of next season for the Top 10 matchup between Georgia and Clemson which will result in some great signs for me to pick from for my next Funniest GameDay Sign selection.  See ya next season, college football fans.

Regular Season Results: 49-38
Bowl Results: 3-10-1

"This is Alabama's QB's girlfriend.  I think I chose the wrong profession."

Rookie Performance v. Rookie Salary Cap

This football season we are seeing a lot of rookie quarterbacks succeeding in the NFL and a couple of them have even put their teams in the playoffs.  You can say the same thing about last season's rookie class when Cam Newton put up one of the, if not the, greatest seasons for a rookie QB in NFL history.  Before the past two seasons, rookies put up some decent numbers but nothing like we are seeing recently.  But why?  You could say that it is because the players coming into today's league are more mature and ready to succeed right away.  You could say that this is just a fluke and next year's class will fall flat on their ass when they enter the league.  But I think I have a simpler explanation.

Two years ago, the NFL implemented a new rookie wage scale that greatly reduced the amount of money a high draft pick could earn with their first contract and that is the reason we are seeing the new rookies' performances rise.  But why exactly?  Well, because immature 20 year olds are no longer being paid obscene amounts of money and can now focus on football and not swimming in their money vaults like Scrooge McDuck.  Sure, these guys are still making a ton of money, but it is far less than what they would have made before the new rookie wage cap.  For example, the year before they put the rookie wage scale in place (2010), the number one pick overall, Sam Bradford, got a 6-year/$78 million contract that guaranteed he would get $50 million even if he was cut or injured on the first play of his career.  That is an obscene amount of money and was more money than every QB in the league was making at the time except for Peyton Manning.  Then in 2011, Cam Newton was drafted first overall and because of the new rookie wage scale, his contract was only worth $22 million over four years.  In other words, his first contract was less than half of the previous year's first pick's guaranteed cash.  And yes, Cam is still making a lot of money, but is a third less than what he could have made if he was drafted one year earlier.

Basically, what I'm trying to say is that there is a direct correlation between the new rookie wage scale and recent rookie QB performance.  Before Cam Newton and Andrew Luck were picked first overall, the first pick in the four previous drafts were Sam Bradford (had one half decent year), Matthew Stafford (only good when he is healthy which seems rare), Jake Long (he's been good but playing offensive line isn't as tough as QB), and JaMarcus Russell (biggest flop of all-time).  And sure, a couple of the high draft picks have been good over the years, but the rookie contracts had ballooned out of control only very recently and personally, I think it was about time they put a clamp on the ridiculous amount of money they were dishing out to unproven rookies.  Think about what I said earlier, Sam Bradford got a larger contract than all but one of the current starting quarterbacks in the league and he had yet to play a single down in the NFL.  How does that possibly make sense?  Those incoming rookies were making more than veterans who had proven that they can make it in the league and it took this long to finally fix that oversight?  Sure, the NFL makes billions in profit each year, but you would think that it would make more business sense in investing that money in your current players instead of guys you drafted in hopes that they were good enough to even cut it in your violent league.  I got way off topic there, but I think you see what I'm trying to say and if not, well, tough titties.

"Also, getting less money means it's okay to grow wicked neck beards."

NOKW - The Truman Show

Here comes the next chapter in our "I'm Okay With, I'm Not Okay With" series (if you don't know what this is, click here for all of the past posts):

Movie:  The Truman Show

Basic Plot:  A dude unknowingly has his ENTIRE life filmed 24/7 and it is broadcast as reality television, but he eventually figures it out and escapes.

I'm Okay With:  The fact that people thought watching a normal guy doing everyday stuff was good TV.  The fact that holding a person against his will and filming him without consent didn't get the creators of The Truman Show instantly arrested.  The fact that it took Truman 30 years to figure out that something was really strange about his life and that everyone around him was acting.  The fact that the creators of the show were able to keep Truman in his town for so long without him becoming suspicious.  The fact that more people didn't try and put a stop to this insane experiment of a TV show.  The fact that the creator of the show actually tried to kill Truman on live TV and probably will not be arrested for his attempted murder.  The fact that his life will be way worse off by leaving his fake life because he will be the most recognizable person on the planet and will never get a moment's peace like he would have if he stayed on the show.

I'm Not Okay With:  The fact that there is no way that the creators of the show will ever be able to recoup the cost of Truman's fake town.  The creators of the show literally built an entire town called Seahaven and put it in a massive dome that can be seen from space.  The town and dome alone had to have cost billions and on top of that, they have the technology to control the weather which can't be cheap.  And sure, the show is on the air for 30 years, so maybe they would be able to get back their investment through advertisements, but think about the other costs that go into the show.  Each person in that entire town is an actor and therefore that is an entire town's worth of people who they have to pay a yearly salary.  Then there are the maintenance costs for each building and what about the security of making sure people did not try and sneak into a structure that is so large that you can see it from the International Space Station.  Add all that up and I have no idea how this show even got past the budgeting stage of pre-production.  I am not okay with that.

"That's just his street and that alone would cost a lot, but they built a town in a bubble that can be seen from fucking outer-space and that would cost billions."

Stupid State Laws - Minnesota

Here comes another post about a state law that still exists on the books and why it is ridiculous (to see them all, click here):

Minnesota

"Citizens may not enter Wisconsin with a chicken on their head."
and
"A person may not cross state lines with a duck atop his head."

I had to include both of those laws because they are so similar and because they are both equally ridiculous.  I guess the first question is - why would anyone want or need to walk around with a duck or chicken on their head?  Was that an old-timey fashion statement that thankfully didn't catch on?  Seriously, what in the hell would possess someone to think "Hey, you know what would work better than a hat?  A duck!"?  On top of that, how do you even get the chicken or duck to stay up there?  It's not like it's the flattest of surfaces and you will be walking around so it will be next to impossible for it to sit still without ripping out half of your hair.  In fact, I think the state of Minnesota was on to something.  They said to themselves "This stupidity of people with ducks on their heads has to stop, let's make a law that you can't do it anymore in our great state".  I applaud you, Minnesota.

"Now go forth in the world, new graduate of Duck on your Head University.  And remember to always wear this duck on your head.....except in Minnesota, they are our sworn enemies and will throw you in jail just for our beliefs."

NFL Awesome Picks Spectacular - Playoffs Week 1

Because we here at Brainfarts love us some football, we decided that we would not only be doing college football picks each week, but we would also be doing some NFL picks, too. So, here is where I make my NAPS (NFL Awesome Picks Spectacular):

Picks are in red

All lines are provided by Sportsbook.ag

Cincinnati Bengals (+4.5) at Houston Texans (UNDER 43)

Saturday 4:30

- The Bengals defense has been on fire in the second half of the year.  They are the number one pass defense in the NFL over that span.  The Texans are struggling coming into the playoffs and their bread and butter, Foster, seems to be off.  This game should be a defensive battle that I think the Bengals can win outright but we will take the 4.5.

Minnesota Vikings at Green Bay Packers (-8) (OVER 46)

Saturday 8:00

- The Pack get Cobb back to boost the offense and even in the bitter cold, Rodgers should lead the offense to victory.  The Vikings have played well but there just isn't enough behind Peterson.  Of all the playoff QBs I would worry about in the playoffs, Ponder is number one.

Indianapolis Colts at Baltimore Ravens (-7) (OVER 47)

Sunday 1:00

- The Ravens are flying under the radar for the playoffs but they have a great RB and a solid team around him.  That is usually the recipe for playoff success especially against a rookie quarterback that struggles away from home.  Luck will try to back-door cover but Ray Rice will salt the game away with a late TD.

Seattle Seahawks (-3) at Washington Redskins (UNDER 46)
Sunday 4:30

- RG3 has been great this year, but he is still a little limited by his leg injury and has not beaten a lot of great defenses.  The Hawks are one of the most solid teams on both sides of the ball.  Their defense is getting back their top corner back and has been smothering against the run.  On offense, Wilson has been better than RG3 the last month and has done it through the air while leaning on Lynch for the ground game.  It has been a nice story for the Redskins this year but I see a double digit victory for Seattle in this one.

Last Week's Results: 3-3

Season Results: 36-42-2