The Insurance Scam*

I don't know what the star is in the title of this post is for - I feel like I see it more and more on blogs and news organizations but I cannot figure out what it means when others do it either; but I am a sheep so I will follow.  Now to business.

Insurance as a broad thing is kind of a scam.  On paper it sounds good.  If something devastating happened to my health/house/car and I had to fix/replace them there is no way I would be able to afford it so I will pay a smallish (kind of) sum and if the devastating even happens, you pay for it.  Perfect.  It is really when you get into that sum as well as your responsibility where things get fishy.

Before we get into the meat of insurance, some is necessary.  For the sake of the discussion, the three items below are deemed necessary insurance:

1. Health. Medical care gets crazy expensive and I am pretty sure Obama isn't going to fix that.  Until it gets cheaper no one can afford medical coverage if you got cancer or something very bad.
2. When you could cost others money.  This is where car insurance needs to happen.  You should only have to pay insurance to cover the other person's car.  It wouldn't be fair to have to pay for something that isn't your fault.
3. When you couldn't pay for it ever.  This would be mainly home insurance.  You should have home insurance because you will probably never be able to absorb losing a home.

Now, let's take responsibility.  You should not own things past what you can afford to replace.  Before you get pissed here is the key thing to remember - you are not entitled to the exact thing you just had.  If you drive a $30,000 car and you wreck it you need another car that works, not another $30,000 car.  If YOU broke something then YOU should replace it.  People fall into the trap of having the nicer things which can be OK if you plan for buying them.  By doing your homework and the buying a nicer product the product is insurance in itself.  If you buy something you know is reliable then it is not going be as likely to break therefore it wont be necessary to have insurance for that item. This also brings in product defectiveness.  Why should I buy insurance on something so that if it breaks in six months I get my money back?  Are we in Taiwan!?!?  Companies should, and for the most part do, back their products.  Use the warranty instead of buying insurance on stuff like TVs and computers - really anything smaller than a car.

Now to the cost.  You pay A LOT in insurance if you have a house and a car.  There are other things you might get insured as well.  Typically on smaller electronics, the insurance is a third the cost of the product and since the warranty from the manufacturer is good for at least a year, you are buying insurance to bet against your product breaking after one year and before the insurance expires.  Insurance with this high of a cost makes NO sense.  Never do it - the math does not add up.  If your stuff keeps breaking try a different manufacturer.  This can apply to larger items as well so do some math first.  If you have a monthly payment on an item of $1000 a month it is really hard to justify a few hundred dollar home insurance - especially if you have equity in it.  It may be better to save that money that would have gone to insurance as a down payment on a new version of the item.

Be careful with insurance and make sure you really need it.  There is a reason they call them snake oil salesmen.

"I Googled 'sexy insurance' and sadly, this is the best the insurance industry can offer."

Movie Sequels, Prequels, And More - Part 6

Another look at Hollywood's hilarious concept of upcoming movies, meaning that they have run out of ideas and they can only come up with another round of prequels, sequels, and remakes and nothing original:

• How To Train Your Dragon 2 - This is the first of many animated sequels in this list and proves that Hollywood is out of ideas and that parents will do anything to shut their kids up for a couple of hours.
• James Bond 24 - This one is pretty obvious and I will be interested to see where it goes now that Voldemort is M and they introduced a Money Penny at the end of the last movie.  I like Daniel Craig as James Bond, so this one will be pretty good.
• Jurassic Park 4 - The good news is that we are getting another Jurassic Park and dinosaurs are awesome.  The bad news is that Steven Spielberg will not be directing it.  Then again, he did direct the second movie and that one sucked balls.
• Avatar 2 - Can a sequel to this movie possibly be as successful as the last one (number 1 all-time highest grossing movie)?  Probably not, but I will be interested to see where they go with the story in the sequel.
• Popeye - Did anybody see the Robin Williams live-action movie that came out in the 80's?  It was horrible.  Plus, is anyone still alive that enjoyed Popeye in his prime?
• Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon 2 - Wow.  The first Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon came out 13 years ago (I looked it up), so what makes them think making a sequel now would be a good idea?
• Timecop - Remember this movie?  Jean-Claude Van Damme traveling back in time for some reason.  And as everyone knows, rebooting a JCVD movie makes perfect sense....in opposite world.
• Terminator Reboot - This is either a reboot or a sequel to the third movie (you know, the one with the hot chick terminator).  In any case, James Cameron is set to write it so it might not be that bad.  Then again, look at that picture below because Arnold Schwarzenegger is set to star in it again.  Also, it supposed to be set before Sarah Conner's birth and have Arnold fight The Rock.  Yikes.
• Smurfs 3 - Come on kids, stop going to see these things because they don't deserve to exist, let alone have three of them.
• Taken 3 - Liam Neeson is making $20 million to make this thing.  Since when has he been worth 20 million dollars?  And are the Taken movies doing well enough to garner that kind of payday for the guy?
• Kung Fu Panda 3 - Yup, another movie about an animated panda and his pals doing kung fu.  That's exactly what the world needs.
• Prometheus 2 - (Spoiler Alert) Only two characters survived the first film and one of them was a robot, so where could this plot possibly be going?  The first movie was confusing enough already and I don't think a second one will clear anything up.
• Snow White and the Huntsman 2 - I actually saw the first one and if it weren't for Kristin Stewart's terrible acting (she really is awful) that movie might not have been that bad.  Plus, isn't this the movie that created that whole Kristin Stewart banging the married director thing?  Is putting those two on the same set again such a good idea?
• WarGames - Okay, finally a movie I might actually go see on this list (other than Avatar 2).  Wait, I take that back.  The first movie involved nuclear missiles and the Cold War, I don't see an updated version of this movie having a good enough premise to be worth making.  Nice try, Hollywood, but you continue to baffle me with your decision-making.
• Independence Day 2 - Yeah, this blew my mind when I heard about it and of all of these movies, this thing actually has some potential to be pretty good.  In fact, this is the first of two sequels set to come out in the near future.  Then again, Will Smith will probably be in it and his last few movies have sucked pretty hard.

"Terminator 4: Bitch Tits"

NOKW - Any Given Sunday

Here comes the next chapter in our "I'm Okay With, I'm Not Okay With" series (if you don't know what this is, click here for all of the past posts):

Movie:  Any Given Sunday

Basic Plot:  We follow the playoff push of the fictional Miami Sharks led by quarterback Django Unchained.  Also, there is a scene where Al Pacino bangs Jessie Saprano from Saved By The Bell.

I'm Okay With:  The fact that for a movie with such a ridiculous cast this thing was really really mediocre.  The fact that I was shocked at how well Lawrence Taylor acted in this movie, then again acting like a football player with a bunch of concussions probably wasn't that big of a stretch for him.  The fact that the third-string quarterback was clearly better than the back-up and nobody on the team seemed to notice this.  The fact that Willie Beamen was calling his own plays, told not to, proceeded to keep doing it, and nothing came of this.  The fact that a player had an alligator in the locker room.  The fact that a player chainsawed a car in half and nobody was killed over such an act.  The fact that the team doctor blatantly ignored that one of the players was one hit away from dying and even continued to let him play just because that player asked him nicely.  The fact that Al Pacino not only doesn't re-sign with a team he just took to the playoffs, but instead becomes the coach of an expansion team that will suck for years to come and steals his former team's best player and everyone seems fine with that.

I'm Not Okay With:  The fact that Willie Beamen got a music video after only playing in two games for the Sharks.  Two games?!?  The 1985 Chicago Bears had to win a Super Bowl to get a music video (the greatest football-themed music video ever) and Willie "Steamin'" Beamen got one after two games and he didn't even start one of them.  Hell, Tim Tebow was a media god and he didn't get a music video after leading his team to a playoff win (needless to say, Tebow didn't win that game as much as Pittsburgh gave it to him).  Now, I will say that Willie's video (seen below) is pretty awesome, but in what universe do people start producing a thing like that for a player that in all reality is probably just a flash in a pan.  He was the third-string quarterback for a reason.  I could see Willie getting a couple of endorsement deals for putting the Sharks in a position to make the playoffs, but probably not until after they actually made the playoffs and I certainly don't see him getting a music video even if he did make the playoffs.  I am not okay with that.

Stupid State Laws - South Carolina

Here comes another post about a state law that still exists on the books and why it is ridiculous (to see them all, click here):

South Carolina

"It is perfectly legal to beat your wife on the court house steps on Sundays."

An oldie but a goldie.  If I owned a time machine I would first go back to when dinosaurs roamed the Earth and capture myself a new pet stegosaurus.  But after that, I would go back in time to when people actually used this law to their advantage just to see if crowds gathered on Sundays at the court house to watch the wife beatin' show.  This really is hilarious only because it shows you how stupid people were not that long ago.  Also, I really want to know if this was the only time and place it was legal to beat your wife.  For example, would a husband (we'll call him Colonel Mustard) be arrested if he beat his wife (we'll say with a candlestick) on a Tuesday in his house (we'll say it was in the parlor room)?  Or what if Colonel Mustard beat his wife on a Sunday but didn't quite make it all the way to the court house steps before he started swinging?  I feel like these are some really legitimate questions that need answers immediately.

"It goes without saying that if this was your wife, this does not apply to you b/c beating her would end poorly for you.  Also, how many of our Southern readers instantly made this their desktop picture?"

Saturday's Video of Saturday

Here is our weekly funny video post.  Let's see what we got for you guys:

Set up:  Lots of people make videos by fitting a bunch of different video clips together.  It's kind of like the modern magazine letter ransom note.  This one takes that to a whole new level:

Summary:  Wow.  The amount of material sifted through and cut is amazing.  This is the Rube Goldberg of YouTube videos - so much work for such a small payoff, but you cant help but appreciate the effort.  Well done.

Golf Balls and Dogs

I was playing golf the other day and came to a realization - the things I tend to say/yell at my golf ball sound eerily familiar to things I would also say/yell to my dog.  So, let's explore these sayings with a fun list I compiled with the help of a couple of friends:

• "Sit" - We'll start off with an obvious one.  You probably say this to your dog on a daily basis and if you watch golf on TV, you hear Tiger say this all the time (that and he loves to drop F-Bombs).
• "Go" - Whether you are telling your golf ball to go or trying to get your dog to get out of the way, you definitely have said this to both.
• "Get Down" - Is your dog on the couch and shouldn't be?  Did you hit your ball a lot further than you wanted to?  Then saying 'Get Down' will work....only on the dog.
• "Don't Go That Way/Where Are You Going" - I seem to be saying this all the time when I hit a golf ball and how often are you yelling this at your dog when it is running off?
• "Damn It, What Are You Doing" - You find your dog licking its own vomit or running around with a sock on its head and this saying is definitely said.  As for your golf ball, you hit a putt and it goes the opposite way you thought it would and say this all the time.
• "Settle" - Your ball hits the green and won't stop rolling or your dog keeps jumping on a guest, saying this seems to do the trick....once again, only for your dog.
• "Get In the Hole" - This one is obvious for your golf ball, but only applies if you happen to have a huntin' dog and want it to go after a rabbit or something.
• "Stay Out of the Sand/Water" - I took my dog for a walk once and she chased after some geese to the side of pond and stopped at the edge, but then she suddenly just jumped in which was weird because she hates taking baths.  I yelled this, but it didn't really help at that point.  And it goes without saying why you would yell this at a golf ball.
• Bonus: "Rough/Ruff" - My buddy Ned suggested this one and it took me a second to figure out what he was trying to say.  But I guess if you have ever tried to talk to your dog in its language then you have probably said this and the golf side of it is pretty obvious.

"Damn it, Rex.  This is the last time I take you golfing.  When I said "Go", I meant the ball not you."

Random Movie Trivia - The Matrix

Here is the next edition in our weekly Random Movie Trivia post.  Enjoy:

The Matrix

• Nicolas Cage turned down the role of Neo because of family commitments.  Tom Cruise and Leonardo DiCaprio were also considered for the part and Will Smith turned it down to star in Wild Wild West.  Think about that a moment.  It is hilarious.  Oddly enough, Keanu Reeves was amazing in this movie and probably the best choice of any of those actors.  That will never be said again.
• The directors' first choice to play Neo was Johnny Depp, but he declined.  The studio wanted either Brad Pitt or Val Kilmer and both of them said no.  In the end it came down to Depp and Reeves and Keanu nailed his audition and they went with him.
• Carrie-Anne Moss (Trinity) twisted her ankle during shooting but didn't tell anyone because she was afraid the part would be re-cast.
• Gary Oldman and Samuel L. Jackson were considered for the role of Morpheus.
• The glyphs on the computer screen representing The Matrix consisted of reversed numbers, letters, and Japanese katakana characters.
• Jean Reno (The Professional) was approached to play Agent Smith, but turned it down for a part in Godzilla.  That makes two actors who turned down a part in this movie to be in another terrible terrible movie.
• The filming of the helicopter scene nearly caused production to be shut down because they flew the chopper through restricted Sydney airspace.  They actually had to get the law changed in order to continue filming.
• Gillian Anderson (aka Agent Scully from the X-Files) turned down the part of Trinity.
• Neo is often referred to as the "One" which is an anagram of Neo.
• By 2002, three years after the movie came out, 20 movies had already spoofed the slow motion bullet scene.
• The Wachowski brothers (the directors) approached Warner Brothers with this movie who balked at their budget request of $80 million.  Instead, they gave the Wachowskis $10 million who blew all of that on the opening scene with Trinity fleeing from some agents.  They took that back to Warner Brothers who loved it and gave them the rest of the money they needed to finish the movie.
• According to an inscription on the Nebuchadnezzar's core, the ship was "Made in the USA" in the year 2069.
• Neo/Thomas Anderson's character wakes up 7 times over the course of the film.
• On the first day of filming, Hugo Weaving (Agent Smith) suffered an injury that required he get a polyp removed from his leg.  In order for his part not to be re-cast, they delayed all of his fight scenes to be shot towards the end of filming so that he could be in the movie.

"I still don't know how the people in this movie said they could look at this and see what was happening.  It's just random characters moving really really fast on a screen."

She's All That - Career Launching Pad

We here at Brainfart Thoughts have established the Greatest Movie Cast Ever, but I want to submit She's All That for one of the better career-launching movies of all time.  If anything the casting director should never go without work as long as they live.  Here are some of the cast of the film, which actually was #1 at the box office!!!

• Freddie Prinze Jr. - He was fairly famous already but this was his first leading part.  His career didn't exactly take off after this but he did land several more movies as the lead and even had a TV series called Freddie.  Also, that is the actual spelling of his last name - who knew?
• Rachael Leigh Cook - She also didn't take off after this but she has had steady work since She's All That.  She was basically unknown before the movie.  Who would have thought that just taking glasses and overalls off of a girl could make them so hot?
• Matthew Lillard - This was his first big role after Scream.  He went on to do a lot of bit roles as well as a million Scooby-Doo movies and TV voice overs.  Bonus not - he has a short film coming out called Blow Me that I am sure the whole family will enjoy.
• Paul Walker - He was a TV guy until She's All That and Varsity Blues came out the same year. Since then he has gone on to star in one of the most lucrative franchises in move history - the Fast & Furious series (you disappoint me, America)
• Anna Paquin - This is one of her first movies (other than the one where she one an Oscar when she was super young).  After awhile of doing some smaller roles she landed the lead in HBO's absurdly successful True Blood.
• Gabrielle Union - This was her first movie; a change from being a bit part actress on TV.  Now she has been in several movies and dates three-time NBA champion Dwayne Wade.
• Dulé Hill - He was the token black guy in the movie who parlayed this into being the main character in two very long running TV shows - Psyched and The West Wing.  Bonus fact - his first role on IMDB was in a movie called The River Pirates in which he played Robert E. Lee!

Great job casting Robin Ray (who turned evil and cast Resident Evil and Children of the Corn 666) and Ed Mitchell (who also cast Chairman of the Board - yikes).  We are all very thankful that you could bring us this coming of age film and spark much of the plot for the spoof Not Another Teen Movie.  One more fun fact - on IMDB Not Another Teen Movie got a 5.5/10 while Shes All That got a 5.6/10 - so close.

The Next Batman

The Dark Knight Trilogy wrapped up last summer and The Dark Knight Rises came on HBO recently which got me to thinking.  We all know that they are going to make more Batman movies, it's inevitable, that franchise makes way too much money not to make more.  Plus they are making a Justice League movie and the Justice League wouldn't be complete without Batman.  So, I decided to make a list of some actors who I think could fill the cape and cowl.  Some of the guys I picked I thought might fill the role of Bruce Wayne really well, some I thought would make a great Batman, a couple of these guys will make a great combo of both, and some I picked just because I like those actors.  So, let's see what I got:

• Josh Holloway - You all remember Josh, he played Sawyer on Lost.  While I don't think he would make the best choice for Batman, I think he would make an interesting choice.  Plus, how is this guy not getting more work, he was great on Lost.
• Armie Hammer - The new Lone Ranger was actually cast to play Batman in a Justice League movie set to come out a couple of years ago, so you know he has the potential.  He has the look and if The Lone Ranger is any good, maybe he could get the part in the future.
• Idris Elba - I know, I know, he's black, but you have to admit he is the man.  He has a large range as an actor and I think he would be great as Batman if given the chance.  Too bad the internet would implode if he was cast.
• Karl Urban - If it wasn't for the fact that he seems to star in a lot of crappy movies (Doom, Dredd, The Chronicles of Riddick), he is awesome as Bones in the Star Trek reboot.  And based on his performance as the Russian assassin in the second Bourne movie, you know he can kick some ass as Batman.
• Ryan Gosling - If it weren't for the fact that he might be too "pretty" for the part, I think he would do a good job as Batman.  Plus, you have to see this video of him breaking up a fight on the streets of New York.  That has to give him some bonus points in his audition.
• Michael Fassbender - The new Magneto is a great actor.  He has the look and if he could figure out a way to sound not so foreign, he has a shot at being the new Batman.
• Matt Bomer - Matt's biggest role to date is on the USA show White Collar and I actually enjoy that show for some reason.  Would he make a good Batman?  Maybe, but I would have to see him kick some ass in another movie before I could answer that question with any confidence.
• Bradley Cooper - While some people will say, "No way, he's too pretty and would be terrible as Batman".  I would say, "Well, maybe but you have to admit that he could pull it off".  
• Joe Manganiello - You know him as the werewolf Alcide on True Blood and I love this guy.  I don't think he would be at the top of the list for a new Batman movie, but he should definitely be considered.  Plus, he does an incredible Randy "Macho Man" Savage impression.
• Jon Hamm - Hammbone (that's what I call him) would make the perfect Bruce Wayne, however, I feel like he would fall into Clooney territory as Batman.  Just not physical enough.
• (Bonus Pick) Brandon Lee - I know this would be impossible, but I watched The Crow recently and I felt like that movie was the perfect audition to play the Caped Crusader.  Brandon Lee would have been at the top of my list if not for his unfortunate death.

Sadly, none of these guys would be able to touch Christian Bale's take on Batman and that's the problem.  Bale was so good that he may have ruined it for the rest of these guys.  The only way someone can play Batman and successfully pull it off is if they put the franchise on hold for a decade or so and let The Dark Knight trilogy be a past memory by the time they make some new movies.  However, we all know that's not going to happen and someone will be cast in the next couple of years and that person has about a zero percent chance of living up to the expectations after seeing the Dark Knight Trilogy.  Let's just hope that the person they do cast doesn't "Pull a Clooney" and kills the franchise completely....again.  (By the way, my pick out of all of those guys is the black British guy.  Idris Elba is too good of an actor not to be a great Batman).

"A man seeking revenge for the death of love ones?  Check.  Can kick ass?  Check.  Has a winged animal theme?  Check. What more do you want?  It really is a shame that he died so young."

NOKW - Star Wars 2

Here comes the next chapter in our "I'm Okay With, I'm Not Okay With" series (if you don't know what this is, click here for all of the past posts):

Movie:  Star Wars: Episode II - Attack of the Clones

Basic Plot:  Good question.  Well, some clones attack, kind of, and Anakin Skywalker is all grown up but still an apprentice.  Also, Yoda has a fight scene for some reason.

I'm Okay With:  The fact that after the train wreck that was The Phantom Menace this movie really wasn't that much better.  The fact that a bounty hunter hired another bounty hunter to try and kill Natalie Portman when he could have just done it himself.  The fact that Anakin jumped out of a flying car, fell hundreds of feet, landed on another fast-moving flying car, and somehow didn't die.  The fact that the Jedi Council thought it would be a good idea to send their young Jedi apprentice to guard a hot young former queen in an isolated place without thinking that maybe that wouldn't result in any hanky panky.  The fact that the cloning aliens cloning facility is located on a planet covered in nothing but water and stormy weather and somehow thought that this business model would result in business.  The fact that cloning thousands of kids to be trained in nothing but combat is not considered highly illegal.  The fact that I really wanted to punch young Boba Fett in the face for being so annoying.  The fact that the bad guys capture two Jedi and a member of the Senate, sentence them to death by fighting giant monsters, and thought they would get away with it.  The fact that Yoda is surprisingly skilled with a lightsaber.

I'm Not Okay With:  The fact that whoever was behind the cloning project picked a bounty hunter as their cloning model and not a badass Jedi.  A bounty hunter wouldn't be a bad idea considering they are decent fighters and probably lack empathy, but wouldn't you want a much more badass person to clone for your army?  Wouldn't a Jedi make much more sense?  Not only are they trained to wield arguably the most badass weapon in existence, but you would also have an entire army that can throw their enemy across the battlefield with their minds.  On top of that, if you pick the right Jedi you know that guy is ten times more intelligent than Jango Fett.  Come on, the telekinesis thing alone should have been reason enough to pick a Jedi over a stupid bounty hunter any day of the week.  But no, they choose Jango Fett.  I am not okay with that.

"Anyone who purposely dresses like that cannot possibly be trustworthy."

Stupid State Laws - Rhode Island 4

Here comes another post about a state law that still exists on the books and why it is ridiculous (to see them all, click here):

Rhode Island

"Riding a horse over any public highway for the purpose of racing, or testing the speed of the horse is illegal.  Penalty: Maximum $20 fine and imprisonment for 10 days."

Love it.  I can already picture why this law was made and it cracks me up.  Let's say you have a horse that you think is really fast and you are too stupid to realize that you could figure it out with a stopwatch.  Now, what would be your first idea to figuring out how fast your horse might be?  You probably said, "Let's get drunk and race it against your truck and check the speedometer when it hits its top speed".  When that failed, your next thought was probably, "I know, we could take it to one of those 'Check Your Speed' things that cops set up every once in awhile".  Genius.  Now, just imagine when a police car happened upon that.  He either wanted to find out if this stupid plan would work or he started arresting people.  Unfortunately for us, he probably started arresting people and that is why this law exists.  Keep on drinking, Rhode Island, you are creating pure gold.

"I'm confused, Gary.  Do we arrest the horse?  He's breaking the law but he is riderless."
"Uhhhh.....why not."

Saturday's Video of Saturday

Here is our weekly funny video post.  Let's see what we got for you guys:

Set up:  You all know who Sean Bean is, right?  He played 006 in Goldeneye, Boromir in Lord of the Rings, and Ned Stark in Game of Thrones.  And what do those three characters have in common?  Not much other than that Sean Bean died in all of them (oh yeah, spoiler alert if you haven't gotten around to watching Game of Thrones yet).  In fact, other than Vincent Price and Bela Lugosi, Sean Bean has died more than any other actor in a movie or TV show and those two other actors shouldn't count because they only starred in stuff where everyone died all the time anyways.  Sean Bean's characters have died a whopping 24 times and someone was kind enough to make a YouTube video of all of his deaths for us to enjoy.

Summary:  The music in that video is great.  His most badass death was definitely in Lord of the Rings, but my favorite death was the one where he gets knocked off a cliff by cows.  That one made me laugh.

Top 10 Most Awesome TV Characters

I've decided to make another fun list today.  This time I am going to list the Top Ten Most Awesome TV Characters.  What defines "Most Awesome"?  I have no idea either but I made a list about anyways.  After finishing my list, I was surprised to find that more than half of these characters were animated, but then again, cartoon characters are more awesome anyways.  Also, I'm sure I missed an obvious character from this list, so feel free to mock me in the comments for my stupidity.  Let's do this:

• 10) Dexter (Dexter) - A serial killer who kills murderers, rapists, and other serial killers?  That seems pretty awesome to me.  Sadly, the last season of this show kicked off a couple of weeks ago and I'm going to miss ol' Dexter and his hot sister, Deb.
• 9) Sideshow Bob (The Simpsons) - Another psychotic character?  Yes.  Plus, Sideshow Bob has been trying to kill The Simpsons for as long as I feel like this show should have gone off the air.
• 8) Ari Gold (Entourage) - I know a lot of people soured on Entourage towards the end of its run, but Ari Gold was awesome throughout.  How many times did it bring you glee to hear Ari yell at his assistant Lloyd?  Not enough.
• 7) Tyrion Lannister (Game of Thrones) - Having read the books this show is based on I can tell you that Peter Dinklage portrays Tyrion perfectly.  Every time he opens his mouth, it is pure gold (damn it, I should have used that line for Ari Gold).
• 6) Peter Griffin (Family Guy) - I almost went with Stewie here, but Peter really is the glue that pulls this show together.  Plus a fat guy who can bag a hottie like Lois has to be awesome.
• 5) Zack Morris (Saved by the Bell) - The style, the giant cellphone, the fact that he can freeze time, and Kelly Kapowski.  If only my high school had a kid like him in it, life would have been so much more awesome.
• 4) Sterling Archer (Archer) - The star of one of the most underrated shows on TV is the man.  His love of Burt Reynolds, his constant puns, his abuse of his butler, I love it all.
• 3) Randy Marsh (South Park) - Randy's stupidity alone makes him the best character on this show and that's tough to say with Cartman and Butters in the cast.  Just watch the World of Warcraft episode and you will know why he is this high on the list.
• 2) Master Shake (Aqua Teen Hunger Force) - This show comes on late at night on the Cartoon Network, is 15 minutes long, and is really really weird.  However, Master Shake is the man and needs to be recognized for his awesomeness.
• 1) Bender (Futurama) - Come on, who else could it be?  Bender is everything we want to be.  Drunk, lazy, funny, awesome, and a robot.  He is an icon and Futurama's final season just started and he will be sorely missed once that show is gone....again.

"Look at that guy.  You know anyone who rocks an inflatable like that is awesome."

Random Movie Trivia - POTC

Here is the next edition in our weekly Random Movie Trivia post.  Enjoy:

Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl

• Most of the little additions to Captain Jack Sparrow's costume were conceived by Johnny Depp and when the producers saw them, they hated it.  They asked him to do the character as it was written, because they thought his way would ruin the movie and his character portrayal was too "drunk" and "gay".  It looks like Depp knows what the hell he's doing.
• Also, if you didn't already know this, Johnny Depp based his character on aging rocker, Keith Richards, who shows up in the 2nd and 3rd movies.
• One night during a shoot, Keira Knightly, her mom, and the skipper struck a reef and their boat sunk. Although no one was harmed, all night shoots were done in a sound stage after the accident.
• The scene where Orlando Bloom does a Jack Sparrow impersonation was improvised and left in the movie after Bloom asked it to be left in.
• The smoke from the final cannon shot during the siege of Port Royal blossoms into Mickey Mouse's head.
• This was the first successful pirate movie ever made.  Cutthroat Island bombed, Hook under performed, Muppets Treasure Island lost a lot of money, a movie called Pirates starring Walter Matthau sucked, and Disney even released another pirate movie a couple years before POTC called Treasure Planet that failed miserable.  So, it's amazing this movie was even made, let alone made three successful sequels with a fifth movie on the way.  At one point during production, they almost made this a straight-to-DVD movie starring a lesser cast because they were afraid it would fail.
• Micheal Keaton, Jim Carrey, and Christopher Walken were all considered for the role of Captain Jack Sparrow.  If they had gone with any of those three, this movie probably would have bombed like all those movies above.  Robert De Niro was even offered the part but turned it down because he thought this movie would fail.
• Jimmy Buffett was offered a role as a pirate but had to decline due to prior engagements.
• The words "Pirate" and "Piracy" are said 56 times.
• According to the DVD commentary, Will Turner's character is the best swordsmen followed by Barbossa and Norrington being evenly matched and Jack Sparrow being the worst.
• Jude Law, Ewan McGregor, Tobey Maguire, Heath Ledger, and Christian Bale were all considered for the role of Will Turner.  I feel like all but Spider-Man would have done a damned good job with that role.
• Geoffrey Rush (Cpt. Barbossa) has a theory that people look at the movie screen from left to right as if reading a book.  Therefore, he tried to be on the left side of the screen as much as possible especially in scenes with Keira Knightly, otherwise he thought people would never look at him.
• Amanda Bynes and Jessica Alba were considered for the part of Elizabeth Swann.  Yikes and yikes.
• There is a small scab on Jack Sparrow's chin that gets larger and larger throughout the movie.  A makeup artist and Johnny Depp did this as a prank.

"Yummy."

Soccer Danger

The World Cup is coming around in about a year and this edition will be hosted by Brazil.  It seems like a good time.  Brazil has been a soccer powerhouse forever and who wouldn't like spending some time in Rio De Janeiro?  Hold that thought.  There are two major downfalls to going to this event in person - crappy government and crazy people.

When a country that isn't exactly financially well-off takes money from other areas to build a bunch of soccer stadiums, people are going to get pissed.  So far there have been some strikes and a large amount of protests.  Though they haven't been violent yet it probably won't take long until it escalates.  These protests have led to delays in building the stadiums as well as hurrying some to the point that engineers are questioning their structural integrity.  FIFA has even gone so far as to threaten to move some of the games to other locations.  It will be exciting to watch the drama of a soccer match unfold (or nap) in the new stadium all while wondering if the next time you jump could bring the whole thing down.

Then there are the crazy people.  In the much less heralded Confederations Cup finals between Brazil and Spain, police RAN OUT OF TEAR GAS!!!!  How insane is that?  They know that win or lose, people are going to be going nuts.  They have seen how crazy Brazilians are about soccer so you would think they stocked up on riot essentials but still they ran out of tear gas!  Wow - that is as crazy as it gets, right?  Wrong.  Check this story out.  At a local Brazil soccer match - local teams, not the country team mind you - a referee made a questionable call and the player got into a verbal argument with him.  From there it went total Brazil.  The ref pulls out a knife and stabs the player!  WHAT!?!?!  The player died on the way to the hospital.  The article kind of glosses over that detail, but with good reason because it gets much much worse.  In response, while the player is bleeding to death, instead of comforting him or being shocked into stiffness, the fans of the team rush the field and stone the ref to death.  STONE HIM!  Who thinks of that?  What year is it?  Are we in A.D. or B.C.?  Pretty crazy - but we weren't done.  They then proceeded to take the stoned dead referee and quarter him!  That means they cut/pulled him into four pieces!  Holy F#$%!  After that, they took his head and put it on a stake.  This place is like Game of Thrones!  Brazilians equal Lannisters.  Have fun watching the matches with a million King Joffrey's running around.  These are the people that will be at and around the games which are infinitely more important.  Good luck to those who brave these "elements".

I would say this tweet about sums it up:

James Montague @JamesPiotr

"Bye #Brazil, you stole my phone, bankrupted me & filled my eyes & lungs with tear gas, but I still love you. See you in 12 months?"

"If this is a random fan then I will risk collapsing stadiums and being stabbed."

Truly Random Brainfart Thoughts - Part 5

Here comes the next edition of Truly Random Brainfart Thoughts (click here to see the others).  Basically,  these are a bunch of random thoughts that came to mind that I couldn't really expand on and thought I should just make them into list form for your enjoyment.  Here goes:

• Does it drive anyone else crazy when a contestant on Jeopardy! uses the "Category Jumping" strategy to find Daily Doubles and then doesn't actually gamble any money after finding them?  If you are actively trying to find these things, use them properly or stop jumping categories for no reason, you idiots!
• To this day I still don't understand how people in Star Wars knew what the hell R2-D2 was saying when all he could do was make a couple different beeping noises.
• Why could Goofy talk and Pluto couldn't when they were both dogs in the same cartoon?
• Peyton Manning went to the University of Tennessee, a rival of the University of Florida.  So, it's kind of weird that he sponsors Gatorade which was patented at Florida and named for its mascot.
• Where is the worst place to get a zit?  Inside your nose.
• In today's technologically advanced world, what are the odds that Batman would be able to keep his identity a secret when a spy satellite could just follow him wherever he goes?  Hell, I bet a fanboy on the internet could figure it out in a couple of days with only the aid of good ol' fashioned internet research.
• Why do recent movies like The Avengers (and Sharknado) have really quiet dialogue scenes and really loud action scenes?  It's really annoying having to adjust the volume for movies like that every ten minutes.
• You know how people like to combine celebrity couples' names to get a "cute" name like Bennifer or Brangelina?  Well, do that with The Hunger Games' famous couple of Peeta and Katniss and what do you get?  Funny, isn't it?
• In the last Lord of the Rings movie, why would destroying the One Ring cause Sauron's tower to fall? Wouldn't Sauron's Eye just disappear and that would be it?  That tower should still be standing.
• When someone gets their 1 phone call in prison in today's cellphone age, how do they call anyone when no one knows anyone's number without their cellphone?  I can only tell you about one phone number off of the top of my head anymore.
• I always thought that the "DJ" in DJ Squalls (picture below) meant "disc jockey".  It turns out that it is short for Donald Joseph.  Also, did you know that he has lost his virginity 7 times in a movie or TV show?

"You know, this guy."

NOKW - Blade Runner

Here comes the next chapter in our "I'm Okay With, I'm Not Okay With" series (if you don't know what this is, click here for all of the past posts):

Movie:  Blade Runner

Basic Plot:  Han Solo is a cop who hunts down and kills replicants which are robots that are loose on Earth killing people for some reason.

I'm Okay With:  The fact that my my favorite podcast host, Doug Benson, is an extra in the background of the opening scene.  The fact that they hint that Indiana Jones might be a replicant but never answer that question.  The fact that the next part is so baffling that we are just going to skip right to it.....

I'm Not Okay With:  The fact that the Tyrell Corporation would even make robots that tend to kill people so lifelike that it's next to impossible to tell them apart from real humans.  If you have never seen this movie (and I don't blame you, it's kind of slow) then it is about a Blade Runner played by Han Solo whose job it is to hunt down replicants.  Replicants are robots that are outlawed on Earth because after being "alive" for a certain amount of time, they tend to become dangerous and start killing people.  Replicants are also so lifelike that the only way to tell them apart from humans is through a psychological test that reveals that the person/robot taking the test lacks empathy.  My question is - why in the hell did this corporation even make their robots so lifelike to begin with?  It's not like it's going to matter what they look like, they are fucking robots, no one cares what they look like as long as they get their job done.  Sure, the Tyrell Corporation gave replicants a four-year life, but that doesn't solve the bigger problem of not being able to tell if a replicant is a robot to begin with.  I am not okay with that.

"They even make it to where the replicants can bleed.  Why?  There is absolutely no reason for that."

Stupid State Laws - Rhode Island 3

Here comes another post about a state law that still exists on the books and why it is ridiculous (to see them all, click here):

Rhode Island

"Professional sports, except ice polo and hockey, must obtain a license to play games on Sunday."

Dear Rhode Island, you are not Canada.  Ice polo and hockey?  Are you serious?  What in the hell is ice polo anyways?  I had never even heard of ice polo until I read this law.  And when I looked up pictures of the sport, I was even more baffled.  Horses on ice.  That sounds like the most dangerous sport outside of Jai Alai.  And for that matter, how many horses do they go through during a game of ice polo?  They must break legs constantly.  But that's not the point of this post.  Why only ice polo and hockey?  Is Rhode Island even known for their icy conditions?  Sure, it gets pretty cold up there in the winter, but does it cold enough to freeze ever body of water in that tiny state?  I doubt it, but what do I know.  Besides, how popular could those two sports be that they don't require a license to be played on Sundays?  Have they never heard of America's most popular sport - beer pong?  Rhode Island, get your shit together.

"Holy shit, that looks incredible dangerous.  Sign me up."

Saturday's Video Of Saturday

Here is our weekly funny video post.  Let's see what we got for you guys:

Set up:  These guys are amateur comedians with several really funny videos - this is probably my favorite one.

Summary:  I really think the sloth one is funnier than the punchline joke.  You can incorporate the punchline into a lot of jokes.  I would even bust it out if you are telling a story that you realize isn't very good halfway through telling it.  Enjoy!

MLB's Best Prospect Name Ever

Over the years, there have been some awesomely named sports stars like Dick Butkus, Jim Bob Cooter, Lucious Pusey, Dick Trickle, Coco Crisp, Fabian Assman, Dick Pole, Ben Gay, Fair Hooker, I.M. Hipp, and Misty Hyman.  All of those are real people and if anything can be learned from that list, it's that you shouldn't name your kid Dick.  (Side Story - I had a friend in college whose name was Richard Goodenough, in other words, his name was Dick Goodenough and he was damn proud of telling people that.)  However, I recently read about a Chicago Cubs prospect whose name is Rock Shoulders.  Yeah, Rock Shoulders.  How awesome is that!  Sure, his real first name is Roderick, but calling him Rock isn't that far of a stretch and his name might be the most perfect name ever for a baseball player.  I just had to share this guy's name with everyone because it was so awesome.  You're welcome.

"See, I told you this guy actually exists.  He is even already winner awards for being awesomely named."

Random Movie Trivia - The Hangover

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Marlins' New Low

I have written about how bad the Marlins are this year.  Since then they have been a little better but they still hold the worst record in the majors.  I have also written about the low payroll of the Astros.  Now the Marlins have the best of both horrible horrible worlds.

Recently the Marlins traded Ricky Nolasco.  That means that the Marlins now officially have only one good player - Giancarlo Stanton - and he doesn't even want to be there.  Apparently Nolasco was one of Stanton's last friends on the team since everyone else got traded away last year.  The team won't even let him speak to the media because they know whatever he says is going to be bad.  Without Nolasco the Marlins highest paid player on their team is Placido Polanco who is making $2.75 million this season!  Polanco is currently hitting .245 with one home run and 12 RBIs.  Yikes.  Adeiny Hechavarria is also making $2.75 million this season while hitting .230 with two home runs.  To put those top two salaries in perspective the major league average salary is $3.2 million.  This team does have young talent but they will be bad for the next few years.

According to ESPN, the payroll for players currently on the Marlins and not on the DL is just over $17.9 million.  They have a third of the payroll of the team with the third lowest payroll in baseball (Rays).  They have less than 1/12th the payroll of the Yankees!  There are currently 24 players in MLB, 7 players in the NBA, 5 NBA players, and 4 NASCAR drivers that make more than the entire Marlins roster.

"Which is more embarrassing - the MLB Marlins team or this marlin being caught by a dude in a kayak?

AMC Movies Part Two

Here comes Part Two of my list of Movies that AMC is Trying to Pass Off as "Classic" (click here for Part One):

• Reign of Fire (2002) - Did anybody see this movie?  Probably not, but it had Christian Bale, Gerard Butler, and Matthew McConaughey fighting dragons in England.  Not American and definitely not classic.
• The Kingdom (2007) - This thing had Jamie Foxx and Jennifer Garner doing something in Iraq.  I never saw it and neither has anyone else, so what made AMC think anyone could possibly believe it was classic.
• Galaxy Quest (1999) - I love this movie.  It's pretty funny and was the last movie spoof worth watching.  However, it was made in 1999.  Give it another decade or two and then you could pass it off as classic.
• Once Upon A Time In Mexico (2003) - This was apparently the sequel to Despardo.  They added Johnny Depp to the cast, but that didn't make it a good movie.  AMC just continues to make bad decisions and we aren't done yet.
• League of Extraordinary Gentlemen (2003) - Ha!  If not for Batman & Robin, this might have been the worst movie ever made based on a comic book.  You have to be kidding me, AMC.
• The Scorpion King (2002) - The Rock in a The Mummy prequel.  If The Mummy wasn't a classic, what about this movie could possibly be considered classic?
• The Scorpion King 2 (2008) - Just so you know, this movie went straight to video.  Think about that.  Because AMC sure didn't when they decided to air it on their "classic" movie channel.
• The Transporter (2002) - Jason Statham movies can never and will never fall into any category that can be called "classic".  Name one that even comes close.  It's impossible.
• 300 (2006) - Another Gerard Butler movie on this list and another movie that is definitely not a "classic".
• Con Air (1997) - Oh, come on, AMC.  Are you guys even trying?  Did anybody at your office even watch this movie?  Nicolas Cage's hair alone should have disqualified it from airing on a classic movie channel.
• Godzilla (1998) - Could you even consider the original Godzilla a classic?  Maybe and that's a big maybe.  So, what did this piece of shit strike AMC as "classic"?  Was it Matthew Broderick's terrible casting?  Was it the Madison Square Garden fight scene?  Do the producers of this movie have dirty pictures of the AMC president?  I'm going with that last one because it is the only way this movie could ever be considered a "classic".

"Well, I can give Con Air this, that hair sure is classic."

NOKW - Star Trek 2

Here comes the next chapter in our "I'm Okay With, I'm Not Okay With" series (if you don't know what this is, click here for all of the past posts):

Movie:  Star Trek Into Darkness

Basic Plot:  The second movie in the rebooted Star Trek franchise.  This time Captain Kirk and the gang go into darkness, I think.

I'm Okay With:  The fact that Spock survived a volcano explosion while standing inside a volcano that hurled large rocks on the unsuspecting natives.  The fact that I'm still confused as to what the "Into Darkness" part of the title means.  The fact that Starfleet let a super young guy right out of the academy take over as captain and is surrounded by other super young-looking people on the newest ship in the fleet.  The fact that Starfleet can transport themselves anywhere in the universe and yet they still build expensive starships.  The fact that this was basically Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan with more special effects.  The fact that Scotty is the only person on the Enterprise who knew how to restart the ship's power.  The fact that this is technically the exact same Enterprise as the original, but that the radioactive engine room is drastically different than the one in the the original films.  The fact that Starfleet's brand new ship that is bigger, faster, and better armed than the Enterprise is destroyed within a day of its launch and yet Starfleet doesn't go bankrupt.  The fact that Starfleet has some of the worst employee turnover rates in history and people still enlist with only to die a couple weeks later.

I'm Not Okay With:  The fact that during the final fight scene, the Enterprise was beside the moon and then is somehow pulled in by Earth's gravity and not the moon's gravity.  If you saw this movie, you know what I'm talking about.  The Enterprise is attacked by the new supership that Starfleet just built and loses power.  When it loses power, you can very clearly see that it is beside Earth's moon and then they suddenly start getting sucked in by Earth's gravity.  First off, what?  If anything, the Enterprise should have been sucked in by the moon's gravity because it was right beside it.  Next up, not only is the Enterprise sucked in by Earth's gravity, but it is done in a fashion that they arrive in Earth's atmosphere in only a couple of minutes.  Bullshit.  If they were beside the moon and started moving towards Earth at a speed that only Earth's gravity could provide, it would take them many many days to get there, not a couple of minutes.  So, even if they were somehow moving at a speed that would allow them to arrive at Earth in a couple of minutes from the moon, then there is no way that they would just float down through Earth's atmosphere and be able to save themselves before just becoming a large crater on the Earth somewhere.  I am not okay with that.

"I can't get enough of this picture."

Stupid State Laws - Rhode Island 2

Here comes another post about a state law that still exists on the books and why it is ridiculous (to see them all, click here):

Rhode Island

"It is considered an offense to throw pickle juice on a trolley."

I'm confused.  Very confused.  Now, I can understand why throwing pickle juice on anything wouldn't be the nicest thing to do in the world.  But why specifically a trolley?  Why wouldn't you make it an "offense" to throw pickle juice on anything?  Like a building, a car, or a baby.  Wouldn't that make more sense?  On top of that, is Rhode Island known for their trolleys?  When I picture that state a trolley is not the first thing that pops into mind.  In fact, when I think of Rhode Island nothing comes to mind.  Absolutely nothing.  So maybe trolleys are their thing, it's just that they don't advertise it enough.  In any case, this law is ridiculous and Rhode Island should seriously consider changing it to outlaw throwing pickle juice on more than just trolleys.

"I don't care if you're getting married, the law is the law and I am highly offended about your pickle juice throwing shenanigans.  Get off of this trolley at once!"

Saturday's Video Of Saturday

Here is our weekly funny video post.  Let's see what we got for you guys:

Set up:  I saw this clip on ESPN the other day and remembered how funny it was and had to share it with you guys.  The video speaks for itself.

Summary:  Yes, that guy kicked the catcher in the chest and then proceeded to attack anyone who came near him after that.  My favorite part about this video is that the guy who did the kicking is named Izzy.

Robot Chicken Part Three

Part three of our Surprising Actors to Provide Their Voice for Robot Chicken posts.  To see the first two, click here and here.  Let's do this:

• Christopher Lloyd - He did the voice for his character in a Back to the Future spoof twice for this show.  I know the guy doesn't have much to do, but Robot Chicken?  Then again, he did do Piranha 3D.
• Kevin Bacon - I always associate this guy with being a good actor, but what has he done that you could say is a big movie?  Apollo 13?  Mystic River?  X-Men: First Class?  He wasn't the star in any of those.  Maybe it's just that he looks exactly the same today as he did 20 years ago that is throwing me off.
• Megan Fox - She played herself on the show where she owned a shop called Fox's Boxes.  Does that turn anybody else on?
• Bryan Cranston - The star of Breaking Bad seems like a random guy to show up on the set of Robot Chicken.  Then again, he played the father in the TV comedy Malcolm in the Middle, so I guess he likes to delve back into comedy now and then.
• Jeremy Renner - You know him as The Avenger's Hawkeye or the new guy in the Jason Bourne movies.  In other words, he's an action star.  Kind of weird for him to be on this show.
• George Lucas - I know he doesn't have much to do now that he sold Star Wars, but doing a voice on Robot Chicken is a random as hell thing to do with his time off.
• Carrie Fisher - It's not that I'm surprised she went on this show, it's that she got out of rehab long enough to do anything, let alone a show about fart jokes.
• Jim Hanks - No, not Tom Hanks, but Jim Hanks, Tom's younger brother.  He went on the show to provide the voice of Forrest Gump.  I mean, I guess they sound alike, but couldn't anybody do Forrest's voice, it's pretty easy to imitate.
• Jon Hamm - This guy is the man.  Just watch this video, it's hilarious.
• Zac Efron - Does this guy even do movies anymore?  I feel like he hasn't done anything in awhile.  Then again, I wouldn't watch anything he was in anyways, so maybe he is doing stuff all the time.

"That's supposedly Megan Fox.  It kind of looks like her, but who cares, that picture is sexy."

Random Movie Trivia - Star Trek

Here is the next edition in our weekly Random Movie Trivia post.  Enjoy:

Star Trek (2009)

• In an interview, Matt Damon said that he called director J.J. Abrams about the role of Captain Kirk.  Abrams said "no" because he said Damon was "too old".
• Joshua Jackson, Mike Vogel, and Chris Hemsworth were all considered for the role of Captain Kirk. Hemsworth didn't get the role, but he did go on to play Captain Kirk's dad in the opening scene.
• This was Leonard Nimoy's first live-action role in a movie since 1991's Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country.  This was also the first movie Tyler Perry ever did outside of his own stupid movies.
• Russell Crowe was J.J. Abram's first choice for the role of Nero, but he turned it down and Abrams went with his second choice, Eric Bana.
• Majel Barrett, Star Trek creator Gene Roddenberry's wife, was the voice of the Enterprise's computer.
• Christopher Doohan, the son of the late James Doohan (the original Scotty) plays Simon Pegg's (the new Scotty) assistant in the movie.
• Adrien Brody was considered for the part of Spock.
• To prepare for the role of Captain Kirk, Chris Pine watched old episodes and read Star Trek encyclopedias.  He based his performance on a mix of Maverick from Top Gun, Han Solo, and Indiana Jones, characters he thought matched the antihero that was Captain Kirk.
• James Marsden (aka Cyclops) and Gary Sinise (aka Lt. Dan) were considered for the role of Bones.  However, Karl Urban nailed his audition and was cast right after he tried out.
• Nichelle Nichols, who played Uhura in the original, almost made a cameo as the new Uhura's (Zoe Saldana) grandmother.
• Winona Ryder plays Spock's mother, however, she is only 6 years older than Zachary Quinto.  The reason for this is because there was a scene of her giving birth to Spock that was cut and they needed a younger actress for that scene.
• The sets for the ice planet and the Romulan drill were located in the Los Angeles Dodger's parking lot.
• This movie won the 2009 Spike TV Best Movie Award which William Shatner accepted despite having nothing to do with the movie.
• In an interview, J.J. Abrams said he asked George Lucas if he had any advice on how to make the movie better.  Lucas's reply was "add lightsabers".
• The sound of opening doors on the Enterprise is actually the sound of flushing toilets on a Russian train.
• Ricky Gervais was offered a role in the film, but he turned it down because he said he was "not a Star Trek fan".

"Yup, Thor was the second choice for Kirk.  Also, that glare is really annoying."