Stupid State Laws - Florida 10

Here comes another post about a state law that still exists on the books and why it is ridiculous (to see them all, click here):

Florida

"A special law prohibits unmarried women from parachuting on Sunday or she shall risk arrest, fine, and/or jailing."

I totally understand this one.....oh wait, no I don't, this is stupid.  Unmarried women?  Only Sundays?  Is this a Bible Belt thing?  Sure, banning alcohol sales on Sundays (aka the Day of the Lord) kind of makes sense, but even then, most Bible Belt states don't even do that anymore.  So, why can't an unmarried woman parachute on Sundays?  Honestly, I don't know what makes less sense, the unmarried part or the Sunday part, both are equally baffling.  If I had to guess, a lawmaker's mistress was a big parachuting enthusiast but could only go on Sundays.  One day, the mistress broke off their adulteress affair and the lawmaker took his revenge by banning her from enjoying her one love.  Otherwise, this law seems highly pointless.  Fucking Florida and its stupid laws.

"Rookie, whose bright idea was it to arrest this criminal in the act?"
"Yours, sir."
"Oh yeah.  Next time remind I'm afraid of heights before we jump out of an airplane."
"This is so awesome, sire!"
"Shut up, rookie."

Saturday's Video of Saturday

Here is our weekly funny video post.  Let's see what we got for you guys:

Set up:  Some dude went back and edited the original Doom video game and made it way more violent.  I didn't know that was possible, but it is.  Here is the trailer for the new game:

Summary:  Punching a giant demon in the balls, flicking him off, and telling him to fuck himself.  I'm on board.

R.I.P. Georgia

"You will be missed, puppy."

"You were the best friend our family ever had."

Weekly Picks of the Week - Week 1

Picks in Bold

Rankings based on Coaches Poll
All lines provided by Sportsbook.ag

#20 Texas A&M Aggies (+10.5) @ #9 South Carolina Gamecocks

Thurs 6:00
SEC Network

Boise State Broncos v. #19 Mississippi Rebels (-10)

Georgia Dome, Atlanta
Thurs 8:00
ESPN

#16 Clemson Tigers (+7.5) @ #12 Georgia Bulldogs

5:30
ESPN

#1 Florida State Seminoles (-18) v. Oklahoma State Cowboys

AT&T Stadium, Irving TX
8:00
ABC

#14 Wisconsin Badgers (+5) v. #13 LSU Tigers

NRG Stadium, Houston
9:00
ESPN

-Welcome back to another season of me blindly picking college football games against the spread.  Last season, I had a losing record, which is the first time that has happened to me since I started doing this 5 years ago.  Was it a fluke or did my luck finally run out?  I'm hoping it was a fluke.  Having said that, I will warn you that the hardest week to pick games (other than picking bowl games) is Week 1 because no one really knows how good a team is and picking these games truly is blind luck.  However, I will do the best I can or your money back.

-So, I was researching for my fantasy league and a (brainfart) thought came to me - do football recruits look at a program's former players' NFL success when making their decision for which school they are going to attend?  The reason I bring this up is because the best WR in the NFL is without a doubt Calvin Johnson, who went to Georgia Tech.  Arguably, the second best WR is the NFL is Demaryius Thomas who also went to Georgia Tech.  And yet, Georgia Tech can't recruit a stud WR to save their lives.  Sure, that may have more to do with the fact that they run an offense that runs the ball, but they should still be able to sell the fact that they can produce All-Pro WR's.  Or look at Alabama, they have had the top rated recruiting class each of the past five years, but can you name one former player that has had huge success in the NFL recently?  Julio Jones maybe, but he's been hurt more often than healthy.  Eddie Lacy had one good year.  Otherwise, I can't even name another former Bama player that has been killing it in the pros and yet they keep bringing in every blue chip recruit they want.  So, either Georgia Tech is doing a poor job of selling their former players' NFL success or they are and nobody cares.

-Alright, enjoy the first week of college football.

Last Week's Results: 0-0
Season Results: 0-0

2014 College Football Predictions

Oh yeah, it's college football time!!!  So we here at Brainfart are going to give you a glimpse into the future and let you know who is going to win the Conference and National Championships.  Well, all of the good conferences because I don't even know who in the hell plays in the Big East anymore:

	Sambo	Alexatgt
ACC Coastal	Virginia Tech	Georgia Tech
ACC Atlantic	Florida St	Florida St
ACC Champ	Florida St	Florida State
SEC East	Georgia	South Carolina
SEC West	Auburn	Auburn
SEC Champ	Auburn	Auburn
Big 12 Champ	Oklahoma	Oklahoma
Big 10 East	Michigan St	Ohio St
Big 10 West	Nebraska	Wisconsin
Big 10 Champ	Michigan St	Wisconsin
PAC 12 North	Oregon	Oregon
PAC 12 South	UCLA	UCLA
PAC 12 Champ	Oregon	Oregon
	Playoff Teams
Team 1	Florida St	Florida State
Team 2	Oregon	Oregon
Team 3	Auburn	Wisonsin
Team 4	Oklahoma	Auburn
Winner	Oregon	Florida State

Top 10 All-Time Wins v. Largest Stadium Capacity:

(I excluded teams like Yale from these rankings because, well, just because)

1) Michigan - 910 Wins, #1 (109,900)
2) Texas - 875 Wins, #8 (100,119)
3) Notre Dame - 874 Wins, #21 (80,795)
4) Nebraska - 865 Wins, #15 (87,091)
5) Ohio State - 849 Wins, #4 (104,851)
6) Oklahoma - 842 Wins, #18 (82,112)
7) Alabama - 838 Wins, #7 (101,821)
8) Tennessee - 804 Wins, #5 (102,455)
9) USC - 786 Wins, #10 (93,607)
10) Georgia - 767 Wins, #11 (92,746)

-First, I should point out that I didn't include teams like Yale on the list because, well, why would I, Ivy League schools don't count as real football.  So, why did I point this out?  I have no idea.  I just wanted to know if there was a correlation between the all-time winningest teams and stadium capacity.  The final result - I would say that there is a correlation.  The smallest stadium is Notre Dame's and yet they still have the 21st largest stadium in college football.  Now you know and Knowledge is Power!

"FOOTBAWWWWWWL!!!"

Baby Names

With being a nerd becoming more and more acceptable, there are going to be consequences.  And those consequences are going to fall onto those nerds' children.  What do I mean?  Well, if you look at the Top 10 Most Popular Baby Names over the past couple of years, Edward and Jacob have been on that list.  In other words, women are naming their kids after 'popular' fictional characters from the Twilight series.  I also read somewhere that about 200 hundred kids were named Khaleesi after the hot chick from Game of Thrones.  Knowing this, I decided to take a few of the more popular shows and movies and list the names of the main characters that kids might have to suffer from in the near future.  However, I will not being listing villains' names, so there will be no Malfoy or Cersei (even though it would be pretty awesome to name your kid Voldemort).  After compiling this list, I did notice one thing and I will tell you what is was in a minute.  First, let's see what I got:

Hunger Games

• Girls - Katniss
• Boys - Peeta, Gale

Twilight

• Girls - Bella
• Boys - Edward, Jacob

Harry Potter

• Girls - Hermione (how many of you didn't know how to pronounce her name until the movies came out?  And even then, I still don't see it)
• Boys - Harry, Ron

Game of Thrones

• Girls - Sansa, Arya, Daenerys, Khaleesi
• Boys - Jon, Robb, Bran, Jaime (and even though he is the best character in the series, I doubt anyone will name their kid Tyrion)

Did you notice what I was talking about?  The girl's names are way more noticeable than the boy's names.  Other than Peeta, none of the boy's names would cause said boy to be picked on his whole life.  However, every single one of the girl's names would cause the other girls to talk behind her back.  Then again, they would probably do that anyways, am I right, fellas?  In any case, I really do feel sorry for the future generation when you will one day meet a kid named Kal-El, Michelangelo, or something else equally dumb because their nerd parents thought it would cute if they named their kid after a movie character that no one will remember by then.  Then again, Nicholas Cage already named his kid Kal-El, so that time might be coming sooner than you think.

"I heard her parents named her after some dumb chick who banged a vampire who sparkled.  Dork."

Today's Celebrity Birthdays - Aug 25th

I decided to start up a new post where I list the "celebrities" that were born on this day and then either praise them or mock them.  It will be fun, so let's do this:

• Sean Connery (84) - The first and best James Bond is getting up there.  It's still sad that the last movie he did was The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, and that's only because he passed on playing Gandolf in The Lord of the Rings.  In the end, I think Ian McKellen was the better choice though.  Gandolf with a Scottish accent doesn't seem right to me.
• Regis Philbin (83) - I find it amazing that Regis is younger than Sean Connery.  He looks years older.  Then again, Connery has looked about 80 for the past 30 years.
• Tim Burton (56) - Oddly enough, Tim's next movie does not star Johnny Depp.  Is that possible?
• Blake Lively (27) - The Green Lantern sucked and Blake was pretty bad in it, but damn it, she is easy on the eyes and I forgive her for her role in that disaster.
• Alexander Skarsgard (38) - My favorite piece of trivia about True Blood's tall blond vampire Eric is that he was in Zoolander.  He played one of Zoolander's buddies that died in the gasoline fight.
• Billy Ray Cyrus (53) - Miley's dad recently had a cameo in Sharknado 2.  I think he played a doctor.  It's amazing how the fame of your daughter can get you parts in crappy SyFy movies.
• Rachel Bilson (33) - I have a confession to make.  I've seen every season of The O.C.  Yup, I watched every episode, even the last few crappy seasons.
• Kel Mitchell (36) - Remember him?  He was on Nickelodeon's Kenan and Kel.  I haven't seen him since then other than a small part in that underrated movie, Mystery Men.  And yet, his counterpart Kenan is now on SNL.  Where did things go wrong for him?
• Claudia Schiffer (44) - You gotta admit that she is still hot for a 44 year old.

"And here is the reason I watched every season of The O.C.  Personally, I think that's a damn good reason.  Screw you for judging me."

Stupid State Laws - Florida 9

Here comes another post about a state law that still exists on the books and why it is ridiculous (to see them all, click here):

Florida

"It is illegal to sell ice cream in a cemetery."

I can kind of see why this should be illegal, but at the same time, ice cream is comfort food and who needs some comfort more than people who just lost a loved one.  Then again, I do find it hilarious that ice cream vendors got so out of line in cemeteries that they had to outlaw it.  Seriously, you really have to be a huge dick if you complain to your local lawmaker about someone selling ice cream in a cemetery.  The guy or gal is just trying to make a little money.  What I want to know is if the ice cream vendors just set up shop across the street from the cemeteries after this law was made.  For some reason, that would make me laugh.  Stupid Florida.

"What do you mean you didn't know it was against the law to sell ice cream in a cemetery?  Rookie, show him your law book."
"Uh Sarge, I don't have a law book."
"WHAT?!?  Why not?"
"They don't give them to rookies.  And, uh, Sarge, the perp is getting away."
"Oh well, let's go take pot shots at some gators.  Hit the siren, rookie."

Saturday's Video of Saturday

Here is our weekly funny video post.  Let's see what we got for you guys:

Set up:  There is nothing I can say that will make any sense that will help set up this video, so just watch it to find out why:

Summary:  And there is still nothing I can say that can explain what you just saw.  This was the most random video I have posted to date and frankly, I'm kind of proud of that.  Go me!

Movie Trailer Review - Sin City 2

This is not a review of the trailer, but a review of this movie based entirely on this movie's trailer.  I have a special talent of being able to figure out whether a movie will be any good based just on the trailer and I'm finally putting that talent to good use.  Screw you, it's a real talent.

Sin City: A Dame to Kill For

It's been 9 years since the first Sin City came out.  9 Years!  Now, I will admit that I loved the the original.  It was unique, it was cool, and it was entertaining, but why wait 9 years to make a sequel?  I just don't get it.  Did it have production problems?  Did they never intend to make a sequel but Hollywood ran out of ideas and this was all they could come up with?  What?  Enough of the questions, on to the trailer.

I picked the Red Band trailer because I get to choose and that was what I went with.  The good news is that the original cast is back except for Clive Owen.  For some reason, he decided not to reprise his role as Dwight and Josh Brolin is taking over.  Why did Clive Owen not come back?  I have no idea, it's not like Clive has that big of a career going for him or anything.  Anyways, who cares.  As for the rest of it, they made it look like the original and that's cool, the action looks pretty good, and the plot seems reasonable (I guess), but I still don't see the point.  I really wanted to get behind this thing because of the first one, but I just can't.  Don't go see it, instead go see Guardians of the Galaxy again.  That movie is easily the best movie I've seen this year and it's not even close.

Estimated Opening Weekend Box Office Gross - $40 million

What Kind of Fart This Movie Will Resemble:

The Jerk Fart - The Jerk Fart is a fart by a jerk who smirks, smiles, grins, and points to himself in case you missed it. It is usually a single-noted, off-key, fading away, sort of whistle fart, altogether pitiful, but the jerk will act as if he has just farted the Biggest Fart in the World Fart.

Random Movie Trivia - Casino Royale Part 2

Here is the next edition in our weekly Random Movie Trivia post.  Enjoy:

Casino Royale Part 2

• Daniel Craig is the shortest actor be play Bond and the only one under 6 feet tall.  Connery (6'3), Lazenby (6'2), Moore (6'1), Dalton (6'2), Brosnan (6'2), and Craig (5'10). However, Daniel Craig is the first actor to be under the age of forty and play James Bond since George Lazenby in On Her Majesty's Secret Service.
• This marks the first time there is a foot chase in a Bond film.
• For Daniel Craig's now iconic scene where he rises out of the sea in a pair of Speedos, many of the crew were out of camera range in boats fending off the paparazzi.
• Directed by Martin Campbell who also directed Goldeneye.
• James Bond's letter of resignation via the Mi6 intelligence intranet read: "M - I hereby tender my resignation with immediate effect. Sincerely, James Bond". This is the third James Bond movie where James Bond has resigned. The first was On Her Majesty's Secret Service (1969) and the second was Licence to Kill (1989). In the latter, his license to kill was revoked and in Die Another Day (2002) he was temporarily decommissioned.
• The Bodyworks exhibition in Miami was actually shot on a very cold night in Prague.
• Daniel Criag lost the two front teeth while filming a fight scene in Prague (the first action scene to be shot), and his dentist had to fly from London to replace them.
• Angelina Jolie and Charlize Theron were strongly considered for the part of Vesper Lynd.
• Although the password that James Bond enters on the alpha-numeric keypad at the Casino Royale was supposed to be VESPER (837737), the password Bond enters is 836547.
• The chase around Miami airport was actually filmed at three separate airports in three different countries. They were: Nassau International Airport in Nassau, New Providence Island, The Bahamas; Dunsfold Park Aerodrome in Dunsfold Park, Dunsfold, Surrey, England and Ruzyne International Airport in Ruzyne, Prague, Czech Republic.
• The producers were worried that Eva Green (Vesper), a French actress, wouldn't be able to do a convincing English accent.  To that I say, did you even know she was French until I just told you.

"Craig was supposed to originally stand up in chest high water for this scene, but he accidentally drifted onto a sandbar and rose up much higher.  The director liked this cut better and they stuck with it."

Who Is This? Part 19

This is an easy one.  Who is this?  You have no idea?  The only way you can guess is with a hint?  Sure, I think I can help you there.  His most famous character wore a helmet.  That was for once a decent hint.  Usually, my first hint sucks, but that should actually narrow it down for once.  You got it, right?  NO!  Another hint?  Fine.  His most famous character wore a helmet, a jet pack, died in a Sarlacc Pit, and is loved for no reason whatsoever (he has a fan club with its own website).  Yup, that is Jeremy Bulloch, otherwise known as the actor who played Boba Fett.  Actually, I read somewhere that in one of the Star Wars' books set after Return of the Jedi, he climbs out of the Sarlacc Pit and goes on some more adventures.  Either way, Boba Fett looked cool, but he was such a minor character that I really don't understand why he is so beloved.  He's even getting his own movie apparently.

What has he been up to lately?  I assume living off of his Star Wars' fame.  According to his IMDB page, he has been working ever since Star Wars, but never more than bit parts here and there.  Good for him, that's more than some of the other actors from that movie can say.

Truly Random Brainfart Thoughts - Part 21

Here comes the next edition of Truly Random Brainfart Thoughts (click here to see the others).  Basically,  these are a bunch of random thoughts that came to mind that I couldn't really expand on and thought I should just make them into list form for your enjoyment.  Here goes:

• Fun Fact - referring to The Netherlands as Holland is like referring to America as Texas.  Holland is actually just a province in The Netherlands.
• I'm proud to say that I have never taken a selfie.
• American Ninja Warrior would be enjoyable to watch if the contestants would stop referring to themselves as "ninjas" instead of what they really are, non-lethal white guys.
• Sticky Notes might be the most under-appreciated invention ever.
• I can't stand it when ESPN reports breaking news and covers that news as if it is the biggest thing ever when they have been telling us it was going to happen for the past week.
• Reason No. 144 That I Know I'm Getting Older - Back Hair.
• Am I the only one who gets super annoyed when they get caught at a red light for a single car that is turning right?
• How often do you find random cuts and bruises on your body that you have no idea where they came from?  This seems to be happening more and more often to me.
• Can Leonardo DiCaprio act or is he just the same character every time but sometimes with a different accent?
• How many votes do you think the leading vote getter for the WNBA All-Star Game got?  8?  9?
• I would love to see a former James Bond actor play a villain in a James Bond movie.  I'm looking at you, Dalton.
• Movies that are set in the past drive me crazy when all of their females are so perfectly groomed.  Perfect hair and perfect makeup did not exist when the ancient Greeks were roaming the Earth.
• How appropriate is it that wrestling's favorite wrestler (John Cena) always wears jean shorts?

"Hilarious."

Top/Bottom 5 Movie Roles - Mel Brooks

Here is where I pick a random actor or actress's Top 5 and Bottom 5 Movie Roles (I assume the post title gave that away).  This won't necessarily be the chosen actor or actress's best roles, but a combination of their best and my favorite.  In other words, if there is a tie, I'll go with my favorite.  Also, I won't actually be ranking them, they will be in a random order.  Lastly, this isn't these actor's or actress's best movies, but their best characters.  Let's get started:

Mel Brooks

Top 5

Young Frankenstein - Did you know that he had troubles getting this classic made?  None of the studios wanted to make it and when someone finally signed on, he was walking out of the negotiations after signing the contract and said "Oh yeah, I'm doing this in black and white".  Somehow that made this thing even better.
Blazing Saddles - "Where the white women at?" is still one of the funniest lines ever.  Makes me laugh every time.  Also, did you know that Richard Pryor was supposed to play the part of Sheriff Bart, but wanted to write instead?
Spaceballs - What can you say about the greatest movie spoof of all time?  Nothing.  It was perfect.
History of the World: Part I - I still find it funny that Mel titled this "Part 1" without any intention of doing any others.  I looked it up and it turns out that it was a play on "The Historie of the World, Volume 1" by Sir Walter Raleigh.
Robin Hood: Men in Tights - Do you remember this thing?  Did you remember that Dave Chappelle was in it?  Yeah, it was his first credited role in a movie.  Man, I still miss that guy.

Bottom 5

None, how can you not like anything that Mel had done.  His works are too awesome.  Plus, you can't mock a guy who set up speakers on the front lines of WWII and sang songs by Jewish musicians to the Germans (scroll to the bottom).

Stupid State Laws - Florida 8

Here comes another post about a state law that still exists on the books and why it is ridiculous (to see them all, click here):

Pensacola, Florida

"A women can be fined (only after death), for being electrocuted in a bath-tub because of using self-beautification utensils."

So, let me get this straight.  Florida has a law that fines someone who died after electrocuting themselves in the bathtub?  A couple of questions.  First, why?  Next, why only women?  Third, if you are trying to kill yourself, does that still count?  And last, if said woman uses a toaster instead of "beautification utensils", do they still get fined?  Seriously, why is this law so specific?  But more seriously, why at all?  If you died from electrocuting yourself in the tub, I'm fairly certain you have been punished enough, a fine is a little overkill.  Damn it Florida, you can't even make laws that make any damn sense.  I know the task is impossible, but get your shit together.

"Ah, the scene of the crime.  It looks like this case is nice and wrapped, rookie."
"I still don't understand how we can fine a dead woman, Sarge."
"Shut it, rookie.  The law is the law and I AM the law."
"Been watching Judge Dredd again, Sarge?"
"You know it!"

Saturday's Video of Saturday

Here is our weekly funny video post.  Let's see what we got for you guys:

Set up:  I know I've shown this one before, but it really is that awesome and needs to be watched again.

Summary:  That tune really does get stuck in your head, doesn't it?  The one thing I really remember about this game is that compared to the first MegaMan, you could actually beat this one.  Plus, this is the game I remember playing the most as a kid, so it holds a special place in my heart.  I really wish they would make some more of them.  I just hope Hollywood doesn't do something stupid and try to make a MegaMan movie, but you know they probably will.  Dicks.

Movie Trailer Review - Frank

This is not a review of the trailer, but a review of this movie based entirely on this movie's trailer.  I have a special talent of being able to figure out whether a movie will be any good based just on the trailer and I'm finally putting that talent to good use.  Screw you, it's a real talent.

Frank

This just looked so weird that I had to review it.  If you didn't watch this trailer, then here is a quick plot outline - a guy wearing a giant fake head named Frank is the lead singer of a band that has been invited to the South by Southwest Music Festival and then a lot of weird stuff happens.  In case you haven't figured it out, that's Magneto under that giant fake head.  Weird concept, but sometimes weird is a great way to go.

As for the trailer, other than Maggie Gyllenhaal being in this movie, the rest of the cast looks solid.  Plus, who doesn't love seeing Michael Fassbender playing something other than Magneto, especially a character as bizarre as this one.  Will I go see this while in the theater?  No chance, but that is because, as I've stated before, I refuse to go see a movie in the theater where seeing it on the big screen doesn't add to the viewing experience.  Should you go see it in theater?  Sure, it's either this or going and seeing Let's Be Cops (another comedy you should wait to rent) or the movie reviewed below.

Estimated Opening Weekend Box Office Gross - $15 million

What Kind of Fart This Movie Will Resemble:

The Cushioned Fart - A concealed fart, sometimes successful. The farter is usually on the fat side, sometimes a girl. They will squirm and push their butt way down into the cushions of a sofa or over-stuffed chair and ease-out a fart very carefully without moving then or for some time after. Some odor may escape, but usually not much. Common with some people.

Bonus Review - The Expendables 3

No.

Who's The Bigger Star? Part 10

Here is a fun post where a compare two actors/actresses, sports stars, TV personalities, etc against each other and determine who is the bigger star.  Let's see who wins this time:

Russell Crowe v. Hugh Jackman

Russell Crowe

• Biggest Role:  Maximus
• My Favorite Role:  Maximus
• Top Earning Movie:  Man of Steel ($291.0 million)
• Biggest Flop:  It has to Winter's Tale, that movie blew.
• Awards:  3 Academy Award Nomination (1 Win), 5 Golden Globe Nomination (1 Win)
• Career:  Before he was an actor, Russell was in a band by the name of 30 Odd Foot of Grunts.  I'm not kidding.  As for his acting career, the first thing I remember him in was The Quick and the Dead with Gene Hackman, Leo, and Sharon Stone.  It wasn't bad, but it didn't hold a candle to his next movie, Virtuosity.  He was awesome as the sadistic serial killer computer program come to life.  Next, he had a great string of roles in L.A. Confidential, Gladiator, A Beautiful Mind, Cinderella Man, and 3:10 to Yuma.  However, since then it has been a mixed bag of stuff like Robin Hood, Les Miserables, and Noah.  He's got a couple of movies in the works, but nothing of note.

Hugh Jackman

• Biggest Role:  Wolverine
• My Favorite Role:  Wolverine
• Top Earning Movie:  X-Men: The Last Stand ($234.4 million)
• Biggest Flop:  I'm going with Movie 43, but it could have easily been The Fountain.
• Awards:  1 Academy Award Nomination (0 Wins), 2 Golden Globe Nomination (1 Win), 3 Emmy Nominations (1 Win)
• Career:  Right out of the gate, we saw Hugh as Wolverine in the first X-Men movie and he nailed it.  Since then, he has gone on to do, well, the same character six other times and some other decent stuff like The Prestige, Les Miserables and some not so good stuff like Swordfish, Van Helsing, and Real Steel.  In all, he has carved out a decent career based on one character.  Next up, he will be playing, surprise, Wolverine in another stand-alone movie and the next X-Men sequel.  Also, he will be playing Blackbeard in a new Peter Pan movie even though I don't remember Blackbeard ever being in Peter Pan.

Oddly enough, the only reason we know who Hugh Jackman is is because Russell Crowe turned down the part of Wolverine and when their second choice (Dougray Scott) couldn't do the part due to a scheduling conflict with Mission: Impossible 2.  Then Russell suggested his friend Hugh.  But that isn't what this is about.  If we held this contest in 2000, it would have been Maximus v. Wolverine and I probably would have gone with Maximus (unless it was a fight to the death).  But today, Hugh Jackman's career is definitely still going strong and Russell Crowe can't seem to do a movie worth a shit.  So, Wolverine wins.  But we all knew that was going to happen.

"That's the face of a winner."

Expendables 3

I was half watching the trailer for the new Expendables movie and they were showing who all was in the cast and I thought to myself, "Good lord, that is a lot of old guys to be in an action movie".  So, I decided to look up who all was in this thing and figure out their average age just for laughs.  Luckily, when I clicked on the IMDB page for the movie, they had it broken down into two parts, Credited Cast and then everyone else in the movie.  And the Credited Cast was basically all of the old guys and that made my job even easier and more hilarious.  Let's check out just how funny it is:

• Sylvester Stallone - 68
• Jason Statham - 47
• Jet Li - 51
• Antonio Banderas - 54
• Wesley Snipes - 52
• Dolph Lundgren - 57
• Mel Gibson - 58
• Harrison Ford - 72
• Arnold Schwarzenegger - 67

That's a total of 526 years for an average of 58.4 years per actor.  Almost 60 years old per actor!  For an action movie!  Your prime years are usually in your late 20's or early 30's and these guys are on average double that.  Hell, only one of them is under 50.  That's ridiculous.  And yet people keep going to see these things, so much so that they are on their 3rd movie in the series with a 4th one already in the pipe and a 61 year old Pierce Brosnan has already signed up to do it.  I guess what I'm trying to say is that Hollywood really needs a new young batch of action stars or they need to stop making movies with all of the really old ones.

"Yeah, he is slightly past his prime."

Truly Random Brainfart Thoughts - Part 20

Here comes the next edition of Truly Random Brainfart Thoughts (click here to see the others).  Basically,  these are a bunch of random thoughts that came to mind that I couldn't really expand on and thought I should just make them into list form for your enjoyment.  Here goes:

• Why is the Stanley Cup played in June?  It's ice hockey, shouldn't it be played when it's cold outside?
• Did you know that there were two Sandlot sequels and that the 3rd one starred Luke Perry?
• It should be illegal to have a commercial that uses the words "vaginal" and "cream" back-to-back.
• If Batman and Superman live in the same universe, then why don't more Superman villains go to Gotham City, kick Batman's ass, and take over?
• I always found it funny that Kansas City, Missouri is bigger than Kansas City, Kansas.
• Did you know that the guy who played Jimmy Olsen on Smallville is not the same guy who played Iceman in the X-Men movies?  It turns out that those guys are twins, Aaron and Shawn Ashmore.
• Is there a com.com?  I assume so, and I also assume that it is a porn site.
• Do you think there is a single square inch on Earth that at one point hasn't been pooped or peed on?
• The movie Deliver Us From Evil advertises that it is so scary that it will disturb your sleep for weeks.  How is that a good thing and why would you want that?
• In the X-Men universe, if they know that mutants exist due to a genetic defect, then why aren't there more people who can fly or shoot laser beams out of their eyes?  You would think they could replicate that defect somehow.
• Is it weird that I find comic book and cartoon characters attractive?

"You're telling me you wouldn't hit that?  No?  Okay, never mind."

NOKW - Goldeneye

Here comes the next chapter in our "I'm Okay With, I'm Not Okay With" series where I point out things in a movie I can tolerate and then one thing I just couldn't (if you want, click here for all of the past posts):

Movie:  Goldeneye

Basic Plot:  Pierce Brosnan's first go as James Bond and he has to stop his old buddy 006 from destroying London.

I'm Okay With:  The fact that Bond was able to catch-up with that airplane after it fell off a cliff in the opening scene.  The fact that I still don't know what the composer was thinking about when he scored the music for the race scene between Bond and Jean Grey (see video below).  The fact that the Russian computer lady had an amazing body and they only showed her in a bikini for a couple of minutes instead of the whole movie.  The fact that it makes me laugh to realize that Boris is the same actor who played Nightcrawler in the 2nd X-Men movie.  The fact that while rewatching this I kept remembering the corresponding level from the video game that matched each scene.  The fact that I'm still not sure if this movie was good or if it was bad but the video game was so awesome it distorts my view of the movie.  The fact that James is able to jump in a Russian tank and drive it like it was his own car.  The fact that I'm not sure exactly what killed Jean Grey, I guess it was a broken back but they made it look like she suffocated which was impossible.

I'm Not Okay With:  The fact that the bad guys could build a giant satellite without anyone noticing.  The bad guy, 006, builds a satellite in Cuba so he can control Goldeneye and when Bond goes looking for it, his CIA contact says "if someone lights a cigar in Cuba, we would have seen it".  Granted the satellite is hidden under a lake, but that doesn't excuse that it had to be built with nobody noticing.  They had to drain the lake and bring in tons of raw material to build that thing and the CIA didn't notice that?!?  It's not like they can build something that large overnight.  And even then, once it was finished it would take months for that lake to fill back in and yet no one saw a giant satellite dish sitting in the middle of an empty lake?  Ridiculous.  I am not okay with that.

"Skip to 30 seconds in and you will hear the weirdest music ever."

Stupid State Laws - Florida 6

Here comes another post about a state law that still exists on the books and why it is ridiculous (to see them all, click here):

Florida

"Men may not be seen publicly in any kind of strapless gown."

Okay, I might actually agree with this law.  Then again, this is Florida.  I feel like seeing a man in a strapless gown in public is the least of that state's worries.  Did they really need to make a law like this?  Probably not.  I guess they have a rampant problem with drunk college students down there on Spring Break wearing strapless gowns and they had to put a stop to it.  My question is - why would a drunk....never mind, I just answered my own question.  Well, if Florida isn't going to put a stop to any of their other problems, at least they are putting a stop to fun.  Jerks.

"Sarge, can we arrest this guy?  I mean, his gown does have straps, he's just not wearing them."
"Damn it rookie, why did you have to point this out?  I guess we will have to let him go and find us some other idiot to arrest."
"That shouldn't be a problem, this is Florida."

Saturday's Video of Saturday

Here is our weekly funny video post.  Let's see what we got for you guys:

Set up:  I saw this clip on @Midnight a couple of weeks ago and it made me laugh so much I had to share it with you guys:

Summary:  BAM!  Buzz knocked that guy good.  It was especially impressive considering that that guy was a lot taller than Buzz and considering how old Buzz is.  The only thing I did find interesting about this clip is that Buzz wouldn't actually swear on a bible that he went to the moon.  Why not just do it?  Sure, he doesn't have to defend himself to a dick like that guy and I do believe that they did go to the moon (even if my phone is more powerful than all of the electronics on the space shuttle combined), but why didn't he just get it over with?  Just some food for thought.

Movie Trailer Review - TMNT

This is not a review of the trailer, but a review of this movie based entirely on this movie's trailer.  I have a special talent of being able to figure out whether a movie will be any good based just on the trailer and I'm finally putting that talent to good use.  Screw you, it's a real talent.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

The only movie I have ever waited in line for was the original Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles with my buddy Evan and his dad back in 1990 when I was 8 years old.  I loved these crazy turtles.  They still hold a place in my heart.  But then I saw that Michael Bay was producing this thing and he originally wanted to make the turtles aliens or something stupid, but fans screamed until he took that back.  What was he thinking?

As for the trailer.  I don't know why people were so pissed when they announced that Megan Fox was going to play April O'Neil.  Sure, Megan can't act, but she is still super hot and I can overlook her lack of talent as long she doesn't totally fuck this up.  Also, Johnny Knoxville is the voice of Leonardo.  I don't know how I feel about that.  Leonardo is the leader of the Turtles and Johnny Knoxville just doesn't strike me as a leader.  Otherwise, the action looks kind of cool, but I'm not so sure about Shredder.  The are making it look like he is more Iron Man than a martial arts expert.  Not cool.  Am I going to wait in line for this thing?  No chance.  But I will most likely see it.....mostly because I have a movie gift card.  So, I guess I'm saying go see it, if for no other reason than to relive your childhood.

Estimated Opening Weekend Box Office Gross - $75 million

What Kind of Fart This Movie Will Resemble:

The G and L Fart - This is one of the most ordinary and pedestrian of farts, known to everyone. Certainly it is the least gross. If you have not already guessed, G and L stands for Gambled and Lost. One of the most embarrassing of all farts, even when you are alone.

Today's Celebrity Birthdays - Aug 7th

I decided to start up a new post where I list the "celebrities" that were born on this day and then either praise them or mock them.  It will be fun, so let's do this:

• Charlize Theron (39) - Considering she will be 40 next year, she is still gorgeous.  I've said it many times and I will repeat it again, Charlize is the most naturally beautiful person in Hollywood and I'm glad that I got to see her naked in that crappy movie, The Devil's Advocate.
• David Duchovny (54) - Agent Mulder is getting up there in age isn't he?  Did you know that he is kind of married (they are separated due to David's apparent sex addiction) to Tea Leoni?  Nice pull, Dave.
• Michael Shannon (40) - Some know him as Nelson Van Alden from Boardwalk Empire, others know him as General Zod from the most recent Superman movie.  Either way, he is still one ugly looking dude.
• Wayne Knight (59) - NEWMAN!!!!
• Mike Trout (23) - Yeah, two-time AL MVP runner-up (and probably should have won both) is only 23!  Does it piss you off that he just signed a 6 year/$144.5 million contract at that age?  Not fair.
• Sidney Crosby (27) - The next Wayne Gretzky is 27, which is supposedly the prime age for athletes.  Well, I guess we can stop calling him the next Wayne Gretzky.  Sidney is good but he is no Great One.
• Carl 'Alfalfa' Switzer (Deceased) - He died when he was only 31.  In fact, I read somewhere that most of the original cast of The Little Rascals died tragic deaths while they were still young.  I guess that show was cursed.

"So hot for a 39 year old."

Who Is This? Part 18

Whatcha got?  I know you can do this, it's easy.  Nothing?  I bet you are expecting a hint.  Well, you're in luck, here it is - in the movie you know her from, she had a cool nickname.  I know, unless you are an idiot that was a great hint.  What?  You are an idiot and you need a better hint?!?  Fine.  In the movie you know her from, she had a really cool nickname and played football with a bunch of scrappy kids who beat the dreaded Cowboys on a miraculous play.  Yup, that hottie up there is Shawna Waldron otherwise known as Becky "Ice Box" O'Shea from Little Giants.  She certainly has blossomed into a fine looking woman (and I mean that in the least creepy way possible).

So, what has she been up to since Little Giants?  Well, quite a lot according to her IMDB page, but nothing I have heard of.  Let's cross our fingers for a Little Giants 2 though.  Maybe Rick Moranis will come out of retirement for that.

Brainfart's Crush of the Month - August

At the beginning of every month, we here at Brainfart will be bringing you our Brainfart Crush of the Month!  Sometimes it will be someone you have heard of, sometimes it will be just a random hottie you may have seen before, and sometimes it might be my neighbor.  Who knows!  Let's see who we picked this month:

This is Michele Merkin (in case you never looked at the bottom of her picture which I can't blame you).  You probably don't know her unless you watched the same show I saw her on back in 2007 called The Next Best Thing.  It was a reality competition to find the best celebrity impersonator and it was surprisingly entertaining (in case you are wondering, an Elvis was crowned the winner over another Elvis) .  I picked her this month because she is, well, hot as hell.  Do I need another reason?  Nope.  So, congrats Michele on this incredible honor.

Random Movie Trivia - Casino Royale

Here is the next edition in our weekly Random Movie Trivia post.  Enjoy:

Casino Royale

• Daniel Craig actually rejected the part of James Bond a year before as he had felt that the series had settled into a standard formula. He changed his mind when he read the finished script.
• In the shower scene, Vesper was originally scripted to be wearing nothing but her underwear. Daniel Craig argued that Vesper would not have stopped to take her clothes off, and the scene was changed.
• In one afternoon's shooting, three Aston Martin DBS cars valued at $300,000 each were destroyed for the car roll sequence. The car barrel-roll stunt by the Aston Martin DBS broke the world record for the most barrel rolls assisted by a cannon.
• The way Bond orders his first vodka martini is lifted directly from the Ian Fleming novels.
• Daniel Craig gained 20 pounds of muscle for the role. Being in such prime condition was not new to the actor, as at one point he had been a semi-professional rugby player.
• Daniel Craig is the first actor to play James Bond who is younger than the series itself.
• It was a conscious decision to leave the semi-naked girls out of the opening credits as the James Bond persona is not effectively established until the end of the movie.
• Having Pierce Brosnan return for a fifth engagement as James Bond would have cost the producers $30 million.
• During 2004, Quentin Tarantino had suggested making a version of "Casino Royale" with Pierce Brosnan. Reportedly, Tarantino and Brosnan spoke publicly about this proposed project. When Brosnan was not rehired as Bond, Tarantino very publicly berated the producers and refused to have anything more to do with the project even though he was never attached to the picture at any time. He wanted Samuel L. Jackson as Felix Leiter and Uma Thurman as Bond Girl Vesper Lynd.
• First James Bond movie to be based on a full Ian Fleming novel since Moonraker (1979), a gap of 27 years.
• Some of the actors considered for the role of Bond were Julian McMahon, Hrithik Roshan, Dominic West and Gerard Butler. Most of them were deemed not appropriate to fit the role, while some others were nothing but media speculation. Goran Visnjic, Sam Worthington, Alex O'Loughlin and Rupert Friend were also considered, while Henry Cavillalmost got the part but was considered too young to play it. Hugh Jackman reportedly turned the role down.
• More coming next time.....

"It might have worked, but I like Daniel Craig better."

Stupid State Laws - Delaware

Here comes another post about a state law that still exists on the books and why it is ridiculous (to see them all, click here):

Delaware

"It is illegal to fly over any body of water, unless one is carrying sufficient supplies of food and drink."

First order of business, if you fly from one point in Delaware to another, you won't be crossing any large bodies of water.  I looked it up.  Technically, the border extends into the Delaware Bay, but once you cross that you are no longer in Delaware and therefore the state can no longer arrest you for not carrying sufficient supplies.  I guess they could arrest you if you say you are flying over the bay and you don't carry said supplies, but can they arrest you for a crime you haven't committed yet?  And once you do commit said crime, you are out of reach of Delaware law.  So, that begs the question - why?  This law is beyond stupid.  Sure, it's probably not a bad idea to carry supplies if you cross any body of water, but does that mean that if you cross a small stream, you have to carry these supplies?  Delaware, head back to the drawing board on this one, because it is dumb and pointless.

"Alright rookie, once they surface check to see if they have their sufficient supplies."
"What if they don't surface, Sarge?  Should we save them?"
"No way, there could be snakes in that water.  Plus, it will save us the paperwork from not having to arrest anybody."