Best Picture Oscar Winner Trend?

The Academy Awards will be presented on Sunday and I noticed something strange.  A lot of the movies up for Best Picture seem to have come out during the last few months of the year.  So, I took it upon myself to do a little research and find out how many of the past Best Picture winners were released in the last three months of the year they won their award.  And let's just say that I might be on to something.  In my research, I looked up the last 20 winners' release dates and this is what I found:

• Jan-Mar:  2
• Apr-Jun:  4
• July-Sept:  2
• Oct-Dec:  12

BOOM!!!  That's what I call a trend.  And I'm not the only one who seems to have figured this out, check out this year's Best Picture Nominee's release dates:

• American Hustle - December
• Captain Phillips - October
• Dallas Buyers Club - November
• Gravity - October
• Her - December
• Nebraska - December
• Philomena - November
• 12 Years a Slave - November
• The Wolf of Wall Street - December

Yeah, all of them came out within the last three months of the year and I don't think that is a coincidence.  In other words, the Academy picked the nominees based on the movies that they saw more recently because they are still fresh in their minds opposed to something that came out eight months ago.  There is a reason that Fruitville Station and The Butler got hosed out of a nomination even though they were critically acclaimed when they were released.

In conclusion, if we are going to base this year's winner based off of release date, then you should bet on The Wolf of Wall Street which came out on Christmas day, the latest of all of the nominees.  I'm sorry I ruined the Oscars for you, suck it up.

"I would have picked it based on her eyes alone.  So sexy."

Who's The Bigger Star? Part 7

Here is a fun post where a compare two actors/actresses, sports stars, TV personalities, etc against each other and determine who is the bigger star.  Let's see who wins this time:

Will Ferrell v. Jim Carrey

Will Ferrell

• Biggest Role:  I guess it was Ron Burgundy
• My Favorite Role:  I loved him as Chazz Michael Michaels in Blades of Glory, but Mugatu from Zoolander was better.
• Top Earning Movie:  Surprisingly, Elf ($173.4 million)
• Biggest Flop:  I'm going with Land of the Lost
• Awards:  2 Golden Globe Nomination (0 Wins), 3 Emmy Nominations (0 Wins)
• Career:  Obviously, Will got his start on Saturday Night Live and we all knew he was destined for a great future.  He took a bunch of small roles in movies like Austin Powers, Zoolander, and Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back and then he left SNL and things took off.  Elf, Old School, and Anchorman were some of his first big roles after TV and has been going strong since.  For the past 8 years or so, he has been doing any and everything from leading roles to cameos.  He really doesn't have much in production right now, but I'm sure he will find work.

Jim Carrey

• Biggest Role:  Ace Ventura
• My Favorite Role:  It has to be Lloyd Christmas from Dumb & Dumber
• Top Earning Movie:  The Grinch ($260.0 million)
• Biggest Flop:  Definitely The Number 23
• Awards:  6 Golden Globe Nomination (2 Wins)
• Career:  Just like Will, Jim got his start on TV on a little show called In Living Color.  He had some small parts and then Ace Ventura came out and everything changed.  His next two movies were The Mask and Dumb & Dumber.  That's a pretty damn good stretch.  For awhile he was the biggest comedy star in Hollywood, then he got weird and did movies like The Majestic, Man on the Moon, and Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.  For the past few years, he really hasn't done much besides supporting roles, but all that will change soon, because a Dumb & Dumber sequel will be coming out in November and there is no way that won't be awesome.

These two guys have had an eerily similar career arc.  Both started on TV, then had some huge hits, followed by a stint in some serious movies, and then went back to their bread and butter of being funny.  At first, I figured that Will would run away with this, but I really did forget how hilarious Jim Carrey was in his prime, but in the end, Will Ferrell is the bigger star today.  That could change if Dumb & Dumber 2 is a hit and Jim figures out that he should stick with comedy, but for now, Will is our winner.

Best News Story Ever!

Check out this news story.  If you are too lazy to read it - and shame on you, the title is "Leopard Terrorizes Indian City" - I will summarize.  Basically, a giant huge scary leopard is loose inside a city.  Now I will highlight the amazing things.

1. The start of the story has the leopard in the city.  No mention of where it came from or how it got to the center of the city.  Perfect.
2. It was first seen in a local timber shop.  What the hell is that?  I have heard of woodworking shops, maybe furniture making shops, but a timber shop?  I picture an outdoor shop with trees growing in it.
3. It went into a cinema and then into an apartment and then across rooftops.  Sounds like Leopard Hangover.
4. There were onlookers impeding the capture of the leopard.  Who looks on to see what a leopard will do next?  I will tell you what it will do - eat your damn face off!
5. They never caught it.  This is the official quote: "Nothing happened (Monday). So, there are chances it could have gone back into the forest."  Are you kidding me?  It hasn't destroyed anyone in a day so you assume all is well?  Wow.

Such a good story on its face that only gets better with the details.  Thanks, India.

"Oh no - a stick! Oh wait, I'm a fucking leopard!"

NOKW - Waterworld

Here comes the next chapter in our "I'm Okay With, I'm Not Okay With" series where I point out things in a movie I can tolerate and then one thing I just couldn't (if you want, click here for all of the past posts):

Movie:  Waterworld

Basic Plot:  Who the hell cares.

I'm Okay With:  Nothing.  Absolutely nothing.

I'm Not Okay With:  The fact that it is 500 years in the future and the salt water hasn't rusted every floating settlement into dissolved lumps on the bottom of the ocean.  The fact that if your boat/floating home breaks, there are no raw materials to make repairs and yet people are still alive after 500 years.  The fact that humans could evolve enough to have gills in only a few generations.  The fact that someone can sail a world that is nothing but an ocean and find anyone else considering that all of the floating "cities" would be constantly moving around.  The fact that people can live off of a diet of nothing but fish.  The fact that everyone seems so dirty and yet they live on top of a world that is nothing but water.  The fact that I've already done one of these for this movie.  The fact that the future's biggest commodity is dirt which can't really be used for much.  The fact that any and all water filters have not turned into mush.  The fact that Kevin Costner is able to be swallowed by a giant see monster and live.  The fact that giant sea monsters exist so quickly after the Earth was covered in water.  The fact that the bad guys seem to have a never-ending supply of cigarettes.  The fact that it is 500 years in the future and there is still enough gasoline to fuel the bad guys' jet-skis.  The fact that during the final scene, three jet-skis speed towards that little girl from three directions and at no point try to slow down resulting in a giant explosion, what did they expect would happen?  The fact that no one happened upon the only piece of land in 500 years.  The fact that this movie cost $200 million and I still don't where in the hell that money went.

"Seriously, it's 500 years in the future and they still have gas for their jet-skis.  How?!?"

Winter Olympic Takeaways

Unless you have been living in a cave or in outer space for the past two weeks, then I can only assume you have been watching the Winter Olympics like the rest of the world (and even then, I assume that caves and outer space have cable in today's world).  Well, we here at Brainfart decided it was our sole duty (hehe) to tell you what we thought of while we were watching people in spandex compete for shiny pieces of medals and endorsement deals.  Let's see what kind of stupidity crossed our minds:

• The Winter Olympics are actually really dumb and I'm not sure why I was so fascinated by them.  Every sport seemed pointless and yet I still watched.
• Also, when was the last time it actually snowed during a Winter Olympics?
• I just don't get the appeal of Figure Skating.  If the winner of your "sport" is decided by a panel of judges, then it isn't a sport, it's considered a beauty pageant.  Frilly outfits, gaudy makeup, overreaction to losses....sounds like an episode of Toddlers and Tiaras to me.
• And speaking of Figure Skating, why did it feel like every time I turned on the TV, that stupid "sport" was on.  Based on screen time, you would think that there were only two events at this year's Olympics - Figure Skating and everything else.
• Downhill Skiers are insane.  Those dudes and dudettes are going down a steep hill on a sheet of ice at close to 100 miles per hour.  I know that the speeds involved in the Luge and Bobsled are equally as fast, but if they crash, at least they have a track to slide on, downhill skiers are at the mercy of the hill they are flying down.
• Moguls look really painful, that has to kill those athletes' knees.
• Is it so hard to ask the athletes to wear a uniform that tells us which country they are competing for?  I could never tell who was who without NBC displaying the athletes' names at the bottom of the screen.  Couldn't they have just worn an easily noticeable flag on their helmets or spandex somewhere?
• If Sweden (15 total medals) and Norway (26 total medals) are so good at the Winter Olympics, then why does Finland (5 total medals) suck so hard compared to their neighbors?
• I wrote the following during the first week of the Olympics - Why in the hell is there no Snowboard Racing?  Good news, there is and it is awesome!
• Shooting and Cross Country Skiing?  Who thought that those two things should every mix together for an Olympic sport?
• Is it just me or does Meryl Davis, Ice Dancing gold medal winner, look like an elf?  I don't mean that in a bad way and I actually think she's cute, but she just reminds me of what I picture an elf to look like.  And her partner, Charlie White, kind of reminds me of Jon Heder's character from Blades of Glory.

• The Dutch are really really good at Speed Skating.  That's seem really really random.
• If you can play your sport drunk and it not affect your performance, then it probably shouldn't be in the Olympics.  What I'm trying to say is, if Curling is an Olympic sport, then they should add Cornhole and Bocce Ball to the Summer games.  Let's get this done!
• Short Track Speed Skating is way cooler than Long Track Speed Skating.
• Was it just me or did it seem like every post-race interviewer only asked the same two questions - "How does it fell to [insert finish]?" or "What was going through your mind after [insert finish]?".
• I don't know how anything could feel worse than to train for four years in an obscure sport, make the Olympics, and then miss out on winning a medal by 0.1 seconds.
• In conclusion, what we really learned is that the Summer Olympics are a spectacle of athletic prowess and the Winter Olympics are just 42 different kinds of sliding.  (I have to give my brother credit for that one.)

"Maybe curling isn't so bad if it allows me to meet this pretty lady."

Stupid State Laws - Wisconsin 3

Here comes another post about a state law that still exists on the books and why it is ridiculous (to see them all, click here):

La Crosse, Wisconsin

"You cannot 'worry a squirrel'."

"Worry" a squirrel?  What the fuck does that even mean, Wisconsin?!?  Does that mean you can't chase them away if they are running around your yard?  I know my dog would be in a Wisconsin jail by now if that was the case because she hates squirrels.  I am honestly so confused by this law that I really don't know how to make fun of it.  So, we are just going to leave it alone because it is so stupid, I don't need to emphasize its stupidity.  Way to go, Wisconsin, you have left me speechless.

"I don't think anyone would 'worry' this squirrel even if this didn't exist."

Saturday's Video of Saturday

Here is our weekly funny video post.  Let's see what we got for you guys:

Set up:  This is a music video from a dude who works at my local Jersey Mike's:

Summary:  The dude has talent.  He recently told me he signed with a label who took him to Paris to record an album.  This really couldn't have happened to a nicer guy, I hope to see him on......wait, where do you see new musicians nowadays?  MTV hasn't shown a music video in years.  I guess that I hope to see him on iTunes?  If you like what you hear, check out his website, RamoNation.com.

Who Is This? Part 9

Have you figured this one out yet?  Alright, here comes a hint - his most famous character owned a pet tarantula.  Easy, right?  No?  Fine, here's another hint - his most famous character's family somehow forgot one of their kids at home....alone.  Yup, that up there is Devin Ratray, otherwise known as Buzz McCallister from Home Alone.  I love that picture and thought it was so perfect I had to make a post that included it.  Also, you can kind of see the resemblance to the picture below:

So, what has Devin been up to since his Home Alone days?  A whole lot of random stuff according to his IMDB page.  I did notice that he is in the Academy Award nominated film Nebraska, so he has that going for him.

Top/Bottom 5 Movie Roles - Kevin Costner

Here is where I pick a random actor or actress's Top 5 and Bottom 5 Movie Roles (I assume the post title gave that away).  This won't necessarily be the chosen actor or actress's best roles, but a combination of their best and my favorite.  In other words, if there is a tie, I'll go with my favorite.  Also, I won't actually be ranking them, they will be in a random order.  Lastly, this isn't these actor's or actress's best movies, but their best characters.  Let's get started:

Kevin Costner

Top 5

Billy Chapel, For Love of the Game - Yup, this is a romantic comedy sports movie.  And I've watched it at least a dozen times.  Call me sappy, but I really liked it and Kevin was perfect for the part.
Roy McAvoy, Tin Cup - My favorite part of this movie was seeing a super young, super skinny Phil Mickelson playing himself in one scene.  And I guess Costner was pretty good, too.
Ray Kinsella, Field of Dreams - I'm not sure if I have ever seen this movie all the way through, but I do know that it is much loved and that people really liked Kevin's character in it.
Crash Davis, Bull Durham - Another sports movie!  There seems to be a theme here - Kevin Costner is only good when he is playing 'athletes'.  And I say 'athletes' because he only plays athletes in sports that don't really requiring much athletic ability.  The good news, he's really good at it.
Murphy, 3000 Miles to Graceland - This was one weird movie, but for some strange reason I liked it and Costner played a very convincing villain, so I had to include it because I always pick one weird role for this post.

Bottom 5

Mariner, Waterworld - Piece of Garbage.  In fact, I think this entry just inspired me to write a NOKW post about it in the near future.  Stay tuned.
The Postman, The Postman - Piece of Garbage: The Sequel.  If it weren't for the terrible ending this movie wouldn't have been that ba....who am I kidding, this movie was terrible from beginning to end and Costner was equally as terrible.
Robin Hood, Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves - While this movie was entertaining (especially Alan Rickman), Costner was playing a British vagabond with an American accent.  In fact, you can hear where he attempted a British accent at certain points in the movie and then just quit trying after awhile.
Ben Randall, The Guardian - Kevin plays a Coast Guard Rescue Diver.  No thank you.
Lt. Dunbar, Dances with Wolves - I know this movie won Best Picture and Costner won Best Director, but it was sooooooo boring, so that qualifies it as bad in my book.

"Humans evolved gills in only 500 years?  Somehow I doubt that."

Not A Capital

I know we like to uphold history and remember the past but sometimes it goes too far.  I don't think it is right to always do things the same way we always have just for history's sake.  One way, we in the United States do this is with state capitals.  I don't know why our forefathers picked the cities they did for state capitals but they didn't get it right in all cases.  I don't want to take everything away from history, in a lot of cases the capitals are perfect: Denver, Colorado; Atlanta, Georgia, and Boston, Massachusetts for example.  There are, however, too many errors to overlook all these years.

The two biggest grievances are New York and Los Angeles.  I bet if you ask the average American they get the capitals of California and New York wrong.  NY and LA are the two most famous and world renowned cities in the United States....so how are they not even capitals of their own states!?!?  It makes no sense.  When you think of New York (state) you think of the bright lights and big city skyscrapers but Albany is just upstate New York farmland.  Sacramento may be the 7th best city in California (LA, San Diego, and San Francisco are givens.  Then I would give an edge to San Jose - twice as large - Fresno - 15% bigger - and then maybe Oakland for notoriety).  That is insane to be the capital while being that low in your own state.

The next few are in the category of "I was un-aware there was another city in your state" snubs.  First, New Orleans and Las Vegas are not capitals even though they are the party capitals of America.  Just recognize your strengths Louisiana and Nevada - make the change.

I am sure you could have a bone to pick with others, but this last list is in the category of "that may be an OK size city but there are other uber-obvious options.  These include Alabama, Ohio, Florida, Pennsylvania, Illinois, Washington, Missouri, and North Carolina.  If all of your commerce and action are in one or two big cities, you have to make that the capital if only to save money on travel.  How many government officials have to go to meetings in Pittsburgh or Philadelphia only to then make the trek back to stupid Harrisburg?  Get your shit together, states.  Move your capitals to where it makes sense and save everyone time and money....and a letter grade in 4th grade History class.

"There are no good state capital pictures but I found this interesting.  States are re-drawn based on capital location, whatever the hell that means."

Truly Random Brainfart Thoughts - Part 14

Here comes the next edition of Truly Random Brainfart Thoughts (click here to see the others).  Basically,  these are a bunch of random thoughts that came to mind that I couldn't really expand on and thought I should just make them into list form for your enjoyment.  Here goes:

• I wonder how old the oldest living 300-pound person currently is.  60?  50?  35?
• In G.I. Joe, why did the good guy, Snake Eyes, wear black and his nemesis, the bad guy, wear white?  Shouldn't it be the other way around?
• If Bigfoot doesn't exist and everyone knows this, then how are there multiple TV shows about finding one?
• I really tried to like IFC's mini-series, The Spoils of Babylon, but it was just dumb.
• Batman owns a customized car, motorcycle, boat, and airplane which would cost a fortune (and be easily traceable), so how has no one in the Gotham Police Department figured out that only a couple of people could afford those things?  Hence, Batman is billionaire Bruce Wayne.
• I find it amusing that we still use most of the same names for constellations that were thought up thousands of years ago.
• Why do Transformers speak English when talking to each other?  Don't they have their own language?
• Do you think that Brits whom have been knighted hate Sir Mix-a-Lot?
• Why does the 6 o'clock local news show a traffic report?  Everyone who is watching it is already home from work.
• Is it just me or does watching women's tennis really turn you on?  All the moaning, grunting, and hot blond Russians is pretty damn sexy.
• What goes through a whale's mind as it is swimming through miles and miles of an ocean that all looks exactly the same forever?
• If they were to drug test at the X Games, would they have to cancel the event due to the lack of clean athletes?
• Dear Cameron Diaz, just hang it up already.

"Seriously, Cameron, you are one plastic surgery away from looking like a scary cat woman."

Random Movie Trivia - The Neverending Story

Here is the next edition in our weekly Random Movie Trivia post.  Enjoy:

The Neverending Story

• If you look VERY carefully during the first Ivory Tower scene when Fantasians are gathered up, the characters of: Yoda, Mickey Mouse, Chewbacca, C3PO, The Ewoks, ET and Gumby can be seen in the crowd.
• The film actually only covers the first half of the novel.
• Noah Hathaway (Atreyu) was hurt three times during the making of the movie. During his horse riding training he was thrown off a horse which then stepped on him. Then during the shooting of the drowning sequence in the "swamp of sadness" his leg got caught on the elevator and he was pulled under water. He was unconscious by the time he was brought to the surface.  Finally, he almost lost an eye during the final fight scene when one of the Gmork robot's claws poked his eye.
• Tami Stronach (The Childlike Empress) lost both front teeth shortly before filming and they made her fake teeth which caused her to lisp until she learned to compensate for them.
• In the book, Atreyu is green-skinned and when the make-up team tried to paint Noah green, it looked terrible and in the end, they opted against it.
• It was the hottest summer on record in Germany where they were filming and it was so hot that one of the statues of the Ivory Tower melted one day.
• The name of the land where the movie takes place in the movie is called Fantasia, but is called Fantastica in the book.
• Falkor is actually a 43-foot long motorized creature with 6,000 plastic scales and pink feather-fur. His head his three feet tall and long, and has a long tongue in the mouth.

"Which one is the luck dragon and which one is Falkor?"

Stupid State Laws - Wisconsin 2

Here comes another post about a state law that still exists on the books and why it is ridiculous (to see them all, click here):

Wisconsin

"You must manually flush all urinals in a building."

Ewwww, gross.  Well, I guess it's not that gross, but still.  Urinals are in men's rooms and men's rooms are disgusting.  I'm not a germaphobe, but do you know how many unclean hands touch a urinal handle over its lifetime?  If I did my math right, it's infinity.  I'm just saying, if a urinal has an automatic flush, I'm not touching that nasty handle.  Then again, this may be the purpose of this law.  Some urinal handle salesman bribed a lawmaker and that is how we got this stupid law.  Also, why only in buildings?  I'm fairly certain I've never used a urinal that's not in a building, so that part of the law seems a bit redundant.  Wisconsin, go back to drawing board with this law, because it is stupid.

"Well, sir.  As long as you flush after you are done, I guess this is technically legal.  Carry on."

Saturday's Video of Saturday

Here is our weekly funny video post.  Let's see what we got for you guys:

Set up:  I can only assume you've seen this SNL Digital Short before, but other than "Dick in a Box" and "I'm on a Boat", this might be the funniest one they made:

Summary:  "She might have been a racist", "Still counts".  That cracks me up every single time I hear it and I'm pretty sure I've watched this video 100 times.

Movie Alien Invasions

Why do aliens in movies attack a planet like Earth for its resources when there are literally billions of planets in the universe they could pick that is not inhabited by a race that can fight back?  Seriously.  Let's say you are an intelligent species with the technology to travel between worlds and your species needs a new planet to live on.  What is your first thought?  Hopefully, you would suggest picking one of the billion of planets out there that are inhabited by a species that can't fight back.  If you are a movie alien, you would suggest invading Earth, just for the hell of it.

Let's take the alien from Oblivion.  It needs to use the Earth's oceans to create energy or something stupid like that.  However, why did it pick Earth?  There are billions of planets out there that have water and no pesky humans who could fight back.  Okay, let's say that maybe this alien can travel between worlds, but can't travel particularly far.  Well, according to a news story I found, there are over eight billion habitable planets in the Milky Way alone.  Why didn't it pick one of those planets?  As far as we know, none of them have an intelligent species with the ability to fight back and yet, this idiot picks Earth and meets its demise.

In Cowboys & Aliens, the aliens are mining Earth for its gold.  I'm sure you can find gold all over the universe.  Or what about Independence Day?  Well, I still don't know what they wanted, but I'm sure they could have found an easier target than Earth.  And don't even get me started on Signs, those were the dumbest aliens to ever travel the cosmos.

The only reason I could understand an alien species attacking Earth is because the resource it needs is us.  But even then, you had better be damn sure that the humans you are attacking can't shove some nukes up their asses.  All I'm trying to say is that if you are an intelligent alien race, you would never invade a planet for its resources if that planet's inhabitants have the ability to defend themselves.

"This guy was smart enough to be able to travel to Earth, but not smart enough to realize that every time it rained, your species is fucked."

Who's The Bigger Star? Part 6

Here is a fun post where a compare two actors/actresses, sports stars, TV personalities, etc against each other and determine who is the bigger star.  Let's see who wins this time:

Bradley Cooper v. Matthew McConaughey

Bradley Cooper

• Biggest Role:  Phil from The Hangover movies
• My Favorite Role:  Sack in Wedding Crashers
• Top Earning Movie:  The Hangover ($277.3 million)
• Biggest Flop:  Definitely All About Steve
• Awards:  2 Golden Globe Nomination (0 Wins), 1 Oscar Nomination (0 Wins)
• Career:  Brad's first role that anyone remembers him was in Wedding Crashers.  After that, he played sidekicks in things like Failure to Launch and Yes, Man.  Than came The Hangover and his career really took off with movies like The A-Team, Silver Linings Playbook, and American Hustle.  Up next he will be voicing Rocket Raccoon in this summer's Guardians of the Galaxy, which I'm really look forward to.

Matthew McConaughey

• Biggest Role:  Wooderson from Dazed and Confused
• My Favorite Role:  Wooderson from Dazed and Confused
• Top Earning Movie:  Magic Mike ($113.7 million)
• Biggest Flop:  You would think it would be any of his crappy romantic comedies, but I'm going with Tiptoes.  Look it up, it's about midgets.
• Awards:   1 Golden Globe Nomination (1 Win), 1 Oscar Nomination (Pending)
• Career:  Technically, the first thing he did was a part on Unsolved Mysteries, but his next role was in Dazed and Confused.  The next time thing I remember seeing him in was A Time to Kill, followed by Amistad and Contact.  Then he did a bunch of stupid romantic comedies and that dumb dragon movie, Reign of Fire, with Christian Bale.  Recently, he has been doing a lot of critically acclaimed movies like Mud, Dallas Buyer's Club, and Wolf of Wall Street.  This summer he will be starring in Christopher Nolan's Interstellar, so that should be awesome.

Bradley Cooper is a likable guy and I really wanted to pick him, but the fact is, Matthew McConaughey truly is the bigger star.  In fact, my brother and I had a conversation recently about whether Matt is a good actor and we came to conclusion that, yes, I guess he actually is.  So, in the end, I had to go with Wooderson.

"Alright, alright, alright, I win again."

No Free Refills

Why does Coke and all other drink products feel like they have to put "NO REFILL" on their labels?  At some point in history were there a bunch of people using old 20 oz. Coke bottles in McDonald's filling them back up at the soda fountain?  Who does that?  There is no need for the reminder on the label because anywhere you could possible get a refill would kick you out if you tried.  Maybe someone in our litigious society went to the bottling plant and demanded a refill and when denied he (definitely a dude) sued because the bottle did not specifically say "no refills".  If that is the case, it's very sad.  I like to think in response Coke put "NO REFILLS" in all caps as a small screw you.

In Conclusion, don't be stupid, you cannot just get free refills of anything you buy.  This is America and we will rub capitalism all in your face so just buy a new Coke if you want another one, hippie!

"At some point 'refill' used to be spelled 're-fill'.  Where did the hyphen go?"

Rules That Movies Should Obey

There are just certain rules that a good movie should follow, and because I love to make silly lists, here are a couple of said rules:

• Never Kill a Dog - NEVER.  I don't care if it moves the plot along, a good movie should never kill a dog.  The only movie I can think of right now that did this is that stupid alien invasion movie, The Darkest Hour, where the aliens are invisible and kill anything they touch.  It was a really dumb movie and then they killed a dog and it turned into a terrible movie.
• Don't Force Romances - I understand that in order to get men and women to come see a movie, you need a romance, but please don't force a romance on us.  Don't write a character in the movie just so you can trick people into coming to see your movie, it's unnecessary.
• Twist Endings Must Make Sense - A good twist ending is fun every now and then, but don't make a movie based entirely around a twist ending that doesn't make sense.  Or basically every M. Night Shamalamdingdong's movie after The Sixth Sense.  Seriously, water kills the aliens?  So dumb.
• No Stating the Obvious - I hate it when you are watching a movie and a character says exactly what is going on.  I can see it happening, I don't need the movie to also tell me what is happening.  I can't think of any examples right now, but you know what I'm talking about.
• Witty One-Liners Are Not Always Necessary - It was okay when Will Smith did it in Independence Day.  It was not okay when Will Smith did it in Wild Wild West.
• Eye Candy Characters Must Be Believable - I'm looking at you, The World is Not Enough.  Denise Richards should never play a nuclear scientist and she certainly shouldn't be named Dr. Christmas Jones.
• Don't Substitute CGI for Plot - This seems to be a growing trend in Hollywood right now.  Movies like Wrath of the Titans, 47 Ronin, and the soon to be released I, Frankenstein seem to think it's okay to just throw a bunch of computer graphics on the screen and hope the audience doesn't notice the plot is nonexistent.  

"A nuclear scientist would never wear something like that, let alone be that hot."

NOKW - Oblivion

Here comes the next chapter in our "I'm Okay With, I'm Not Okay With" series where I point out things in a movie I can tolerate and then one thing I just couldn't (if you want, click here for all of the past posts):

Movie:  Oblivion

Basic Plot:  Tom Cruise repairs drones that help protect giant turbines that sit in Earth's oceans which supposedly sends energy to a human colony on Titan.

I'm Okay With:  The fact that the only reason I picked this movie is because it debuted on HBO recently and also that it was actually pretty good.  The fact that I totally called the plot of this movie based off the trailer before it even came out in theaters.  The fact that that graphic of our destroyed moon was impressive looking.  The fact that Tom Cruise's house isn't structurally sound considering it is sitting hundreds of feet in the air and only has a single poll holding it up, a strong breeze should knock that thing down.  The fact that the satellite the bad guy uses seems to be able to see everything early in the movie and then they don't seem to use it when it would help the most later on.  The fact that the alien space pyramid doesn't bother to shoot down Tom Cruise's wife's space ship as it's approaching Earth.  The fact that the aliens he sees on Earth are never explained.  The fact that the alien in space is never explained.  The fact that Tom Cruise's wife seems to be okay with banging whichever Tom Cruise clone is still alive at the end of the movie.

I'm Not Okay With:  The fact that the bad guy doesn't seem to want Tom Cruise to know that he is a clone even though we find out later that an army of Tom Cruise clones attacked Earth.  If you haven't seen this movie (and I don't blame you), then what we know is that Tom Cruise and his lady partner are supposed to stay only within a certain range of their home because the Earth is supposedly radioactive.  However, it turns out that the radioactive part is just another Tom Cruise clone's territory and the bad guy doesn't want them to find out that they are clones and uses the radioactive excuse as the reason to accomplish this.  But the kicker is that we find out later that after the bad guy destroyed Earth's moon (which really messed things up), he/she sent down an army of Tom Cruise clones to take out any surviving humans.  So, my problem is, if the bad guy sent down thousands of Tom Cruise clones all at once, then why can't the current clones know that they are clones?  Nothing about this logic makes sense and it really bugged me as I was watching the movie.  I am not okay with that.

"The fact that the villain looks like this and has a female voice, symbolism anybody?"

Stupid State Laws - Wisconsin

Here comes another post about a state law that still exists on the books and why it is ridiculous (to see them all, click here):

Wisconsin

"Citizens may not murder their enemies."

WHAT?!?!  Why not?  They're enemies, you're supposed to murder them, that's why they are enemies.  So, Wisconsin, you are telling me that if Super Mario was a citizen of Wisconsin, he wouldn't be able to kill Bowser?  It's Bowser, Mario is supposed to murder that guy or he will reek havoc on the public.  What if the plot of Red Dawn happened in Wisconsin?  Would those crazy high school wolverines be able to run around and murder Russians?  No, because Wisconsin is short-sighted and didn't think things through when they made this law.  Way to go, Wisconsin, Russia just took over America.

"There is no way that these guys live in Wisconsin."

Saturday's Video of Saturday

Here is our weekly funny video post.  Let's see what we got for you guys:

Set up:  This is Brainfart's Funniest Super Bowl Commercial Award Winner:

Summary:  It's got everything, Hulk Hogan, Kid n' Play, Cliff from Cheers, Teen Wolf, Ponch, Alf, Chucky, and a freaking DeLorean.  What more can you ask for?  The only other commercial I even liked was the one with the guys from Full House.  In other words, referencing the 80s and 90s seems to be the best way to sell stuff to me.

Who Is This? Part 8

So, who is this?  This one might be a little easier since the guy looks basically the same as he did in his one and only role you know him from.  Do you still need a hint?  Okay, his 'boys' chanted his name when he showed up for the first time in his one and only movie we know him from.  Did that do it?  No?  Well, any other hints would give it away and I don't want to make it too easy on you.  If you still haven't figured it out (or cheated by scrolling down), here he is:

That is Dante Basco, aka RufiOOOOOO!  Yup, that fat guy up there is the former leader of the Lost Boys from the beloved movie, Hook.  So, what has he been up to since his one and only movie anyone remembers him being in?  Well, that question should pretty much wrap it up.  Nothing.  He has done some voice work and apparently was in one episode of Entourage, but other than that, his IMDB page lists a ton of stuff I have never heard of.

Walking Deadlanta

Last week, the Greater Metro Atlanta area experienced a terrible event caused by that bitch, Mother Nature.  A full 2 inches of snow, and possibly some ice, dumped furiously on the roads and caused one of the worst natural disasters in American history since a meteor hit Earth leading to the extinction of the dinosaurs.  I live in Atlanta and it was pretty bad but it didn't help that our public transportation system sucks, the entire city let/got off of work early, and schools released their kids at noon causing a few million people to all be out on the roads at once.  If you are having troubles imagining how bad the traffic was, just imagine that Olivia Wilde and Scarlet Johansson announced that they would be having sex in public and then imagine the resulting traffic jam.  Then multiple that by 5.  No, make it 6.  Well, you can only imagine...the traffic afterwards I mean.  I really only mentioned this event to show you the picture below.  The Walking Dead is shot in Atlanta and their cover shot with Rick riding his horse into downtown Atlanta is eerily similar to what actually occurred during Atlanta Snowmageddon 2014.....only with less zombies.

"I can only assume a few people froze to death, so maybe a couple came back from the dead, who knows."

Top/Bottom 5 Movie Roles - Johnny Depp

Here is where I pick a random actor or actress's Top 5 and Bottom 5 Movie Roles (I assume the post title gave that away).  This won't necessarily be the chosen actor or actress's best roles, but a combination of their best and my favorite.  In other words, if there is a tie, I'll go with my favorite.  Also, I won't actually be ranking them, they will be in a random order.  Lastly, this isn't these actor's or actress's best movies, but their best characters.  Let's get started:

Johnny Depp

Top 5

Jack Sparrow, Pirates of the Caribbean - We all know that the first time he played this plucky pirate, we all fell in love, he even redefined how we think of pirates.  It's too bad that Hollywood had to go and ruin this character by making so many sequels.
Raoul Duke, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas - Johnny running around while so drugged up that he imagines everyone turning into lizard people?  Yes please.
George Jung, Blow - I still feel like this is the only movie where he really tried to act and he couldn't have done a better job.
Edward Scissorhands, Edward Scissorhands - This was the first time that Tim Burton and Johnny teamed up and it was magic.  Johnny gave us a glimpse of how quirky he can be and you pretty much see a little of Edward in all of his characters today.
Sands, Once Upon a Time in Mexico - This choice might be a little strange, but I loved the scene where he tried a Mexican dish and loved it so much that he went back into the kitchen and shot the chef so that no one else could ever eat that meal.

Bottom 5

Frank Tupelo, The Tourist - Such garbage.  Not only was this movie a piece of shit, but Johnny's character couldn't have sucked more, especially the fact that it was clear that he and Angelina Jolie had zero chemistry, making this movie unwatchable.
Kemp, The Rum Diary - They tried to market this as Johnny reprising his role from Fear and Loathing, but it couldn't have been further from the truth.  What a letdown.
Roux, Chocolat - Did you know that until Pirates of the Caribbean, this was Johnny's highest-grossing movie?  Yeah, I don't know a single person who has ever seen it.
Gene Watson, Nick of Time - I saw this movie a long time ago and even as a dumb kid, I knew this movie sucked.
Tonto, The Lone Ranger - Dear Johnny, you may think that being 1/36th Native American makes it okay to play an Indian in a movie, but it's not.  You should have played the Lone Ranger, not that that would have made this movie any good.

Brainfart Crush of the Month - February

At the beginning of every month, we here at Brainfart will be bringing you our Brainfart Crush of the Month!  Sometimes it will be someone you have heard of, sometimes it will be just a random hottie you may have seen before, and sometimes it might be my neighbor.  Who knows!  Let's see who we picked this month:

This is Emmy Rossum.  If you are not watching the TV show Shameless, then shame on you.  The fourth season of Shameless started a few weeks back and I felt this was the perfect time to make her our Monthly Crush.  Emmy plays Fiona on the show and even though they make her look as trashy as possible, I still think she is extremely hot.  You may also remember her as the love interest from The Day After Tomorrow or the girl who is murdered in Mystic River.  The main reason I think she is so sexy is that she is tall for a woman and being 6'5 myself, I like me a taller woman and therefore she is Brainfart's Crush of the Month.

Random Movie Trivia - Dogma

Here is the next edition in our weekly Random Movie Trivia post.  Enjoy:

Dogma

• Jason Mewes (Jay) had the entire script memorized before rehearsals started.  When asked why, he said that he didn't want to anger Alan Rickman (Metatron).
• When they heard Alan Rickman was a Chasing Amy (1997) fan, Kevin Smith and Scott Mosier felt confident enough to ask him to play Metatron. He read the script and came back with only two questions: 1) would we stay faithful to the script, and 2) are the wings real or CGI?
• Kevin Smith actually wrote this movie before he wrote Clerks, but shelved it because he wanted a bigger budget to get the special effects right.
• Emma Thompson was going to play the part of God at the end of the movie, but backed out because she was having a baby.
• Alanis Morissette was originally meant for the leading role of Bethany, but couldn't do the part because of a world tour.  As compensation, she was offered the role of God.
• Also considered for the leading role was Gillian Anderson.
• In the opening sequence at the airport, Gwyneth Paltrow was sitting a couple of seats away from Ben Affleck. She is never seen however, and was only there because Affleck had invited her to the set that day as a friend.
• Albert Brooks was offered the role of Cardinal Glick, but the part was eventually given to George Carlin.
• The part of Loki was written for Jason Lee but scheduling conflicts forced him to take the smaller role of Azrael.  In the end, Ben Affleck recommended his buddy Matt Damon to play Loki.
• Bill Murray, John Travolta, and Adam Sandler were all considered for Azrael.
• Director Kevin Smith had Samuel L. Jackson and Will Smith in mind to play Rufus, but Chris Rock's improvisation skills won out.

Stupid State Laws - West Virginia 3

Here comes another post about a state law that still exists on the books and why it is ridiculous (to see them all, click here):

Alderson, West Virginia

"One may not walk a lion, tiger, or leopard, even on a leash."

Chalk this one up to common sense, West Virginia.  Of course, you shouldn't walk a lion, tiger, or leopard in public especially without a leash.  However, I feel like it's not that big a deal if it is on a leash.  Then again, it is a large deadly cat and I doubt a leash will stop it from mauling someone.  The one thing about this law that really disappointed me was that it wasn't for lions, tigers, and bears.  Come on, have these hicks never seen the Wizard of Oz?  Apparently not and until they fix this oversight, this law is stupid to me even if it makes some sense.

"But Carl, he's so cute."
"I don't care, rookie, cuff the bastard.....and cuff the tiger, too.  We can't take any chances."

Saturday's Video of Saturday

Here is our weekly funny video post.  Let's see what we got for you guys:

Set up:  Taylor University has a tradition called "Silent Night" where not a soul in the crowd utters a sound until their team has scored 10 points and then this happens:

Summary:  How cool is that?  Not a sound from the crowd and then BOOM!, the place goes nuts.  I would love to witness this just once in my lifetime.