Movie Sequel Ideas

Since Hollywood has obviously run out of any original movie ideas, I've come up with a couple of movie sequels that need to be made.  Next week, I will be writing about some remakes that could have some potential:

• True Lies - You loved this movie, I loved this movie, and a sequel would make a lot of sense considering how the first one left off with Arnold and his wife now as tag-team spies.  Bring back Tom Arnold and a now hot Eliza Dushku (she was really young in this movie and has definitely blossomed since).  Plus, based on the movies that Arnold is doing nowadays, he will certainly sign up for a True Lies sequel.  Also, anything James Cameron does is pure box office gold, so why not make this thing.
• Who Framed Roger Rabbit? - I really can't think of a plot for this movie, but I really want to see a bunch of cartoon characters running around again like in the original.  However, to make this movie even better, they should throw in a bunch of more modern cartoon characters like Peter Griffin, Bart Simpson, Bender, Cartman, Master Shake, etc.  You know you would go see this movie just to find out if Eric Cartman is the villain.
• The A-Team - I know that the first A-Team movie was pretty dumb, but they almost nailed it.  The biggest weakness of that movie was casting an MMA fighter (Quinton "Rampage" Jackson) as B.A. Baracus.  That guy was beyond terrible.  Bradley Cooper and Liam Neeson were pretty good as Face and Hannibal and Sharlto Copley was the perfect guy to play Murdock.  So, all they need to do is find a new B.A. Baracus and I think they will have themselves a movie.  Who would I pick?  Common would make a pretty good choice, but if you really want to bring a talented actor on board, they should cast Idris Elba.  He could easily bring the intensity that Rampage just couldn't pull off and slapping a mo-hawk on the guy wouldn't look weird which is important.  Get this done, Hollywood.
• Back to the Future - Sure, this is an impossible movie to make a sequel for because of Michael J. Fox's ailment.  But I think they could use his Parkinson's to their advantage.  Basically, they could say that time travel causes all sorts of terrible side effects that Doc didn't see coming, but McFly and the Doc have to travel in time once again to save something or other that will affect the future.  Hell, they could even throw in a villain that has created his own time machine and they have to find a way to stop him before he causes Hitler to win WWII or something.
• Big Trouble in Little China - This might be better if they remade it, but I don't want to see anyone other than Kurt Russell playing Jack Burton.  I know the original was cheesy, but it was still a fun movie and I want to see another chapter of Jack Burton's truck-driving adventures.  Of course, as long as they don't bring back Kim Cattrall (the slutty chick from Sex and the City), this thing has some potential.
• Ghostbusters - This one almost happened and still needs to happen only because I miss Rick Moranis and he said he would come out of retirement for a third Ghostbusters.  Did you know that Dan Aykroyd even wrote a script for this movie shortly after the second one that had the title characters going to a version of New York that only exists in Hell?  Yup, that was the original idea, but I'm sure they would have done something a little more tame had this thing gotten off the ground a couple of years ago.  My only problem with a sequel made with today's CGI is that I always liked the way the ghosts looked in the original two films, aka crappy.  I think if they stuck with crappy looking ghosts, a sequel will be incredible.

"Saying she has blossomed since True Lies might be an understatement."

NOKW - Thor

Here comes the next chapter in our "I'm Okay With, I'm Not Okay With" series where I point out things in a movie I can tolerate and then one thing I just couldn't (if you want, click here for all of the past posts):

Movie:  Thor

Basic Plot:  This is the origin story of Marvel's superhero Thor.  That should wrap it up.

I'm Okay With:  The fact that I actually thought this movie wasn't half bad.  The fact that I've always found it weird that an old Norse god is a Marvel superhero.  The fact that Thor wears his signature winged helmet for roughly three seconds in this movie.  The fact that I'm not ashamed to say that Chris Hemsworth is one good looking dude.  The fact that one of the Norse gods is Asian.  The fact that the frost giant race doesn't really seem to be a threat whatsoever considering they can't leave their shitty frozen planet without outside help, so why bother fighting them.  The fact that Thor and his pals thought it would be a good idea to go to the frost giant world by themselves and start a fight.  The fact that the robot used in this movie seems to be a rip-off of the one from The Day the Earth Stood Still.  The fact that SHIELD stealing all of Natalie Portman's research makes sense, but stealing all of her research equipment makes little sense.  The fact that the funniest two lines in the movie were Hawkeye's only two lines in the movie.  The fact that the movie ends with Thor not being able to go back to Earth and see Natalie Portman, but he has no troubles showing up on Earth in The Avengers.

I'm Not Okay With:  The fact that Loki is supposed to be a frost giant and yet he is the smallest person in Asgard.  It's right there in his people's name.  Giant.  Every time they show a frost giant, it is huge.  And yet, Loki is tiny compared to them even though he is one of them.  On top of that, he is not only a frost giant, but the son of the king of frost giants.  So, is Loki big and strong like his dad?  Nope.  He is small and fairly puny despite being a full grown adult   He's even smaller than all of the women in Asgard..  Sure, he isn't blue like his brethren, but that is probably because he doesn't live in a frozen wasteland of a planet.  However, that doesn't explain why he isn't at least taller than everyone else in Asgard.  I am not okay with that.

"The fact that this guy was the best character in the movie (other than Loki) and he didn't get enough screen time."

Stupid State Laws - Washington 8

Here comes another post about a state law that still exists on the books and why it is ridiculous (to see them all, click here):

Washington

"All motor vehicles must be preceded by a man carrying a red flag (daytime) or a red lantern (nighttime) fifty feet in front of said vehicle."

I feel like this law totally defeats the purpose of owning a car.  How does anyone get around if some dude has to walk in front of his car at all times with a flag or lantern in his hands?  You wouldn't get anywhere.  On top of that, this seems to be a really sexist law.  A "man" is the one who has to do the carrying, why not women?  Are they too weak to carry a flag?  Are only men allowed to drive in Washington?  Wait, that last question sounds like a pretty good idea.  Now, if only we could actually get people to stop talking on their cell phones while driving, the roads would be a safer place for all.  Keep up the good work, Washington.

"Oh no, that guy fell down and there is a car only 50 feet behind him!"

Saturday's Video of Saturday

Here is our weekly funny video post.  Let's see what we got for you guys:

Set up:  It's a parody trailer for a sequel to Love Actually showing the actors in their more recent roles.

Summary:  Yeah, Rick from The Walking Dead was in Love Actually.  And The Hobbit was the guy who played a stand-in during the sex scenes for a movie being shot within the movie.  Very funny stuff.

Who Is This? Part 6

So, who we got here?  This might be the toughest one to date, so I'll give you a hint - he will not be in the Mad Max remake coming out in 2015 (yeah, that exists and Bane will be playing the title character).  What?  You say that was a terrible hint?  Fine.  In the movie he is most known for his mom would encourage him to eat like a little piggie and then make him wear so much extra clothing when he went outside that he couldn't put his arms down.  Is that better?  That up there is Ian Petrella, otherwise known as Randy from A Christmas Story.

Yeah, I don't see it either, but that's him.  What has Ian been up to since his one big role?  According to his IMDB page, a whole of nothing, so I'm going to assume he is pursuing a career other than acting unless you count an episode of 90210 where he played a character named "Kid" as acting.

Weekly Picks of the Week - Bowl Games Part 2

Picks in Bold

Rankings based on BCS Standings
All lines provided by BETONLINE.ag

Nebraska Cornhuskers (+9) v. #22 Georgia Bulldogs

Taxslayer.com Gator Bowl
Jacksonville, Everbank Field
Wednesday Jan. 1
12:00
ESPN 2

#19 Wisconsin Badgers (-1.5) v. #9 South Carolina Gamecocks

Capitol One Bowl
Orlando, Florida Citrus Bowl
Wednesday Jan. 1
1:00
ABC

#5 Stanford Cardinal v. #4 Michigan State Spartans (+6)

Rose Bowl
Pasadena, Rose Bowl
Wednesday Jan. 1
5:00
ESPN

#15 Central Florida Knights (+16.5) v. #6 Baylor Bears

Tostitos Bowl
Glendale, University of Phoenix Stadium
Wednesday Jan. 1
8:30
ESPN

#11 Oklahoma Sooners v. #3 Alabama Crimson Tide (-15)

Allstate Sugar Bowl
New Orleans, Superdome
Thursday Jan. 2
8:30
ESPN

#13 Oklahoma State Cowboys (+1) v. #8 Missouri Tigers

AT&T Cotton Bowl
Arlington, AT&T Stadium
Friday Jan. 3
7:30
FOX

#12 Clemson Tigers (+2.5) v. #7 Ohio State Buckeyes

Discover Orange Bowl
Miami, Sun Life Stadium
Friday Jan. 3
8:30
ESPN

#1 Florida State Seminoles v. #2 Auburn Tigers (+8.5)

BCS National Championship Game
Pasadena, Rose Bowl
Monday Jan. 6
8:30
ESPN

-Before the last weekend of the season, Clemson was projected to play Alabama in the Orange Bowl.  As a Clemson fan, that wasn't the most exciting prospect (they're really good).  After seeing this, I sent an email to a friend of mine and this was his response:

"I wouldn't worry too much. You did beat [GT] 55-31. We beat Duke by 24 who beat Miami, who beat Florida, who beat Tennessee, who beat South Carolina, who beat Missouri, who beat Ole Miss, who beat LSU, who beat Auburn by 2 touchdowns, who beat Alabama on a ridiculous play. Now if you add up that margin of victory for every game, you should win by 127 points."

That might be the most logical argument I have ever heard and I'm shocked I didn't think of it first.  In the end, it doesn't matter because Clemson will be playing Ohio State in the Orange Bowl and they are definitely more beatable than Alabama, so my buddy's logic will not come into play, but it would have been exciting to see Clemson light up Alabama like logic says they would have.

-Oh, and the last time that Clemson and Ohio State played each other this happened:

-Alright, enjoy some more pointless bowl games.

Last Week's Results: 4-2
Regular Season Results: 40-44-3
Bowl Results: 1-1

Merry Christmas!

"I was going to put a picture of a sexy woman here, but I found this picture and couldn't resist."

Movie Review - Hobbit 2

As I always like to do after seeing a good movie, here is my review and recommendation of a new release:

The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug

Smaug.  My brother and I giggled every time the dragon's name was pronounced properly, it just sounds so odd.  But that has nothing to do with the movie.  While this review my sound like I didn't like the movie, that's not the case.  I did like, just not as much as the first one.  I guess the biggest problem between the two is that going into the first one, I didn't really have any expectations and really enjoyed it.  This time, I was really looking forward to it and was kind of let down.

First off, the first half of the movie was kind of boring and the second half was a little too CGI-heavy.  The thing I always liked about the Lord of the Rings trilogy was how real it felt.  Sure, there was a lot of CGI, but for the most part, all of the characters were actual actors.  But in this one, almost every orc was computer-generated and that was something the LotR films didn't do.  While this movie wasn't as bad as the Star Wars prequels in its use of green screens (to the point that the acting suffered from its overuse), it was still used a little too much.  Every fight scene seemed like nothing but a cool scene from a video game and while it looked cool, it was lacking.

Second, there were too many pointless side stories.  Basically, Peter Jackson took a lot of liberties with the book just so that he could stretch this thing into three movies.  He added back story that just wasn't in the book and it truly wasn't needed to make a great movie (especially the unneeded love triangle between the chick elf, Legolas, and one of the dwarves).  Also, everything that happened when the group got into the Lonely Mountain other than Bilbo confronting Smaug was added just to make a cool fight scene between the dragon and the good guys.  Once again, while the big fight scene looked cool, it kind of took away from the books.

Lastly, I knew there was going to be a third movie and that they would have to end this movie before everything was resolved, but the point where this movie ended was just cruel.  I don't want to give it away, but when the credits started rolling, I'm fairly sure everyone in the audience groaned at exactly the same time.

Otherwise, I enjoyed this movie.  The acting was great and a select few of the side stories were pretty good.  For some reason, Gandolf was only in the movie for like 10 minutes because he decided to venture away from our group very early on and they showed what he was up to for only a couple of minutes after that.  The addition of Lost's Evangeline Lilly to the cast as the warrior elf, Tauriel, was pleasant and I think she did a very good job.  And for some reason, I really liked the guy they cast as Bard, who helps Bilbo and his gang get to the Lonely Mountain.  His name is Luke Evans (who was beat out by Ben Affleck to be the new Batman) and he was great in the movie.  Also, I still think that they couldn't have cast a better actor than Martin Freeman to play Bilbo.  And while Freeman may have been the title character, the MVP of the movie was definitely Smaug, voiced by the awesomely named Benedict Cumberbatch.  I couldn't have been more pleased with the way they portrayed Smaug and Cumberbatch's voice perfectly matched the greedy dragon.

In conclusion, I suggest you go see it.  While I had a few complaints, the movie as a whole was enjoyable and well worth seeing in the theater.

Fart Rating (out of 5):  4.0 Farts

Random Movie Trivia - Dazed and Confused

Here is the next edition in our weekly Random Movie Trivia post.  Enjoy:

Dazed and Confused

• Director Richard Linklater and Universal Studios were sued by three of Linklater's former high school classmates for using their likenesses and names in the movie without their permission.  Those three guys were named Bobby Wooderson, Andy Slater, and Richard Floyd.  The lawsuit was later dropped because the statute of limitations expired.
• Shawn Andrews (the girly looking guy) and Jason London (Pink) did not get along during shooting and had to be broken up when they started a fight on set.  Because of their dislike, many scenes were changed and even though they are in a lot of scenes together, they rarely exchange dialogue.
• While filming, Milla Jovovich and Shawn Andrews flew to Vegas and got married.  However, Milla was only 16 at the time and her mother made them get the marriage annulled.
• The word "man" is said 203 times.
• Prior to filming, Wiley Wiggins (Mitch) had never thrown a baseball before (how is that possible) and had to have a stand-in do the baseball scenes for him.
• The actress who played the curly redhead who hang out with the two nerdy characters is named Marissa Ribisi, she is Giovanni Ribisi's twin sister.  Giovanni Ribisi is the guy who played Nick Cage's little brother in Gone in Sixty Seconds.
• All of the custom paddles were designed by the actors themselves.
• Vince Vaughn auditioned for the role of Benny, but the director thought that Vaughn and Ben Affleck resembled each other too much and cast Cole Hauser instead.
• The word "fuck" is said 59 times.
• Did you know that Renee Zellweger was in this movie?  She had a non-speaking part apparently.
• The beer drunk in the movie was real and everyone in the cast except for minors drank as much as they wanted.

"This is still Matthew McConaughey's greatest role."

Stupid State Laws - Washington 7

Here comes another post about a state law that still exists on the books and why it is ridiculous (to see them all, click here):

Wilbur, Washington

"You may not ride an ugly horse."

Now, that just seems unfair.  It's not the horse's fault that it is ugly, it was born that way.  And why would you not be able to ride an ugly horse?  In what possible scenario would riding an ugly horse be committing a crime?  Sure, your ugly horse may scare small children but that doesn't seem illegal to me because lots of stuff scares small children.  So, what happened to cause a lawmaker to come up with this thing?  I think I came up with something, but it is a little far-fetched.  A city councilman has a hot young daughter who is dating a neighbor.  This neighbor is part of a family that is in a lifelong feud with the councilman's family and he doesn't want his daughter marrying him.  It's a modern day Romeo and Juliet.  The councilman hires a private investigator to dig up some dirt on the young suitor, but comes up nothing that will stick.  However, the young man owns the ugliest horse in the city, so the councilman makes a bill that makes it illegal to ride ugly horses.  After the law passes, his daughter's boyfriend is instantly thrown in jail, thus reigniting the feud once again.  The two families duke it out in a shoot-out, both sides lose many family members including the councilman.  The ugly horse-riding man is released from jail and goes on to marry his sweetheart, but since the guy who made the law is dead, no one bothers to repeal the law and that is why it still exists today.  It makes complete sense if that is the reason behind this stupid law.  Otherwise, Washington is just a stupid state and has some explaining to do.

"And how do we deem if a horse is ugly?  For all we know, horses may find this guy super sexy."

Saturday's Video of Saturday

Here is our weekly funny video post.  Let's see what we got for you guys:

Set up:  It's been too long since people last saw this video and I had to bring it back one more time.

Summary:  "That's a long distance call, Doug!"  My brother and I still say that to each other all the time.

Who Is This? Part 5

So, who is this?  I'll give you a hint - that mustache is awesome.  Wait, that's not a good hint at all.  How about this one - he had to burp so that he and his grandpa didn't get chopped to bits by a large (unnecessary) spinning blade.  If that didn't give it away, I don't know what's wrong with you.  That up there is Peter Ostrum, aka Charlie from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.  Fun fact - that is the only movie he has ever been in.  What has he been doing since his acting days you ask?  Who the hell knows other than growing a wicked awesome 'stache.

Weekly Picks of the Week - Bowl Games Part One

Picks in Bold

Rankings based on BCS Standings
All lines provided by BETONLINE.ag

#20 Fresno State Bulldogs (+6.5) v. #25 USC Trojans

Royal Purple Las Vegas Bowl
Las Vegas, Sam Boyd Stadium
Saturday Dec. 21
3:30
ESPN

Boise State Broncos v. Oregon State Beavers (-3)

Sheraton Hawaii Bowl
Honolulu, Aloha Stadium
Tuesday Dec. 24
8:00
ESPN

Miami Hurricanes v. #18 Louisville Cardinals (-3)

Russell Athletic Bowl
Orlando, Florida Citrus Bowl
Saturday Dec. 28
6:45
ESPN

Mississippi Rebels (-3) v. Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets

Franklin American Mortgage Music City Bowl
Nashville, LP Field
Monday Dec. 30
3:15
ESPN

#10 Oregon Ducks v. Texas Longhorns (+14)

Valero Alamo Bowl
San Antonio, Alamodome
Monday Dec. 30
6:45
ESPN

#14 Arizona State Sun Devils v. Texas Tech Red Raiders (+14)

National University Holiday Bowl
San Diego, Qualcomm Stadium
Monday Dec. 30
10:15
ESPN

Virginia Tech Hokies (+7) v. #17 UCLA Bruins

Hyundai Sun Bowl
El Paso, Sun Bowl
Tuesday Dec. 31
2:00
ESPN

#24 Duke Blue Devils v. #21 Texas A&M Aggies (-11.5)

Chick-fil-A Bowl
Atlanta, Georgia Dome
Tuesday Dec. 31
8:00
ESPN

-Here comes my yearly reminder that bowl games are pointless.  Beyond pointless.  Only one game actually matters (and it isn't even technically a bowl game) and the rest are a bunch of glorified exhibition games.  Not only are they pointless, the players know they are pointless and generally only one team shows up to play and the other one just shows up to have a good time in a random town.  On top of that, 80 of the 126 FBS teams qualified for a bowl game.  That's 63.5%.  Insanity.  It's like giving out Participation Trophies to little league kids because their parents don't want to hurt anyone's feelings.  Look at it this way, all a team has to do is load up on crappy non-conference teams and then win just two conference games and they can play in a bowl game.  How does that make sense?  For example, Texas State (6-6, 2-5 in Sun Belt) beat 0-12 Georgia State and 5-6 South Alabama in conference and then beat four non-conference opponents who had a combined record of 13-35.  Of their six wins, only one was bowl eligible (Prairie View A&M who I've never heard of) and yet they are bowl eligible.  That's so dumb.  Thankfully, there are only 70 available spots for bowl games and Texas State didn't make the cut, but the fact that they are eligible is still stupid.  All I'm trying to say is that bowl games are pointless and I really can't stand watching two 6-6 teams duke it out in the Crappy.com Craptastic Bowl.

The Funniest Sign From Last Week's College GameDay

(I would like to thank my buddy, Ned, for sending me this awesome sign.)

-Alright, enjoy some pointless bowl games.

Last Week's Results: 4-2
Regular Season Results: 40-44-3
Bowl Results: 0-0

"I don't know what I like more, the look on the LG's face or the RG's mustache.  It truly is a toss-up."

It's A Girl!

I would like to congratulate fellow Brainfart contributor, Alex, and his wife on their first child, a cute baby girl.  Before she was born, I had suggested that they name their baby Katniss and it looks like they took my advice and named her Hunter.  Close enough, right?  Congratulations, buddy!

Who's The Bigger Star? Part 2

Here is a fun post where a compare two actors/actresses, sports stars, TV personalities, etc against each other and determine who is the bigger star.  Let's see who wins this time:

George Clooney v. Brad Pitt

George Clooney

• Biggest Role:  I guess it's either his role from ER or as Danny Ocean.
• My Favorite Role:  Everett McGill from O Brother, Where Art Thou?
• Top Earning Movie:  Surprisingly, it's Gravity.
• Biggest Flop:  Easy, it was Batman & Robin.
• Awards:  13 Golden Globe Nominations (4 Wins), 8 Oscar Nominations (2 Wins), 2 Emmy Nominations
• Career:  Random tidbit, he was on a show called E/R and then the show we all know, ER.  Anyways, after leaving ER for the movie industry, he did a lot of random stuff until the Ocean's Eleven movies and from there went on to direct and produce.  He recently won an Oscar for producing Argo, so his career is still going strong.

Brad Pitt

• Biggest Role:  As Angelina Jolie's husband.  Are they married?  I have no idea anymore.
• My Favorite Role:  It's tough to go against Tyler Durden from Fight Club, but I'm going with his character in the little known movie, Snatch.
• Top Earning Movie:  World War Z
• Biggest Flop:  He's actually done a number of crappy movies, but my least favorite was when he played Achilles in Troy.
• Awards:  5 Golden Globe Nominations (1 Wins), 4 Oscar Nominations, 1 Emmy Nominations (for his cameo on Friends)
• Career:  The first thing he is remembered for was his part in Thelma & Louise and then went on to do all sorts of random stuff for the next decade like Se7en, Fight Club, Interview With A Vampire, etc.  Seriously, if you don't know what he's been in then you must have been living in a cave your whole life.

At first, I really thought Pitt would run away with this thing, then I changed my mind and thought with Clooney's recent exploits he should be dubbed the winner.  But then I changed my mind again because Brad Pitt was just too awesome in Fight Club that I'm going to give him the award even though it was really really close on this one.

"I don't know if that's true, but I do know his kids might be."

NOKW - Ghostbusters 2

Here comes the next chapter in our "I'm Okay With, I'm Not Okay With" series (if you don't know what this is, click here for all of the past posts):

Movie:  Ghostbusters 2

Basic Plot:  Our favorite ghost busting team is back and this time they fight some evil dude who lives in a painting.

I'm Okay With:  The fact that the kids in the opening birthday party scene wanted He-Man and not the Ninja Turtles.  The fact that those two ghosts from the courthouse scene didn't just leave the courthouse and reek havoc on the public and instead stayed and got caught.  The fact that Winston might have been the only competent member of the team despite being the only one without a medical degree.  The fact that there is a river of slime flowing underneath New York City and no one noticed until the ghostbusters stumbled upon it.  The fact that the only reason they included slime in this movie was to obviously sell it to kids.  The fact that Winston was hit by a ghost train which proves that ghosts might not be all that dangerous.  The fact that the Statue of Liberty doesn't just fall apart when the ghostbusters walk it across New York.  The fact that I wish they would finally get around and make a third movie in this series.  The fact that Vigo the Carpathian is not a god but apparently has all sorts of supernatural powers including being able to set fire to the ghostbusters' photo room.  The fact that I miss Rick Moranis and I wish he would start making movies again.

I'm Not Okay With:  The fact that the mayor's aide questions the 'busters about there being ghosts even though they have proven themselves over and over.  If you are socially inept and haven't seen this great movie, then you should know that the title heroes are thrown in the loony bin after the mayor's aide says they are trying to screw up the mayor's shot at governor with all of their "ghost" nonsense.  Um, why would the mayor ever agree to this when he knows for a fact that ghosts exist and that the ghostbusters are the only reason that Gozer and a giant marshmallow man didn't take over the city a couple years earlier.  Hell, they even saved a courthouse from two ghosts earlier in the movie and this wasn't factored into the mayor's decision?  Sure, a disaster might have hurt his shot at governor, but aren't the ghostbusters the exact guys he would need to avert said disaster?  You're damn right they are.  But instead of listening to them, he agrees with his aide and locks them up until shit really hits the fan.  I am not okay with that.

"The fact that you know none of these guys have ever seen the inside of a gym and that painting is very inaccurate."

Stupid State Laws - Washington 6

Here comes another post about a state law that still exists on the books and why it is ridiculous (to see them all, click here):

Washington

"All lollipops are banned."

ALL OF THEM?!?  Washington, you are one silly state.  Do you hate kids?  A couple of weeks ago, we covered the law about deflowering women is against the law.  So, not only does Washington not understand how babies are born, but now if they do have kids, they want to deprive them of delicious lollipops.  That's kind of a dick move.  Sure, finding a lollipop stuck to your couch cushions is annoying, but that's not enough of a reason to ban them.  Seriously, is your entire state run by crotchety old virgin men?  I really don't understand why you would ban lollipops.  And if you ban lollipops, why not just ban every other kind of candy while you are at it.  Washington, you continue to baffle me.

"Really, kid.  You're going to lick that thing in public?  Cuff'em, rookie."

Saturday's Video of Saturday

Here is our weekly funny video post.  Let's see what we got for you guys:

Set-up:  Have you ever played MegaMan 2?  That's all the set-up you need, just know that the good stuff kicks in at about the 40 second mark, so be patient.

Summary:  I loved that game as a kid and that video brought a tear to my eye.  I still remember always getting pissed off on the first Doctor Wiley stage when that stupid dragon would always push me off of the tiny blocks they gave you to stand on.  Ah, memories.

The Maggie Theory

Awhile back I read a Bill Simmons' column where he talks about something he calls the "Maggie Theory". Basically, the theory pertains to great movies that have a glaring weakness that makes the movie unwatchable over time.  Usually this weakness is a casting choice that makes you cringe each time you rewatch the movie.  In honor of the Maggie Theory, I've come up with a couple of movies which were one actor/actress away from being a classic.  Let's do this:

• Caddyshack, Maggie - This is the movie where the theory got its name.  Maggie plays Noonan's annoying girlfriend and her accent just drives me nuts.  They could have left her out of the movie and nobody would have noticed.
• Gangs of New York, Cameron Diaz - I actually liked this movie.  It was a little long but Daniel Day-Lewis was so good it almost overshadowed how terrible Cameron Diaz was.  Could they not find a better actress for this part?  The answer is yes.  Easily.
• The Dark Knight, Maggie Gyllenhaal - On four occasions (I looked it up), I have stated that Maggie Gyllenhaal is the only reason this movie wasn't seriously considered for a Best Picture Oscar.  I hated her so much, that I actually applauded when she was blown up (oh yeah, spoiler alert).
• The Fifth Element, Chris Tucker - If you haven't seen this movie, go watch it now.  It is awesome....if you can get over Chris Tucker's annoying character.  He's supposed to be the comic relief, but I think his character just sucked the life out of me every time he opened his mouth.
• Old School, Ellen Pompeo - This was Bill Simmons' biggest Maggie Theory nominee in his article and I couldn't agree more.  When I saw this movie, I didn't think she was that bad.  Then I saw an episode of Punk'd (back when it was popular) where she was the victim and she came off as the biggest bitch in the world and it really changed my view of her so much that I can't stand her anymore, making Old School a slightly worse movie.
• Pulp Fiction, Bruce Willis's French Girlfriend - This is by far the biggest Maggie Theory in my view.  Even more than Maggie Gyllenhaal, which is hard to do.  Bruce Willis' girlfriend in this movie was beyond awful.  Every time I heard her speak, I wanted to rip out my eardrums with a spork.  She is the number one reason I find it hard to rewatch Pulp Fiction to this day.

"Katie Holmes might not be the greatest actress in the world, but anyone other than Maggie Gyllenhaal would have made The Dark Knight that much better."

College Football Predictions Review

I thought it would be fun to look back on Alex and I's College Football Predictions and see how we did.  Correct picks are in green and incorrect picks are in red.

	Sambo	Alexatgt
ACC Coastal	UNC	Georgia Tech
ACC Atlantic	Clemson	Clemson
ACC Champ	Clemson	Clemson
SEC East	Georgia	S. Carolina
SEC West	Alabama	Alabama
SEC Champ	Alabama	Alabama
Big 12 Champ	Texas	Oklahoma
Big 10 Leaders	Ohio St	Ohio St
Big 10 Legends	Michigan	Michigan
Big 10 Champ	Ohio St	Ohio St
PAC 12 North	Stanford	Stanford
PAC 12 South	Arizona St	Southern Cal
PAC 12 Champ	Stanford	Stanford
	National Championship
Team 1	Alabama	Alabama
Team 2	Stanford	Louisville
Winner	Stanford	Alabama

Total Correct

Sambo - 4 of 16 (25%)

Alex - 3 of 16 (19%)

Notes:
-I win!  Suck it, Alex.
-Missouri and Auburn combined for two conference wins last year, so picking them to win their respective divisions would have just been stupid at the beginning of the season.
-Alabama had won three of the past four National Championships and Auburn didn't even win a conference game last season, only insane people would have picked Auburn to win the SEC and make it to the National Championship Game....or hardcore Auburn fans.
-Who knew that Jameis Winston would be that good and not only dominate the ACC, but make it the big game?
-And Duke?!?  Really?!?
-I'm pretty proud of nailing the entire PAC-12.
-As for the Big 12 (which has 10 teams), I almost got Texas right, if only they won their last game.  Too bad no one saw Baylor being as good as they were.
-In conclusion, it's next to impossible to guess what is going to happen in college football during an entire season, but it was fun trying.  Until next year!

"And here's a picture of a hot LSU fan with a corndog in her mouth.  You're welcome."

World Cup Becoming YMCAish

It is kind of odd that the World Cup in 2014 was awarded to Brazil.  Brazil is not in an economically good place, which has worsened and led to violent protests against the government spending money to build soccer stadiums.  They are also a little soccer crazy making some sort of riot inevitable whether Brazil wins or loses.  Another reason it is not the best place for soccer is the weather.  Brazil is hot.  And they have jungles.  When the stadium locations were revealed, a soccer reporter who covers a team in the jungle even asked why they were playing games there in the early afternoon because the local teams won't even do that because it is so hot.

Most people in America don't know this because we don't watch soccer, but it is played outdoors.  Soccer fanatics will hold up soccer's constant action and tell you soccer players are better athletes than other sports because they never stop.  That is true, until now.  Taking a page out of the YMCA eight year old league's playbook, the high temperature/humidity matches will have designated water breaks.  They even named them "cooling breaks".  Soccer has no chance in the U.S. with things like this.  At least call it a time out.  Next thing you know the designated team mom will start handing out orange slices at halftime.  Get it together, soccer.

"Really soccer, really!?!"

Truly Random Brainfart Thoughts - Part 11

Here comes the next edition of Truly Random Brainfart Thoughts (click here to see the others).  Basically,  these are a bunch of random thoughts that came to mind that I couldn't really expand on and thought I should just make them into list form for your enjoyment.  Here goes:

• Who in the hell is Pitbull and why in the hell does he have so many endorsements?
• I have a crush on the Amazon Kindle Fire commercial redhead, Amy.  She's smoking hot.
• How exactly do my shirts and pants always turn inside out while in the dryer?
• Are iPhones allowed into college graduations?  If so, that would make that long-ass ceremony way more bearable.
• I feel like I have seen Beau Bridges in a dozen different TV shows this past year.  I've seen him White Collar, Franklin & Bash, The Millers, The Goodwin Games, and Masters of Sex.  All in the last year, he's got to be the hardest working actor in Hollywood right now.  (P.S. Watch Masters of Sex, it's awesome and full of boobs.)
• I can't get the word "Gullyhole" out of head.  Thanks a lot, Family Guy.
• Did you know that we are two years away from when Back to the Future 2 was set?  Where in the hell are our hoverboards?
• I just saw that during a recent election that a guy from the Webster (NC) City Council received zero votes.  He didn't even vote for himself?!?
• How did 7'0, 500 pound Andre the Giant ever lose when he wrestled?
• Did you know that the Taliban have elections?  For an organization that really hates America, that's a very American thing to do.
• Family Guy killed off Brian.  What?  Why?
• I just found out that Tom Hardy might be playing John Conner and Emilia Clarke might be Sarah Conner in The Terminator reboot.  I only mention this so that I can show a picture of Emilia's fine self.

"So fine."

Random Movie Trivia - Ghostbusters

Here is the next edition in our weekly Random Movie Trivia post.  Enjoy:

Ghostbusters

• The original title of the film was Ghost Smashers.
• Gozer was originally supposed to be played by Paul Reubens, but he turned down the part.  In case you didn't know, Paul Reubens is Pee-Wee Herman.
• When Alice the librarian is queried as to whether anyone in her family had ever had any history of mental illness, she replies she had an uncle who thought he was St. Jerome.  Jerome is the patron saint of librarians.
• The goo from the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man was actually shaving cream.  50 gallons of it was dumped on Walter Peck (William Atherton) at the end of the movie, almost knocking him to the ground.
• The role of Peter Venkman was written for John Belushi, but he passed away before the movie was made.  So, in his honor Dan Aykroyd always referred to Slimer as the ghost of Belushi.
• Until the release of Home Alone, this was the highest grossing comedy of all-time.
• Christopher Walken, John Lithgow, Christopher Lloyd, and Jeff Goldblum were all considered for the role of Egon.
• John Candy was cast as Louis Tully, but quit when his ideas for the character kept getting rejected. One of his idea was that he wanted to speak with a German accent but no one else thought that made sense.  So, Rick Moranis replaced Candy at the last minute.
• Pornstar Ron Jeremy is an extra in a scene right after the containment unit explodes.
• The demonic voice of Zuul/Dana was provided by director Ivan Reitman.
• The original premise of Ghostbusters had three main characters: John Belushi, Dan Aykroyd and Eddie Murphy. They fought ghosts in S.W.A.T. like suits using wands instead of guns. The ghost named Slimer was known as 'Onionhead', and at the end of the movie, Ghostbusters businesses were all over the United States.
• Eddie Murphy was supposed to play Winston, but turned it down to star in Beverly Hills Cop.  That movie was the only movie that earned more at the box office than Ghostbusters in 1984.  If he had taken the part, Winston would have been more prominent in the film, but was rewritten and didn't show up until much later in the story.
• The Stay Puft Marshmallow Man suits cost about $20,000 each.  Three were made and all three were destroyed during filming.
• Michael Keaton turned down the roles of both Venkman and Egon.
• The term "proton pack" was never actually said until the middle of the second movie.
• Larry King's film debut at the age of 124 (estimated).

"It must have been Belushi, he was doing his famous food fight scene from Animal House."

Stupid State Laws - Washington 5

Here comes another post about a state law that still exists on the books and why it is ridiculous (to see them all, click here):

Everett, Washington

"It is illegal to display a hypnotized or allegedly hypnotized person in a store window."

At first, this law made sense to me, then I had a thought.  What if you hypnotized women and stuck them in the window of your brothel and made them do whatever the customer wanted?  Then it struck me that this isn't Amsterdam and brothels are illegal everywhere in the U.S. but Las Vegas.  So, I went back to thinking this law makes no sense.  However, I do love the 'allegedly hypnotized' part of this law.  That makes even less sense and I am at a loss for words about how baffling this law truly is.  In what world would having a hypnotized person in your store window a bad thing?  What in the hell is going on in Everett, Washington?  Someone please explain this to me because I am too lazy to look up the real reason.

"You are getting very sleepy.......and very horny."

Saturday's Video of Saturday

Here is our weekly funny video post.  Let's see what we got for you guys:

Set up:  You ever wonder what the guy who does the voice of Spongebob Squarepants looks like?  How about Bender from Futurama?  Well, here is a trailer for a movie about voice actors.

Summary:  Did you know that the guy who does the voice of Bender is also the voice of Marcus Fenix from the Gears of War games?  Or that the guy who does Phillip J. Fry from Futurama was also the voice of Stimpy from the classic Ren & Stimpy cartoon?  Or did you know the guy who plays Sterling Archer's nemesis, Barry Dillon, on Archer also does the voice of Meatwad from Aqua Teen Hunger Force?  Amazing stuff.

They DO Exist!

Have you ever been pretty sure a store or business is closed because you haven't heard anything about it or know anybody that has been there recently?  It just fades from your memory and therefore you assume it died.  That happens to me with K-Mart.  Every year I think they are gone for sure.  I don't know anyone that shops there or wants to get something from there.  Then Christmas comes around and BAM!  I get a few mailers and see a bunch of ads on TV.  It makes me sad I didn't go there this year and even more sad that people think they are crappier than Walmart, but it does feel good to know they are still hanging on even though no one knows where one is.  Good for you K-Mart. Stay strong!

P.S.  Ditto for Gulf gas stations.  Who knew!?!

"Big K?  Good re-brand.....not"

Weekly Picks of the Week - Championship Week

Picks in Bold

Rankings based on BCS Standings
All lines provided by BETONLINE.ag

#17 Oklahoma Sooners (+10) @ #6 Oklahoma State Cowboys

12:00
ABC

#25 Texas Longhorns (+15) @ #9 Baylor Bears

9:15
FOX

SEC Championship

#5 Missouri Tigers v. #3 Auburn Tigers (-1.5)

Georgia Dome, Atlanta
4:00
CBS

PAC-12 Championship

#7 Stanford Cardinal @ #11 Arizona State Sun Devils (-3)

7:45
ESPN

ACC Championship

#20 Duke Blue Devils v. #1 Florida State Seminoles (-29)

Bank of America Stadium, Charlotte
8:00
ABC

Big 10 Championship
#2 Ohio State Buckeyes v. #10 Michigan State Spartans (+5.5)

Lucas Oil Stadium, Indianapolis
8:15
FOX

-I hate how the sports media always claims that the most recent or upcoming play, game, player, etc is the "Greatest [insert play, game, player, etc,] Ever".  However, after watching the game-winning play in the Alabama v. Auburn game this weekend, that might actually have been the greatest play in college football history.  It was a missed field goal returned from the back of the end zone for a touchdown as time had already expired that decided who played for the SEC Championship.  It doesn't get much bigger than that.  What play could be bigger?  "The Play" or the one with the band on the field was pretty awesome, but it was between 5-5 Stanford and 6-4 Cal and the winner of that game didn't really matter.  The only play that you could say that was better was the Vince Young TD run in the National Championship against USC with 19 seconds on the clock in 2006.  In context, that play was much bigger because it determined the winner of the National Championship, but the Auburn play was by far more dramatic.  Either way, the last play of this past weekend's Iron Bowl really might be the best play I have ever seen and I'm not just saying that for the sake of saying it.

-Do you know how I know that Shaquille O'Neal was really popular about 20 years ago?  By the number of college football players named Shaq playing college football right now.  I did a quick search through a recruiting site to see how many kids named Shaquille showed up in the recruiting database over a six year span and my results are kind of funny.  You can see Shaq's rise and fall in popularity very clearly with my results:

• 2015 - 5
• 2014 - 14
• 2013 - 14
• 2012 - 21
• 2011 - 25
• 2010 - 4

-My favorite stat of the year might be the following:  The SEC Championship Game will feature two teams (Auburn v. Missouri) that had a combined 2 conference wins the previous season, both by Missouri.  In other words, I bet not a single person picked either team to win their respective divisions and end up in the SEC Championship.

-Oh, and I guarantee a winning week or your money back, blah blah blah.

The Funniest Sign From Last Week's College GameDay

(I only picked this sign because that is an actual picture of Alabama QB A.J. McCarron.  Yeah, his chest is covered in a giant tattoo.  Who saw that coming?)

-Alright, enjoy championship week.

Last Week's Results: 3-3
Season Results: 36-42-3

"This is Molly McGrath.  She was the sideline reporter for the Oregon St/Oregon game last week.  I'm showing you this picture so that you now know what the future Ms. Sambo looks like.  I might be in love."

Who's The Bigger Star?

I came up with a fun new concept we will call "Who's The Bigger Star?" where we try to figure out who is more famous.  Each time I do one of these posts, I'm going compare actors, sports figures, or TV personalities against each other and see who I deem to be the bigger star.  This week I picked a tough one:

Tom Hanks v. Harrison Ford

Tom Hanks

• Biggest Role:  Tough call, I guess it would have to be his role in Big.
• My Favorite Role:  Jimmy Dugan in A League of Their Own
• Top Earning Movie:  Toy Story 3 (but Forrest Gump when he actually appeared on screen)
• Biggest Flop:  I honestly don't know.  Most people would say Joe Versus the Volcano, but I actually liked that movie so I'm going with The Ladykillers even though The Terminal was equally as bad.
• Awards:  4 Golden Globe Wins (nominated 7 times) and 2 Oscar wins (nominated 5 times) and will probably be nominated for both Captain Phillips and Saving Mr. Banks for this year's awards.
• Career:  Starting with Splash in 1984, Tom has had a hell of a career and has never really had a stretch of bad movies in almost three decades.  He's won two Oscars and starred in some iconic movies like Big, Forrest Gump, and Saving Private Ryan.

Harrison Ford

• Biggest Role:  Even though Indiana Jones was awesome, Han Solo was way better.
• My Favorite Role:  Han Solo, duh.
• Top Earning Movie:  Star Wars, duh.
• Biggest Flop:  Over the years, Harry (we're that close) has done some really weird stuff and a lot of people hated his movies like Six Days Seven Nights and Hollywood Homicide, but I'm going to go with something that hasn't come out yet and pick The Expendables 3 because I saw the first one and it was so bad I still don't know how it has gotten not one, but two sequels.
• Awards:  No big wins, but he did receive 4 Golden Globe nominees and one Oscar nominee.
• Career:  He got his big break in American Graffiti and then went on to Star Wars, Indiana Jones, and then played Jack Ryan in a couple of movies.  However, after Air Force One, he really hasn't done anything memorable in 15 years unless you count that terrible Indiana Jones 4 movie, which I try to forget exists.

Verdict:  Harrison Ford starred in two incredible franchises and is beloved by all, but Tom Hanks is Tom Hanks.  Everyone loves that guy and if you saw in the news that he punched a nun, you're first thought would probably be "What did the nun do to make Tom hit her?  It couldn't have been his fault".  Plus Tom Hanks' body of work is just that much more complete from start to finish.  If this post was written in 1997, Ford probably would have given Hanks a run for it, but from 1997 on, Harrison has done a lot of garbage.  Tom on the other hand has been starring in quality movie after quality movie his entire career.  It's still hard to vote against Harrison Ford because of Han Solo and Indiana Jones, but I still have to give it to Tom Hanks.

"If this was based on Worst Hair in a Movie, Tom would have won again."