Truly Random Brainfart Thoughts - Part 24

Here comes the next edition of Truly Random Brainfart Thoughts (click here to see the others).  Basically,  these are a bunch of random thoughts that came to mind that I couldn't really expand on and thought I should just make them into list form for your enjoyment.  Here goes:

• Do you think dentists floss everyday like they tell us to do?
• Fun Fact - Krusty the Clown and Homer Simpson look so similar because the writers were originally going to have Homer play Krusty as a side job.
• Did you know that Sloan from Ferris Bueller's Day Off gets naked in Timecop?  You're welcome.
• I'm proud to say that I've never eaten a McRib.
• Doctor Who sounds more like a cool band name than the title character of a nerdy TV show.
• Why is it so satisfying to replace your windshield wipers?
• If Hitler had sported a handlebar mustache, would that mean it would be okay to sport a Hitler 'stache and not cool to wear a handlebar 'stache?
• Considering that no one speaks Latin anymore, is it strange that one day modern languages like English and French may no longer exist?
• Do you think Indians from Asia get confused when they hear that a baseball team in America is called the Cleveland Indians?
• In today's modern world, how quick do you think people would figure out the secret identities of comic book superheros?  I'm guessing an hour tops.

"Yup, you get to see her boobs in Timecop."

Who Is This? Part 32

Okay, who is this cute kid?  I know you got this one.  Well, I guessed wrong, didn't I?  Fine, here's a hint - somehow this guy has neither won an Oscar nor People's Sexiest Man Alive.  For once, that was a really good hint.  Got it?  Still no?  Damn it!  Here's another hint, loser.  He proclaimed himself "King of the World" in a movie and invaded people's dreams in another.  Yup, that's Leonardo DiCaprio.  I honestly don't see it, but I'm assured that's him.  He looks more like a gremlin than the future stud (no homo) he has become.

So, what has he been up to lately?  According to IMDB, he's got a couple movies in the pipe with one that has a plot of "The frontiersman, Hugh Glass, who in the 1820s set out on a path of vengeance against those who left him for dead after a bear mauling."  A bear mauling?  Cool.

Top/Bottom 5 Movie Roles - Kurt Russell

Here is where I pick a random actor or actress's Top 5 and Bottom 5 Movie Roles (I assume the post title gave that away).  This won't necessarily be the chosen actor or actress's best roles, but a combination of their best and my favorite.  In other words, if there is a tie, I'll go with my favorite.  Also, I won't actually be ranking them, they will be in a random order.  Lastly, this isn't these actor's or actress's best movies, but their best characters.  Let's get started:

Kurt Russell

Top 8

Jack Burton, Big Trouble in Little China - I love, love, love this movie.  Is it stupid?  Yup.  Does it make any sense?  Nope.  And yet, I still love, love, love it.
Snake Plissken, Escape From New York - Go watch this movie again because the "futuristic" technology is hilariously crappy.  Other than that, Kurt made an incredible Snake.
R.J. MacReady, The Thing - I'm going to admit that I've never actually seen this movie, but it's a cult classic and therefore, it had to make the list.
Lt. Gabriel Cash, Tango & Cash - Stupid movie?  Absolutely.  But damn it, I watch it every time it's on for some reason.
Captain Ron, Captain Ron - Another dumb movie that I still thought was entertaining.  Maybe Kurt Russell is just that good.
Wyatt Earp, Tombstone - Sure, Val Kilmer stole this film, but Kurt Russell was still solid as one of America's greatest Western heroes.
Col. Jack O'Neil, Stargate - Recently, I saw Kurt play in a Pro-Am Golf Tournament and he is looking pretty old.  What does that have to do with Stargate?  Nothing.  Suck it.
Michael Zane, 3000 Miles to Graceland - This movie was pretty bad, Elvis impersonators robbing a casino sounds like a good idea on paper, but somehow they screwed it up.  But I still thought that Kurt Russell and Kevin Costner were pretty good in it.

Bottom 5

Shockingly, other than his second stint as Snake Plissken in Escape From LA, he really hasn't had any movies roles that I didn't like.  Seriously, he has had a damn solid career and I couldn't find enough characters to make a full Bottom 5 list, so I didn't.

Stupid State Laws - Georgia 15

Here comes another post about a state law that still exists on the books and why it is ridiculous (to see them all, click here):

Quitman, Georgia

"It is illegal for a chicken to cross the road."

Finally, I sensible law.  Wait.  It's illegal for chickens to cross the road?  Never mind, this is stupid.  Did some idiot finally get tired of all the lame "Why did the chicken cross the road?" jokes and outlaw them so he would never have to hear them again?  If that's the case, I take it back, this law does make some sense.  In fact, what in the hell was the point of that joke anyways?  It's "punchline" was never funny and this joke should be outlawed.  So, thank you Georgia for finally putting a stop to that nonsense.

"Rookie, what does the law say about arresting and then eating offenders of the road crossing law?"
"Uh, I doesn't say you can't."
"Perfect!  I've been wanting to try a new recipe.  Heck, if you want, you can come over and try it."
"Thanks?"

Saturday's Video of Saturday

Here is our weekly funny video post.  Let's see what we got for you guys:

Set up:  I did the first one of these awhile back and here is the second one:

Summary:  What was the best name?  I can't decide between Fartrell Cluggins, Harvard University, and Benedict Cumberbatch.  I take that back, I'm going with Benedict Cumberbatch because they thought that name was so ridiculous that it should be included in this sketch and I agree.

Weekly Picks of the Week - Bowl Games Part 2

Picks in Bold

Rankings based on CFP Selection Committee Rankings
All lines provided by Sportsbook.ag

Chick-fil-a Peach Bowl
#9 Mississippi Rebels v. #6 TCU Horned Frogs (-3.5)

Georgia Dome, Atlanta
Wed. Dec. 31, 12:30

ESPN

Fiesta Bowl
#20 Boise State Broncos (+3.5) v. #10 Arizona Wildcats

University of Phoenix Stadium, Glendale AZ

Wed. Dec. 31, 4:00

ESPN

Orange Bowl
#7 Mississippi State Bulldogs v. #12 Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets (+7)

Sun Life Stadium, Miami

Wed. Dec. 31, 8:00

ESPN

Outback Bowl
#19 Auburn Tigers (-6.5) v. #18 Wisconsin Badgers

Raymond James Stadium, Tampa

Thur. Jan. 1, 12:00

ESPN 2

Cotton Bowl
#8 Michigan State Spartans v. #5 Baylor Bears (-3)

AT&T Stadium, Arlington TX

Thur. Jan. 1, 12:30

ESPN

Citrus Bowl
#16 Missouri Tigers (-5.5) v. #25 Minnesota Golden Gophers

Florida Citrus Bowl, Orlando

Thur. Jan. 1, 1:00

ABC

Rose Bowl
#2 Oregon Ducks v. #3 Florida State Seminoles (+9)

Rose Bowl, Pasadena CA

Thur. Jan. 1, 5:00

ESPN

Sugar Bowl
#1 Alabama Crimson Tide v. #4 Ohio State Buckeyes (+9)

Superdome, New Orleans

Thur. Jan. 1, 8:30

ESPN

Alamo Bowl
#11 Kansas State Wildcats v. #14 UCLA Bruins (-1)

Alamodome, San Antonio

Fri. Jan. 2, 6:45

ESPN

-You'll notice that I didn't include sponsors' names with each bowl game except for one.  The Chick-fil-a Peach Bowl.  That's because they keep changing their name and it confuses me.  It started as the Peach Bowl, then went to the Chick-fil-a Peach Bowl, then just the Chick-fil-a Bowl, and now it's back to the Chick-fil-a Peach Bowl.  I guess they had to change it back because it is part of the College Football Playoff rotation alongside the Orange, Sugar, Rose, Fiesta, and Cotton Bowls and being just the Chick-fil-a Bowl would have stood out a little bit in that group.

-Stat of the Week:  Division III team Mount Union has a 129-6 record over their last 135 games.  All six losses are to the same team, Wisconsin-Whitewater.

-The first bowl game between two ranked teams doesn't occur until New Year's Eve.  That's another reason bowl games are pointless.  These (exhibition) games are supposed to be between the best teams in the country and yet more than half of them are between teams that aren't even truly worthy of being there.  They really need to trim down the number of bowl games and spread out the good ones.  Then again, I'll watch a game between two teams whose mascots I couldn't identify if a gun was pointed at my head just because I would rather watch that over basketball any day.

-Last Week's Funniest College GameDay Sign:

"This might be my new winner for funniest GameDay sign of the year."

-Alright, enjoy the rest of the stupid bowl games.

Bowl Game Results: 0-0
Final Regular Season Results: 40-42

Merry Chirstmas

"Ha Ha Ha, I mean, Ho Ho Ho."

Sequels, Prequels, and More - Part 17

Another look at Hollywood's hilarious concept of upcoming movies, meaning that they have run out of ideas and they can only come up with another round of prequels, sequels, and remakes and nothing original.  In this case, we will be looking at all of the video games that are in production to become movies:

• Guardians of the Galaxy 2 - Loved the first one and can't wait until the sequel.  Enough said.
• Gambit - Everybody's favorite Cajun X-Man is getting his own movie and will be played by Channing Tatum.  At first I was skeptical, but then I remembered that I like Channing Tatum and I'll go see it.  Maybe.
• Toy Story 4 - How do you top Toy Story 3?  I honestly don't think you can, it made grown men cry.  So this definitely smells like a cash-grab to me.
• Joe Dirt 2 - Why in the hell would they make a sequel to this movie?  Oh yeah, David Spade needs work and this is his only choice right now.  That doesn't mean they should make it though.
• The Six Billion Dollar Man - Yup, they are retooling the Six Million Dollar Man into a movie and it will be starring Mark Wahlberg.  Why?  I counter that question with "Why not?".
• Frozen 2 - I'm going to admit that when I saw the first Frozen, I got that song stuck in my head for a solid week.
• Transformers 5 - Ugh.  I didn't see the 4th one and I don't plan on seeing it until it comes on TNT.  Same goes for the 5th one.
• How to Train Your Dragon 3 - Guess what, I saw both of the first two and I'm totally on-board for a third.  However, I will see this one without my nephews around, they don't know how to shut up for more than a minute during a movie.
• How The Grinch Stole Christmas Remake - The good news is that they are going animated this time instead of another live-action version.  The bad news is that they are remaking this for no reason.

"He's got the chin for it, but does he have the accent?"

R-Rated Movies

Have you ever wondered what makes a movie rated PG-13 or rated R?  No?  Well, I don't care how you answered, I'm going to tell you anyways.  I stumbled across a couple reasons behind this baffling question, here is what I found:

• If "Fuck" is used 4 or more times as an expletive, or once as a verb.
• Tobacco use.
• Nudity - Full body for a female okay for PG-13 (ex: Titanic), but automatically rated R for male nudity.
• Sex.  Period.
• Blood - you will notice all blood in PG-13 movies is not red, but usually black.
• Hard drugs - I guess that means pot, too.

The only one I don't truly understand is the one about using the F-word.  Why would it matter if you just yelled "FUCK!!" or if you said "I'm going to fuck that chick!"?  You're still saying "fuck".  But apparently it matters to the idiots who decide these sort of things.  Also, I didn't realize that Titanic was rated PG-13 until I researched this thing.  There was full bush in that movie and it still got a PG-13 rating, who knew?  Knowledge is Power!

"Too red, rate this thing R now!"

NOKW - Total Recall

Here comes the next chapter in our "I'm Okay With, I'm Not Okay With" series where I point out things in a movie I can tolerate and then one thing I just couldn't (if you want, click here for all of the past posts):

Movie:  Total Recall (2012)

Basic Plot:  A remake only in name and characters, otherwise the original and this one have nothing in common.

I'm Okay With:  The fact that not a single scene takes place on Mars.  The fact that there were no mutants.  The fact that they seemed to force the 3-breasted woman in this movie just for the sake of adding something from the original.  The fact that Kuato wasn't even in this movie and I loved that little monster.  The fact that I was kind of shocked that I enjoyed this thing.  The fact that the only means of travel from one continent to the other was through a giant hole drilled through the Earth and that they were able to build it without it melting in the planet's core.  The fact that Colin Farrell is able to take out a dozen armed men without even getting a scratch.  The fact that they have all this cool technology and don't seem to use it when they need it.  The fact that I'm pretty sure this script was written and they later shoehorned it into a Total Recall remake.  The fact that they tried to make us believe that a fight between super-spy Colin Farrell and dopey Bryan Cranston would last more than one punch.   The fact that Kate Beckinsale is determined to kill Colin Farrell even though he is essential to the bad guy's plot to beat the rebels, speaking of which....

I'm Not Okay With:  The fact that everything about the bad guy's plan makes no sense.  If you haven't seen this movie and don't want me to ruin it for you, then tough because it's been out for two years.  So basically, Bryan Cranston is the villain and he takes his best spy (Colin Farrell), brainwashes him and has him join the rebels to gain their trust.  He then captures Farrell and brainwashes him again into thinking he is just a regular Joe.  But Farrell has his rebel memories restored while at a Recall facility and goes on the run from Cranston's people.  Eventually, Farrell meets up with Jessica Biel who takes him to the head of the rebels.  Cranston follows them and kills the head rebel and reveals that this was all part of his plan.  My problem is that I don't understand why he captured Farrell and brainwashed him again.  Why not just wait until he meets up with the rebels and take them out?  I feel like he took an unnecessary step and it resulted in too many uncertainties, a lot of damage, and a ton of civilian deaths.  And sure, Colin Farrell did side with the rebels before the second brainwash and that might have complicated things for Cranston, but he was still able to follow Colin Farrell pretty easily in the end anyways.  So, still a pointless plan in my opinion.  I am not okay with that.

"That I find Jessica Biel hotter than Kate Beckinsale."

Stupid State Laws - Georgia 14

Here comes another post about a state law that still exists on the books and why it is ridiculous (to see them all, click here):

Columbus, Georgia

"It is illegal for stores to sell corn flakes on Sunday."

Corn flakes, eh?  Not on Sundays, they say?  What?!?  Alcohol?  Sure.  Tobacco?  Makes sense.  Lottery tickets and scratch-offs?  I could see that.  But corn flakes?  That is just dumb.  What if your kid wakes up and wants corn flakes (for whatever reason) before church and you are out of them, what then?  Well, if you live in Georgia, tough luck.  You are going to have to listen to your kid complain throughout the Lord's day because of some stupid law that Georgia passed and for the life of me, I don't know why.  I can't think of a single reason why this is illegal.  Not.  A.  One.  Thanks a lot, Georgia, you've ruined everyone's lives.

"Bust her, rookie."
"Who?  The kid?  I don't think she can even afford cereal, Sarge."
"No, not the kid!  The mom, you idiot!"
"But she's not selling corn flakes, Sarge."
"Oh.  Well, mace her and let's be on our way."

Saturday's Video of Saturday

Here is our weekly funny video post.  Let's see what we got for you guys:

Set up:  Do you love those Christmas light shows that some crazy people like to set up?  No?!?  What are you, a commie?  Well, do you love Star Wars?  Of course you do.  Here is some nerdy person who made a light show set to the songs from Star Wars:

Summary:  I can see a light show from my window and it doesn't hold a torch to the awesomeness that is in this video.  How awesome was the Imperial March?  If this doesn't get you in the Christmas spirit, I don't know what will, you commie!

Who Is This? Part 31

This is a much easier than the last one.  Who ya got?  Nothing?  I'll help you out then.  She has much bigger boobs now.  I know that did it.  No?!?  Damn it.  Fine, here's a better hint.  Her much bigger boobs landed her on a show about lifeguards that ran in slow motion a lot.  Yup, that's Pamela Anderson.  Can you believe that she is 47 years old?  It feels like just yesterday that she was solid spank bank material.  What happened to our youth?

So, what is she up to now?  If I had to guess, not aging well.  Judging by how much plastic surgery she had to just to look like that, there is no way she can be looking all that great right now.  Other than that, not much.  There really isn't much of a market for 47 year old blonds with big boobs and no talent.  In other words, expect her reality show to debut soon.  Sigh.

Weekly Picks of the Week - Bowl Games Part 1

Picks in Bold

Rankings based on CFP Selection Committee Rankings
All lines provided by Sportsbook.ag

Sun Bowl
#15 Arizona State Sun Devils v. Duke Blue Devils (+7.5)

Sun Bowl, El Paso TX
Sat. Dec. 27, 2:00
CBS

Independence Bowl
Miami Hurricanes (-3) v. South Carolina Gamecocks

Independence Stadium, Shreveport LA
Sat. Dec. 27, 3:30

ABC

Holiday Bowl
Nebraska Cornhuskers v. #24 USC Trojans (-7)

Qualcomm Stadium, San Diego
Sat. Dec. 27, 8:00

ESPN

Russell Athletic Bowl
Oklahoma Sooners v. #17 Clemson Tigers (+3)

Florida Citrus Bowl, Orlando
Mon. Dec. 29, 5:30

ESPN

Music City Bowl
Notre Dame Fighting Irish v. #23 LSU Tigers (-7.5)

LP Field, Nashville
Tue. Dec. 30, 3:00

ESPN

Belk Bowl
#13 Georgia Bulldogs v. #21 Louisville Cardinals (+7)

Bank of America Stadium, Charlotte
Tue. Dec. 30, 6:30

ESPN

-Here comes my yearly reminder that bowl games are pointless.  Beyond pointless.  At least this year, there will be three games that actually matter instead of just the one, but the rest are a bunch of glorified exhibition games.  Not only are they pointless, the players know they are pointless and generally only one team shows up to play and the other one just shows up to have a good time in a random town.  On top of that, 80 of the 128 FBS teams qualified for a bowl game.  That's 62.5%.  Insanity.  It's like giving out Participation Trophies to little league kids because their parents don't want to hurt anyone's feelings.  Look at it this way, all a team has to do is load up on crappy non-conference teams and then win just two conference games and they can play in a bowl game.  How does that make sense?  Penn State did just that.  All I'm trying to say is that bowl games are pointless and I really can't stand watching two 6-6 teams duke it out in the Crappy.com Craptastic Bowl.

-Why is every bowl game but the Sun Bowl on an ESPN-affiliated network?  In other words, how has ESPN not gotten their greedy palms on that one game yet?

-I finished the season with another winning week.  So, I am on a role.  Too bad that bowl games are impossible to pick but I'm doing it anyways, just for you guys.  You're welcome.  As always, I guarantee a winning week or your money back.

-Last Week's Funniest College GameDay Sign:

-Alright, enjoy the first week of stupid bowl games.

Last Week's Results: 3-2
Season Results: 40-42
Bowl Game Results: 0-0

1000th Post

This is the 1,000th post for our little website!  And to celebrate, I would like to share a GIF that expresses my gratitude:

"This is to everyone who said I would grow bored with this site after a month.  Suck it!"

Ranking Marvel Movie Characters

Today I will be ranking movie characters based on comic books made by Marvel.  That should about sum up what this post is all about.  Enjoy:

• 10) Ultron, James Spader, The Avengers: Age of Ultron - For these first two, I'm kind of cheating because they haven't come out yet, but you have to admit that James Spader as the voice of a Marvel's villain is genius.
• 9) Doctor Strange, Benedict Cumberbatch, Doctor Strange - I honestly don't think they could have picked a better actor to play this part and that is why he is already on this list before the movie has even started filming.
• 8) Spider-Man, Tobey Maguire, Spider-Man 2 - While I think the new guy made a better Spider-Man, Tobey will always make the better Peter Parker and that's what truly counts when you think about it.
• 7) Blade, Wesley Snipes, Blade - Sure, Wesley Snipes has dropped off the face of the earth, but when the first Blade came out, he nailed it.
• 6) Thor, Chris Hemsworth, Thor - I just saw that Chris will be in the Vacation sequel.  Weird.
• 5) Captain America, Chris Evans, Captain America: The Winter Soldier - Chris Evans just oozes American wholesomeness.  Liked the first Captain America, but loved the second one and that's why he made this list.
• 4) Hulk, Mark Ruffalo, The Avengers - It took three tries to cast one of the best Marvel characters, but they finally got it right in The Avengers.  I'm looking forward to the sequel and what mayhem the Hulk will get into.
• 3) Drax the Destroyer, Dave Bautista, Guardians of the Galaxy - I know, I was surprised when I picked this guy, too.  Chris Pratt was great in the movie, but Dave Bautista's Drax stole the show in my opinion.
• 2) Wolverine, Hugh Jackman, X-Men 1 and 2 - Come on, you knew he would be here and he would have challenged for the top spot if it weren't for that terrible Origin movie.
• 1b) Loki, Tom Hiddleston, Thor, Thor 2, and The Avengers - I couldn't decide between these last two, so I picked them both.  Plus Loki pretty much stole the show in both The Avengers and Thor 2 which is pretty good considering he wasn't the star in either.
• 1a) Iron Man, Robert Downey Jr, All of His Movies - What is there to say about this character?  When it was first announced, I was skeptical, but after seeing it, Robert Downey Jr. was incredible and has been every since.

"Stop.....in the name of love, before I break your heart!"

Random Movie Trivia - Braveheart

Here is the next edition in our weekly Random Movie Trivia post.  Enjoy:

Braveheart

• The film is often cited as the least accurate historical epic of all time.
• "Braveheart" was actually the nickname of Robert the Bruce, not William Wallace.
• Mel Gibson did not want to play William Wallace, as he felt he was too old for the part. However, he could only get financing for the film if he agreed with Paramount studios to play the lead role. Mel Gibson originally wanted Jason Patric to play William Wallace.
• There is an in-joke in the film that William Wallace's private time with Isabella led to the conception of Edward III. This could not have been the case, since Edward III was born almost ten years after Wallace died.
• Director/producer Mel Gibson was investigated by an animal welfare organization, who were convinced that the fake horses used were real. Only when one of his assistants provided some videotaped footage of the location shooting were they convinced otherwise.
• Several of the major battle scenes had to be re-shot, as extras were seen wearing sunglasses and wristwatches.
• Many Scots were offended by the film's portrayal of Robert the Bruce, who is considered a National Hero of Scotland (along with Wallace).
• Real life Wallaces are extras in the movie. Mel Gibson also stayed with them during the course of the film to learn history.
• Sean Connery turned down the role of King Edward I because he was filming Just Cause.
• Blue body paint (Woad) for battles had stopped being used around the end of the Roman era - roughly 800 years before the events of the film.
• Nearly all of the movie was filmed in Ireland, apart from a few scenes of the Scottish Highlands.

Stupid State Laws - Georgia 13

Here comes another post about a state law that still exists on the books and why it is ridiculous (to see them all, click here):

Georgia

"On Mondays, it is illegal for one to whistle very loud after 11:00 PM."

Loud whistling is annoying any time someone does it, but the specifics of this law are, as the great Chaz Michael Michaels one said, mind-bottling.  Why only Mondays?  And why only after 11:00 PM?  What is so special about Mondays that they had to make such a stupid law to put a stop to loud whistling?  I can only assume it has something to do with Monday Night Football because that would answer both the Monday part of this law and the after 11:00 PM part as well (that's about the time the game would be over).  But MNF is only on 17 weeks a year, so that can't be it.  Georgia, I'm so confused.  Thanks a lot, dick.

"Arrest that man, rookie."
"But Sarge, it's Tuesday, he's not breaking any laws."
"Not because of that, idiot.  Arrest him because he's black, duh."

Saturday's Video of Saturday

Here is our weekly funny video post.  Let's see what we got for you guys:

Set up:  On Thursday on Stephen Colbert's show, Stephen interviewed Smaug from The Hobbit movies and it was awesome:

Summary:  I don't know what was better, the part where they argue over the pronunciation of Smaug's name or the part where Smaug calls Benedict Cumberbatch a "hack" (if you didn't know, Cumberbatch does the voice of Smaug).  I'm going with the part where they make fun of his name only because my brother and I do the same thing all the time.

Movie Trailer Review - Exodus

This is not a review of the trailer, but a review of this movie based entirely on this movie's trailer.  I have a special talent of being able to figure out whether a movie will be any good based just on the trailer and I'm finally putting that talent to good use.  Screw you, it's a real talent.

Exodus: Gods and Kings

I'm not even going to preface this one.  This movie looks like a total piece of shit.  And that's coming from a guy who loves him some Christian Bale.  But come on, you expect me to believe that Batman looks in any way like a guy from the Middle East?  Not a chance.  Sure, this, uhhh, "true" story makes for a good movie material with its locusts, frogs, plagues, and Red Sea parting, but I just don't buy it.  Don't go see this unless you are really into this sort of thing.

Estimated Opening Weekend Box Office Gross - $30 million

What Kind of Fart This Movie Will Resemble:

The Burning Brakes Fart - A silent fart identified by odor alone. Usually and adult fart, occurring while the adult is driving a car or has a front seat passenger who farts. The Burning Brakes Fart actually does smell a little like burning brakes, and seems to hang around longer than most farts Which gives whoever farted a chance to make a big show of checking to see if the emergency brake has been left on. When he finds it hasn't you know who farted. A common automobile fart.

The Logistics of Grocery Stores

Where in the hell does all that food come from in our grocery stores?  Or to be more specific, how does every grocery store have so many perishable items?  Think about it, if you go in your local grocery store, there are at least a hundred jugs of milk and even more cuts of meat, each of which only last a week or two at most.  Not only does every grocery store have all of these perishable items, but there is no way that all of them are sold.  That's a lot of wasted food/milk.

Now think about how many grocery stores are in your town.  Within 10 miles of my house, I can think of a dozen or so grocery stores, all of which have thousands of perishable items for sale.  And that doesn't even include all of the gas stations that sell perishable stuff.  So, if you include those, those number jumps up even more.

So, where does it all come from?  The milk I can understand a lot more than the meat.  It's not like you can raise a cow to maturity in a week, it takes at least a year, and yet I still find hundreds of cuts of meat in my local grocery store every time I walk in.

I guess my real problem with this question is that I live in a city and there isn't a farm within an hour drive.  If I lived in the middle of the country, I can only assume that there are just miles and miles of farms in every direction.  But from where I live, I honestly don't understand where it all comes from.

"This really seems like the only way to drink all of the milk available in your local grocery store.  However, I know from personally experience, chugging a gallon of milk will only come right back up."

Who Is This? Part 30

Okay, this one is kind of tough, so I will give you a legitimate hint right off the bat.  He created one of the first internet memes.  See, I told you I would give you a good hint.  What?  You're not a huge nerd and don't even know what a "meme" is?  Geez, you need to stop playing outside and start playing more video games, you jock.  Here is a better hint then.  He is known for his martial arts skills, for roundhouse kicking people, and for his awesome goatee.  Yup, that's Chuck Norris as a kid teaching that pony who is boss.  Oh, and apparently Vin Diesel was the first first guy to get all of those "Cool Facts" memes and Chuck Norris kind of copied him.  How?  I have no idea, I just work here.

So, what is he up to now?  Considering he is 74 years old, I assume not much other than not trying to die.  In fact, he has only done one movie in the past decade and that was the crappy Expendables 2.

Where Are They Now?

Basically, this will be a new post where I take a popular TV show that is no longer on the air and see how said show's cast is doing these days.  Enjoy:

The Cast of Lost

• Matthew Fox (Jack) - You would have thought this guy would have done something else by now, but other than playing the villain in a non-Tyler Perry, Tyler Perry movie, I can't recall seeing him once since Lost ended.  Weird.
• Evangeline Lilly (Kate) - Of any of the former cast, I would say Evangeline is the only one with a promising career.  She's currently playing a kick-ass elf in the Hobbit franchise and she also snagged a part in the upcoming Ant-Man movie.
• Josh Holloway (Sawyer) - I liked this guy immediately on Lost and to honest, I'm somewhat shocked he hasn't gotten any work outside of a cameo in the 4th Mission: Impossible movie and a short lived CBS show.  And it doesn't get any better because he has nothing in the works.  Also, how did Channing Tatum beat Sawyer out for the role of Gambit in the next X-Men movie?  He is literally the perfect guy to play that part.
• Jorge Garcia (Hugo) - Judging by his IMDB page, Hugo is having the most successful post-Lost career of anyone in the cast.  Just click on his name, he is killing it.
• Terry O'Quinn (Locke) - Locke is having no problems finding work right now.  He's currently doing some show called Gang Related which is his second show since Lost ended.  But let's not forget that before Lost, he played Luke Wilson's boss in Old School.
• Naveen Andrews (Sayid) - A Middle Eastern guy playing Jafar on Once Upon in Wonderland, seems a little racist, but you do what you gotta do to make a paycheck.
• Daniel Dae Kim (Jin) - As soon as Lost was over, he immediately got a part on the Hawaii Five-O remake, so he's good to go for awhile.
• Yunjin Kim (Sun) - She's currently on some show called Mistresses with Alyssa Milano that I've never heard of.  Good for her.
• Emilie de Raven (Claire) - I'm a sucker for a chick with an accent, so I was glad to see that she is playing Belle (from Beauty and the Beast?) on Once Upon a Time, which is different from Once Upon a Time in Wonderland.  How?  No idea.
• Dominic Monaghan (Charlie) - Our favorite hobbit Merry is having no problems finding work, which includes hosting his own show, Wild Things with Dominic Monaghan.
• Harold Perrineau (Michael) - I was wrong when I said Hugo is having the most success after Lost left the air.  Walt's dad is killing it!  He's not in anything I've heard of, but he seems to be in everything.
• Micheal Emerson (Benjamin Linus) - Everyone's favorite villain is doing just fine with the show Person of Interest alongside Jesus.  Also, did you know he's married to hot redhead, Arlene, from True Blood?
• Henry Ian Cusick (Desmond) - I only included this guy because he was my favorite character on the show.  How's his career going?  Just fine even though I have never seen a single thing he has done.

You'll notice I left a couple of names off of the list like Boone, his sister Shannon, and Walt.  That's mostly because I found Shannon super annoying, Boone dies super early, and Walt kind of disappeared after the first season and wasn't seen again.

Today's Celebrity Birthdays - Dec 8th

I decided to start up a new post where I list the "celebrities" that were born on this day and then either praise them or mock them.  It will be fun, so let's do this:

• Kim Basinger (61) - Do you realize that the first Michael Keaton Batman came out 25 years ago?  And now you feel as old as Kim Basinger.  You're welcome.
• Dominic Monaghan (38) - Our favorite hobbit Merry from The Lord of the Rings/Charlie from Lost has a birthday today.  Good for him.
• Ian Somerhalder (36) - Another Lost alum.  He played Boone, you know, that guy who died really early on in the series and had that really annoying sister.  Also, it kind of pissed me off as I went to look him up and when I typed "Ian" into IMDB, his name came up first before Ian McKellen.  Somehow that seems wrong to me.
• AnnaSophia Robb (21) - Basically if you need a cute blond chick for something and can't afford Dakota Fanning, she is your go-to gal.  Trust me, you know who she is.
• Teri Hatcher (50) - I can't believe she is turning 50 today.  Where has the time gone?
• Nicki Minaj (32) - I only included her because I wanted to say that I don't know why she is famous.  Seriously, what does she do for a living?  I have no idea and it bugs me that I know who she is.
• Jim Morrison (Deceased) - Other than being the lead singer for The Doors, the only other thing I know about this guy is that he is buried in Paris for some reason.  Knowledge is Power!
• David Carradine (Deceased) - Bill from Kill Bill would have had a birthday today if it wasn't for, you know, that whole choking to death while getting off thing.  That was really awkward to type.

"I told you know who she is, and no, that isn't Dakota Fanning.  Also, don't worry, she may look 14, but she is old enough to drink legally as of today."

Stupid State Laws - Georgia 12

Here comes another post about a state law that still exists on the books and why it is ridiculous (to see them all, click here):

Georgia

"Goldfish may not be given away to entice someone to enter a game of bingo."

This law is so stupid, it's funny.  Who cares if you entice people to play bingo by giving away goldfish?  No one.  And for that matter, would you take the goldfish even it was free?  No way, that thing is just going to die in a couple days anyways.  On top of that, if someone is on the fence about playing bingo, I truly don't think a free goldfish is going to be what gets them to buy a card.  Why, Georgia?  Why is this law in existence?  Explain yourself!

"Well, what do we have here?  It looks like we finally nabbed the Goldfish Bingo Bandit.  Isn't that right, rookie?"
"I don't think that's what the law means by goldfish, Sarge."
"Damn it, rookie!  How many times do I have to remind you to leave the thinking to me!"

Saturday's Video of Saturday

Here is our weekly funny video post.  Let's see what we got for you guys:

Set up:  Yup, we are doing another Weird Al video.  This is another song that proves that Al has still got it:

Summary:  I really wish a school band would play this song during a game.  It's demoralizing and hilarious at the same time.  Just imagine the crowd yelling in unison "We're great and you SUCK!".  It would be priceless.

Who Is This? Part 29

This is a good one.  It's such a good one that I will give you a good hint.  That is a picture of this guy as a kid.  Wasn't that a good hint?  Of course it was, so who is it?  You still don't know?!?  What the hell!  Fine, I'll give you a great hint this time.  That guy grew up to become the guy who traveled in time with his buddy Bill and also became The One in a computer-created world ruled by machines.  Yup, that's Keanu Reeves.  Cute kid, right?  And you can kind of see the resemblance.

So, what is he up to now?  Well, he finally released a good movie recently with John Wick, which I haven't seen, but my brother tells me I have to check out.  And he has five movies in the pipe, but nothing that jumps off the page as looking particularly interesting.  The good news is that there is talk of a Bill and Ted sequel, so we have that to look forward to.

Weekly Picks of the Week - Championship Week

Picks in Bold

Rankings based on CFP Selection Committee Rankings
All lines provided by Sportsbook.ag

PAC-12 Championship
#7 Arizona Wildcats (+14) v. #2 Oregon Ducks

Levi's Stadium, Santa Clara CA
Friday 9:00
FOX

SEC Championship
#16 Missouri Tigers v. #1 Alabama Crimson Tide (-14.5)

Georgia Dome, Atlanta
4:00
CBS

#9 Kansas State Wildcats (N/A) @ #6 Baylor Bears

7:45
ESPN

ACC Championship
#4 Florida State Seminoles v. #11 Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets (+4)

Bank of America Stadium, Charlotte
8:00
ABC

Big 10 Championship
#13 Wisconsin Badgers v. #5 Ohio State Buckeyes (+4.5)

Lucas Oil Stadium, Indianapolis
8:15
FOX

-NFL Draft "Expert" Mel Kiper Jr. said this before the 2010 Draft:

“If [Clausen is] not a successful starting quarterback in the NFL, I’m done. That’s it. I’m out.”

After starting 10 games his rookie year, Jimmy Clausen hasn't started a game since.  Clausen sucked so bad his first year in the league (3 TDs, 9 INTs) that the Panthers went out and drafted Cam Newton first overall the following year.  That means he was so bad that they weren't even willing to give him a second year to develop.  On top of the fact that he sucked so bad that his team got the first pick in the draft the next year.  If I'm not mistaken, this means that Mel Kiper Jr. owes us his resignation.

-Stat of the Week:
Years in the SEC:  Missouri - 3, South Carolina - 23
Division Titles:  Missouri - 2, South Carolina - 1

SEC Least Update

-I know I said that I wouldn't make fun of the SEC East again this season, but last weekend made me break that promise.  The almighty SEC went 0-4 against the lowly ACC last weekend, and all four teams that lost were from the SEC East.  I found that too hilarious not to mention.

-Two winning weeks in a row!  I am on a roll.  And I would have gone 4-1 if I didn't chicken out and pick Minnesota like I wanted to but didn't want to be picking so many visiting teams.  Oh well.  You can expect my streak to continue this week or your money back.

-Last Week's Funniest College GameDay Sign:

"If you don't get why that's funny, it's either because 1) you don't have Chick-fil-a in your town and didn't know they are closed on Sundays, or 2) you also wait outside Chick-fil-a on Sundays."

-Alright, enjoy championship week of college football.

Last Week's Results: 3-2
Season Results: 37-40

A Sports Question

Miami Marlins player, Giancarlo Stanton, recently signed a 13-year/$325 million contract.  That is an absurd amount of money!  In fact, during his press conference after signing his contract, a reporter informed him that his new contract will pay him roughly $69,000 a day for the length of his contract.  That is beyond absurd.  This got me to thinking.  What comes first - a player in one of the major sports signs a one billion dollar contract?  Or the Apocalypse?

In the past two years, seven sports stars have signed contracts worth over $200 million.  That's a lot of money.  In fact, that's more money than you can spend unless you really don't understand how to manage your money, and if you have that much money, you can definitely afford a good money manager.  Ten years ago, players were only signing contracts in the 100 million dollar range.  So, at this rate, I can only assume that a player will sign the first billion dollar contract in the next 30 years or so (I have nothing to base that on, just guessing).  With that in mind....

When will the Apocalypse occur?  In the next 30 years?  Depends on what we are talking about.  I can only assume that at the rate computers are improving, we could see the machines take over in that same time span.  So, that brings me back to my original question - what comes first?  A billion dollar athlete?  Or robots becoming our overlords?  It really could go either way.

"Guess what kid, one day you will either grow up to be the first guy to ever have a billion dollar contract, or have your brains eaten by a zombie.  It really is 50/50."

Brainfart's Crush of the Month - December

At the beginning of every month, we here at Brainfart will be bringing you our Brainfart Crush of the Month!  Sometimes it will be someone you have heard of, sometimes it will be just a random hottie you may have seen before, and sometimes it might be my neighbor.  Who knows!  Let's see who we picked this month:

This is Hannah Ferguson (click on her name for a kind of NSFW photo).  As you can tell, she is a Sports Illustrated swimsuit model, but she is also the hot chick eating a cheeseburger and washing a truck in those Hardee's/Carl's Jr. commercials.  I don't know about you, but I instantly fell in love with her as soon as I laid eyes on this photo.  I'm guessing it's her super sexy eyes.  And for that, I would like to congratulate Hannah on this most stupendous honor.

Top/Bottom 5 Movie Roles - Adam Sandler

Here is where I pick a random actor or actress's Top 5 and Bottom 5 Movie Roles (I assume the post title gave that away).  This won't necessarily be the chosen actor or actress's best roles, but a combination of their best and my favorite.  In other words, if there is a tie, I'll go with my favorite.  Also, I won't actually be ranking them, they will be in a random order.  Lastly, this isn't these actor's or actress's best movies, but their best characters.  Let's get started:

Adam Sandler

Top 5

Billy Madison, Billy Madison - All I will say about how much I like this movie is that my fantasy football team is named Nudie Magazine Day.
Happy Gilmore, Happy Gilmore - Every time I see this movie again, I always laugh at how ridiculous Julie Bowen's haircut is (she plays the blond mom on Modern Family).
Bobby Boucher, The Waterboy - Was Bobby Boucher a dumb character?  Yes.  But as a whole, this movie was pretty funny and one of the last times Sandler made a decent film.
Barry Egan, Punch-Drunk Love - Ah yes, this flick.  Adam's first go at a drama.  And you know what?  He was pretty damn good.  Surprisingly so.  I saw this once and didn't like it, but that was probably because he was so convincingly not funny that I totally missed at how good of a job he actually did.
Nicky, Little Nicky - I know, this movie was really terrible, but for some reason I like it.  I can't explain why, but it's funny to me and I don't know why.

Bottom 5

Everything Else He Has Ever Done - Seriously, everything he has done outside of a couple of movies, the rest of his movie career is garbage, especially the last decade or so.  It seems that every single one of his movies lately follows the same script - pick a hot love interest, go to an exotic locale, and make a bad movie.  How is he still getting work with his string of crap?  I honestly don't know anyone that has gone to see one of his movies since 2000.

Stupid State Laws - Georgia 10

Here comes another post about a state law that still exists on the books and why it is ridiculous (to see them all, click here):

Georgia

"Model airplanes may be flown so long as they stay on either private property or city property adjacent to the county morgue."

This law makes a lot of sense....until that last part.  You can fly model airplanes on city property adjacent to the county morgue?  In what way does that make sense?  While making this law, who stood up and lobbied for that exception to this law?  I cannot fathom a single reason as to why of all places, you can fly model airplanes "adjacent" to a county morgue.  And what exactly does "adjacent" mean?  I looked it up and I still don't know the answer to that question.  Either way, someone made a really strange call on this law and it baffles me as to why.

"Rookie, did you get that picture of this guy?"
"Yes, Sarge."
"Good, now mace him in the face for breaking the law!"
"That seems a little excessive."
"Don't use fancy words with me, rookie and just do it."

Saturday's Video of Saturday

Here is our weekly funny video post.  Let's see what we got for you guys:

Set up:  Do you remember that stupid character that Ryan Reynolds played in that stupid Wolverine origin story movie?  Well, they are giving that character his own movie.  However, based on this "leaked" footage, it kind of looks good:

Summary:  My understanding is that the comic book version of Deadpool, also know as the Merc With a Mouth, is exactly like the character you see in this video.  So technically, Ryan Reynolds is perfect for the part, which begs the question - how did they so royally fuck it up in that crappy Wolverine movie?  Hopefully this movie will get Ryan Reynolds out of the funk he is in right now.  Other than his cameo in Ted, his last few movies have been pretty terrible.

Who Is This? Part 28

So, who do you think this is?  No, it's not Johnny Carson, even though it does look exactly like him.  Need a hint?  He is much older now.  Ha, gotcha.  I'll give you a real hint this time.  He is the face of Marvel comics.  Got it now?  No?  How dumb are you?  That's Stan Lee.  You know, that old guy that shows up in every Marvel superhero movie these days.  Oh, and I guess he also created some of our favorite comic book characters like Spider-Man, the Fantastic Four, Daredevil, the Hulk, Iron Man, and the X-Men (here's a list of all of the characters he is credited for creating, it's really long).  So he's kind of big deal in the nerd community.  But it is really weird to see him without a mustache and glasses, isn't it?

So, what is he up to now?  You know what, I'm not sure exactly.  I guess he is mostly producing movies and TV shows these days.  Whatever he is doing, he is making piles and piles of money.